JayWhite

Hello All,

This is very unlike me to solicit feedback or advice on a forum - so I'm definitely stepping outside of my comfort zone.

Background:
A little about me: My Name is Jay, I am in my early to mid 20s. I currently work in a very high stress field of work and have a odd family situation that promotes a pretty stressful lifestyle. I've never been really good at managing stress, and when I was 18 I got introduced to alcohol. The drinking really didn't start ramping up until some years ago when I had a significant shift in my living situation. First it really started with getting pretty hammered on Friday and Saturday nights almost ritualistically. I set boundaries then to ensure I never drank on weeekdays. Eventually, it was OK to drink on Sundays, and Thursdays. My drink of choice has always been whiskey or other higher proof liquors (sipping).

Current state:
Today, my drink of choice is primarily scotches, mostly cask strength or the occasional bourbon. I tend to hide this addition by lining up social events or inviting a friend over who enjoys the same whiskeys as I do. Today, I feel as if I drink because it is such a routine. It's not like I'm getting S-Faced every day, but I am having at minimum 2 solid drinks of 80 to 120 proof liquor daily(4-5oz pours) and sometimes up to a whole bottle of a good whiskey a day since mid September.

My Excuse:
Maybe I'm what people call a functional drunk? I still have my job, I still perform excellently at work, my family loves me and no one really thinks I have a problem (besides the jokes from my drinking buddies) Another one: I work so much, I get stressed.. drinking relieves that stress and makes everything that I do so much better... if I don't drink everything becomes dull and boring.

The question
Does the above sound like I'm heading down the path of alcoholism? Am I kidding myself if I go back to the boundaries approach? (E.g., no drinking on weekdays and a limit on weekends?) or should I seriously contemplate a drastic lifestyle change that fills those drinking sessions with something else? I feel like it's going to take weeks or months to get over this post-drinking depression and boredom but have never had a real rationale reason to cut back or stop.

Please share your thoughts... ask questions.. i'm looking for some guidance here.

Thanks,
J

ScottFromWI

Welcome and thanks for sharing your story, you'll find a lot of good information and support here on SR.

Sounds to me like you've already tried to set boundaries but it didn't work...would you agree or disagree? Go back and re-read your post. You try despartely to justify your drinking....which is common and we've all done it at some point.

JayWhite

Thanks Scott,

I agree. I am self aware that I try to justify the drinking, I have this battle with myself almost weekly, to the point where I have a list of reasons why it's OK to drink. However, rationally and logically I know it's slowly destroying me but I don't know if I can really stop. Being the age that I am the temptations are stacked higher than I can navigate around.

I'd kill to be like I was before I started drinking like I do today. I used to be so easily engaged and entertained by so many things.. now I almost need to get a buzz going before I can enjoy the things I used to enjoy so much.

Introspectator

Well, you sound like me. I used all the same rational over the years. I'm 51 years old, started drinking when I was 16. Had periods of moderation, but the only time I have ever abstained was during a religious awakening period of about 6 years. Eventually I realized that drinking is not a sin, got back on the bottle and never looked back. In September of 2014 I found Sober Recovery, quite for one month, got bored, and started in again. Whiskey, beer everyday, even got to the point of drinking on my drive home after work. I drove intoxicated all the time. I'm 2 days sober presently, and I don't ever want to drink again.
I relate to your thought process, and used it for years. For me there is a trail of regret. I'm not one of the lucky ones who can go out to dinner on the weekend and have a drink with my dinner. I'm all or nothing.
It sounds to me like you need to put it down, at least for awhile, if not forever. I too am a high functioning alcoholic, put myself through college at age 42, highly respected Emergency RN. I don't think that failure should be our deciding factor. I, we've been lucky. Good luck on your decision.

JD

Welcome Jay. You may still have a good job and family but you're already seeing the affects alcohol is having on you. They'll only get worse. I was a "high functioning" drunk too. I wish I had realized what you are at a much earlier age. You have that opportunity. Life is so much better sober.

zjw

If your job is too stressful the issue isn't that you need a drink. If you think life is boring without booze however did you live before you started drinking?

