At a crossroads
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 189
At a crossroads
I joined this forum a while back but didn't use it really.
I'm at a crossroads in my life - just divorced and trying to get my life back together.
Been sober 6 weeks, receiving counseling. Not taking any medicine (antabuse, etc.) but doing it at my own will atm.
So here's my thing - I know I will start drinking again. Maybe in a few months, not sure. Right now I cannot allow myself to for several reasons - and so I'm postponing it.
Now, drinking would be a terrible idea, also for several reasons, but I feel I am at a point in my life where I indeed will pick up the bottle again. I have a key motivation to abstain from the drink - contact and a relationship to my 3 yr son - but I am simply afraid that my loneliness and general depressive state will make me tip again. I think about drinks, and I miss the buzz.
Anybody been in a similar situation, and did you handle it or drop back? I still have this stupid idea that I can handle the drink and consume moderately, even if it's against all odds...
Thanks in advance for any feedback. PM's are welcome too.
I'm at a crossroads in my life - just divorced and trying to get my life back together.
Been sober 6 weeks, receiving counseling. Not taking any medicine (antabuse, etc.) but doing it at my own will atm.
So here's my thing - I know I will start drinking again. Maybe in a few months, not sure. Right now I cannot allow myself to for several reasons - and so I'm postponing it.
Now, drinking would be a terrible idea, also for several reasons, but I feel I am at a point in my life where I indeed will pick up the bottle again. I have a key motivation to abstain from the drink - contact and a relationship to my 3 yr son - but I am simply afraid that my loneliness and general depressive state will make me tip again. I think about drinks, and I miss the buzz.
Anybody been in a similar situation, and did you handle it or drop back? I still have this stupid idea that I can handle the drink and consume moderately, even if it's against all odds...
Thanks in advance for any feedback. PM's are welcome too.
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Why would you start to drink again? Is your 3 year old son going to go away? Why don't you be there for him his entire life? I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess your trying to stay sober for custody reasons. Drinking isn't going to help your depression either. Lots of reasons to get and stay sober.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Well done on six weeks sober and counseling.
You had the opportunity to get well two years ago and now you've let it get to the point where you've lost your marriage and sounds like you're worried about visitation, too.
The alcohol caused your problems and it will continue to should you pick up again. Give sobriety a real chance and try to find hobbies or volunteer situations that will give you purpose. Loneliness is easily overcome.
Adding a "depressant" to an already bad situation. Can you see how that doesn't make any sense? My depression didn't lift for a few months after I quit drinking...like six months. I had to proactively look for ways to engage in life.
I hope you will reach for continuous sobriety. If not you will continue in misery, of that I am certain.
The war is over, friend. Alcohol won. Throw up the white flag and fight for your life. Nothing good lies at the bottom of a bottle.
You had the opportunity to get well two years ago and now you've let it get to the point where you've lost your marriage and sounds like you're worried about visitation, too.
The alcohol caused your problems and it will continue to should you pick up again. Give sobriety a real chance and try to find hobbies or volunteer situations that will give you purpose. Loneliness is easily overcome.
Adding a "depressant" to an already bad situation. Can you see how that doesn't make any sense? My depression didn't lift for a few months after I quit drinking...like six months. I had to proactively look for ways to engage in life.
I hope you will reach for continuous sobriety. If not you will continue in misery, of that I am certain.
The war is over, friend. Alcohol won. Throw up the white flag and fight for your life. Nothing good lies at the bottom of a bottle.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 189
Originally Posted by jd1639 
Why would you start to drink again? Is your 3 year old son going to go away? Why don't you be there for him his entire life? I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess your trying to stay sober for custody reasons. Drinking isn't going to help your depression either. Lots of reasons to get and stay sober.
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Well done on six weeks sober and counseling.
You had the opportunity to get well two years ago and now you've let it get to the point where you've lost your marriage and sounds like you're worried about visitation, too.
The alcohol caused your problems and it will continue to should you pick up again. Give sobriety a real chance and try to find hobbies or volunteer situations that will give you purpose. Loneliness is easily overcome.
Adding a "depressant" to an already bad situation. Can you see how that doesn't make any sense? My depression didn't lift for a few months after I quit drinking...like six months. I had to proactively look for ways to engage in life.
I hope you will reach for continuous sobriety. If not you will continue in misery, of that I am certain.
The war is over, friend. Alcohol won. Throw up the white flag and fight for your life. Nothing good lies at the bottom of a bottle.
You had the opportunity to get well two years ago and now you've let it get to the point where you've lost your marriage and sounds like you're worried about visitation, too.
The alcohol caused your problems and it will continue to should you pick up again. Give sobriety a real chance and try to find hobbies or volunteer situations that will give you purpose. Loneliness is easily overcome.
Adding a "depressant" to an already bad situation. Can you see how that doesn't make any sense? My depression didn't lift for a few months after I quit drinking...like six months. I had to proactively look for ways to engage in life.
