Being sober's not enough
 

I'm 7 months totally sober, but I quit drinking about two years ago from a heavy daily drinking habit. I've backed away from antidepressants and anxiety medications under medical supervision, cut out a pack a day smoking habit and even weened myself off of caffeine. I'm sober.

I can stay sober easily if I restrict my life to watching YouTube videos, video games and work. I don't feel the urge to drink while doing those things. When I do anything that is stimulating, though, I find myself sweating, feeling dizzy and contemplating where to get a drink. If I go out with friends, I want to drink with them. If I try to start a hobby, I just want to drink while I'm doing it. For example, in university I studied creative writing. I loved it. Was drunk for almost every minute of it. Now, sober, when I sit down to write I feel my brain reeling, wondering, "Where's the booze?" It just feels like an impossible task without alcohol.

So I guess, if I have a question (And I might not, this might just be a rant), it would be, "Am I doomed to be an artless boor without alcohol?" Is pursuing a creative or social outlet too risky? Should I settle for the sober life I know I can maintain?

I feel frustrated and angry with what seems to be an unfair obstacle to my life - the not being able to drink thing.

I just wanted to tell someone how I've been feeling. Thanks for listening.

Hi GEAH
good to hear from you :)

For a few months in my early recovery I really missed drinking - not really that surprising as I drank with everything.

It was a rough few months but I gradually got used to doing things and not drinking.

I don't think it's a failure to do things you used to do drunk and to feel that pull - but it might be a failure to not do those things.

We got sober to embrace change after all :)

Everyone one of us has to deal with that pull until we get used to living the kind of life we want sober.

Fortunately there's a lot of support here and elsewhere to keep us in the right road.

Just as we had to learn to live as routine drunks, it tasks a little while to learn this sober living thing. Don;t let the fear get to you - and don;t be afraid to continue to make changes in your life. You might find that different circles of friends could help, or different activities.

If you drank 'medicinally' don;t be afraid to explore other healthier ways to deal with those emotions or feelings.

Please don't give up :)

D

My experience was that I spent about 3 months really struggling with the issue of never being able to drink again. When I let that go, and conceded that I was an alkie and drinking wasn't an option, it was like a weight was lifted. Then I was able to work on recovery and learn how to cope with life sober.

I have found that some things in life no longer interest me. If I look closely I enjoyed those things because I associated them with drinking. I only did them because they encouraged, allowed, or promoted alcohol use. The things that I did because I deep down enjoyed them are enhanced by the absence of alcohol.

If I just removed alcohol I still had issues to work on and in order to do that I had to embrace change.

Best wishes.

my answer would be sortof. I had to settle for that life then slowly add in other things gingerly as i could. Like you said with your routine of youtube videos games and work an find a way to remain sober. I have a routine that I've basicly boxed myself into that helps maintain my sanity and keep me sober. I use the words boxed myself into because I feel that way sometimes like I'm stuck in this routine because it works not because its always what i wanna do tho most of the time it is. As soon as my routine gets screwed with i get anxious angry or frustrated and tend to desire a drink. I htink it feeds the OCD to have this routine but it also keeps it in check in a positive way IE i exercise and dont drink etc..

I had to figure out how to be happy with what is and just leave things at that.

So yeah for me i had to just kinda accept the routine i settle into that kept my anxiety and frustrations at bay keeps my life manageable and keeps me from wanting to run to the liquor store.

Does my routine stink sometimes? yeah someone comes along and asks me to do something at saturday at 10am and My routine says no you cant go. then I'm faced with great anxiety do i change up my routine and go? or do i just continue on with what works. If i'm up to it I go and change my routine if not i dont. I also try and keep in mind how will said activity affect me later IE is this person likely to **** me off and leave me feeling drained and angry the rest of the day? if so? maybe I shoudlnt go etc..

I dont want to be on meds or drugs or booze or cigarrettes or food addictions etc.. So i work really hard to try and keep things manageable in other ways hoping i can avoid all of that.