I did a lot of the same things set boundaries one by one I broke them all till I didn't care any more about such things I had ions of reasons to drink and not many at all not too it seemed at least none put a fire under me. I still kept a job was a father and pains the bills etc.. Pretty functional but by 33 years old in my case my mental state was falling apart panic attacks and having to drink earlier and earlier in the day to calm my nerves.

It's progressive it you don't think you have a problem then why bother drinking what's the point? Just quit for 6 months or some if you don't have a problem it should be simple to put it down.

I think in my case if I didn't stop when I did I woulda lost my mind first and then everything else shortly after.

It's progressive it just keeps chipping away at you did me anyhow.

JeffreyAK

Can you make a list of why drinking is bad, instead? Sounds to me like you're well down the path many of us have been down, invoking stress (alcohol causes that stress, until you get to drink again, then of course you feel better for a while) and needing a buzz to enjoy things (again, that's the alcohol doing the driving). Maybe give it a break for a month or three and see how you look at it then?

Straightup

You sound a lot like j was few years ago. Im 28 now and two months sober. Drank every single day since I've been 21. I've learned that alcoholism is progressive. Mine got out of control and it sounds like yours is on the way. i don't know what advice to give but would recommend finding a hobby or some interest to keep your mind away from booze.

Tooshabby

I think the fact that you are so reluctant to give it up and don't know if you can give it up says it all really. I would make a plan to give up and do so, if I were you. Quit while you are young and relatively little carnage has occurred and damage to your health. SR is a great resource :-)

advbike

Haha.. *carnage*.. love that TS.

Yeah man, quit while you're ahead. Already drinking the hard stuff in your twenties.. that can only get worse. It's hard to quit when you haven't suffered serious consequences yet, but it's so much better. Wish I had quit much sooner.

jay01

Hello JayWhite, your posts' clearly indicate an entangled web with alcohol.

You've already accepted alcohol is slowing destroying you, and now you must accept and more forward with sobriety it's the only way to fix the issues you're having. You still enjoy the things you've always enjoyed, but your mind has convinced you alcohol must be had in order to enjoy. It's a vicious cycle and you have the power to break that cycle.

You can do it! We're all here ready to help

entropy1964

Hi Jay welcome.
I want to say I think it is great that so many young people (there are many here) that are questioning their drinking. That's a really good thing.

I never know how to handle these 'am I an alcoholic?' posts because I strongly feel like you already know the answer. Two whiskey drinks? No biggy....oh they are 4-5 oz....each. So that's really more like 7. Does it matter? Well probably but it's more the thinking, the obsession. The fact that booze is high jacking the pleasure centers of your brain making it hard to 'feel' without booze. That's one of the many great neurological disruptions it causes.

Get educated . Read around here. Ask questions. But if you think alcohol is turning on you now, keep drinking. It generally gets worse. And often, a lot worse.

leviathan

Alot of good advice. My only addition is that all the joy and excitement you spoke of will come back. It's not instant. But well worth a small wait.

When drinking, I often felt the need to "flood" my brain with stimuli to have a good time. Now I can and do enjoy moments of quiet and simplicity. I'm just not as bored (or boring, Ha!).

sugarbear1

Stop drinking.

If things get better, then alcohol may have been a problem.

If things (you) get worse or you find you can't stay stopped, maybe alcoholism is the problem.

There is a way out, if you want it.

bigsombrero

I can only echo what others have said. It's a fine line when giving "guidance" to these type of posts.

On one hand, I want to yell: "STOP it, man! You're like me 10 years ago, and it only got worse and I almost died!" But then again, the thought of giving up alcohol is almost unthinkable in these early moments of self-reflection, and it's natural for an active drinker to go into full protection mode and drone out that type of advice.

All I can say, honestly...is that it sounds real familiar. It sucked even contemplating being an alcoholic, and it sucked trying to imagine a life without alcohol. I was not a big enough man to admit it, and I was not a big enough man to seek help. I was too far into denial and had to be carried into a hospital more than once in order to get the picture.

