joeyd

Before I stopped drinking, i typically drank between 6-10 beers almost every night of the week for probably 10 years. I tried to slow down, but was never able to. The guilt and shame of my drinking finally drove me to an AA meeting. During the first 12 months I was amazed and thrilled that I found the support that allowed me to quit drinking. Since that time I have been successfully treated for depression, and diagnosed with Adult ADD, and am selling a business that I have owned for 6 years that I absolutely hated. During the time in which I owned my business, i felt overly stressed, incompetant, and felt like the world was soon to figure out that I was a huge failure and a dummy, a constant black cloud was with me, and I knew that I was probably depressed but did not want to take any medication for it because of my alcohol consumption. A lot of my problems with work were due to my ADD and I had no idea that I could have something like that. I was pushed to go see a Psychiatrist, who referred me to a Psychologist who tested me and diagnosed the ADD and indicated that I had an IQ in the top 93%, which was amazing to me, as i figured i would be in the bottom 20%. Now that I am on my way out of my business and I look back, I am thinking that I was drinking, I was doing so to forget my problems. I know my drinking was alcoholic drinking but does that mean I am an alcoholic? I never got into trouble, anyone that I told that I quit and that I was an alcoholic was surprised that I felt i had a problem, i have had noone tell me that they were worried about my drinking, I never missed work, never drank during the day, or did things that i regretted except drink... I am still active in AA, I go about once a week, I have a sponsor who I have a great deal of respect for, I have worked the steps upto step 5...For the past 6 months after my AA meetings i walk out of the meeting thinking, "god I don't belong here", i don't feel like i identify with the people and their stories, i have gone to meetings at different places to see if i could find a group in which i did identify with, no success. My brother who is an alcoholic was the first person i told that i planned to quit and go to an AA meeting. He suggested that I may not be an Alcoholic and maybe just had a bad habit. My wife has told me since I quit drinking, the biggest thing she disliked about my drinking was my smelliness in the morning. I don't feel comfortable bringing up my doubts to those in my aa meetings because I know they will tell me it is just the disease talking to me.... PLease comment on whether you think I may have jumped the gun on calling myself an Alcoholic, I do crave alcohol now, wine more than beer,...anyway i would appreciate any comments. Also, I am wondering if my depression and add were responsible for my drinking? After addressing these issues is when I really started to feel disconnected with the AA program and when I began doubting my self admitted alcoholism. Thank you. SOrry about the terribly long post. Hopefully this is an appropriate place to post my questions. Thanks for reading.

Music

Hey joeyd,
Congratulations!! Maybe you're one of the few who's figured it all out seeing as you've got an IQ in the top 93%. Maybe you aren't a typical drunk like so many of the rest of us. One sure way to find out though is to go back out and try drinking again. I'm sure you'll get the answer you're looking for. Maybe you'll even do some of those "yets" so you'll be better able to identify with the rest of us.

Good luck.

bikewench

hmmm...;o)


I'm a high functioning addict... but an addict none the less.
And the high functioning ability was strictly a result of my workaholism... and my perfectionism that is a huge part of my disease of bulimia.


My denial around the things I don't want to give up is huge... and I can be a brick wall around wayyyy to many of my beliefs....


And sure... some things in life will trigger me to use... but untill I accept in my heart and soul that I need certain things to help me cope with certain situations in my life... I will be doomed to repeat the same process over and over... cause life just isn't smooth... ya know?

labyrinth

i typically drank between 6-10 beers almost every night of the week for probably 10 years. I tried to slow down, BUT WAS NEVER ABLE TO.

I think that should answer your question.



reagards

lab

Patsyd1

Hi Joeyd,

MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM
Page 31 and 32 in The Big Book

Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics
are not going to believe they are in that class. By every
form of self-deception and experimentation, they will
try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore
nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to
control his drinking can do the right-about-face and drink
like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows,
we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like
other people!
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking
beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking
alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only
at home, never having it in the house, never drinking
during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching
from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines,
agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip,
not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without
a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading
inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums,
accepting voluntary commitment to asylums -- we
could increase the list ad infinitum.
We do not like to pronounce any individual as
alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself.
Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking.
Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.

