I don't have much tolerance for the still drinking alcoholic today
 

Alcoholics it seems have always carried a stigma with them.
Even back in the cowboy days,
they were referred to as the town drunk.
The important thing for the alcoholic is to be and stay sober.
It seems that only then can respect of others be earned over time.

I have an alcoholic neighbor who owns much and is married.
From his actions as seen over the fence (beer can stuck to his lips)
I must admit -- at times I think of him as a clown.
Some of the things he says while drinking (most all day long) are stupid.
He is so full of himself -- his cup of pride is truly running over.
Of course he says to me occasionally that, "he liked me better back when I was drinking with him."

By the grace of God there go I.

MM

It's difficult to watch to be certain. I try to keep in mind though that I was that person for many, many years - and I wouldn't be the person I am today if others like you here on SR hadn't had compassion and help for me when I was still drinking.

Not that I'm better
 

I do have much compassion for the ones who wish to stop drinking.

But, at times for the ones who still drink it seems that I have only pity.
And when their off the wall behaviors get under my skin,
I see no reason to hang around with them.

Not that I'm better than,
for it is only by Grace that I have been saved from all that.

Sobriety = a true gift.

MB

you got it one mate, i am forever quoting that lovely line because we are only all one drink away from becoming that man, maybe even worse as i found out myself recently...

It's easy to transfer guilt and remorse we feel about ourselves and our own actions onto other people. It's not a helpful thing to do, though, and it's better to avoid doing it. Having said that, it seems to me OK to vent a bit of annoyance here from time to time provided the primary purpose of doing so is to get over it and stay more sober.

I was invited to dinner with several co-workers but declined because one fellow how used to work with use came to the last couple of dinners. When the guy gets drunk he become belligerent. I put up with it twice but not again.

I have a family member who when she gets drunk becomes obnoxious. The last family gathering I explained I wasn't going to play cards with her and her kids if she was going to be drinking. She didn't.

"Of course he says to me occasionally that, "he liked me better back when I was drinking with him." "

maybe iffen the next time he said that you could share how you felt about youself when you were drinking.
and maybe something like," ya know, maybe if ya stopped drinking and honestly saw what i was ya really didnt like me. and maybe even start like yourself,too?"

I'm with Scott on this, Bob no person with a drinking problem wants to get sober at first it has to be when thier ready that day could be tomorrow or in a year or in 10 years or never in fact

A great tool to tackle stigma is awareness

I was thinking about this & all recovery programmes the other day from SR to AA to Smart to AVRT to Lifering

The reason thier anonymous is so no one finds out etc you have nothing to fear about your 'insert addiction here' coming to light

Isn't that built in stigma do you know what I mean I think awareness is great for tackling stigma

This stuff I'm writing needs developing but I am thinking about it from time to time

That's true and for me anyway threads such as this remind me of why I wish not to drink today, for at one drunken time in my life, I was also the sad one who others shared compassion and at times pity on.

My heart bleeds for the drunk who can't stop drinking.

A nice sober day wished for (all),
Bob

I certainly feel compassion for the drunk who can't stop, and those of us who have been there and back know all the signs so it's pretty obvious. If someone wants help or experience, I'm happy to oblige, and I've devoted a good chunk of my waking hours over the past 5 years to doing just that.

However that doesn't mean I want to be around drunks. ;) It's not even remotely triggering to me, it's just annoying. Fortunately I rarely have to deal with that, and if I encounter that situation I do my best to leave it.

The program teaches us to pray for the still suffering alcoholic, sober or not........I have to remind myself of this as I attempt to progress daily.

a guy strolled into a meeting once obnoxious and drunk. he spoke too didnt make any sense at all. Some had this look of "good god" but others had this look of pure sympathy. Its hard and sad to see and watch.

I had a friend recently mention some interaction they had with someone like this i was like man thats sad she needs help. he's like no it terrifying and rediculous (as he looked down on her with 0 sympathy)

I guess theres 2 ways to look at it tho.

Compassion: "once you've seen the face of god you see this same face on everyone you meet"

.
My Sobriety Survival Regimen is along the lines of Ken33xx in Post #6 and JeffreyAK in Post #10. Patience and Tolerance the first few times 'round. Then, I throw it down [in my own Mind] re: what's compatible with my Lifestyle, and what isn't.

As an entire Sidebar Discussion [in my World]... I think it's both a good example - and just plain smart - to set; communicate; and reinforce my Boundaries. Frankly, that's about all my Sobriety requires these days as Day-to-Day Maintenance.

Firm Boundaries, then, cascade over into all sorts of Scenarios: to what degree I can handle - and help - the still-Drinking Alk, or User. To what degree do I want to immerse in Social Situations that involve Drinking [and how often]. Especially as the Holidays loom.

I'm not much of a Hand Wringer, or Self Doubter. Certitude provides Recovery confidence when entering into Scenarios that might otherwise be taxing. Including helping out those in need so long as they demonstrate some glimpse of their own commitment to Sobriety.

Helping the unstable requires that I remain confidently stable. 'Put on your own Oxygen Mask...'
.

Not sure if I'm allowed to quote Jesus here, but here I go:
(I'm sure Mountainmanbob will forgive me.)

“Judge not, that you be not judged.
For with what judgment you judge,
you will be judged;
and with the measure you use,
it will be measured back to you.

And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye,
but do not consider the plank in your own eye? "

~ Matthew 7: 1-3 (New King James Version )

Acceptance is the Answer.

Acceptance is the key . . .

I'm not around many active alcoholics...or any for that matter. And I've never associated with alcoholics until I got into recovery (strange, that). But my father is a late stage (beyond late stage) booze zombie. As a kid I thought he was such a buffoon. A clown. A joke. Pathetic. Embarrassing. Disgusting. And the adjectives go on and on. Even though I became a very different kind of drunk than my Dad, I was just as pathetic and disgusting as he was...maybe more so really. My Dad now has Wernekes and I feel nothing but compassion and sadness for him. I wonder sometimes if I'd shown him more love and understanding as a child, whether he would have been different. I have 4 older brothers and we all treated him like the class clown. He probably never would have changed and that's a long story. But I was the arrogant one and boy was I humbled.

It's an interesting topic because people's views are very different on this one. If I see a street drinker I do have sympathy/empathy because I wonder how they got so bad they are now homeless and begging for money to buy more booze.

Anyone who has kicked their addiction's butt(or in the process of kickin butt) is a genuine badass imo. But "only use your power for good" is a stance I try and maintain. We are of course going to be more sensitive to anything addiction related but not all things are so related. Even drinkers , there are some who drink, even 'problematically' , but have no motivation to change. Those that do see a need and want to change but for reasons can't seem to be able to, those in a state of addiction I would term as alcoholic could probably benefit from the spread of some badassery.
Sometimes asshats are just asshats whether they drink or not.

A man in his fifties that I know asked me to sponsor him a while back. I considered it a honor. We were suppose to meet a while back so as to do his first Step and then I was going to take him out for a nice lunch. He didn't show up for the meeting and didn't call and wouldn't answer his phone. Yes, he's still drinking. Maybe in time if he does not die he will be ready and have a (true) desire to stop drinking ? But, for now I'm cutting him loose.

Right now I'm loving him but, not liking him.

Mountainmanbob

The above kind of goes to my point. I hope that gentleman that reached out for help can find his way to sobriety.
How do you know your neighbor is an alcoholic,?

Any alcoholic who is still drinking could be my sponsor someday.

-allan