MelindaFlowers

Hey Sammy,

I'm 33 also. I always feel a comradery with people who are the same age. I started drinking at 19 but did not drink alcoholically until probably 24 and then drank nightly very heavily every night of the week until I was 32. During my drinking I graduated college, I earned a masters degree, and I began my career. And on 98% of those days I had a splitting headache as I did homework, walked to class, and worked at the career. Sometimes I think that I achieved quite a bit and held it altogether so I could protect my drinking. Have a no-show at work? Yeah right. That would mean I had to stop. So that was my life. From looking at me from the outside you think I really had it all together. I never even called in sick to work.

I never had a drink before 5 PM but once 5 PM came I would begin drinking and I would not stop until I passed out or went to sleep. From 21 to 25 I drink socially at bars and had a lot of fun. But then after 25 I figured it was much cheaper to drink at home and none of my friends drank nearly as much as me so I always thought it looked weird to have 10 drinks in four hours while they each had two or three.

So that was my life - work during the day, drink every evening. I even drank if I had a cold or felt sick. The headaches from the morning through the workday started blending into the evening where I actually had a headache all day until I would take my first drink so at this point I was kind of affected by alcohol 24 hours a day. Or every waking moment at least. I was either hungover or drunk. Hungover or drunk. I think the only way I was able to turn it around quickly and go to work every day was because I was young.

However, that kind of lifestyle can only go on so long. Around 28 or 29 my hands started shaking in the mornings when I would put in my contact lenses and I truly started feeling like hell all the time. I also didn't enjoy drinking anymore although I was drinking more than ever. At best I would capture maybe one hour of a really nice relaxing buzz but come to think of it it was really more just to get rid of the headache I had had all day.

I never had blood coming out of the places that you did but I did end up with organ damage at 31. Sadly and psychotically, I chose to drink another year. Why? A lot of it was denial and some of it was depersonalization where I couldn't actually grasp or accept that I was damaging my body and I thought that I would stop very soon and still be able to turn everything around . That's what I realized it was truly an addict - I had a doctor telling me that I was seriously damaging my body and I still drank. I still have the pile of papers he handed me that day, hidden away.

Well I guess if you take two things away from my story it's that you can do very serious damage to your body at our age. secondly, you can reverse a lot of the negative stuff when you abstain 100% from alcohol. I stopped drinking at 32. My blood pressure was extremely high and I had pains all over my abdomen. My hands shook daily. Combined with how I felt during hangovers and the doctors diagnosis I have no doubt that I would be dead right now if I did not stop drinking when I did.

I have been sober for 17 months and my life has turned around completely. What's funny though is some people would consider me a "high bottom" alcoholic because I've never had a DUI, I have never been arrested, I've never been to rehab, and I've never been hospitalized. But wouldn't you know I went and damaged my body.

I am in the same career because I never let my drinking affect that. Still hard to believe because I was very hungover every day. I can tell you though that work it's about 50% easier .

Anyways, sorry to blabber on I just want to get the message out that we're not too young to seriously damage our bodies and now is the time to get sober.

Be completely honest with your doctor.

sammysmith

Thanks for sharing your journey. I bet others have learned from your wise words and experience. Like you I have a masters and I am completely not showing the signs of addiction. Maybe the signs of health problems and that is where I, like you, draw the line. Work patterns and hours mean that I spend most of my time out of the house, commuting or working But I have a rare day off a week today, during the week. So will be able to actually go and see a doctor. Huzzah! Of course keeping it sober and trying to detox as much as possible. Milk thistle, vitamin B complex, amino acids and a super concentration of multi vitamins are now my new friends.

