Day 3
Introspectator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 121
Day 3
Day 3 in front of me. I want sobriety so badly this time! I am so angry at alcohol for how it has deceived me and caused so much wreckage in my life. Alcohol is so powerful its staggering. I used it to "wash away" bad memories, and those memories were horrific because of alcohol. What a terrible game alcohol plays. I really am a tortured soul about my past. Alcohol is just a poison. We don't drink it for thirst, nutrition. We just pour the poison right into our brain and it owns us, and does nothing of value for us. I hate alcohol and what it does. God help me on day 3. May we all be sober today and enjoy the day. May we find the simple things in life, and life itself, to be magnificent to our sober minds. God bless
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
good post introspector. its true it really serves now useful purpose. but its pretty slick at fooling us into thinking it does if we let it.
I wish you another good sober day enjoy the sunshine and fresh air and sober times etc.. everything we need in this life is freely given to us i swear!
I wish you another good sober day enjoy the sunshine and fresh air and sober times etc.. everything we need in this life is freely given to us i swear!
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
" I want sobriety so badly this time! "
"Those Brief flashes of weakness are scary, but all is well this far!"
Well done on three days! The alcohol should be just about gone from your system, the old head a bit clearer with any luck. Now what?
Do you propose to continue with not drinking as a method of recovery? Or do you feel you will need some help?
I used to be able to stop for days at a time. If you included time in the nut farm, I once managed almost three months of not drinking. In the end the best I could manage was three weeks. I would be ok for the first little bit, then life would gradually become more and more uncomfortable until the pain of staying sober outweighed the pain of drinking and back I would go. Each time getting worse.
In the end I wanted the misery to end "so badly" that I was willing to do anything to make that happen. I got help, did some work, my life changed forever and the drink problem was gone.
The positive thing I did was make use of the first little bit of time dry, while I felt quite good, to get started on my recovery, which involved a lot more than just not drinking. I had learned by this time the definition of insanity, repeatedly making the same mistake in the same way, expecting different results.
This time I did not repeat my mistakes, I did something different, and my problem was solved.
"Those Brief flashes of weakness are scary, but all is well this far!"
Well done on three days! The alcohol should be just about gone from your system, the old head a bit clearer with any luck. Now what?
Do you propose to continue with not drinking as a method of recovery? Or do you feel you will need some help?
I used to be able to stop for days at a time. If you included time in the nut farm, I once managed almost three months of not drinking. In the end the best I could manage was three weeks. I would be ok for the first little bit, then life would gradually become more and more uncomfortable until the pain of staying sober outweighed the pain of drinking and back I would go. Each time getting worse.
In the end I wanted the misery to end "so badly" that I was willing to do anything to make that happen. I got help, did some work, my life changed forever and the drink problem was gone.
The positive thing I did was make use of the first little bit of time dry, while I felt quite good, to get started on my recovery, which involved a lot more than just not drinking. I had learned by this time the definition of insanity, repeatedly making the same mistake in the same way, expecting different results.
This time I did not repeat my mistakes, I did something different, and my problem was solved.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Intro, way to go on three days!
alcohol and being angry at it...it's really just a liquid, with some properties. it didn't deceive you any more than it deceived me. i deceived me. much harder to face that, for me. i deceived me, and i did damage.
there are ways to deal with torture about your past, and you can start looking at that, no reason to live with that forever. no need.
you have lots of options if you're interested and serious about finding a way forward. SR can attest to that
keep going, Intro.
alcohol and being angry at it...it's really just a liquid, with some properties. it didn't deceive you any more than it deceived me. i deceived me. much harder to face that, for me. i deceived me, and i did damage.
there are ways to deal with torture about your past, and you can start looking at that, no reason to live with that forever. no need.
you have lots of options if you're interested and serious about finding a way forward. SR can attest to that
keep going, Intro.
Introspectator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 121
Originally Posted by Gottalife 
" I want sobriety so badly this time! " "Those Brief flashes of weakness are scary, but all is well this far!" Well done on three days! The alcohol should be just about gone from your system, the old head a bit clearer with any luck. Now what? Do you propose to continue with not drinking as a method of recovery? Or do you feel you will need some help? I used to be able to stop for days at a time. If you included time in the nut farm, I once managed almost three months of not drinking. In the end the best I could manage was three weeks. I would be ok for the first little bit, then life would gradually become more and more uncomfortable until the pain of staying sober outweighed the pain of drinking and back I would go. Each time getting worse. In the end I wanted the misery to end "so badly" that I was willing to do anything to make that happen. I got help, did some work, my life changed forever and the drink problem was gone. The positive thing I did was make use of the first little bit of time dry, while I felt quite good, to get started on my recovery, which involved a lot more than just not drinking. I had learned by this time the definition of insanity, repeatedly making the same mistake in the same way, expecting different results. This time I did not repeat my mistakes, I did something different, and my problem was solved.
