sammysmith

Hi guys. I am new here so please be gentle with me. My name is Sam and I have now admitted that I have a problem with alcohol. I don't know if this equates to alcoholism, but I know that my consumption is unsustainable and not healthy. It is definitely alcohol abuse. I am I've been quite a big drinker since the age of 16 and I am now 33. It started with going out and parties etc as a teenager. I went through University and probably drank too much. Now I drink regularly and I binge. What's worse is that I am a professional and have a fantastic career and don't want to jeopardise this. I'll go to the pub at lunch and have two glasses of wine and more when I get home. Most days of the week. Last Christmas I started bleeding from places you shouldn't bleed from. That cleared up, but now I can see the affect its having on my body. I get tingles and numbness and shaking, dependency really. The past week I've lost my balance and my memory is going and occasionally my speech (even if I'm sober). My mind is very foggy. That is what I mean by unsustainable. Now I'm petrified of liver chorrosis and the damage I've done to my sense of feeling and my speech and my mind. My neighbour and friend I've found out is an alcoholic and I've looked at her and had a wake up call. I've not had a drink in 3 days now and I've bought all the vitamins and thistle milk under the sun. I'm scared I won't be able to stop myself if I start again. Could I ever learn to have a "normal" relationship with alcohol, if I have a propensity to be addicted? Now there's the odd word I miss in a conversation and pain and tingling in my fingers. A little bit of feeling dizzy. But this has vastly improved since I've been sober. Some advice would be really fab, as I am very scared and unsure of myself. Some advice from someone with the same experiences as me would be great. Thanks for reading

ScottFromWI

Welcome Sammy and congrats on 3 days sober. You will find there are many here who understand what you are going through and have "been there before".

Regarding your medical concerns, you should really see a doctor. Quitting cold turkey can be dangerous, and your other health issues should be addressed.

Regarding your question about having a "healthy" relationship with alcohol again, that's the pipe dream of all alcoholics. You will need to decide if you are an Alcohilic or not, but if you are like the rest of us...total sobriety is the only solition. It's a great solution to boot..its freedom from the chains of addiction.

sammysmith

Well really I'm functioning a lot better and I intend to try and modify to see if I can. If I can't I know I'm an alcoholic and not an abuser. As regards the doctor, I'll see how I do. I'm not shaking or sweating, but I am worried about my poor old liver! I don't know whether I can bring myself to admit to the doctor just yet. This is very overwhelming :S

ScottFromWI

It is overwhelming. You've had 17 years of experience drinking though, and it sounds like your health has taken a toll from it. What evidence do you have that might suggest that you will be able to "control" your drinking again somehow?

SoberLeigh

Welcome to SR, sammysmith; glad you found us.

As for moderation, it never worked for me and I gave it many, many (too many) tries.

It seems that you are already experiencing the negative effects of alcohol. I agree that you should see your doctor to discuss your drinking and asses your health.

Very glad that you are, sammysmith.

grizzlybearblue

Wow, I can relate to so much of what you said! The shakes, memory loss, bleeding from places I definitely should not be bleeding from. It's scary! I'm only 32, and I knew I didn't have a long, healthy, or happy life in front of me if I kept drinking. I will have 8 weeks sober on Tuesday, and I have felt better in these 8 weeks than I have in years. The shakes are much better, still not completely gone, but it's a reminder to me of how badly I became dependent on alcohol and how important it is to not drink today. I've had the wishful thinking of maybe I can drink normally again one day, but I honestly know that I can't. I will never be a moderate drinker. I am a very all or nothing person. It helped me to read on here that once you become alcoholic, those pathways are formed, and even after a period of abstinence, one drink takes you right back there, and the cycle begins again. That's scary! So for me, today I will not drink.
congrats on 3 days!! Keep on keepin on : )

Dropsie

Sam,

I think your symptoms warrant a doctors visit.

You are assuming its all booze, but you know what they say about assuming.

Just saying...

Admiral

Here are some questions to ponder;

If alcoholic drinks had no alcohol in them, would you still drink them? Would you drink them in the same amount? Would you feel the need to moderate?

Replace alcohol with any other drink or food, do the patterns of use still make sense? Would you slam a six pack of coke after work? Would you drink coke frequently throughout the day? When going out with friends or coworkers, do you stress out over whether or not there will be coke? And if you will be able to get enough?

entropy1964

Welcome to SR. Read around the site....you will see that your post is textbook for a person first realizing 'uh oh, I think this isn't normal'. So your feelings about your abnormal relationship with booze are normal

That being said, the physiological problems you describe are alarming and are not the symptoms of an alcohol abuser. Bleeding is a huge warning sign. I'm not trying to frighten you but I am trying to make you think. You are young, the body is resilient. Try sobriety for at least 30 days. Post here about your progress. See how you feel. But mostly, be honest with yourself. Alcoholism lies......always.

doggonecarl

Scared to death about what drinking might have done to your liver, yet you are thinking about moderate drinking...you don't see a problem with that? That you'd choose alcohol over your health?

