Che

No. You will find plenty of support on this forum and people to discuss your concerns with. It will be a positive experience for you. Your wife's decision is not the decision of all human beings.

I am not the purveyor of all truth. But I am honest when I read something I think is unfair. You want people's sympathy for your wife leaving you, you want to be acknowledged for successfully quitting and still having this happen. You have my sympathy for that and you have my acknowledgement that you have overcome something hard, only to be met with more difficulty. All I imply is that your wife is more the victim than you are. You may think you know this, but I think you will know it better as time passes.

Keepnitreal

Tranklin- SR will provide tremendous support. Don't let one thing upset you. Look at all of the posts from caring people there to give you awesome advice! Hang in there!

KiKi0615

Tranklin,

I personally think it's awful that she left you. When you really love someone it's "for better or worse, in sickness & health".

I can't believe she left you just as you were turning your life around. She doesn't sound like a nice person. You are not a bad person, you are (or were) a sick person. Would she have left you if you had been in an accident & were paralyzed or had another awful disease???

You deserve & will find better. Just don't drink. I'm so sorry....

leviathan

Very sorry you are going through this. Hang in there.

Grungehead

Me and my ex-wife had broken up at least a half-dozen times while I was drinking but it didn't stick until I had been sober for a few years. I think elsker brings up an important point here that happened with my marriage. I was already drinking alcoholically when we first met so our entire relationship was formed around alcoholism and co-dependency. It was hard to accept at first but in hindsight I don't think we were all that compatible to start with.

Just keep doing the next right thing one day at a time and things will work out for the best, whatever that might be.

Frank14

I totally understand where you're coming from, but if you really think about how the drinking has affected her for all these years you can see why she left. The final straw was the hospitalization, and she was decent enough to stay with you through your medical recovery. I take exception with the comment that she's not a nice person. I am a little biased because I saw what my mom had to put up with my alcoholic dad. You're lucky she stuck around as long as she did.

You're also lucky just to be alive! I hope you stick around here. You can really be a source of inspiration and also get a lot of support. You've been sober for a long time now. That's a tremendous accomplishment, and it looks like you're on your way to this next chapter in your life.

Sizzle

I know it sounds a bit crazy, but keep your chin up. When it comes to sobriety, I've found that I'm meeting a lot of nice female friends and have been on some pretty spectacular dates. Certainly, the quality of those dates can't even compare to the horrendous ones I had while drinking. As we get more sobriety, our perspective and outlook changes. The possibilities tend to greatly open up.

Tooshabby

Hi Tranklin :-) I do hope you stick around SR and keep posting - especially now when you need support.

Rights and wrongs aside, I can totally understand how it must sting if drinking was a big issue for her and then when you finally gave up she left. Sure, she's been through a lot and it's obviously too much, but this isn't about her, it's about you. Right now, it hurts that you gave up and then she left. I get it (((hugs))).

I agree with the others....you never know what life has in store for you, and how you might grow from this point on. I'm sorry for your pain and wish you all the best for your recovery. Keep posting :-)

Tranklin

Thanks Sizzle, I tried a couple of dates but all I could think about was my wife.. I guess its still too soon....

Tranklin

Thanks. The physical part is in the past, now just have to rebuild socially.

Tooshabby

Yes, and that will happen. It's fantastic you have given up drinking after coming so close to death. While the separation/divorce must be very painful, that is a *huge* positive and major accomplishment. Maybe when the pain feels really bad you can use it as motivation to stay sober. Almost like "well, I lost this, but look what I have gained." Your very life. In a way, this is a very exciting, if painful, stage in your life. Over time, new people and wonderful relationships will come into it. That's pretty much a certainty :-)

Berrybean

I suppose it is hard even for alcoholics to understand that drinking is but symptom of our malady. Even once alcohol is removed, recovery can be a long and painful process. I could easily be wrong, but it sounds like she'd maybe had hopes and dreams of what life a (and you) would be like once you stopped drinking, and was bitterly disappointed when it didn't turn out to be that straightforward.

Definitely don't leave this forum - we all need support in this journey. Have you tried AA as well? I know that I wouldn't be without the support and love of people I met in the fellowship for all the world.

JeffreyAK

Sadly, not all the wreckage from our addict days is fixable. Many relationships I had were damaged including my marriage, a few were permanently lost. It just is the way it is, I can't turn back the clock, and I can't really blame the people who fled. All any of us can do is move forwards, knowing that with sobriety comes a new life - a different life, maybe minus some people, but a different life and a new kind of challenge with new and very real rewards.

zjw

Whats done is done. nothing you can do just move forward with staying sober today. One thing is for certain in all of this drinking clearly is far from a solution. You also probably realize that feeling how you do now really stinks and I'm sure you dont want to feel this way forever either. Lucky for you these feelings are transient and will come and go. I hope you can get past the blame and shame stuff soon becuase I know thats a painful place to be and I also know theres a much happier place for you to be right around the corner.

It is commendable that she stuck by you through all of that. I'd try and find a place where I was thankful for that and shrug shed a tear and move forward. Who knows what awaits you. You practically came back form the dead you must have a dang good reason to still be here!

chickippo

my ex-husband starting sleeping with someone else 2 weeks into my first serious attempt at sobriety. i left 2 months after that.

at the time it hurt so much i couldn't breathe. nearly 2 years on, and i'm so glad things worked out this way. i couldn't get sober for him, but i could for myself and i have 19 months today.

keep on keeping on. everything that has happened leads us to now. embrace it.

Sizzle

Great to hear that you were able to turn the situation into something quite positive and, in the end, you are much better off. Bravo!

Mountainmanbob

Yes, been through this and seen it happen to others in recovery.
Best thing you can do is stay sober and (leave her totally alone)
They don't usually come back when the puppy dog is begging.
Down the road she may be interested as to how you are ?
Maybe even wish to be back in your life some day ?
But, if you don't make real lasting changes
not much will ever happen for the good.

#1 - take care of yourself and live a sober life.
Seek and or find a Higher Power -- I prefer to call Him God.

MB

Friend Of Bill

The book Alcoholics Anonymous middle of page 98 bottom of page 99 top of 100 that will help you

Keepnitreal

I look back on many doomed relationships and I'm so grateful they ended, even though it hurt so bad at the time.

"Life ain't always beautiful, sometimes it's just plain hard. Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride!"

Tooshabby

I'm so glad for you chickippo, and what a great personal story to share to support Tranklin :-)