UKstudent

I'm a third year student out of 4 years in total
my 3rd year is a compulsory year abroad, so I'm living in Belgium at the moment,
I'm really unhappy, as I was last year, and I'm sure the only reason I'm staying on this course is because everyone around me has convinced me how much of a failure I will be if I don't
I hate being here in Belgium, I find it hard to know whether to socialise- which always involves lots of alcohol (which i obviously need to avoid)
and I have no motivation or interest in the work set by teachers and generally have the feeling that I'm slowly edging towards failure anyway because I do nothing.

I don't know what to do. I just want to leave, want to work, and be in charge of my finances, but I feel like I've been conditioned into believing my life will never go anywhere if I don't complete the course.
I'm also scared to stay here because alcohol has been creeping back into my life and I just feel miserable

I'm really lost

Dee74

How much longer do you have in Belgium?

D

UKstudent

another 7 months, then another year back home

Dee74

I've never been an exchange student so I have no personal experience to share UKStudent.

I guess it boils down to whether this course something you really want to do... or something other people want you to do?

when you have your answer on that it may help you work out what to do next?

D

Clarebear13

Hugs. Are you interested in any sports? That's always a good way to get out and meet people

Hope2014

Hi UK,
It sounds like you are depressed. I can say that because I suffer from it too. Drinking only intensifies it. Do you have any hobbies that you enjoy? I think one day you will look back and be happy that you that you had the opportunity to study in another country, not many people will have that on their resume.
When I'm feeling down, I try to remind myself of 3 things that I am grateful for. I hope this helps. Keep posting, we are here for you!
Hope

Berrybean

I think most people I've spoken to (and my own experience as well) say that the final year of their Uni course was the hardest to keep motivated. Deadlines; exams looming; the novelty has worn off; you're poor; and you're just ready to move on to the next phase of your life. This term is nearly over though, and then it'll just be two more terms (and the finals one is usually shorter on most courses). You can get through this UKStudent. Sometimes acceptance is key to getting ourself through situations - adjusting our expectations, and accepting that we are where we, and if we just deal with each day the best we can, fulfilling our responsibilities, and staying sober, those more difficult times will soon pass.

Have you reached out to AA or similar - in most places there are English speaking meetings. It could really help you as it would mean you'd have some support with staying sober, but also people to socialise with occasionally where alcohol won't be any kind of issue.

I'd also advise speaking to the student counsellors. They may have more information about support resources where you are, or have some good suggestions about going out socially in non-drinking ways. Aren't there any student groups that you could join that wouldn't require you to drink - when I was at Uni there was an abundance of Societies (from trampolining; to historic re-enactments; to drama; to running; to reading groups; to dancing- yes, some of them might have also involved some after-events where people drank, but not everyone went to that part of them - and if there wasn't one that floated your boat, then you could set one up.)

Are you coming back to the UK for Xmas break? If so, that must be coming up quite soon now. If not, is there a way you could do so?

Soberwolf

If you quit now youl regret it trust me on that

if you want to talk I'm here

Trickcyclist

Sometimes, when you're feeling this low ( especially in a different country), it can feel like you're the only one who has ever experienced this and there's no hope..... I know this!

Firstly, you're not the first student to feel the course isn't right for them and you won't be the last, so please don't be hard on yourself! Advice above from Beccybean and others is sound, please re read it.

IMHO, you need a plan!

I agree that you need to speak to a student Counsellor, but may not feel able to do that in Belgium. Why not make contact with your UK Uni and see if you can speak to someone over the Christmas break?

They are USED to students finding life tough/ being on courses which aren't right for them and they are there to help. Honestly.

Who are you afraid of letting down? Family? Friends? Tutors/ Uni?

Please take heart, there will be a solution, but you won't find it in alcohol!!!

Take care.....and plan!

TC x
PS I would send you a hug if I knew how all this stuff worked!!!

Dropsie

I am a Yank living in Belgium and drinking socially is very much a part of the culture, so that is hard.

BUT there is much less binge drinking and students drink non-alcoholic drinks at events much more than any other country I know. My very social 22 year old almost never drinks, so you will not be the odd man out.

On the other hand, for some folks being at a bar and not drinking especially in the early days just does not compute. That is something you know.

Concerning the rest, sounds like you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, so you might be sorry if you stopped now with your studies.

I decided to make this my year of living dangerously -- I am going to try to do my best for myself all the time and see what happens. This means doing the work even when I hate it, arriving on time, making an effort to be social when I would rather lie on the coach, getting out of bed -- the whole lot.

Maybe you should join me and see what happens.

PM me anytime if you need Belgian advice.

Music

I felt lost a lot when I first got sober. One of the best suggestions I received I'll pass on to you right now. Don't make any major changes in the first year of sobriety. Now, you might be thinking....WTF....all I'm doing is changing. The changes I'm talking about have to do with relationships, jobs, geographic moves, etc. but in this case it also includes leaving school. I had so much chaos going on with family, finances, personal and business relationships, to take on anything else would have been too much. Right now I think you need to step back, take a breath and concentrate on not drinking....one day at a time. Get a sponsor in AA and put together a program including the 12 steps you can live with and settle in. Nothing is as important right now as the alcohol problem. Get that figured out and a lot of stuff will fall into place.

paddyjnr1

Are you getting to meetings there??? get some sober friends, ask them what they do in there spare time and if you could tag along.
Take a trip to Bruges , a 2 hour train journey, it's an amazing city, take a canal ride, and visit the chocolate museum, marvel at their culture.
I'm sitting in my bedroom with no job and would love to be there, soon when I get better I will go back.
It's my favourite city in the world.
count your blessings your not in a dingy hole wallowing in self pity with a bottle of whisky in your mouth.
you've gone this far, don't drop out, every course i've ever done bar one I dropped out and boy did it hurt.
I wish you the best my friend, oh and there's always photography, get yourself a little camera and snap away at the beautiful buildings.

sugarbear1

Alcoholics Anonymous

you won't be alone here