Andante

I thought this was an interesting question that deserved its own thread -- thanks, Fly N Buy, for the inspiration. There are always one or two "moderation" threads running on SR at any given time, but what does the term actually mean to you?

For me, moderation is a state of mind, not a state of consumption. "Moderation" to me means automatically stopping at one or two drinks because it wouldn't occur to me to drink any more. It doesn't mean trying in vain to limit the amount I drank as an alcoholic.

When I was drinking alcoholically and trying to "moderate" the amount I drank through many of the desperate methods described in other threads, it was more about "addiction management" than "moderation" as in not drinking to excess.

Drinkers who are able to practice "moderation" aren't addicted. Part of the definition of being addicted to anything is the loss of ability to moderate one's consumption or participation.

Those are my rather incomplete thoughts, anyway. Perhaps others will weigh in?

Fly N Buy

Andante,
Congrats on almost 32 months of sobriety - well done!

That thought just came over me as we get inundated with questions about moderation - it was sort of sarcastic. Those thread seem to end or start with the word just curious. Reminds me of the time I discovered Sambuca and nearly died from drink a quart of it one NYE.......just curious.

For me as an alcoholic I am grateful and recognize that vain(perfect word) attempts at moderation are indeed the manifestation of insidious insanity. However, on the rare occasions I attempted any sort of moderating it meant limiting how much alcohol I consumed in any given period of time.

If I were out with my wife, I might attempt to moderate at the party or dinner for safety reasons. I'd be miserable, mostly - rush through the night and run home to finish off the drinking job.

Thanks for starting the thread, I'm sure you'll get some interesting responses that others may learn from!!

Glad your part of SR - love your avatar!

Chris44

Hmmm... I moderated my drinking, but I'm addicted. The time of day from start to stop, the pacing, the total amount (+ or -1 drink), was the same. I consider myself an addict, that's what I know. I think I do. It's all so confusing at the moment. This I know for sure: 84 days in and I want it all back. I at least knew how to handle my life/time then, even with the trouble it caused. What a struggle.

Fly N Buy

Glad you posted Chris!
I too became comfortable in my shackles - the predictable bondage of alcohol for alcoholics in active alcoholism!

84 days is amazing!! Well done!
As my friend here says - keep pushing thru - you can do this and will come out the other side without the handcuffs on. One day soon you'll see it was sooo very worth the effort.

Keep posting!

Chris44

Thanks for the kind words! I sure hope so. It wasn't like my drinking was a massive amount, but it was very routine. A huge part of my life, though. I'm a rookie talking about it all, my first post. I just knew I had to today because I was about ready to drink now/today because, well, I don't feel like myself. And I'm a night drinker. Very scary this all is. And I'm sorta on my own trying to deal with it all. I guess this is a good place to start... Thanks again

JeffreyAK

That's pretty much what it means to me, too. The majority of people worldwide do not drink alcohol, and the vast majority of people who do drink, drink very occasionally and stop at like one or two. I was one of those light/moderate drinkers once upon a time, but to me that's very different from following (or trying and failing to follow) some pre-set schedule and feeling like you have to deny yourself something you want. That never worked for long for me, once I had cross the line into addiction, but some people do manage. It's soooo much easier to just stop entirely.

EndGameNYC

[mod-uh-rey-shuh n]; 1. the thing that cannot be.

By definition, if you're contemplating moderation, then you are destined to fail.

ScottFromWI

To me anything "In moderation" implies some form of control. I think even "regular drinkers" probably make a decision somewhere in their mind that having a 3rd or 4th beer is not a good idea so they choose not to in most situations. That switch is broken in me....i will drink until I fall asleep or pass out once I start.

thomas11

I define moderation as drinking until I pass out and wake up sick. And that's when I knew I had a problem.

Mountainmanbob

My wife drinks with moderation.
She usually pours (one) glass of wine after work.
And when doing the dishes the next morning I pour 1/2 of that same glass down the drain.

Still don't understand it ?
Probably because I'm alcoholic ?

MM

BixBees505

So glad you are here, Chris. I ready to ditch it at something like day 8and drink...and posting here on SR saved my rear end. The response, the ideas, the understanding and encouragement. I made it past that day and past several tough spots since.

BixBees505

Anybody wanting support of sober (NOT moderating) friends for the weekend could come hang with the "I can see clearly now weekenders Nov 13" thread. Has meant a lot to me to have that thread as a kind of constant here on SR.

entropy1964

Hi Andante
Congrats on 32 months....awesome achievement!

Experiencially (is that a word?)I don't think I ever understood moderation. Raised in an alcoholic/dysfunctional fam where extremes were normal, I watched my parents and their friends get wasted regularly. Watched Dad do it nightly. Moderation? Why would you? Many of my friends parents drank heavily. It wasn't until high school, new bestie, parents weren't drinking at dinner. I actually asked why. I had no idea. My mom told me I would become an alcoholic when I was 8 yrs old cause I was just like my dad. So, 'it is my destiny'....said in Darth Vader voice. I 'controlled' my drinking for years. But I knew when I was in college that I drank 'differently' and that it really altered my personality...probably because I was able to drink so darn much and still stand.
I agree, intellectually, with a lot of what is said here. If one has to 'think' about moderation regularly, they're probably in trouble. The epitome of 'normal' to me is someone who will drink a beer or a glass of wine, with food, stop when done eating, even if there's some left and think nothing of it. Partying is 2-3 drinks and rarely done. And I also agree that many do come to a cross roads, maybe right after college, where they decide time to grow up, I'm going to drink less....and they do. But have I ever actually 'felt' normal or moderate, nope. I would control successfully but always with effort.

sg1970

I love the following quote from the big book. " The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker". Normies don't give a second thought to never having a drink again in their life much less an obsession.

stargazer016

It continues to amaze me how little "normal" people think about alcohol. Every waking moment of my life towards the end was about drinking. When could I start, how much could I drink, what's in the house to drink?

I may not have had any ideas about what to eat for dinner that night, but I certainly knew exactly what my drinking plans were going to be.

Fly N Buy

Good Stuff BixBees!!

Dee74

Congrats on 32 months Andante

I don't think about it anymore - it's not something I can do.

D

Frank14

My father in law drinks 2 glasses of red wine every night. He never drinks more than this. He never gets drunk, so my feelings are that he's able to moderate his drinking and he doesn't have a drinking problem.

However, I do believe he has an addiction to alcohol, which is a very different question. He was forced to quit one time due to some surgeries, and believe me, he's mentally and physically addicted. However, I would never classify him as an alcoholic.

It's all too confusing to me. I will never drink again. That makes it pretty black and white for me.

Soberwolf

Congrats on 32 months Adante I know I can't moderate & the idea of moderation is BS to me even if someone waved a magic wand & said cured you can drink normal now I wouldn't

Litrelly think about it what does alcohol offer that we can't offer ourselves in sobriety

Adding alcohol is like spray painting over a piece of art

gaffo

The longer I stay sober the less I have any clue about moderation!