I don't think it's realistic to live a life like that forever. At some point you have to start pushing beyond what is comfortable and have to start taking some of those feelings head on in small doses by doing those activities. Eventually it will get easier and you won't feel the need for alcohol doing these activities.

You feel deprived. I understand. And resent sobriety. But that resentment seems to be holding you back from fully embracing your recovery.

Sobriety is not an obstacle. Your addiction is...and you are still in its grip if you view sobriety as an impediment.

Hey there
Congrats on 7 months. That is great. But its also early on. I think a routine is very important and its something that most functioning people have to a greater or lesser degree. Very few people who are responsible, work, have families and take care of themselves live without a pretty predictable routine (boring? I don't know. I think boring is a different issue). Its ok to avoid activities, people and places that trigger you. That is smart. Now if everything triggers you outside of work and video games then I would guess you still have work to do. Acceptance is key. When I'm in complete acceptance that I can never, ever drink again, I'm pretty at peace. Give yourself time. And maybe start to really look at the reasons you drank alcoholically....

I don't think you should settle for anything less than what you want. It's entirely possible to live a rich, fulfilling life sober, millions of people do it every single day.

Your frustration above is understandable, we all felt it early on. And unfortunately life isn't always fair. Not being able to drink alcohol is not an "obstacle" though. It might seem so to your addiction as an obstacle to drink, but there are endless possibilities in life without drinking.

Have you considered joining some kind of support group locally to get out and meet people in a similar situation? Being around other newly sober people and working on a program/plan to live your life sober ( vs. just "not drinking" ) can be of great benefit.

There are a lot of ways to be quite creative while living a sober life. Seek out your options and see what works for you. While I just passed the 4 month mark on sobriety, I've found that through doing service work, it's a creative outlet for me that can aid in keeping me sane and sober. I like to work with those who have less sobriety than me and to encourage them that there is a good life out there. The activities I do are small - providing much needed items to those who are in rehab, but can't get out to make such purchases for items such as reading glasses or small articles of clothing. However, at the end of the day, I feel a bit better in that I made a difference in someone's life and hopefully they were able to enjoy another day of sobriety too.

"Being sober's not enough"! Great thought. Brings up the question: What is being sober? What is sobriety? If I look in the dictionary, sobriety is defined as "not being drunk".....basically. But to me, that's not all there is to sobriety. Sobriety is also being of sound, healthy and useful mind and body. When I was drinking, I was drunk most of the time but I was also sick from hangovers. I was depressed and grouchy. I was continually worried and burdened with guilt about what I'd said or done and who I'd said or done something to. The Big Book of AA talks about the Four Horsemen, i.e. Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration and Despair. To me, the idea of being sober is the complete opposite of what I've listed above and by the way, I could list more. The Big Book around page 100-105, I'm not sure exactly where...you look it up...talks about being so afraid of drinking again that the only safe place might be the Polar Ice Cap until an Eskimo stops by with a bottle of Scotch, which simply means that until I feel "free" in my sobriety, I still have the mind of an alcoholic. This is why we talk about having a "complete psychic change". I had to learn how to go anywhere and do anything with anyone without having to fear alcohol. So you're absolutely correct when you say, "Being sober's not enough"!:herewego

Yes, 7 months is great! But it's still early. Post-acute withdrawal can go on for up to 2 years, and you've quit not just alcohol but a bunch of things, so you may have a harder time. Give it time, I bet you'll feel differently a year from now. :)

GEAH,
this happened to me with regards to writing, too.
i found out there's something called state-dependant learning/memory, which is defined as
Learning associated with a specific state of sleep or wakefulness or with a chemically altered state, such that the learned information cannot be recalled or used unless the subject is restored to the state that existed when learning first occurred.
i figured this writing thing was a similar situation for me; i'dbasically only ever done it while drinking, and nothing "flowed" without that.
do you have to settle?
no. you need to change:)
the perspective.
and do in spite of discomfort til you find what's of use and enjoyment.

