For alcoholics that failed at "moderation"
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Northumberland, England
Posts: 113
After 5 and a half months I tried moderation for the last 4 weekends. I was pretty controlled, managing to contain my drinking to 2 days at the weekend. One night I even managed to keep it down to 3 pints of lager. The other 7 nights ended in black out.
The issues of anxiety and depression had levelled and I was feeling 'normal' but bored and just wanted that buzz again. Very quickly back to the anxiety, depression, losing days, lethargy and self loathing.
Day 2 for me. The 8 days of drinking were **** and the days around them recovering were **** and when I drink I have a **** life. I am determined that this will have been my last slip but I just need to work harder to not allow the AV get a hold.
I wish you well holds and thanks for your honesty.
The issues of anxiety and depression had levelled and I was feeling 'normal' but bored and just wanted that buzz again. Very quickly back to the anxiety, depression, losing days, lethargy and self loathing.
Day 2 for me. The 8 days of drinking were **** and the days around them recovering were **** and when I drink I have a **** life. I am determined that this will have been my last slip but I just need to work harder to not allow the AV get a hold.
I wish you well holds and thanks for your honesty.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 464
I sat around pondering this again, sorting out the what ifs in my brain and then actually planning it ahead of time.
I played with the idea of drinking for a good 2 hours and thinking about moderation. I started going over how it was before my sobriety "playing the tape" as they say. It was then that I began to remember things.
I once tried to moderate sometime back by switching to a locally made microbrew and make my drinking more "elegant". I remember how it tasted and how eventually my brain wanted more and more. I remember the anxiety from not getting more. My mouth began to even taste it again at the memory of this and its then that I realized that this might not work out as I expect it.
I think the fact that I crave the desire to drink it more than anything is what is keeping me from saying YES to the drink. I refuse to say YES to a simple craving because I can't get over my ego or something.
I played with the idea of drinking for a good 2 hours and thinking about moderation. I started going over how it was before my sobriety "playing the tape" as they say. It was then that I began to remember things.
I once tried to moderate sometime back by switching to a locally made microbrew and make my drinking more "elegant". I remember how it tasted and how eventually my brain wanted more and more. I remember the anxiety from not getting more. My mouth began to even taste it again at the memory of this and its then that I realized that this might not work out as I expect it.
I think the fact that I crave the desire to drink it more than anything is what is keeping me from saying YES to the drink. I refuse to say YES to a simple craving because I can't get over my ego or something.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Margate, UK
Posts: 549
Hey Holds,
You've got quite a few fairly blunt responses here. That doesn't mean we don't understand how it feels, because we ALL know that feeling.
It's like doggonecarl says; The only thing you need to do is not act on what the AV says. That's how you shut it up. It fades with time and becomes less frequent. It will still pop up sometimes, always unexpected and sometimes strong. But you get on with your sober life. Like when you spoke with your wife and then decided to go to bed. You won that round. Keep doing it
You've got quite a few fairly blunt responses here. That doesn't mean we don't understand how it feels, because we ALL know that feeling.
It's like doggonecarl says; The only thing you need to do is not act on what the AV says. That's how you shut it up. It fades with time and becomes less frequent. It will still pop up sometimes, always unexpected and sometimes strong. But you get on with your sober life. Like when you spoke with your wife and then decided to go to bed. You won that round. Keep doing it
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by SDH73 
Hi, Holds! I'm currently trying to bounce back from a stint as a "moderate" drinker. I'll just share my experience with you, take from it what you will.
I was thinking that even being sober alcohol was too big of a presence in my life. Like, somehow the fact that I couldn't ever drink it again gave it power over me and I didn't like that. I'd been sober for some months at the time and didn't like that it's non-presence in my life was still such a big deal. So, maybe I could be more casual about it. You know, just a couple here and there, doesn't have to be the big thing that I was making it.
I'd never really tried moderating before, just drank as much as I wanted whenever I had an opportunity and that was that.
First couple of weeks, yeah, a couple of beers here and there. I can tell you that while I wasn't necessarily hungover the day after, I wasn't quite right either. But no matter, I was still making all of my commitments, not flaking out all the time like I used to. Not too bad, all in all. I thought that this is what it should be like.