I hope you will reach for continuous sobriety. If not you will continue in misery, of that I am certain.
The war is over, friend. Alcohol won. Throw up the white flag and fight for your life. Nothing good lies at the bottom of a bottle.
I did sort of throw up the white flag in many ways - I suppose I am even capitulated. In my mind I am thinking, now I am alone anyway, why not drink and go out and enjoy myself? Then I can see my kid when I'm sober... Maybe it's enough for me... I lost my family, home, job, car, money, etc... I have nothing left to lose really. I have my son, basically.
I don't know if anybody's been there, but just like you give up a bit. I am 33, btw. I have had good jobs, I have a resume, etc. Should be able to find work and all. Don't know, I lack the motivation to quit, now that I feel I lost all anyway...
Thing is, I really like being sober... but as I said, the booze takes me to another level, my mind travels and I can think in more dimensions. That's the feeling I miss.
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Location: Florida
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Good job on the 6 weeks. "one day at a time". You can stick with that and not concern yourself with whether you are going to drink in the future. Maybe you will, maybe you'll decide not to - but you don't have to make that choice right now.
Let that sweet child have you completely sober for right now. It's a lot more fun when you're not hungover.
Let that sweet child have you completely sober for right now. It's a lot more fun when you're not hungover.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
Originally Posted by 2012Starlight
I joined this forum a while back but didn't use it really.
I'm at a crossroads in my life - just divorced and trying to get my life back together.
Been sober 6 weeks, receiving counseling. Not taking any medicine (antabuse, etc.) but doing it at my own will atm.
So here's my thing - I know I will start drinking again. Maybe in a few months, not sure. Right now I cannot allow myself to for several reasons - and so I'm postponing it.
Now, drinking would be a terrible idea, also for several reasons, but I feel I am at a point in my life where I indeed will pick up the bottle again. I have a key motivation to abstain from the drink - contact and a relationship to my 3 yr son - but I am simply afraid that my loneliness and general depressive state will make me tip again. I think about drinks, and I miss the buzz.
Anybody been in a similar situation, and did you handle it or drop back? I still have this stupid idea that I can handle the drink and consume moderately, even if it's against all odds...
Thanks in advance for any feedback. PM's are welcome too.
I'm at a crossroads in my life - just divorced and trying to get my life back together.
Been sober 6 weeks, receiving counseling. Not taking any medicine (antabuse, etc.) but doing it at my own will atm.
So here's my thing - I know I will start drinking again. Maybe in a few months, not sure. Right now I cannot allow myself to for several reasons - and so I'm postponing it.
Now, drinking would be a terrible idea, also for several reasons, but I feel I am at a point in my life where I indeed will pick up the bottle again. I have a key motivation to abstain from the drink - contact and a relationship to my 3 yr son - but I am simply afraid that my loneliness and general depressive state will make me tip again. I think about drinks, and I miss the buzz.
Anybody been in a similar situation, and did you handle it or drop back? I still have this stupid idea that I can handle the drink and consume moderately, even if it's against all odds...
Thanks in advance for any feedback. PM's are welcome too.
If you're lonely and depressed there are things - positive healthy things you can do about that - you could see your Dr, or a counsellor, you could join a social group, you could get involved in your community.
right now it seems like you only have two tools - stubborness and the bottle.
I found there is a great life after drinking - but I also found it won't just materialise - it takes getting up off the couch and out the door, and doing a little work?
D
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by 2012Starlight
Thing is, I really like being sober... but as I said, the booze takes me to another level, my mind travels and I can think in more dimensions. That's the feeling I miss.
Oh, this:
I lost my family, home, job, car, money, etc... I have nothing left to lose really.
I don't know if anybody's been there, but just like you give up a bit. I am 33, btw. I have had good jobs, I have a resume, etc. Should be able to find work and all. Don't know, I lack the motivation to quit, now that I feel I lost all anyway...
It's an illusion. You know that, don't you? It is induced by putting a toxic poison in your brain.
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Location: Dancing in the Light
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One thing I know for sure is that you need to be highly motivated to stop drinking and stay sober. It takes focus and work. If you don't have that, it will be very hard for you to recover.
As Dee said, there are many healthy ways for you to deal with depression and other negative issues in your life. It saddens me to think that you would choose alcohol over your son.
As Dee said, there are many healthy ways for you to deal with depression and other negative issues in your life. It saddens me to think that you would choose alcohol over your son.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Europe
Posts: 291
Eric Clapton came out with the album Crossroads after becoming sober, and you could say he didn't need alcohol to live and create in multiple dimensions. Mind you, I know the feeling, I was there at some point too, thinking life would just be too bland. But if you give sobriety a fair chance, you might find it's still possible to create. And to enjoy the process.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: fort worth tx
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Quit now before you lose your kiddo. Alcoholism robs you of hope, material possessions, and yes, family. It destroys and eventually kills the host. Starlight when you realize this then drinking will cease being fun. See it for what it is. A disease.