The elimination of alcohol is but only the beginning we have to stop drinking first then apply the 12 steps because drinking is only a symptom or ideas attitudes and behaviors have to change the 12 steps help us to recreate our lives to face and be rid of the things in our selves which are blocking us from the sunlight of the Spirit meetings help we don't drink today it's difficult to have the mindset never going to drink again we simply don't drink today the 12 steps help to discover one day at a time I lived in two worlds I lived in the past filled with regret and resentment when the past didn't own I lived in the future filled with anxiety and anticipation I was never here I was never now being sober is one part of the equation being in recovery is the fun part sober simply means not drunk to recover means to return to health from sickness there are a lot of fun things to do once we recreate our life in live in today happy and peaceful we learn love and forgiveness simply try and find a meeting get with people who are exactly like you you'll find a but can a coffee pot and a handshake and guidance

There are many ways in which to achieve sobriety and working recovery. You have to find what is best suiting to and for you. The biggest thing is you only fail if you quit trying. Seven months is awesome! Keep searching. Keep pushing forward. It all begins and ends with you. It will take a while for you to get comfortable with yourself again. It's a whole new way of life. Probably brand new. So often we are stuck in a very immature state and we drowned a lot of things out. It's a learning process. I always think about how far I've came (and that's huge!) but in the big picture, it's a small amount of time considering how long I was an alcoholic. Recognize the small things. Be patient with yourself, give yourself some more time, and while you wait let me introduce you to someone..You! (Hug)

Sobriety has actually opened up my world beyond my expectations. I'm now focused on projects when I used to spend all my time drinking, hungover, planning my next drunk, etc. However, it did take time for my body and mind to heal.

If you drank while playing video games or watching videos all the time, those activities would also be difficult to do without thinking about alcohol.

I'm also a writer and one of my rules was to never drink while writing, because I didn't want to only be good at writing while drunk.

You have to relearn to enjoy doing things without alcohol. It's like starting back at 0. It's too bad you didn't have someone tell you when you were younger, it's harder to do things when you're not in the state of mind you learned to do them in. There's lot's of people whose second language only improves as they have a few drinks, because they only ever talked in the other language while drinking. Does not mean drinking improves your ability to speak or learn one bit, haha.

Drugs as an impetus for creativity is a pretty damaging myth. The correlation between drug use and creativity exists largely because of the myth itself.

Hi Greeneggsandham, for what its worth, I'm right there along side you. I have to keep my mind occupied doing something. Anything. Mostly reading. Boredom and alcohol go hand in hand for me. I always thought I did some of my deepest thinking alone and with a buzz. I do not have as much time under my belt as you, but I have the same thoughts. As of now, I accept them and don't feel shortchanged, yet.

Wow, I really wasn't expecting so much thoughtful feedback. Thanks so much. This reminds me why SR was so essential to initially kicking the habit way back when.

It's very nice to be reminded that where I am now isn't where I need to stay, and that any thought that sobriety is an obstacle is the exact opposite of the truth. So often I tell myself that I'm out of the woods in regards to drinking, when I objectively know that the path is really so much longer.

I love the idea of state-dependent learning. Thanks fini. Looking back at my life, there is very little I've learned to do as an adult while sober. I guess from my perspective it was like, "I was a funny person while drinking, so drinking made me funny," when in reality it was more like, I learned to be funny while drinking, so I need to relearn it while sober. Wow ... I need to totally rebuild my adult personality.

Thanks again, all.

Yeah man, some great advice here. I think many of us have had that feeling, that's why we jumped in. I myself felt pretty unsure of myself for the first year or so. The "not drinking" thing was fine, but it was the life outside that was giving me problems.

I remember thinking "I've never even asked a girl out on a date without being drunk"...and then it hit me. I'd never learned how to behave like a sober adult. It's a learning experience and yeah it takes time. Sober conversations and getting comfortable outside of your couch/laptop space takes time. It will happen, though. You'll get your groove and your confidence back. Just keep plugging away and do not drink. You'll pick up speed here in a bit. And once you do, your world is going to start to expand so fast you'll have to hold on tight. Sobriety's a wild ride, man. Enjoy and thanks for the post!