Then I started pushing the envelope. 2 or 3 weeks after my first couple of beers I began to make it 4 or 6 beers and I found myself looking forward to and planning those days ahead of time. The day after drinking 4-6 beers is pretty gross. Again, not exactly hungover but my sleep was affected, I would sweat a little more than usual, and some mild shakiness was happening. Still, I was getting things done. Spending more time sitting around trying to recover than actually doing anything productive, but I could produce when I had to. And the couple of times a week became 4 or 5 times a week.
Next came getting good and drunk. If I knew I had a day off after a free evening I would make sure I had enough beer to get drunk. I think around 8-10 beers was doing it. Noticeably hungover, sweaty and shaky the next day. AND, I was still doing my 4-6 beers other nights of the week. By this time there were no days when I didn't feel "off". My attitude sucked. Everything I did I wanted to get through quickly so I could get home and have a few beers.
Then came a full weekend with no commitments. 3 days and no one to answer to. Special occasion: bought a bottle of whiskey and a 12 pack of beer. The thought was to get drunk the first night, then recover over the next 2 days and put the remainder of the whiskey aside for the next "special occasion". But no, woke up horribly hungover that second day and just KNEW that I was going to need more booze. Went out and got a bottle of vodka before I polished off the whiskey (because, you know, I'm a responsible adult). Drank all 3 days away. Made it back to work, didn't call out sick, but man was it rough! Luckily, I still had my 4-6 beers to make me feel a little bit better when I got home from work.
By now I'm a couple of months into my moderation experiment. I started keeping a bottle of vodka at home because...well, why not? I'm an adult! I'm not breaking any laws! I work hard and if I wanna have some drinks I'm goddamned gonna do it!
This went on for about 3 weeks, downing lots and lots of vodka over my weekend and keeping withdrawals at bay with a few beers during my work week.
Last week it broke. I called out of work "sick" 2 days (really, REALLY need the money) and cancelled my band practice (which is one of my favorite things to do).
And that was that. I knew the jig was up and it was time to give up the experiment. I had completely reverted back to what I was running from. I suffered through the withdrawals and last night was actually the first night that I've had a good sleep in a long time.
Ya know what's funny? My brain is even now chattering about doing it again. I have tomorrow off from work, I could get drunk tonight after band practice and it'd be just fine.
Well, that's just one guy's experience. Best wishes!
I was thinking that even being sober alcohol was too big of a presence in my life. Like, somehow the fact that I couldn't ever drink it again gave it power over me and I didn't like that. I'd been sober for some months at the time and didn't like that it's non-presence in my life was still such a big deal. So, maybe I could be more casual about it. You know, just a couple here and there, doesn't have to be the big thing that I was making it.
I'd never really tried moderating before, just drank as much as I wanted whenever I had an opportunity and that was that.
First couple of weeks, yeah, a couple of beers here and there. I can tell you that while I wasn't necessarily hungover the day after, I wasn't quite right either. But no matter, I was still making all of my commitments, not flaking out all the time like I used to. Not too bad, all in all. I thought that this is what it should be like.
Then I started pushing the envelope. 2 or 3 weeks after my first couple of beers I began to make it 4 or 6 beers and I found myself looking forward to and planning those days ahead of time. The day after drinking 4-6 beers is pretty gross. Again, not exactly hungover but my sleep was affected, I would sweat a little more than usual, and some mild shakiness was happening. Still, I was getting things done. Spending more time sitting around trying to recover than actually doing anything productive, but I could produce when I had to. And the couple of times a week became 4 or 5 times a week.
Next came getting good and drunk. If I knew I had a day off after a free evening I would make sure I had enough beer to get drunk. I think around 8-10 beers was doing it. Noticeably hungover, sweaty and shaky the next day. AND, I was still doing my 4-6 beers other nights of the week. By this time there were no days when I didn't feel "off". My attitude sucked. Everything I did I wanted to get through quickly so I could get home and have a few beers.
Then came a full weekend with no commitments. 3 days and no one to answer to. Special occasion: bought a bottle of whiskey and a 12 pack of beer. The thought was to get drunk the first night, then recover over the next 2 days and put the remainder of the whiskey aside for the next "special occasion". But no, woke up horribly hungover that second day and just KNEW that I was going to need more booze. Went out and got a bottle of vodka before I polished off the whiskey (because, you know, I'm a responsible adult). Drank all 3 days away. Made it back to work, didn't call out sick, but man was it rough! Luckily, I still had my 4-6 beers to make me feel a little bit better when I got home from work.
