Back again!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 25
Back again!
Hi all, a few years ago I came off my dirtbike and was prescribed Endone which quickly escalated into an addiction for me 40mg a day to 80mg as well as 40mg of Oxycontin. With the help of this forum I kicked it cold turkey (which was absolute hell) and now I'm back again except I'll be kicking the alcohol for good.
I'm in my mid 40's and have been drinking daily since I was 17. Not one of those drinkers who starts in the early hours of the day, but makes up for it at night or even early afternoon.
Normally I drink beer and finish off with a bottle or two of white wine.
However yesterday/last night I consumed 500ml of Jack Daniels and about 10 beers. I think I made a dick of myself when I ran into some people I know at the pub and feel ashamed.
I drink to deal with stress and past sexual abuse from when I was a kid. It makes me feel good and forget the normalities of life. I also have a close mate who drinks as much as I do and we have good times when drinking.
Today I have presented myself to ER twice, firstly with mild anxiety (worried it would escalate into severe panic). And again a short time later with terrible feelings of depression.
The hospital has referred me to Drug and Alcohol who will contact me in the next day or so.
I have quit before for a whole 2 months when I decided that I needed to get fit for an upcoming operation, so I know I can do it. But I know I need support to not go back and I know I'll get it through this forum.
I'll be reading through many threads here to help me and I hope to meet many friends along the way.
I'm in my mid 40's and have been drinking daily since I was 17. Not one of those drinkers who starts in the early hours of the day, but makes up for it at night or even early afternoon.
Normally I drink beer and finish off with a bottle or two of white wine.
However yesterday/last night I consumed 500ml of Jack Daniels and about 10 beers. I think I made a dick of myself when I ran into some people I know at the pub and feel ashamed.
I drink to deal with stress and past sexual abuse from when I was a kid. It makes me feel good and forget the normalities of life. I also have a close mate who drinks as much as I do and we have good times when drinking.
Today I have presented myself to ER twice, firstly with mild anxiety (worried it would escalate into severe panic). And again a short time later with terrible feelings of depression.
The hospital has referred me to Drug and Alcohol who will contact me in the next day or so.
I have quit before for a whole 2 months when I decided that I needed to get fit for an upcoming operation, so I know I can do it. But I know I need support to not go back and I know I'll get it through this forum.
I'll be reading through many threads here to help me and I hope to meet many friends along the way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 25
Thank you Dee74.
Right now I'm lying in bed, reading through threads just trying to take my mind off the anxiety, sounds weird huh! But it helps.
I have some valium which is an ongoing prescription for sleep, but I really just save it up and use higher dosages for times like this. I only ever suffer anxiety/panic after a good night on the drink. I know all this will go away when I am sober.
The hardest part is it's like saying good bye to an old friend, it's hard to imagine a sober life can be more fun than a non sober one, but there are too many posts swearing otherwise. This will help me.
Right now I'm lying in bed, reading through threads just trying to take my mind off the anxiety, sounds weird huh! But it helps.
I have some valium which is an ongoing prescription for sleep, but I really just save it up and use higher dosages for times like this. I only ever suffer anxiety/panic after a good night on the drink. I know all this will go away when I am sober.
The hardest part is it's like saying good bye to an old friend, it's hard to imagine a sober life can be more fun than a non sober one, but there are too many posts swearing otherwise. This will help me.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Oh yeah I had my laptop cracked open until I was ready to close my eyes at night, pretty much every night for months and months. Now I still like to read before going to sleep. No matter where I am at daily with sobriety and life, the reminder that I am not alone with this journey is extremely effective support.
You are among friends here, f1ngers. Good to see you.
You are among friends here, f1ngers. Good to see you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
Posts: 319
You've already battled prescription drugs and won, so I'm sure you're aware you can do this. I'd definitely recommend talking to a therapist regarding all the other baggage from your life that you're dealing with. All those issues will have to be dealt with along with the alcohol. Even Tony Soprano talked to a therapist, so don't let pride get in the way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 25
Thank you all so much, this is honestly the greatest site and it humbles me to receive so much support.
I'm on my second day today. Yesterday I felt remorse, anxiety, depression, guilt, uselessness....well you all know how it goes. Today I just feel drained from all the emotions and I guess from the alcohol as well.
I have an appointment with my GP in just over an hour. I have a good relationship with him. Before my operation when I wanted to give it up he prescribed me campral, this is when I quit for two months. It gave me horrible depression for the first few days and after that I'm not really even sure if it helped the cravings, but i'm going to discuss it with him again.
It's in the afternoon now and I'm starting to feel better knowing that I'm seeing my GP, I will have a drug/alcohol councilor with a plan and I have this forum. Mostly I already feel better knowing how good I will feel in a few months.
I will join up to the Nov club. I looked at it last night but was too tired to do much else, thanks for the link.
Also, I have spent time over the years with Psychologists discussing my past. It normally results in me supposed to be doing CBT but I never stick with it. I think my main battle now is not my past, but basically accepting that I'm an alcoholic and I drink because my body craves it.
I'm on my second day today. Yesterday I felt remorse, anxiety, depression, guilt, uselessness....well you all know how it goes. Today I just feel drained from all the emotions and I guess from the alcohol as well.
