Fallow

So I started in on sobriety again. Right now Im 6 days sober. Feel great actually. Even though I have some big stressors in my life right now. I did not plan to get any outside help at all besides lurking here but I just changed my mind.

Kinda weird too just after I thought 'what the heck I guess I'll log in' I looked up as Im in a restaurant. My finger must have grazed the phone and when I looked back I was on the login screen. Logged in and it was to post a new thread in alcoholism.

I would have went to newcomers but what the heck.

So Ill try to post here in this thread regular and see if that helps.

Right now I dont honestly have a plan to stay sober forever and the truth is I still enjoy drinking. I dont have any plan to drink in the future though either. I just want to go as far as I can one day at a time.

Hevyn

Good to see you back with us, Fallow. 6 days is a great achievement.

greens

One day at a time has helped me for 4 years. So has outside help
But that is constantly changing based on what my needs are. Congrats on 6 days. Keep it up.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back fallow! I hope we can help you find the motivation to make a plan and help you make one too if you choose.

Fallow

Yeah thats what im hoping for.

Thanks for the warm welcome back. I always seem to hang out here anyway so may as well post

I have been thinking lots lately about how when I first came to this site I was looking for a hangover cure. Im glad I found SR instead!

Dee74

Welcome back

SR helped me see that I had no future as a drinker.

I know I'm supposed to be aloof and let folks go their own way - but, man, I really hope you'll reach that conclusion this time too, Fallow

D

SoberLeigh

Welcome back, Fallow, and congratulations on Day 6.

Keep going one day at a time, day after day. Look for the goodness in every sober day. Before you know it, you will be loving sobriety.

Soberwolf

Congrats on day 6

doggonecarl

I hope with extended sobriety that your ambivalence to "forever" goes away. For me, accepting that I could never drink, ever again, was a great weight off of me. With "One Day At A Time" my addictive brain always interpreted "One Day..." as one day I can drink.

By committing to never drinking again, it left me no wiggle room. Doesn't mean I didn't enjoy drinking, or that I wouldn't like to drink again.

Just that I won't.

Gottalife

Boy, if I still enjoyed drinking, I'd still be drinking. There's a kind of delusion in that towards the end. My alcoholic mind told me I enjoyed drinking and I would take the first drink with only the idea of having an enjoyable time, just to relax and have some fun. But the fun turned to farce and tragedy, there was no enjoyment at all.

There was the crap I felt the morning after, when I knew the reality of drinking, then there was this sense of anticpation later in the day, this time it will be alright, this time I will have some fun. But it never happened.

Defintion of insanity: repeatedly making the same mistake in the same way, expecting different results.

Fallow

Friday night. Out of routine but no big issues. Watched a movie with my wife after the kids were in bed. Right after work I had a split second thought of drinking but that was it.

Those are good points Doggonecarl. Maybe I will get there some day.

Soberwolf

Congrats Fallow

Fallow

Mustve been pretty tired last night. Slept very heavy. I have been all week. It is nice to wake up 100 percent clear headed. When I drink even one drink I dont sleep the same and that is one of the main reasons I want to stay stopped.

Soberwolf

Good stuff Fallow

Fallow

Rats. I drank this weekend. After feeling great Saturday I just 'decided' to drink. Had about 5 or 6 drinks that night and a few yesterday as well.

Looks like its time to rearrange my plans

Dee74

This is the thing you need to start with.
If you still enjoy drinking, why are you here? (not asking to be a wise guy or to make you feel in any way unwelcome - it just seems there must be other experiences beside enjoyable ones for you to be back here?)

D

Fallow

Yes its a great question Dee. Why am I here? Im sure I could write up some long explanation. But the basic reasons are that I feel alcohol is not healthy for me mentally, spiritually, and physically. I have abused substances most of my life and gotten rid of all of them except alcohol. I would like to live life free of all of them.

Dee74

sounds good to me Fallow.

D

Fallow

Slept heavy last night wow. Just wanted to say some of the other reasons I have hung around SR so long is that the Friends and Family sections have helped me immensely in my personal relationships and my drinking has really been much more under control as well.

For me the goal is definitely complete abstinence. The consequences of drinking have been less the past couple years though so its easier to justify.

I can see there will definitely be some obstacles and getting thru this first weekend will be one of them.

Dee74

make a plan - map out the weekend...you'll be ok

D