By now I'm a couple of months into my moderation experiment. I started keeping a bottle of vodka at home because...well, why not? I'm an adult! I'm not breaking any laws! I work hard and if I wanna have some drinks I'm goddamned gonna do it!
This went on for about 3 weeks, downing lots and lots of vodka over my weekend and keeping withdrawals at bay with a few beers during my work week.
Last week it broke. I called out of work "sick" 2 days (really, REALLY need the money) and cancelled my band practice (which is one of my favorite things to do).
And that was that. I knew the jig was up and it was time to give up the experiment. I had completely reverted back to what I was running from. I suffered through the withdrawals and last night was actually the first night that I've had a good sleep in a long time.
Ya know what's funny? My brain is even now chattering about doing it again. I have tomorrow off from work, I could get drunk tonight after band practice and it'd be just fine.
Well, that's just one guy's experience. Best wishes!
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
I am grateful I don't have to always reinvent the wheel - others have done some of the heaving lifting for me.......
Here a story of thoughtful return to moderation and it's outcome - Best of SR
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-drinking.html
Here a story of thoughtful return to moderation and it's outcome - Best of SR
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-drinking.html
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 464
Originally Posted by Carver
Hey Holds,
You've got quite a few fairly blunt responses here. That doesn't mean we don't understand how it feels, because we ALL know that feeling.
You've got quite a few fairly blunt responses here. That doesn't mean we don't understand how it feels, because we ALL know that feeling.
Trust my AV, or get some advice from people that have possibly felt this before.
So I ended up posting here because I don't trust my feelings or judgement when it comes to alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
My addiction was always great at selling me all the fairytales and myths it could get away with, but the longer you resist the easier it gets, that voice slowly gets quieter through time!!
In the mean time I needed something to give me a second opinion on things, short circuit my own thought processes, and that is where support comes in, checking into SR each day, posting, whatever it is don't stay isolated with your own addictive thoughts.
Hang in there!!
In the mean time I needed something to give me a second opinion on things, short circuit my own thought processes, and that is where support comes in, checking into SR each day, posting, whatever it is don't stay isolated with your own addictive thoughts.
Hang in there!!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'll tell you my own experience. My partner was beginning to gripe about my drinking (and also my unfortunate habit of concealing bottles in various places), and after a bit of research about how to get back to my previous drinking habits, discovered "Moderation Management." Now, one of the tenets there is to do a "30"--30 days without drinking, to get some space and re-think your relationship with alcohol. Eureka! I didn't have to quit--I just needed to LEARN.
After a couple of months, I did my "30"--it was a relative piece of cake. I was sure I got this. I immediately went back to drinking a LOT when I felt like it, and counting drinks, trying to be very AWARE of my drinking so I could control it.
I did this for four years, during which I kept telling myself I was "making progress." Actually, I rarely went more than the occasional day without drinking and many, MANY days went over the recommended limits. At the end of that four years I had a serious physical dependency and had to carefully detox. I had almost entirely lost the ability to control my drinking. I could still keep it on a "short leash" for discrete periods of time when I felt I HAD to, but it was getting more and more difficult and I was completely obsessed by planning to drink, drinking, recovering from drinking, rationalizing my drinking, etc.
So the point is, even if you felt you could "try harder" to moderate, it might work for a little while but if you are alcoholic it is still going to progress as it inevitably does. By all indications, you're an alcoholic. By continuing to NOT drink, by accepting this and learning to live with it happily, you can spare yourself a lot of suffering down the road. Because the suffering increases the worse it gets (and it WILL get worse).
After a couple of months, I did my "30"--it was a relative piece of cake. I was sure I got this. I immediately went back to drinking a LOT when I felt like it, and counting drinks, trying to be very AWARE of my drinking so I could control it.
I did this for four years, during which I kept telling myself I was "making progress." Actually, I rarely went more than the occasional day without drinking and many, MANY days went over the recommended limits. At the end of that four years I had a serious physical dependency and had to carefully detox. I had almost entirely lost the ability to control my drinking. I could still keep it on a "short leash" for discrete periods of time when I felt I HAD to, but it was getting more and more difficult and I was completely obsessed by planning to drink, drinking, recovering from drinking, rationalizing my drinking, etc.