Introspectator
Introspectator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 121
Originally Posted by fini
Intro, way to go on three days! alcohol and being angry at it...it's really just a liquid, with some properties. it didn't deceive you any more than it deceived me. i deceived me. much harder to face that, for me. i deceived me, and i did damage. there are ways to deal with torture about your past, and you can start looking at that, no reason to live with that forever. no need. you have lots of options if you're interested and serious about finding a way forward. SR can attest to that keep going, Intro.
keep going, Intro.Introspectator
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Great to hear Intro, congrats on day 5! Looking back I was most likely dehydrated almost all the time too when I drank, i didn't drink much water either. Amazing what your body can do when you stop poisoning it each day!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
concerned about getting bored?
if that's part of your previous experience with trying to stay sober, then this would be a good time to work on putting things in place, a new routine, so that this won't trip you up.
if that's part of your previous experience with trying to stay sober, then this would be a good time to work on putting things in place, a new routine, so that this won't trip you up.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by Introspectator
Tell me more about recovery vs just not drinking. Thanks for the post and encouragement!
Introspectator
Introspectator
I needed first of all to properly identify the problem, and that was a matter of honestly looking at my own experience. When I honestly wanted to stop, I could not stop entirely, and when I drank I had no control over the amount I drank. The trouble with trying to stop was that I appeared to have no effective defense against the first drink. Some alcoholics of my type manufacture weak excuses,, but my experience was often swearing off in the morning because of last night's disaster, then finding myself on my third drink that night before I remebered I wasn't going to drink that day. Once started, I could not stop. I sometimes went to the pub at lunchtime and often would not make it back to work. Drinking was more compelling than the risk of getting fired.
When I looked back, I was getting progressively worse. The things I did were worse, the physical symptoms were worse and at the end I was suffering hallucinations, had malnutriton and not long to live.
When I saw these facts I was able to concede to my inermost self that I was alcoholic. The delusion that I was like other people or presently may be had been smashed. For me to drink meant certain insanity or death. I had lost control.
So now I knew what the problem was. I wasn't just some hardcase drinker, going through a phase, etc, I had a progressive and terminal illness for which there is no cure other than total abstinence.
So what to do about it? In the past I had come to believe a number of things would fix me. A doctor, some pills, counselling, a new girlfriend, a new job, a new town, to name a few. Nothing worked. In the back of my mind there was AA, an organisation which had been suggested before but which I had rejected. This time I was a little more open minded and I got to talk to some recovered people. They mostly put their recovery down to a relationship with a Power greater than themselves. I liked these people, I liked what they had, (not all you understand, but many) and even though I had no faith of my own, I became willing to believe that the same power that helped them might possibly help me if I was to follow their path.
Above I have briefly covered how I identified the problem, how I came to realise the seriousness of my situation, and how I chose my path to recovery.
For me the secret was to spend some time with those recovered AA members and find out if what they were offering was at all attractive, and then decide if I was willing to do what they did to get what they got. I was going by feeling rather than intellect as I had not much of the latter left.
I got much more and much better than I ever expected.
Today I have freedom from alcohol. I don't think about drinking or not drinking, the problem has been removed. Neither am I a prisoner of the fellowship. I have been sailing South East Asia and the Pacific for the last year, not many meetings out here, and I am sailing with a rally fleet that likes a drink. I can socialise freely and comfortably, I have two wonderful children and a lot of other things have come my way in life. I can be alone at perfect peace and ease, I can face problems and low spots without the need to drink, life is generally fantastic. Most of all I found permanent recovery, which to me means rejoining the human race, getting back into the mainstream of life. In fact I can do anything and go anywhere that free men can go (except drink) I sleep well, I am happy to be who I am. Life is great
Maybe if you have the same problem and work the same solution, you will get the same results.
Introspectator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 121
Well it's day 8. I have worked 12 hour shifts all weekend and today. I have had a rough weekend at work. Everyday I have thought "I need to go home and have a drink," and I REALLY wanted to. Well, I haven't. I want to stay on track, I already really like being sober. I plan on looking for a therapist tomorrow to help me with my "triggers," stressors, things that make me crazy. Glad I'm part of this SR board. Hope you are all well and sober.
Introspectator 👍
Introspectator
Introspectator 👍
Introspectator
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Intro, when read your OP I thought you might be too emotional to last long but here you are on day 8 so I was wrong.
It's great to start with a burst of enthusiasm, or disgust or whatever motivates you, but to settle in for the long game look after yourself. Don't get too tired, hungry or wound up. Have a snack before your trigger time. Your body is likely to react to any challenge by wanting to drink, rather than say, sleep or have a snack. This doesn't last forever, probably around 6 months.
Really good idea to see a therapist.
It's great to start with a burst of enthusiasm, or disgust or whatever motivates you, but to settle in for the long game look after yourself. Don't get too tired, hungry or wound up. Have a snack before your trigger time. Your body is likely to react to any challenge by wanting to drink, rather than say, sleep or have a snack. This doesn't last forever, probably around 6 months.
Really good idea to see a therapist.
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