Hope you reconsider.

zombob

3 days is great. We have all thought that quitting for awhile would allow us to return to the "glory days" of our youth and drink occasionally, even sociably. Take it from me and the thousands that have tried..not do-able. Many yrs of repetitive drinking alters the brain chemistry much like muscle memory. If I drink tomorrow it will be a matter of days before I escalate to the level I left off at and beyond. The only stopping point is death. Research it. This condition is progressive. If you've done 3 days you can do the rest of your life. You will not regret it. Congrats BTW!

sammysmith

Best pop to the doctor and confess all, get everything checked out and then maybe- just maybe I can breathe a bit. One step at a time, but for now I am drinking zilch. I tend to drink on average a couple of large glasses per day. That has to stop. I see my neighbour plastered as she walks down the road, she has a PHD, a brilliant mind and a husband and small child. He is at breaking point with her. That's not what I want for myself. I don't want to be that person. I want my career and my health. I'll see what the doctor says. Hopefully I haven't done too much damage. I am most certainly not shaking anymore, but pins and needles in my hands isn't good. I was thinking maybe a vitamin B deficiency. That would suck, but would be better than serious alcoholic affect. For now does anyone have any mocktail recipes I can pacify myself with at nights out? Bitter lemon may become my drink of choice

jay01

Welcome sammysmith

While completely normal for drinkers to worry about liver damage, the problem is your entire body is affected by alcohol. 'Your symptoms maybe from a combination of long term use and sudden withdrawal or the on set of more long term issues. Yes, a work up by your Doctor is highly advised.

thomas11

Ridding your body of alcohol and allowing your body's physiology to return to normal will help. You should feel better with each passing day.

sammysmith

It all serves to remind us of the grim reality of our own mortality. The way I am starting to see it is why hasten it? Life is amazing! We are simply paying to poison ourselves if we drink. Slowly. Eeer reality check!! That's what it did for me. A staunch reminder that I won't be 33 forever. It's unsustainable this drinking and it destroys your life if you let it. My new mantra is "I can't end up like my neighbour". I wish there was something I could do to help her. But it's none of my business as I was warned by her husband that she wouldn't talk about it. Do you think that you'll be able to stop ultimately? I hope you can and I hope I can

grizzlybearblue

At first I did not think I would be able to ultimately stop. No way, not possible for very long I thought. I started with small goals: make it 1 week, make it 2 weeks, make it 32 days. At 62 days I've gained quite a bit of momentum, and I can say that now I can picture a happy future for myself that doesn't involve booze. Really early on, I would get so mad and depressed at the thought of never being able to drink again. So it really helped me to say it's not forever, it's just for today. And tomorrow the choice is mine to make again. It's really not that I can't drink. I can if I want to. But I've gained so much in just these 8 weeks that I don't want to give up. I really do believe I can do it. I believe you can too : ) I'm glad you're here!

waynetheking

Hey sammy stop now before it stops you. It's that simple.

bigsombrero

Hey there - good to see another "Sam" on the board (that's my name too). Welcome!

Yeah, it's tough to see a problem when you are used to looking through those alcohol-clouded glasses. I had a great career, etc, as well. My alcoholism told me that "this is just a bump in the road, we can get back on track!" - unfortunately I believed it, and drank for 2 years more. I quit at 36 instead of 34, and I wish I'd have had the foresight to do so.

As others have mentioned, this stuff usually doesn't get better. You don't see many people at bars who say "I used to be an alcoholic!" as they down pints and shots. Alcohol abuse creeps into your daily life, drinking at home alone gets progressively worse, and so on. As you seem to have found out, the human body can only take so much.

Admitting you might have a problem is a hard thing. So is getting sober. So is deciding to live alcohol-free. And so is the process of making that happen. It's a pain in the rear for sure. But man, it's so nice to be on the other side and free from the booze. No more worries about my liver, no more planning my weekends around drinking, no more wondering if I have enough alcohol in the house to last the day, no more regretful incidents.

You can get there, but don't try and figure it out all at once. The best thing you can do is just stay sober today. Then tomorrow, do the same. Above all else, just make it through this day. Seeking help is also a good step, coming here shows you've got good instincts. I ended up in rehab myself, but you don't have to do rehab or AA. There are tons of options. Just don't rule anything out, stay open minded about sobriety, and get all booze out of your house if you haven't already. You can do it man! Looking forward to hearing more from you, good luck!

fantail

Your situation sounds similar to mine... not everyone gets hit hard physically, especially while young, but I did as well. Everything you described could be from alcohol damage (or could not be, I'm not disagreeing with the advice to get checked out! just saying that I experienced many of those same symptoms).

I got sober when I was 29; relapsed a few months after turning 30; spent the next year and a half relapsing and quitting, with each time getting worse physically. Spent my 32nd birthday in rehab and now I'm four months sober again.

What I've learned in the last 3 years is that the physical side of my addiction is very, frighteningly, real. I thought that after 9 months sober, I'd broken my emotional addiction, so I'd be ok. But within a couple of months I was physically dependent again, and worse than I'd ever been. That is a process that I can't control. There was something very stark about that experience, because after having been sober I couldn't delude myself anymore that I was drinking because I wanted to. I was fully aware that I was in no control whatsoever.

I say this just to encourage you to give this quit a real chance... promise yourself a year, six months, something substantial. And then if you decide to moderate, keep in mind that if you developed these physical symptoms once, you're likely to have a physical response that has a life of its own. I don't regret my choices... now I really, truly understand what I'm dealing with. But if I hadn't had the support of my family, I don't know if I would have made it back out again. So in case that does happen to you (which I very much hope it doesn't, but it's best to prepare either way), you'll be better off if you gave yourself a chance to experience a good stretch of sobriety.

grizzlybearblue

In my above post, I should have said at 54 days sober and not 62. Apparently I'm still slow with math : (