JeffreyAK

Can you keep your memories of that experience right up front? Maybe write a note to yourself and post it on your fridge, in your car, etc., to remind you when you feel tempted to drink or go buy alcohol? You said it yourself, so you already know how good sobriety can be.

Thankful2day

I have made several successful attempts in my life sober as well, and seem to think I can handle drinking socially again. But I am never successfully, it always creeps back to being out of control. Let me explain out of control (or as some say unmanageable). Starts out with having a couple beers (that euphoric state) and then the voice starts in. The angel on one shoulder says," don't drink anymore, just stop here." But the demon on the opposite shoulder begins to gain power. That demon's voice becomes so strong saying," effff it you have already had a few might as well enjoy it and start over tomorrow. Then I lose myself. Do not want to come home, want to stay out and drink and drive while listening to music. Begin to blow money I really don't have because I have all these grandiose ideas. Then knowing I have to go home, stop buy a few more tall boys and head to the house isolating myself because no one really wants to hear my long drawn out stories or rants. Finally go to bed and start the same cycle over. I am also a high functioning alcoholic who holds an important job as well. I do not like to go to AA in my small town due to that fact, although it is suppose to be anonymous people still talk. To get to your question about how to make it stick this time? I have had to take a good look at myself and do not like what I see. I am just going thru the motions of life daily, from the kids,husband, and my job. I do my job well, but have been doing it so long I can get by at 50 percent. An eye opened for me has been due I just want to go thru the motions daily or be part of life? I have admitted in the last month 4 adults in their late 50's for alcoholism. All of them in terrible shape, but their stories similar to mine. Only difference is their disease process is more advanced. Alcohol dementia, cirrhosis, wet brain, delirium, pancreatitis, and brain injury from falling down intoxicated to many times. It is like a slap in the face to wake up! I want to live life to the fullest with the best of health, they are me. I want to attend my children's events thru out their life and remember it. I am tired of giving the demon my soul, power over my life. I want to give more than my 50 percent at work, because if I do well at that? Imagine how great I would be at 100 percent. I want to go back and finish my masters degree that I have put off for years due to procrastinating with my head in the beer can! I want to live.

Hevyn

Hope it's going better today, Wibble. Thinking of you.

120degrees0ut

Hiya Wibble! I like the word used here to describe alcoholism...Exhausting! It seemed to me i was in a constant circle of needing alcohol and running out of alcohol. it was constant, it never ended. it exhausted me. scrounging up my change to buy as big a bottle as i could. cuz i sure needed the large bottle to get me thru 2 entire days. i got so sick of it. i also got really sick of trying to piece together my blackouts with no success. the only way i could ease the sky high anxiety worrying about recent blackout...was by getting wasted drunk all over again. Alcoholism exhausts me, big time. when im sober, i feel free of this mess. i dont have to hide anything, or really worry about anything. i dont constantly need money for alcohol. It feels freeing to me, cuz alcohol always had its stranglehold on me. i do still crave it tho. which messes me up. so i understand U, Wibble. Youre right, it has to come from inside. and i know this crap is difficult with these cravings. i would very much like them to stop. Good Luck to U Wibble. I know its a struggle and a fight.

Hevyn

That's how it was for me too, 120degrees - and I went on far longer than most of you, trying to make it fun again. I can't believe I clung to it so desperately.

Soberwolf

Hevyn

wibble

I think the feeling of exhaustion is the primary thing i'm feeling, the constant lack of sleep and the mental exhaustion to make sure i've always got access to "enough" booze.
I drank 2 beers last night, feel utterly depressed today. I feel completely overwhelmed.

Hawkeye13

When you get up, make a good breakfast, take a long shower,
and log back on here to discuss your sobriety plan.

You can do this if you just don't stop trying and commit to staying sober.
We've all relapsed, me included and recently, but I'm plugging the holes
in my plan and getting on with it.
You can too wibble. . .

Dee74

A lot of people have found this link useful regarding making recovery plans Wib:

https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf

Fly N Buy

I thought I had to reinvent the wheel - I was wrong. I didn't need to find a solution, there were many right in front of me. I had to commit to one.

I had to accept two things - The problem and the solution. Many accept the problem, few accept the solution. My solution is working the program of recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous and participating on SoberRecovery. There are others, these are but a couple.

Glad you posted

polaris

Active alcoholism is a pretty miserable existence even if you do manage to remain "functional".

colagirl

Welcome back, pal! So good to see you on here. As I'm sure you remember, I was also on here for about 5 years before I actually got sober.

Your story is so much like mine was. I was totally high-functioning and nobody ever knew (to my knowledge) that I was quietly destroying myself on a daily basis. People always viewed me as so responsible and dependable that I was terrified of ruining that image of me. I would try time and time again to quit on my own without having to admit to anyone that I had a problem. Of course, because no one knew, that just made excuses easier and I'd get a few sober days and then a friend would want to get drinks and I'd be all in again with no one the wiser.

I knew that if I was going to be successful I would have to be accountable to somebody other than myself, who would not give me any excuses and would call me out if I tried to use them. I finally decided to tell everything to my best friend - all of the hiding and excuses and my tricks for hiding it and everything. It made a huge difference for me to have someone close to me to give me that extra boost during those rough first months when it would have been so easy to give in. I also knew that I couldn't lie to her anymore, and so even if I tried to drink alone and hide it, I couldn't have lived with myself. Somehow that got me over the hump.

I also got an addictions counselor. You may remember that AA is not my thing, but I really got a lot out of 1 on 1 counseling. I saw her for about a year and a half and only stopped because she went out on maternity leave. She helped me get through the cravings and permission-giving crap during the first year, and we also made a plan for very specific situations that I knew would be triggers.

My best advice is, you have to do something different - try thinking about something that scares you to do related to quitting, and maybe that's the thing you need to do. And it probably won't be as scary as you imagine it.

I know you can do this because you keep coming back, just like I did, even when still drinking. That tells me that you have the will, and where there is a will, there is a way. Even 8 years later. Trust me.

Soberwolf

How's things today W

Ananda

OH Wibbles, I just so am happy to see your here! There is always hope and none of us do this perfectly!

What we have in common is we don't give up! You have inspired me today!

UKstudent

I think for me motivation, like, serious motivation to remove alcohol from my life comes from the idea that it could control me -
I don't wish to be controlled by a substance, and I feel I owe it to myself to ensure I remain in control.

You're not a failure, you just dust yourself off and try again!

Soberwolf

Check in Wibble