So the point is, even if you felt you could "try harder" to moderate, it might work for a little while but if you are alcoholic it is still going to progress as it inevitably does. By all indications, you're an alcoholic. By continuing to NOT drink, by accepting this and learning to live with it happily, you can spare yourself a lot of suffering down the road. Because the suffering increases the worse it gets (and it WILL get worse).
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
This is a great thread for anyone wondering about moderation to read
I don;t think the OP will mind me dragging this out again - read it all, and stick with it til the end
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-drinking.html
D
I don;t think the OP will mind me dragging this out again - read it all, and stick with it til the end
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-drinking.html
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Originally Posted by Holds1325
My mind races to thinking that I'm unique and that I can handle it this time etc.
I realize though that this may not be the case and I really don't want to get back into my addiction, hence me posting here
I realize though that this may not be the case and I really don't want to get back into my addiction, hence me posting here
"May" is a word that leaves doors open. Shut that door.
"Unique" is one thrown around when our addiction starts doing a number on us. To wit:
- "My problems are unique compared to everyone else's. You'd drink if you were me, too."
- "I'm unique! I am the exception to the rule who can moderate!"
For lack of a more elegant term, both are complete bullsh*t.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Holds1325
My mind races to thinking that I'm unique and that I can handle it this time etc.
I realize though that this may not be the case and I really don't want to get back into my addiction, hence me posting here
I realize though that this may not be the case and I really don't want to get back into my addiction, hence me posting here
early recovery was quite a whirlwind of thoughts. extremely early was absolutely no way i was ever going to drink again.
fog lifted and all kinds of crazy "maybe" thoughts would occur. usually when something in life occured that i drank during. ya know, life like cutting the grass, doing laundry, driving home from work, watching a football game,etc. used to frustrate me pretty friggin bad because some days it seemed that was all that was on my mind.
what kept me from believing the thoughts was my past- i rembered how i felt the day after my last drunk and quite a few others.
keep on trudging and putting in the footwork,holds! you already know the lies going through your head, like youre unique, which when it comes to drinking about as unique as a grain of sand.
catch the thoughts early and call them out for their BS.
it will get easier and better. it takes T.I.M.E.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by Holds1325
Its not even tough for me right now, I mean I get some anxiety trying to creep back in but I can brush it off mostly.
Its that though of wanting the night to be "enhanced" does anyone get that?
Its that though of wanting the night to be "enhanced" does anyone get that?
I believe the vast majority here have shared your thoughts' and have learned moderation is a false proposition for alcoholics. I too acquired this simple knowledge the hard way.
'Enhanced night is relaxation, a good movie and great sleep with a few extras thrown in the mix. You to will enjoy all nights' enhanced with acceptance that alcohol doesn't enhance. Push yourself to accept that fact and thoughts' of moderation will vanish away.
Originally Posted by Holds1325
....
So I ended up posting here because I don't trust my feelings or judgement when it comes to alcohol.
So I ended up posting here because I don't trust my feelings or judgement when it comes to alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: illinois
Posts: 907
Holds, I also totally get it. "Enhancement" became a regular thing for me. There's just no way not to miss the magical part of using/drinking, even just a little. For those of us with a real taste for it, this "enhancement" does not come to us at moderation levels.
For myself, the magic was far outweighed by the consequences that included loosing my way in life, and being scared of my own shadow.
So that's out and I'm better for it in every way. Enhanced for real.
Could I drink at moderate levels? Personally, yes. But one of the following would happen: 1) it would be so frustrating to drink at moderate levels, I would be furious (I know how to drink, remember. I'm a pro). Or 2) after drinking at a moderate level for awhile, id decide to kick it up to my drinking comfort zone (then its straight back to all my original side effects and problems, with the addition of lost pride).
I have to choose option 3) stay where I'm at. Ive fought that fight. I don't even speak back to the voice. I laugh at it when I can. And revel in my freedom from averted eyes and hangover regrets.
For myself, the magic was far outweighed by the consequences that included loosing my way in life, and being scared of my own shadow.
So that's out and I'm better for it in every way. Enhanced for real.
Could I drink at moderate levels? Personally, yes. But one of the following would happen: 1) it would be so frustrating to drink at moderate levels, I would be furious (I know how to drink, remember. I'm a pro). Or 2) after drinking at a moderate level for awhile, id decide to kick it up to my drinking comfort zone (then its straight back to all my original side effects and problems, with the addition of lost pride).