I have an appointment with my GP in just over an hour. I have a good relationship with him. Before my operation when I wanted to give it up he prescribed me campral, this is when I quit for two months. It gave me horrible depression for the first few days and after that I'm not really even sure if it helped the cravings, but i'm going to discuss it with him again.
It's in the afternoon now and I'm starting to feel better knowing that I'm seeing my GP, I will have a drug/alcohol councilor with a plan and I have this forum. Mostly I already feel better knowing how good I will feel in a few months.
I will join up to the Nov club. I looked at it last night but was too tired to do much else, thanks for the link.
Also, I have spent time over the years with Psychologists discussing my past. It normally results in me supposed to be doing CBT but I never stick with it. I think my main battle now is not my past, but basically accepting that I'm an alcoholic and I drink because my body craves it.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
I'm just starting CBT hopefully getting a call today hang in there Fingers sobriety is so worth it these last 2.5 years have been the best years for me as human being & what I've learnt
Def sign up to the class of November it will bolster your sobriety
Good luck with your GP apt let us know how it goes bud
Def sign up to the class of November it will bolster your sobriety
Good luck with your GP apt let us know how it goes bud
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 25
Thanks for checking in soberwolf!
I had my GP appointment this afternoon which went great. He actually gave me his personal mobile number and insisted if I ever feel like I have nowhere to turn, call anytime. He and his wife would even put me up if needed. I can't see myself ever getting to that point, I have a supportive family and now I've decided to kick the alcohol I don't think I'll be putting myself in that position again.
He asked if I'd like to go on the Camparal again. He said I could go on it for 5 years if I wanted, as long as it worked. So that's what I've done, anything to help the cravings down the track.
I haven't heard from Drug and Alcohol yet so that we can get some sort of plan in place, but honestly right now I feel I can get trough the next week or two using will power and other tools.
It always helps to hear from people such as yourself who have been sober for a good length of time just how good things can be. I am really happy for you. I hope your CBT goes well and look forward to hearing what you think of it.
I had my GP appointment this afternoon which went great. He actually gave me his personal mobile number and insisted if I ever feel like I have nowhere to turn, call anytime. He and his wife would even put me up if needed. I can't see myself ever getting to that point, I have a supportive family and now I've decided to kick the alcohol I don't think I'll be putting myself in that position again.
He asked if I'd like to go on the Camparal again. He said I could go on it for 5 years if I wanted, as long as it worked. So that's what I've done, anything to help the cravings down the track.
I haven't heard from Drug and Alcohol yet so that we can get some sort of plan in place, but honestly right now I feel I can get trough the next week or two using will power and other tools.
It always helps to hear from people such as yourself who have been sober for a good length of time just how good things can be. I am really happy for you. I hope your CBT goes well and look forward to hearing what you think of it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 25
Hi all,
Well, tomorrow will be a whole 7 weeks without any alcohol whatsoever. What a time of year to give up! I've battled through Christmas parties, concerts, sports functions and just the usual everyday habit that we all fight. I finally feel like I'm coming out the other side now :-)
I actually think it's been a hell of a lot harder than it should have been. I've been one angry person.............as well as sad, irritable etc etc. Then 3 days ago I decided to stop the Campral and see if that was the cause. To be honest, it didn't really feel like it was helping much anyway. Pretty much by early afternoon I started feeling normal and upbeat. For 3 days I've felt great now! So goodbye Campral for me. It might be a wonder drug for some but it was really obvious how it brought me down. I just assumed it was the alcohol withdrawals.
Anyway, on with the fight! The habit is wearing away as with the cravings and I am enjoying getting so much more done and interacting more with the kids.
One thing I have noticed a lot is how little others really drink.
Well, tomorrow will be a whole 7 weeks without any alcohol whatsoever. What a time of year to give up! I've battled through Christmas parties, concerts, sports functions and just the usual everyday habit that we all fight. I finally feel like I'm coming out the other side now :-)
I actually think it's been a hell of a lot harder than it should have been. I've been one angry person.............as well as sad, irritable etc etc. Then 3 days ago I decided to stop the Campral and see if that was the cause. To be honest, it didn't really feel like it was helping much anyway. Pretty much by early afternoon I started feeling normal and upbeat. For 3 days I've felt great now! So goodbye Campral for me. It might be a wonder drug for some but it was really obvious how it brought me down. I just assumed it was the alcohol withdrawals.
Anyway, on with the fight! The habit is wearing away as with the cravings and I am enjoying getting so much more done and interacting more with the kids.
One thing I have noticed a lot is how little others really drink.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Hey f1ngers, THIS IS JUST GREAT!!! WooHOOOOO!
This is a really big deal you got going on here, so make sure you take a mindful moment to appreciate the magnitude of this achievement. I was looking at an older post of yours about kicking oxy, and then started reading this one, hoping I would read what you just wrote today. FANTASTIC! Truly a death defying act here. Well done.
Keep posting OK? There is a lot of support here for you, as you know, but now it might be time to consider the world of good you may be doing for someone else just by telling your story as you are doing here.
Onward!
This is a really big deal you got going on here, so make sure you take a mindful moment to appreciate the magnitude of this achievement. I was looking at an older post of yours about kicking oxy, and then started reading this one, hoping I would read what you just wrote today. FANTASTIC! Truly a death defying act here. Well done.
Keep posting OK? There is a lot of support here for you, as you know, but now it might be time to consider the world of good you may be doing for someone else just by telling your story as you are doing here.
Onward!
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