TimOFromChicago

Hi Joey,
Being on the fence is no fun... The question I had to ask myself when I sobered up(and was asked of me) was if I really wanted to stop drinking. In my case it was yes. After the first year and a half I had the same feelings you're having. So I asked myself again if I wanted to stay stopped. After all of the waffling back and forth the answer was yes. In looking back on my drinking, it didn't really enhance anything in my life and I don't view it as something that I am missing out on.
Don't really have any great words of wisdom or advice other than to say that I can feel for you having gone through it myself!
Hang in there...
Tim

Hadenuff

Joey,

congratulation on the progress youve made.

In many ways I feel the same way about my experience with AA and views of my drinking problem and mental illness.

I don't know if you are an alcoholic or not. I believe I am.

the big difference is I don't crave alcohol anymore or drugs either.

And I was a very sick man until I got sick and tired or being sick and tired. I've been sober for 20 months.

I found myself sitting in AA meetings feeling sorry for the people there. I just realized it was not for me at this point.

when I expressed this to people they said the same things.

You think you are better than everyone else, ( terminally unique )
your cocky
its your disease talking
stop going to meetings and you'll end up drinking
you have not been sober long enough to know anything

I am not active in AA today and I'm doing great. I do what works for me now and my life has never been better. If someone wants to tell me I'm not sober, just dry, whatever. If they want to take my inventory I don"t care.

If they want to say I wasn"t a real alcoholic, they can say whatever the want. It's me ( and my family and people who know me ) who know the of the insanity drinking and drugging caused. Maybe it was all a symptom of me self medicating deal with being bi polar. Dosn't matter to me though.

I was very involved with AA the first year.

daily meetings
made coffee and cleaned up all over the place
gave rides to members without cars
had a sponsor--worked the steps
prayed
etc...

I still have faith in my Higher Power
I meditate
exercise!!!!!!!
do things for other without them knowing about it.
I still apply the steps in my life
still talk to my sponsor...he's become a good friend
still stay in touch with people who still actively do AA, they still want to stay in touch with me even though I share a dirrent viewpoint.
I take my medication
etc...

so If someone says I gotta give it away to keep it...

I don't "gotta" do anything except not drink

I give credit to AA. I wouldn't have gotten to where I am today without the help of the program and fellowship, it's just not for me at this point

+++++ For the people AA works for God bless them. It"s saved so many peoples lives. +++++++

So this is my experience I am relateing to you. I'm not telling you or anyone else how to live their lives or work a program of recovery. what I've expressed is working for me and like I said

I'm the one who has to look in the mirror each night and have to live the person looking back at me

by the way I'm coming up on a year of being nicotine free after a 20 year habit.

H

Sandy Marie

Hey Joey,
You've got me totally confused. Why do you care so much about the term alcoholic? It's only a word. You've done something incredible...like you quit drinking the stuff for a long period. Congratulations for creating a positive environment for yourself. Keep up the good work.
Sandy

NoMoBeer

Here is my "criteria" for me:

From Alcoholics Anonymous, We Agnostics:
"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot
quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control
over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic."

And not that labels mean anything, but I like the following paraphrase:

"I'd rather go through life sober, believing I'm an alcoholic; rather than drunk, or even a little drunk, denying I'm one..." --Black Wally, Phoenix AZ

Hope you figure it out...

Don S

Very interesting post, Hadenuff!
Hi, Joey,
I agree with Sandy. 'Alcoholic' is just a word, with many definitions. The behavior and its consequences are what most of us were concerned about when we chose abstinence.

Moderation Management has guidelines for the maximum drinking that they consider healthy.

From their website (http://www.moderation.org/):
Strictly obey local laws regarding drinking and driving.
* Do not drink in situations that would endanger yourself or others.
* Do not drink every day. MM suggests that you abstain from drinking alcohol at least 3 or 4 days per week.
* Women who drink more than 3 drinks on any day, and more than 9 drinks per week, may be drinking at harmful levels.
(See Note 2 below for definition of a "standard" drink)
* Men who drink more than 4 drinks on any day, and more than 14 drinks per week, may be drinking at harmful levels.