I also used the "I have a good job" thing too. But if you're being honest with yourself, I'm guessing you're not exactly enjoying it or crushing it at the office. It does get better man. Give sobriety a try, willingly, before things get ugly. Stick around. And good luck.

Berrybean

Well, it sounds to me like you answered your own question.

You CAN navigate around those temptations - if you CHOOSE to. But you have got to want it, because it does take work on your part. And you would need to make changes to your life. Part of navigating the temptations would be getting yourself a sobriety plan together. People on here could guide you in that.

The good news is, you don't need to kill anyone to get back to being interested and entertained by life. If you decide to stop drinking, and work on your recovery, you would find that as the obsession to drink disappears, then your interest in life and your loved ones will increase.

gaffo

Hi Jay,

You have come to a good place if you are thinking about getting sober.

"I get up every morning and go to work" is one of my favorite denial phrases. It got me through three decades of hard drinking. You used another one that is an old family chestnut, the term "functional drunk", or "high functioning alcoholic" in polite company. I'm one generation removed from some very powerful men who kept bottles of whiskey in their desks and no one said anything about it. They drank martinis at lunch and gave children (me) glasses of beer on the weekends. The idea of not drinking never even occurred to me. I'm not blaming anyone, that's just how I was raised. I quit for a month here and there and made a few disastrous attempts at "moderation" but four years ago I finally quit for good when I was 46 and I just wish I had thought of it earlier. It was not easy but it was so worth it. Committing to never drinking again for any reason was the trick for me. Now everything in my life is easier to deal with and I'm not bored or tormented. You just have to take it on faith and believe me.

There are a couple of things that have occurred to me since I quit drinking that you should think about. One is you can't believe how much time you waste being hungover. Being drunk is time thrown down the toilet but hangovers are insidious. It's just a big psychic suck. I was able to play it off and take care of business "I get up every morning and go to work", right? But it was like tying lead weights to myself every morning. Another thing is the money. I figure I spent at least $100 a week, $5000 a year for a long time, call it twenty years for tidy $100k. That's a lot of bread, Fred, and that doesn't even count the fog that was art school and my early adulthood! I could pay off my house and car right now and have money leftover.

I can't tell you or anyone else what kind of "psychic benefits" you will get from sobriety but I bet that everyone who quits has some pride in the achievement. I know I do. I can also give my full effort and attention to everything that I want to. Just "getting up and going to work" is phoning it in, now I know what I'm truly capable of. One of my early sobriety slogans was "channel my inner badass" and I feel like I'm getting there and enjoying the ride.

Good luck, man.

MelindaFlowers

I used to laugh off the two drink a day limit set by health professionals but now that I haven't had alcohol in a long time it seems logical. Everyone I know drinks less than that!

If you're drinking more than two drinks a day then you are drinking too much. Period.

Mags1

Hi Jay and welcome to SR.

I drank to relieve stress, to celebrate, oh if the wind was blowing the wrong way, any excuse!

I didn't realise that alcohol was causing me more stress and now without it, I deal with life's problems on a different level now.

I was a functioning alcoholic, no one knew except a few family member and close friends.

I drank from 1 - 3 bottles of wine a night. When I stopped I didn't get help, then I found SR a few months later and it has been my rock. Speaking with like minded people who knew what I was going through, the support here is overwhelming all times of the day and night.

Just one thing, though. You may want to seek professional help to stop because of the amount you drink. I didn't and my anxiety levels where through the roof. I didn't realise it was because of the booze, I translated it into everything but! Your body and MIND will fight it. One thing that got me through, was that I decided I don't drink any more. Come what may, I don't drink.

It is worth it, life without that prop. So many more things you can do sober, one obvious thing, drive! I always was concerned the next morning if I was over the limit.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Jay

for the first half of my drinking career I was able to meet all my commitments...for the second half I dropped all the balls I'd been juggling and become an all day everyday drunk.

this is a progressive condition - the earlier you can jump off the merry go round, the better it will be for you

D