UKstudent

this may be posted in the wrong sub-section, if so, sorry, please move it.
I just always post in this section thought it was the best option.

I just wanted to ask if anyone had or does still experience similar emotions.
Being comfortable with yourself around other people, totally sober, that is.

I have, as many people do, used alcohol as a social crutch as it makes me feel more open and less worried about what people think about me or will say about me.
On my journey dealing with my poor relationship with alcohol, learning to deal with other people's opinions is a big deal for me.
I'll give you a recent example - I'm a 25 year old male- this summer I went to Las Vegas to see the Britney Spears show, as I am a huge Britney fan.
If I tell people this, despite it being obvious to them that I enjoyed it, they often see fit to mock or snarl or make some kind of dismissive remark.
I find this in general hard to deal with. This has been where alcohol has come in during social situations, as it numbs what I eventually feel are feelings of rejection, and go much deeper than comments about a show I saw or an item of clothing I may wear.
I'm really trying to learn to be totally comfortable with myself, my likes, dislikes, who I am, and not have to lean on any substance as a way of avoiding the feeling of rejection, nor worrying about other's opinons or seeking their validation.
It's hard. I am however glad that I have realised I need to remove the need for validation as this gives me a good starting point.

thank you if you read this and I'm very appreciative that I have somewhere to talk to people

zjw

yeah i get it. I like michael jackson the reactions i get over that its like sorry cant help it i think he made some good music lol.

but yeah i'm pretty uncomfortable around others. I dont socialize well and I socialize like its an accident. I guess a lot of folks I dont care i'm quiet and i am the way that i am and I dont let what they think get to me. But introduce someone new into my little bubble and it gets awkward fast mainly for me.

I think the more you hang around others and such the easier it gets you relize a lot of people have there strange querks.

like they say those that mind dont matter and those that matter dont mind.

how someone else feels is really not your probem its theres so its best to try and not make it yours. But I get it there are some folks that i have to socialize with and its like just really awkward for me. I swear they are thinking this guys a wierdo but i'm like whatever.

ScottFromWI

I think your issue is a common one and it's certainly appropriate to post it here in the Alcoholism forum. Most of us used alcohol to try and mask/escape some underlying issue in our lives. Anxiety (all different kinds), depression, you name it - we tried to drown it out with alchohol. The problem is that alcohol actually makes it worse. It merely postpones the inevitable...that we need to address those issues themselves. And most of the time you cannot address the underlying issues until you stop drinking.

Learning to be comfortable with ourselves is not a simple problem to solve, but it is absolutely possible. Getting out and doing things without drinking is a great start. Some need therapy, self help, even meds ( prescribed by a doctor of course ) but there is a solution for everyone.

Here on SR you'll find lots of resources to first off help you with the drinking problem, but also the other areas. Hope you can stick around and join in on the conversation

UKstudent

wow i've never met anyone who didn't like MJ!

UKstudent

THIS! is totally what I'm realising... I can't really begin to deal with any of my issues until I remove alcohol, it in no way helps, just hinders and adds a confusing haze to everything

Soberwolf

Scott's post was spot on