Jack465

I currently work in a hotel that serves alcohol. When I finish my shift, people I work with will sometimes offer me a beer (for free).

I find it very hard to say no because they think they're just being nice to me.

I've said no a few times, but I'm worried that if I say no every time without giving an explanation, they will start thinking "Why? Do you think you're better than us?"

I am in recovery and I'm sure you all know how important it is to not drink during this period. Well, a few days ago, they offered me a beer and I said yes. I thought "One beer won't do anything." So I drank one beer, and the next day I still felt like I had gotten drunk the night before. So obviously that isn't going to work.

What can I say to them when they offer?

Soberpotamus

I would let them know you do not drink alcohol, period. Since they are going to be routinely presenting you with free beers, it's probably best if you make it clear to them you won't ever be accepting the beers. The reason you give is your business. Some people tell the truth, some say they're training for marathons, taking medications, or on strict diets... go with whichever you feel comfortable telling. But it's probably best if you are up front in letting them know there's never a chance you'll say "yes" to their offer. That way, maybe they'll stop offering

miamifella

"No, thank you, but no."

Most people turn down alcohol all the time. It won't be a big deal.

UKstudent

Just say you don't drink - you don't have to go into details
give them a general explanation such as you are "allergic" to alcohol (such a thing does exist) or that it causes stomach problems or something
they will soon change the subject

Dee74

double post.

Dee74

3 different approaches:

Building your drink refusal skills - Rethinking Drinking - NIAAA

Top Ways To Turn Down A Drink | How To Stop Drinking

http://www.schools.nsw.edu.au/learni...fusedrink.html

I simply say 'no thanks' these days, 'or no thanks but I'd love a soda (or whatever)'. It's noone else's business beyond that

D

Carlotta

If you want to be social you could also say:
No thank you but I 'd love a (put in the name of whichever soft drink you like).

Carlotta

LOL Dee, we posted the same thing at the same time.

GhostFace

I don't drink should be good enough.

I personally don't like to go into details about my sobriety with others that do not know my problem with alcohol.

We tend to put things in our heads on how people would react if we turn down a drink. The longer im sober the less i care about what others think of me and their reaction of me no longer drinking

least

I simple "no thanks" works for me. And if they press you on it say "no thanks!" again firmly. Repeat until they leave you alone.

SoberLeigh

A simple "no thanks" should be sufficient.

Maybe keep a pack of soda in your desk or locker so that you could stop by with your beverage of choice in hand.

awuh1

I start with "no thanks"

If that is not enough I'll say "I'm allergic to it"

If there is a question about my allergy or more urgings say, "I break out in handcuffs".

Dave42001

Tell the truth! " thanks, but I don't drink!" They don't care!!

Jack465

They do though. They have said things like "Why not?" when I've refused.

Che

Not that big a deal. They will just think 'oh, he doesn't drink.' They would only get offended if you accept drinks from some people but not others. If you're worried they're confused, just tell the truth and say you're trying out the sober life, because you liked alcohol too much.

No matter what, people basically like you and want to talk to you. Not the worst problem in the world. You can ask for coffee or tea if you don't want to reject the socialization. Tonnes of people are okay with having coffee while their friend has a beer.

You just have to be obvious that you're rejecting the beer, not their conversation.

ScottFromWI

Then you just say no thank you again. If they still insist, leave. Your sobriety is yours to protect, appeasing others should not be of concern.

greens

It gets easier.
Sometimes I'll say something like 'I really want to hit the gym in the morning and if I drink tonight I know I won't make it.' Or some excuse like that. But usually I can just say "meh, don't really like drinking anymore." To be honest people are usually impressed more than anything. They think I am some sort of a health nut. If they can tell that I kinda sorta wanna drink though, that's when they get pushy. But when I'm like 'nah I don't really want to, not feeling it tonight' with confidence, they leave it be.

bigsombrero

We've all been there, and we all remember how scary it feels to be asked out for drinks. I remember when I first got sober, a girl on the street handed me a coupon for 2-for-1 margaritas, and I just about collapsed with anxiety and stumbled over some ridiculous apology and excuse. I didn't even know this woman, she was just some college kid handing out flyers outside of a restaurant.

Sounds silly, doesn't it? Dude - first step is to RELAX. They are not asking you to dive into a shark tank. They're just asking the normal after-shift questions that everyone else asks them. There's an unwritten rule that you ask co-workers out for drinks after your shift is up. They are simply following that code.

Here's a crazy idea: say "nah, I'm heading home". And then go home.

Maybe - just maybe - you are uneasy is because, deep down, you think you just might be missing out on something. Part of you wants to go, because you're used to that lifestyle. You don't know what to do with yourself afterwards. You're afraid to become "that sober guy" because you don't know how "that sober guy" leads his life.

You'll learn all of that stuff in time. In the meantime, the only way you'll find out is to use the advise above. Let me add that I do not think you should be going out with them AT ALL. Don't go to the bar with them and drink a coke. That's not gonna do anything except leave you feeling frustrated and eventually you'll be back to drinking in no time. Just get out of there and get to your own safe place.

Many amazing, exciting, adventurous sober lives begin with saying "no thanks" to those after work drinks for the very first time. You'll be glad you did.

Gottalife

When no thanks becomes Oh thanks (thinks) "one won't hurt" if they think at all. At certain times the alcoholic of my type is without an effective mental defense against the first drink.mmmmm Could this be a case in point?

ubntubnt

agreed with the big sombrero here. I think there are two parts to this. The first part is how to decline drinks in general. Fro me it kind of depends who I am with.
With relative strangers: "no thanks, a diet coke is cool" is sufficient
With old friends: "no thanks, I am off it" is nearly always enough
For those that know me and push the issue: "no thanks, I am off it, I will carry you home for a change, thank me tomorrow"

The most important thing though is to just avoid the drinking occasion itself. We all know where that leads.