Congrats on 6 months. Take dees advice. Take action. You won't stop drinking by sitting around. Trust me.
Congrats on 6 months. Take dees advice. Take action. You won't stop drinking by sitting around. Trust me.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 189
Originally Posted by FLCamper
Good job on the 6 weeks. "one day at a time". You can stick with that and not concern yourself with whether you are going to drink in the future. Maybe you will, maybe you'll decide not to - but you don't have to make that choice right now.
Let that sweet child have you completely sober for right now. It's a lot more fun when you're not hungover.
Let that sweet child have you completely sober for right now. It's a lot more fun when you're not hungover.
Originally Posted by Anna
One thing I know for sure is that you need to be highly motivated to stop drinking and stay sober. It takes focus and work. If you don't have that, it will be very hard for you to recover.
As Dee said, there are many healthy ways for you to deal with depression and other negative issues in your life. It saddens me to think that you would choose alcohol over your son.
As Dee said, there are many healthy ways for you to deal with depression and other negative issues in your life. It saddens me to think that you would choose alcohol over your son.
And now it's too late being the best father possible (meaning being there every day, strong). But yes abstaining completely is absolutely necessary atm.
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 919
Well I say focus on the "atm" the at this moment part. I mean what else is there? If you want to be sober now, need to be sober now, be sober now. The whole "maybe in the future" or"i know one day I'll slip" mentality is a form of escapism. Its silly, but many indulge including me sometimes. But the time I have is because I know right now being sober is best. I have absolutely no control over my past, and I have no control over a future that doesn't exist yet, just this moment.
Enjoy the sober present, learn to live and love it, and I think you may find it will continue for some time and your commitment will grow.
I dunno, maybe that isn't the iron will philosophy that works for some, but for me it does.
Enjoy the sober present, learn to live and love it, and I think you may find it will continue for some time and your commitment will grow.
I dunno, maybe that isn't the iron will philosophy that works for some, but for me it does.
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Originally Posted by kinzoku
Well I say focus on the "atm" the at this moment part. I mean what else is there? If you want to be sober now, need to be sober now, be sober now. The whole "maybe in the future" or"i know one day I'll slip" mentality is a form of escapism. Its silly, but many indulge including me sometimes. But the time I have is because I know right now being sober is best. I have absolutely no control over my past, and I have no control over a future that doesn't exist yet, just this moment.
Enjoy the sober present, learn to live and love it, and I think you may find it will continue for some time and your commitment will grow.
I dunno, maybe that isn't the iron will philosophy that works for some, but for me it does.
Enjoy the sober present, learn to live and love it, and I think you may find it will continue for some time and your commitment will grow.
I dunno, maybe that isn't the iron will philosophy that works for some, but for me it does.
Originally Posted by Dee74
I don't think it's ever too late to be the man you want to be, and the Dad you want for your son, Starlight 
D
D
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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Has anybody had this thought that you somehow had to lose everything you built up in order to fully appreciate what you actually had?
This is what I don't understand about myself. I knew somewhere that I was losing all, but for some reason(s) I didn't 'adjust' in time.
I never considered myself an 'alcoholic' in explicit sense, but a problem drinker sure.
This is what I don't understand about myself. I knew somewhere that I was losing all, but for some reason(s) I didn't 'adjust' in time.
I never considered myself an 'alcoholic' in explicit sense, but a problem drinker sure.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
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I convinced myself that I wouldn't lose everything...and when I did I convinced myself it didn't matter or it wasn't my fault.
The point is - that was then, and this is now.
Staying sober gives you the best chance of rebuilding your life Starlight
D
The point is - that was then, and this is now.
Staying sober gives you the best chance of rebuilding your life Starlight
D
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Congrats on 6 weeks sober starlight
Think about why your 6 weeks sober why are you doing this - it won't change believe me I tried we all tried which brings me to my next point
Acceptance
After multiple experiments in my attempts to moderate I failed every single time I accepted that I can't drink safely & I can't drink responsibly
My life has turned around in sobriety I havnt bought a big house nor do I own a fancy car but I have the real me back and not only am I cool with that but you can't buy that in the shops
Think about what your saying & listen to every alcoholic before you who has said the same things
Fwiw 6 weeks is pretty amazing keep building on it give it a spin alcohol won't give you anything close to what sobriety will give you
hang in there bud
Think about why your 6 weeks sober why are you doing this - it won't change believe me I tried we all tried which brings me to my next point
Acceptance
After multiple experiments in my attempts to moderate I failed every single time I accepted that I can't drink safely & I can't drink responsibly
My life has turned around in sobriety I havnt bought a big house nor do I own a fancy car but I have the real me back and not only am I cool with that but you can't buy that in the shops
Think about what your saying & listen to every alcoholic before you who has said the same things
Fwiw 6 weeks is pretty amazing keep building on it give it a spin alcohol won't give you anything close to what sobriety will give you
hang in there bud
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