What benefits do you think returning to drinking at any level would provide you with? Is there some other way to achieve those benefits?

Don S

dave65

hang on in there joey, i don't really consider my self as a alcoholic i used to drink a similar amount to you only on a night time, but over the years i've lost count of the times i've decided to quit only to convice my self after a few weeks that i can handle just the odd drink and before i know it i'm right back were i started, today is my 9th day off the drink and i'm feeling ok but i'm dreading getting the old "i can handle it" feelings back which i'm sure i will and i'm sure i can't handle it, 18 months sober is exellent, congatulations.

Suomi Poika

JoeyD,

I certainly agree with most of the posts just above this one. You, and Dave65, and I all sound similar.

I didn't do AA -- although I tried. Then I learned I wasn't an alcoholic. Hooray! Instead, I learned I was just an "alcohol abuser."

But, I learned a heck of a lot more about myself too.

In over 30 years I'd never missed a day's work from a hangover. I started quitting a number of years ago. But even then, I figure I still put away over 350 gallons of beer (or wine) a year after 6:00 pm.

Out of pure stupidity, I still try to have have "just one" now and then. Sometimes it works. Most of the time it doesn't. One usually means three, or four, or more. After a couple of days, or weeks of this foolishness, I come back to my senses. Then I'm good for another six to 12 months.

That is why I am here in SR. I took a solo fishing week back "home" to your part of the world about a month ago. On the way back to the cabin from my first evening of fishing, I stopped and got myself a "reward" to have after I cleaned the fish. That led to about 15 or 20 more beers and a bottle of wine over the next couple of days.

Then I woke up. Literally. Each time, I quit with more resolve.

But, it reinforced that I am not an alcoholic! I am just another one of those drunks who has trouble stopping once I start.

From personal and painful experience, I don't think you, like me, can just have one. Maybe you can for a couple of times. But then you'll be right back to where you started 18 months ago.

For the AA'ers out there please don't take offense. I know it works great for many. But, I too could not do AA, although I tried. It was like the fourth day of deer camp over and over. Stories I didn't want to hear anymore, and I absolutely couldn't take the smokers.

But, I learned that Minnesota has some other good programs. The good programs are hard to find. They aren't on the Internet. They aren't in the phone book. In Minnesota, a good place to start is with a call to Lutheran Social Services. In St. Paul, I think there is still one on Como Ave. It's free. They are mostly funded by the state and federal government to help with social issues. They are there to help everyone. You don't have to be Lutheran. They should be able to direct you to some programs either at U of M, or at one of the hospitals in the Cities. If that doesn't work, try a call to the good people at Miller-Dwan in Duluth. They have an excellent program, and maybe they can direct you to one in the Cities.

If you should get into one of these programs, you might just find out like I did, that I was not technically an alcoholic. But, you will probably learn a tremendous amount about yourself and your habits. You will also probably find that you really can't drink anymore without jeopardizing your life.

A fellow uffda brother,

Toivo

wantpom

I wish I could say this (that I'm not really an alcoholic). For many years I was a "functional alcoholic" in denial. I was successful and had a life most could only dream of. Then, steadily the drinking, stress and depression got the best of me. I and my business went downhill. I drank to medicate the pain; but that only made matters worse. At this point, I've lost so much that it it hard to put in words. I am an alcoholic and I realize, at this point, that it is sink or swim. If I continue to drink, things will only worsen.

At the same time, I realize that everybody is different. Perhaps you are fortunate and that you're drinking will not have the devasting effects that it has on many of us. Only you can be the judge of that. However, what I do know is that at one time I felt like you. I thought that "alcoholism" is something that "other people" or the "weak" have to deal with. Now, I find myself at AA meeting 7-10 times per week; still trying to lick the problem. And, I'm miserable. It's hard to not look back...

Only you can judge and decide for yourself. I hope you are one of the fortunate ones. I thought I was, for a long time, as well. But, that may just be me....

CarolD

Good for you! I think of meetings as classrooms for sobriety. The more I attended the quicker I learned how to enjoy my new sober way of life.