I have to choose option 3) stay where I'm at. Ive fought that fight. I don't even speak back to the voice. I laugh at it when I can. And revel in my freedom from averted eyes and hangover regrets.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by Holds1325
....I'm sure all of you have went through this at one point or another. I mean I think the only answer is "no alcohol period" but my brain always moves to, "why though?" why no alcohol period?
But that`s me.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Holds I really hope today you are not entertaining the moderating idea anymore whether you admit it or not its very clear to see your AV is in the driving seat
There was once a dude here with over 7 years of sobriety I think he still is but this thread is turning into a copycat of that thread he thought nope I'm not alcoholic I've only been sober 7 years etc he was a good dude & still is but that is a prime example of how insidious this is
Do you where moderating gets alcoholics NOWHERE
Holds its only yourself your going to be hurting by doing this if you choose to do this
But what your contemplating is jumping into a volcano
This wasn't the Holds I was speaking to a month back I pray for your sake you see sense
There was once a dude here with over 7 years of sobriety I think he still is but this thread is turning into a copycat of that thread he thought nope I'm not alcoholic I've only been sober 7 years etc he was a good dude & still is but that is a prime example of how insidious this is
Do you where moderating gets alcoholics NOWHERE
Holds its only yourself your going to be hurting by doing this if you choose to do this
But what your contemplating is jumping into a volcano
This wasn't the Holds I was speaking to a month back I pray for your sake you see sense
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 1
Originally Posted by SDH73
Hi, Holds! I'm currently trying to bounce back from a stint as a "moderate" drinker. I'll just share my experience with you, take from it what you will.
I was thinking that even being sober alcohol was too big of a presence in my life. Like, somehow the fact that I couldn't ever drink it again gave it power over me and I didn't like that. I'd been sober for some months at the time and didn't like that it's non-presence in my life was still such a big deal. So, maybe I could be more casual about it. You know, just a couple here and there, doesn't have to be the big thing that I was making it.
I'd never really tried moderating before, just drank as much as I wanted whenever I had an opportunity and that was that.
First couple of weeks, yeah, a couple of beers here and there. I can tell you that while I wasn't necessarily hungover the day after, I wasn't quite right either. But no matter, I was still making all of my commitments, not flaking out all the time like I used to. Not too bad, all in all. I thought that this is what it should be like.
Then I started pushing the envelope. 2 or 3 weeks after my first couple of beers I began to make it 4 or 6 beers and I found myself looking forward to and planning those days ahead of time. The day after drinking 4-6 beers is pretty gross. Again, not exactly hungover but my sleep was affected, I would sweat a little more than usual, and some mild shakiness was happening. Still, I was getting things done. Spending more time sitting around trying to recover than actually doing anything productive, but I could produce when I had to. And the couple of times a week became 4 or 5 times a week.
Next came getting good and drunk. If I knew I had a day off after a free evening I would make sure I had enough beer to get drunk. I think around 8-10 beers was doing it. Noticeably hungover, sweaty and shaky the next day. AND, I was still doing my 4-6 beers other nights of the week. By this time there were no days when I didn't feel "off". My attitude sucked. Everything I did I wanted to get through quickly so I could get home and have a few beers.
Then came a full weekend with no commitments. 3 days and no one to answer to. Special occasion: bought a bottle of whiskey and a 12 pack of beer. The thought was to get drunk the first night, then recover over the next 2 days and put the remainder of the whiskey aside for the next "special occasion". But no, woke up horribly hungover that second day and just KNEW that I was going to need more booze. Went out and got a bottle of vodka before I polished off the whiskey (because, you know, I'm a responsible adult). Drank all 3 days away. Made it back to work, didn't call out sick, but man was it rough! Luckily, I still had my 4-6 beers to make me feel a little bit better when I got home from work.
By now I'm a couple of months into my moderation experiment. I started keeping a bottle of vodka at home because...well, why not? I'm an adult! I'm not breaking any laws! I work hard and if I wanna have some drinks I'm goddamned gonna do it!
This went on for about 3 weeks, downing lots and lots of vodka over my weekend and keeping withdrawals at bay with a few beers during my work week.
Last week it broke. I called out of work "sick" 2 days (really, REALLY need the money) and cancelled my band practice (which is one of my favorite things to do).
