Recovery outwith AA
 

Hi
I'm 11years sober - and grateful to be so - my life is a million times better than what it was when I was drinking

However I really don't feel at ease in AA meetings... I've denied this to myself for a long time but I just don't feel they are for me.

I did try to share at meetings but it's the usual pontificating and broadbrushing reply 'you are not spiritually well, you must be doing something wrong, what haven't you been honest about, there must be something you are not doing, you don't have a HP etc etc' Please don't think I'm being condescending - I don't mean to be... I have a strong faith, I enjoy being sober, I embrace the 12steps as much as I can... I just don't like going to meetings.... anyone else feel like this?

There are many programs and paths to take to sobriety. Glad you've found one that works for you and congrats on 11 years, that amazing!

:thanks

It's common for lots of folks, some even say the meetings make them want to drink more. I used to love meetings and the steps, but they became so repetitive. Don't really go anymore unless I'm supporting a friend. If you aren't getting much out of them anymore then why don't you "taper off" so to speak? There are lots of other ways to spend your sober time!

There is nothing compulsory about attendance at AA meetings. Whether you go or not is entirely up to you. One of the odd things about AA today, at least in some groups, ia that realalcoholics are sometimes made to feel unwelcome. Perhaps it would be worhtwhile to take a deep look at why you feel this way. Maybe it is you, but it may not be. Maybe there is a good reason.

There have been meetings that have made me uncomfortable too. It happens. But part of the change in personality I underwent has meant for a long time now I have not felt compelled to go to meetings to stay sober, or to get something out of it. It seems to be my nature today that I just like going to meetings to try and contribute, to help others. I am involved because I want to be.

Meetings are not what keep you sober, though I am sure you know that. My lifestyle has kept me away from meetings for the past few months, no problem as my hp is with me 24/7 and thats what keeps me sober. That is the important thing, my relationship with the God of my understanding. Maybe you could ask your God what you should do. Go or stay away, whatever seems to be the right course.

11 years is amazing. I'm only at just over 3 this time. Did two stints in the rooms totaling around a year and it wasn't for me either time. Left in 2013 just after picking up a coin for 7 months. Staying sober wasn't the problem, I just couldn't fake it long enough to make it. I had to be honest with myself.
You don't need a program to do the right thing.

What does your sponsor say?

I guess you can call it pontificating if you like. I choose to call it feedback. I've learned a couple things in my years in AA. 1)You can't BS a BSer and 2)The further I am from my last drink, the closer I am to my next.:herewego

I don't get to many meetings, but I do stay plugged in with those steps, my sponsor, and a handful of sober people. I attend my home group meeting once a week, meet with my sponsor once a week for an hour or two or more, and I help to take a meeting into a local rehab once or twice a month.

Daily meditation, asking my higher power how to be useful to others, is most important to me today. My simple prayer of "Tell me what to do" or "Give me inspiration to do what you want me to do" helps me.

I live the principles in my life. I have to know my motives for attending a meeting.

Sober for 4.5 years and moving forward today.....

If you have embraced the 12 steps and incorporate them into your life, you ARE working the program of Alcoholics Anonymous whether you attend meetings or not. I continue to go to meetings as I found that it's the most effective way for me to carry the message to other alcoholics (part of step 12). Usually when I get tired or bored with meetings it's because I've lost sight of what my purpose is for being there.

Big congrats on 11 years!

Plenty of other ways to achieve sobriety or stay that way, despite what some people will tell you. Check out secular recovery on this board. Some people don't use any formal method at all. :You_Rock_

Congrats on 11 years Sunnydee. I went to AA meetings for 18 months because there was so much pressure from some addiction counselors to attend - I thought that AA was the only way. However, I really don't think the meetings helped me, and I gradually reduced the number I went to down to zero. I have't been to AA for over 2 years, and I feel fine. I have gone 3 years without alcohol. and don't have any thoughts of drinking.
AA works very well for many people, but not for everone.

11 years sober is amazing!! I say whatever you are doing, keep doing it. I go to a few meetings a week. It helps me to see alcoholism from others' point of view. And I get great ideas on how to deal with different things that come up. Being around people also helps me with my social anxiety problems. Frankly most of what the 12 steps talks about is just being a decent caring person to yourself and others. Most of what I do with staying happens outside the meetings. For me, AA is not a sober plan, although it appears to work for others. It's part of a much bigger plan that involves many things. John

11 years is pretty amazing! Choose the path that works for you. Looks like you're off to a good start. :)

All I know is that there were people there for me when I asked AA to help me. Meetings took on a better meeting for me when I stopped going to get something out of them and started going to see what I could contribute.

Welcome SUNNYDEE

I don't have a sponsor as such anymore - though I did have one going through the steps. I have closed mouth friends in the fellowship with longterm sobriety that I share with often and seek advice from dependent on the issue I'm facing - and I have good friends outwith AA - I'll speak to whoever has had experience of similar then I will ask them. I know a lot of folk like to have that one certain person - but that's not for me. And I make sure I go to folk that will tell me straight - not just tell me what I want to hear. I'm in a good place where I can make my own decision most of the time and I generally do 'think think think' rather than act on impulse - on less of course I see a nice bag or pair of shoes :-)

I wasn't implying everyone pontificates - a lot just give their opinion... but some do - but hey ho - you get that everywhere

I know if I choose to not go to meetings for awhile when I return the lights are still on and there's coffee made. Meetings started long before I went and I suspect will be there long after I leave this world.

I find Big Book studies engaging when too much open discussion floods my spirit. The only OD meetings I attend now have some strong sobriety and they don't become too "derailed".

But I gravitate towards more in discussion of the solution than the problem. Some choose to roll around in the muck a lot. That is their choice. My choice is to go to meetings that focus on the solution. Of course newcomers meetings are different - We meet frequently so the newcomer may find the fellowship they seek.

Maybe down the road you will feel differently or not> I am glad you're here regardless and would certainly appreciate you sharing more ESH with us as you have 11 years of sobriety = it may help others and I'd love to hear your story!

thanks for the thread!

OK then what do your good friends in AA that will tell it to you straight have to say?