Keep in touch

Don S

Welcome to SR, wantpom, and thanks for posting. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling miserable. Getting sober doesn't make us happy in itself, but it sure makes it easier to recognize the things in life that give us pleasure. So...what is making you miserable? Maybe we can talk about it.
Don S

historyteach

Suomi;
"I am not an alcoholic! I am just another one of those drunks who has trouble stopping once I start. "

I'm sorry. Could you explain what the difference is?
My understanding is that if alcohol causes a problem, then it IS a problem. If you have trouble stopping, then isn't that a problem?
I'm trying to understand, not challange, ok?
Shalom!

progress

Hi JoeyD! In my humble opinion, deciding whether the "A-word" applies to you is just a matter of semantics. I've just stopped asking myself that question and have instead accepted the very true statement, "I have a problem with alcohol." Do you still agree with that? Only you can answer. If AA isn't the place for you, maybe there are other programs or maybe there are none (i.e., that you can do it on your own).

I certainly can agree with your difficulty in identifying with people at meetings and their stories. I went to my first AA meeting in nine years about two months ago, and the speakers that day told of repeated hospitalizations in psych wards, jail, stuff that I cannot relate to.

But do I have a problem with alcohol? No doubt.

Did I help at all?...

doorknob

Welcome Wantpom! I'm "somewhere" in WA too. Not sure you guys will get answers from JoeyD and Suomi. Those posts date back to September of last year. I was wondering the same of Suomi and hopefully JoeyD is still stayin' sober.

Doorknob

michaelj

Joey,

I have much less sober time than you. I have had my doubts about whether I was a "real" alcoholic or did I just help out when the "real" alcoholics were busy.
Well the bottom line is that I could not control my drinking. There is an old Irish saying...one is enough, two is too many, three is not half enough. Three was never enough for me, once I was drinking I would drink myself into insensibilty.
The act of hiding drink around the house, cravings at 9 am, self-loathing just about every morning, none of this stopped me trying to rationalise my behaviour into "heavy drinking" and not facing up to alcoholism.
Once I had admitted my addiction I decided to reinforce my sobriety by gooing to AA. My doubts only surfaced at and after the AA meetings. I was always a functioning alcoholic and the stories I heard there would put the worm of doubt into my mind. I would think "I'm not like these people". They had been to prison, had been down and out, had lost their driving licenses, had liver disease and red blotchy faces. I didn't see myself as any part of this group.
I found that I was better off away from the meetings. In any case I have issues with the notion of higher power and the assertion that I was powerless.
Once away I could sit and be honest about me without trying to measure my problems against other people's. The problem of course is that no matter how much and how often you drink there is always someone out there who can drink more.
I have an addiction to alcohol. I can not stop drinking. I have chosen not to drink again because that is the only way I know to give my life any meaning. When I drank my life was absolutely centred on alcohol, my life now is immeasurably more fulfilling and has far more to offer me than a bottle ever could.
Good luck with your decision. Shame, illness, prison, emrgency room treatment, family breakdowns are all out there waiting for you if you decide to go back on the sauce. While we are here debating, alcohol is out there doing press-ups.
Michael

LucyUK

Joey,

I haven't had time to read the replies yet, sorry. Just wanted to say there are a lot of similarities between your story and mine... I drank too heavily (evenings only though) and, with the help of AA I got sober, for 5 months. During that time I got a diagnosis of PMDD (which is cyclical depression affecting women) and my doctor even said it's likely that was why I was drinking so heavily. So, I decided I was not in fact an alcoholic and stopped going to AA, and resumed 'social' drinking. I too had felt disconnected from the AA program and suddenly couldn't relate to anyone and couldn't sit through meetings. So I left (very politely, just saying I didn't think it was for me but if I was wrong, I'd be back). After 3 months I was in a desperate way, worse than when I'd first gone to AA because of the knowledge I'd gained about myself and unable to even enjoy the drinking, which was no longer sociable.

I'm an alcoholic and have been back to AA for one month and life is slowly getting better.

All I can say is, try it if you need to, it has certainly given me a greater understanding of my illness and for that, I can't regret it.

Keep us updated on what you decide to do.