Recovery999

Not for alcoholism but I want someone to see and respond to this post, so I'm putting it here. I am an alcoholic- sober 12.5 years.

My life is such a mess. If this isn't rock bottom, I don't know what is. Death would be, quite frankly, a welcome thing at this point. I'm not seeking it out but everyone says "rock bottom is death." I think there are worse things than being dead. Like this mess.

I really want to go to a full time treatment program, but I still have to pay my bills. I have two weeks of paid leave and after that it would be unpaid. Part of my problems now are financial. Not only do I not have a savings, I'm "in the hole." So I don't think taking 4'weeks off work without pay would be a good thing right now.

The other option is an intensive outpatient program, which I've actually done before. It's not the greatest but I don't know what else to do.

I honestly cannot imagine things being worse than they are now. I don't think I could handle it. I could not go on. I can barely go on now as it is.

I am terrified at the same time.

doggonecarl

I hope you find the help you need...and the strength to use it.

tomsteve

recovery ,im glad to read ya reaching out for help. you want to go to treatment but fear of finances seems to have ya buggered up.
when i get into a sitation with choices i find getting pen and paper, writing my choices kn the paper and pros and cons of the choices helps me determine what choice to make.

Recovery999

I am really tempted to just try to get into the program in Texas. It's 42 days.

I'm so tired of this being my life

tomsteve

that reads like ya know tbe best option already.
now all ya eed is a little courage to make the necessary calls.

ScottFromWI

If that is what you feel would be the best option for you now then I'd pursue it. Investing time and money in yourself sounds like best thing you could do at this point.

FLCamper

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. You do have to take care of yourself. My best to you. Please let us know how you are doing.

SoberLeigh

If you are feeling so low and that you would rather die, Recovery, seeking treatment sounds like the best plan.

I am truly sorry that you are feeling so badly and hope that you find relief.

Mountainmanbob

If that is all that is available for you at this time I hope that you will get involved in the outpatient program. Soon I hope for you.

I have been a little (more than a little) stressed out here lately myself. We know that for us this is not a healthy place in which to stay.

Wish for you the very best,
We must never give up
although the road may get bumpy
M-Bob

Gottalife

Hi Recovery,

just wondering as you are sober 12.5 years and you are not seeking treatment for alcoholism, what is it you are seeking treatment for?

Recovery999

Eating disorder

chickippo

in all my diagnoses and illnesses, my eating disorder is the one thing i have never admitted to or sought help for. i'm telling you this so you know you aren't alone.

i think you should go to a hospital and ask for emergency help from the duty psych team. please do this. you deserve a better life.

Dee74

I'm proud of you for taking steps to deal with the problem Recovery.
Best wishes to you

D

Recovery999

I never called.

I want to today, but I also want to put in my two week notice, thus ending my insurance.

I don't think I deserve to recover. I've really screwed up this time.

Bunny211

I say GO! IF you are truly desperate then the issues with your finances should not override your need to get the help you need to save your life. I spent 2 months in treatment and it was the best thing I ever did for myself. I lost $$ - a lot of $$ by not working and now I am trying to get out of debt. But, it was totally worth it. Without the 2 months of rest and intensive work on myself I would not be here, sober, today. I might not be here at all. I suggest you go!

Bunny211

Don't quit your job yet. Call today. Go to treatment.
The Americans with Disabilities Act makes it so that they cannot technically FIRE you for going to treatment. Best to keep your job and go to treatment so that you have the insurance. And yes, you deserve recovery. We all do. I felt I did not deserve to get better. I really wanted to die but did not have the energy to kill myself. I am SO glad I went to treatment. I have my bad days but on the whole I feel SO much better now.

Hugs to you. You need hugs. You are special and you are loved.

SusanE

Of course you deserve to recover. May God bless you and keep you.

Recovery999

I really don't think I deserve happiness after today. My actions and inactions are now causing other people to be hurt. I hate myself. This is my worst nightmare. The ONLY part of me that wants to recover wants to do so so that nothing like this ever happens again.

ScottFromWI

Looking at it from a glass half full lens, this tells you that there IS still part of you that wants to recover, even with the current issues. That is a good sign.

least

Everyone deserves happiness.