Getting the Cold Shoulder at Work after Quitting Drinking
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
I'm sure it happens that people get rejected over their drinking habits (or lack thereof). Just keep in mind that it can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think you're better than your friends to the point that they're so jealous they don't want to be around you, or if you believe that they're secretly alcoholics who are threatened by seeing you quit, those feelings are going to be noticed and you are definitely going to be avoided if you weren't before.
Into the Void
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: California
Posts: 931
Originally Posted by fantail 
I'm sure it happens that people get rejected over their drinking habits (or lack thereof). Just keep in mind that it can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think you're better than your friends to the point that they're so jealous they don't want to be around you, or if you believe that they're secretly alcoholics who are threatened by seeing you quit, those feelings are going to be noticed and you are definitely going to be avoided if you weren't before.
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12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I've been sober a while and never experienced any problems with co workers. In the social sense I sometimes don't get invited somewhere because they assume I wouldn't enjoy it if I'm not drinking, or they think wrongly that they shouldn't put temptation in my path. They don't understand that it is possible to recover from alcoholism, and they think I spend my whole life fighting the urge to drink. But I reckon all these folks had good intentions, they were not being nasty.
But the other side of the coin, that got to me quite badly, was trying to live with untreated alcoholism. At times I could get quite paranoid, thinking people were getting at me, misreading or misunderstanding what people were saying and doing, and automatically assuming that if they are doing something without me, they must be talking about me, me, me, me, me. That selfcentredness that was the root cause of my drinking, was distorting my view of life. I couldn't stay sober for long in that mode, it was just too uncomfortable.
But the other side of the coin, that got to me quite badly, was trying to live with untreated alcoholism. At times I could get quite paranoid, thinking people were getting at me, misreading or misunderstanding what people were saying and doing, and automatically assuming that if they are doing something without me, they must be talking about me, me, me, me, me. That selfcentredness that was the root cause of my drinking, was distorting my view of life. I couldn't stay sober for long in that mode, it was just too uncomfortable.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by Gottalife
I've been sober a while and never experienced any problems with co workers. In the social sense I sometimes don't get invited somewhere because they assume I wouldn't enjoy it if I'm not drinking, or they think wrongly that they shouldn't put temptation in my path. They don't understand that it is possible to recover from alcoholism, and they think I spend my whole life fighting the urge to drink. But I reckon all these folks had good intentions, they were not being nasty.
But the other side of the coin, that got to me quite badly, was trying to live with untreated alcoholism. At times I could get quite paranoid, thinking people were getting at me, misreading or misunderstanding what people were saying and doing, and automatically assuming that if they are doing something without me, they must be talking about me, me, me, me, me. That selfcentredness that was the root cause of my drinking, was distorting my view of life. I couldn't stay sober for long in that mode, it was just too uncomfortable.
But the other side of the coin, that got to me quite badly, was trying to live with untreated alcoholism. At times I could get quite paranoid, thinking people were getting at me, misreading or misunderstanding what people were saying and doing, and automatically assuming that if they are doing something without me, they must be talking about me, me, me, me, me. That selfcentredness that was the root cause of my drinking, was distorting my view of life. I couldn't stay sober for long in that mode, it was just too uncomfortable.
I know you were joking about revenge, but revenge for what? Honestly - watch out for those resentments. They sneak up of you and even if they don't make you drink, they are certainly likely to be detrimental to the quality of your / her recovery.
Frank
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Las Vegas, Nevada
Posts: 29
Agreement number 2 applies here, followed by number 3.
The Four Agreements are:
1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
The Four Agreements are:
1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
Originally Posted by Fluffer
It seems like I've alienated people by drinking too much and alienated people by not drinking at all. Oh, to be normal. I guess that ship has sailed. :
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