A few problems I could use some advice with:

I am not the type of person to attend AA meetings, as I don't believe they are for me and to be honest I don't believe in a "higher power". I am an ardent atheist and I believe in rationale, materialism and science. That's all there is. I don't believe in spirituality. We are all different and that is just me, so I wouldn't buy AA. Does anyone know if there is another support group that can help that isn't AA? I work around 50 hours a week, in shifts, so regular attendance will be a problem. Damn modern work patterns

One thing I have heard is that if you do go to the doctor and say you've got an alcohol addiction, is that it's really difficult to be able to get medical insurance. Even, I'm looking into getting that in place right now. Maybe I wait? Damn alcohol and all its misery

Someone on here suggested that I get all the booze out of my house. There may be a sliiiiiight problem with that. My partner is a home brewer. That's his hobby and I don't think he would be willing to give it up. We also live in a tiny apartment so no outside space, he stores it in an ottoman. Fortunately though, it's just about the worst tasting alcohol ever so I am not tempted. Do you people think I should ask him to stop? I don't think it would go down well, it's a major hobby of his :S

Anyway. The morning of day 4 has begun. This morning I am tired and have a head ache, that will wear off. Plus side is I feel more "alert" mentally.

Thanks for all the help and sharing of experience so far. This is really, really reassuring. Hope I can find a group soon like AA (but not AA)...

ScottFromWI

AA is but one recovery method, there are many. This link is a great overview of many of them.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

Reading through this recent message, you have many, many examples of things that WON'T work for you or that you CAN'T do. While not every recovery method is for everyone, sobriety is all about making changes in your life - sometimes quite radical changes. For example, living with a homebrewer is not going to be very conducive to sobriety. It's not impossible by any means, but an added challenge. Regarding seeing a doctor, you'll have to weigh that decision over. Do you value your health more than you value a potential insurance issue down the road? Conversations between you and your doctor are confidential.

bigsombrero

I hear ya. I am a militant atheist, or at least extremely anti-religion of any kind. I didn't like the idea of going to AA either, but it's just like going to church. It won't kill you. They don't drone on about God, in most places. I don't go anymore, but going to AA in the early goings was better than nothing, in my experience. Until you find a better solution, it's available. You'll feel a thread of "real commitment" also which might come in handy. Oh, there's also a group called "Quad-A" (alcoholics anonymous for atheists and agnostics). Check it out.

That person was me. How important is this hobby to him? Maybe he can make something else. Anything else. If his hobby must be alcohol instead of an herb garden, or painting, or running, or biking, or woodworking, or traveling, or photography...well that's his business. I think giving yourself the best chance to get sober involves a living environment sans booze, but that's just me. Do what works for you. Good luck man!

fantail

I'm maybe a Buddhist, maybe atheist, depending on the day, so I was hesitant about AA. There are some alternative groups... Life Ring and Smart Recovery have meetings in some large cities. I wasn't able to find one that I like though... there are far fewer of them so less variety. I ended up finding it fairly easy to find AA meetings that aren't religious at all, except for the serenity prayer at the end and some people mentioning their own beliefs while sharing. I don't think AA is necessary to quit -- the first time I just went to yoga all the time, and that helped me very much -- but having tried it both ways, I really value it now. It's just nice to know other people who understand what it's like. There are things about drinking I'll never tell anyone who hasn't also struggled, and it's a good feeling to say those things out loud for once.

As for alcohol in the house, I live with roommates, so I can't avoid it either. It's fine though. Right now there's a fully stocked liquor cabinet about four feet away from me. I know some people can't have it around, but everyone's different. For me sobriety is an internal thing and when I'm doing what I need to be, the presence of alcohol isn't a problem.

MelindaFlowers

Are you in the US? I think the affordable health care act made it so this stuff does not matter anymore. They don't ask if you've been an alcoholic. They only ask if you use tobacco. You still are not denied, they just charge you a little more.

About the vitamins and supplements:

I still take all of the above and I think they have helped me heal. But 98% of the health benefits came from simply not drinking any alcohol and eating a balanced diet. Don't do what I did for a few years and invest in a lot of supplements and vitamins so I could continue to drink and think I wasn't doing as much damage. My old shopping list had B vitamins, fish oil, milk thistle, vodka, and mixer.

As for not having the time though, if you work around 50 hours a week, how have you fit in any drinking? You made the time. We make time for what is important to us.

My partner still drinks and even drinks around me. I found that once I did not want to drink anymore and was completely content with not drinking, it did not matter one bit. There is a liquor store within a few hundred feet of my front door which I have not been to since I stopped.

If you want to drink, you will find alcohol to drink. If you don't want to drink, you won't.

Soberwolf

How are you bud