And that was that. I knew the jig was up and it was time to give up the experiment. I had completely reverted back to what I was running from. I suffered through the withdrawals and last night was actually the first night that I've had a good sleep in a long time.
Ya know what's funny? My brain is even now chattering about doing it again. I have tomorrow off from work, I could get drunk tonight after band practice and it'd be just fine.
Well, that's just one guy's experience. Best wishes!
I was thinking that even being sober alcohol was too big of a presence in my life. Like, somehow the fact that I couldn't ever drink it again gave it power over me and I didn't like that. I'd been sober for some months at the time and didn't like that it's non-presence in my life was still such a big deal. So, maybe I could be more casual about it. You know, just a couple here and there, doesn't have to be the big thing that I was making it.
I'd never really tried moderating before, just drank as much as I wanted whenever I had an opportunity and that was that.
First couple of weeks, yeah, a couple of beers here and there. I can tell you that while I wasn't necessarily hungover the day after, I wasn't quite right either. But no matter, I was still making all of my commitments, not flaking out all the time like I used to. Not too bad, all in all. I thought that this is what it should be like.
Then I started pushing the envelope. 2 or 3 weeks after my first couple of beers I began to make it 4 or 6 beers and I found myself looking forward to and planning those days ahead of time. The day after drinking 4-6 beers is pretty gross. Again, not exactly hungover but my sleep was affected, I would sweat a little more than usual, and some mild shakiness was happening. Still, I was getting things done. Spending more time sitting around trying to recover than actually doing anything productive, but I could produce when I had to. And the couple of times a week became 4 or 5 times a week.
Next came getting good and drunk. If I knew I had a day off after a free evening I would make sure I had enough beer to get drunk. I think around 8-10 beers was doing it. Noticeably hungover, sweaty and shaky the next day. AND, I was still doing my 4-6 beers other nights of the week. By this time there were no days when I didn't feel "off". My attitude sucked. Everything I did I wanted to get through quickly so I could get home and have a few beers.
Then came a full weekend with no commitments. 3 days and no one to answer to. Special occasion: bought a bottle of whiskey and a 12 pack of beer. The thought was to get drunk the first night, then recover over the next 2 days and put the remainder of the whiskey aside for the next "special occasion". But no, woke up horribly hungover that second day and just KNEW that I was going to need more booze. Went out and got a bottle of vodka before I polished off the whiskey (because, you know, I'm a responsible adult). Drank all 3 days away. Made it back to work, didn't call out sick, but man was it rough! Luckily, I still had my 4-6 beers to make me feel a little bit better when I got home from work.
By now I'm a couple of months into my moderation experiment. I started keeping a bottle of vodka at home because...well, why not? I'm an adult! I'm not breaking any laws! I work hard and if I wanna have some drinks I'm goddamned gonna do it!
This went on for about 3 weeks, downing lots and lots of vodka over my weekend and keeping withdrawals at bay with a few beers during my work week.
Last week it broke. I called out of work "sick" 2 days (really, REALLY need the money) and cancelled my band practice (which is one of my favorite things to do).
And that was that. I knew the jig was up and it was time to give up the experiment. I had completely reverted back to what I was running from. I suffered through the withdrawals and last night was actually the first night that I've had a good sleep in a long time.
Ya know what's funny? My brain is even now chattering about doing it again. I have tomorrow off from work, I could get drunk tonight after band practice and it'd be just fine.
Well, that's just one guy's experience. Best wishes!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 19
I've tried to moderate the last two years, some nights being successful and some nights not so much. I now have 13 days under my belt. The thing is once you're an alcoholic, those single drinks never feel right - even if I did "succeed" and go out and have only that one glass with a friend, there is so much guilt, shame, confusion and anxiety wrapped into those 8 ounces I finally just gave up after taking some inventory of how depressed and confused I feel when I'm holding a glass.
Maybe it's not in m y genes and I just fell into alcohol abuse and in another dimension could enjoy those glasses, but my life leading up to drinking those "social" drinks is just too filled with heartbreak to associate that liquid with something relaxing.
Maybe it's not in m y genes and I just fell into alcohol abuse and in another dimension could enjoy those glasses, but my life leading up to drinking those "social" drinks is just too filled with heartbreak to associate that liquid with something relaxing.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Yeah, I could never figure out WTF was the point of ONE drink? And could never fathom those people who could walk away and leave half a drink sitting at the bar/on the table. What's WRONG with people who do that?
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