Lizard99

Feeling a little lost. I'm posting on here to be accountable. I haven't drunk for nearly three years now but it's scary how the 'voice' can pop up. I have not drunk but that's more to sheer luck and circumstance at the moment.

I'm very ashamed to say this but I headed towards a bar in town after work today... But on my walk I just happen to bump into an old high school friend who doesn't drink and who asked if I wanted to catch up with him for a coffee, so I did. I hope I wouldn't of ordered a drink if I got to the bar and I was just testing myself. Just scary how out of pure bloody chance I was stopped in my tracks.


I think I'm feeling like I have loss of control of some things in my life at the moment and I just need to power through it. I will also maybe talk to a doctor about depression, it was crippling when I was drinking and has lifted these last few years but I may be in a low point at the moment.

I'm haunted at how close I came today and it's been a wake up call.

I know my life is multitude times better since I stopped drinking, the last couple of years have been fantastic. That is a massive incentive to keep at it.

Sizzle

It doesn't appear that you're involved in any type of support program? Perhaps something like AA would reinforce your abilities to remain sober. It's good that you've recognized your current emotional state as being in a bit of a low spot - and seeking out a doctor can be a good thing to ensure you can get the depression treated correctly. Best to you!

biminiblue

It sounds to me like you have a lot more going for you than just luck or circumstance. You have navigated three years of life without drinking.

Today when you were struggling, you were sent a friend to walk you away from your possible fall. That's pretty miraculous.

ScottFromWI

Thanks for sharing Lizard. I'm approaching 3 years myself and it's quite amazing how quickly those thoughts can pop up, even now. For me keeping active in my recovery is paramount, even now. Even if it's just coming here to read a few posts it reminds me of how tenuous sobriety can be if you don't keep your guard up.

Just the other night I was with a group of parents helping to sort some fund-raiser items that had recently arrived at one of their homes. Beer was offered, and I declined without incident...others did too. But I for a moment thought how close to the line I really was, even though I didn't even consider having one.

Fly N Buy

I think for people like us, at least for me - I can get lost in my own head. SR and the rooms have been a blessing to get me out of the committee meetings running around in my brain at times.

Maybe consider logging in here more and interact with other sober drunks!??

I was taught don't not drink alone. Good for you on starting a thread today - keep checking in and posting!

zjw

over 4 years here and the thoughts still come up. I wonder if there is a time that they dont. I think part of the issue is coming to SR or hitting an AA meeting it keeps drinking at the forefront of my thoughts when I wonder if i didnt bother with any of this if it would just fade to the background. But I also worry if i did that then i might get sneak attacked my my AV as well and end up getting tricked if you will into picking up.

For me I dont have a clear answer other then just each day i move forward when the thoughts arise I chalk it up to well tis normal for these kinds of crazy ideas to pop in my head I'm an alcoholic no biggie just cant give into them is all.

Soberwolf

I'm 28 months and yesterday I was having such a bad day the thought of drinking crossed my mind for the first time in a long time

Not that id ever drink but proof the AV will take serious full advantage as soon as it can

Excellent post bud

Gottalife

I take my hat off to any alcoholic of my type that can last three years on their own power. That is such a monumental accomplishment. The best I could manage was three weeks.

The only way around it for me was AA's miracle approach. I arrived in AA as the absolute last resort and, in a rather confused state. To stupid to argue I just put a big effort into the steps and finding this higher power deal. At about three months WAM, it happened! My life changed, the world changed, I was able to stay sober without any thought or effort, I suddeny realised the drink problem was gone, and its has been gone a long time now.

Freedom from alcohol was an overnight event for me. I never had the strength to sustain the fight as you have. I chose the easier softer way.

Dee74

Hey Lizard

3 years is awesome and I think you should take comfort in your own self awareness and strength...both will serve you mightily.

but while I was reading your post I was wondering what kinds of things you do to stay in recovery?

D

soberclover

I, too, will have three years in a few weeks.....it isn't a coincidence that I'm reading this post. I was just thinking the other day how I'm feeling like I'm back "in the groove" again with the whole sober life thing. I had been clean and sober for 13 years and decided I could drink again because I was "healed"; I was "normal"; I had "learned what I needed to learn so I can do it right this time". The reality is that during my 8-year relapse I ended up with a lot of loss from my divorce to my health. I woke up almost 3 years ago in the intensive care unit at the hospital with a traumatic brain injury because of my drinking.

During the past three years I've thought A LOT about the reality that sobriety/recovery for me is ongoing....never ending....a journey of discovery...discovering more about who I am and what I want in this life.

I don't know if this makes sense to you but I guess I'm saying that I hope you don't drink and that you instead can discover what it is that you are REALLY searching for.