Ugh
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Well it wasn't drastic it was basically just plain old peer pressure, a friend who doesn't drink but has the rare beer insisted I join them at an ethnic restaurant known for it's imports. Then a few with the bf for old time's sake but it was rather annoying in the end, actually I guess now I know what that was like it was kind of boring.
My friend was acting really put out that I wouldn't join them as they rarely drink and also I rarely see them. I staved it off for a bit. I was wondering how the heck to deal with that. I mean it's really nobody's business I am on the wagon and it's already been noticed, and yes I understand the sobriety is important etc. However there must be a way to handle this while preserving some kind of privacy.
My friend was acting really put out that I wouldn't join them as they rarely drink and also I rarely see them. I staved it off for a bit. I was wondering how the heck to deal with that. I mean it's really nobody's business I am on the wagon and it's already been noticed, and yes I understand the sobriety is important etc. However there must be a way to handle this while preserving some kind of privacy.
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The best way to deal with that is to avoid the situation in the first place in my opinion. If they are too pushy to respect your wishes to abstain, frankly they are not true friends. If they are rarely drinkers you could also suggest meeting someplace that doesn't serve alcohol like a coffee shop, etc.
Bottom line though is that you do need to make sobriety your number 1 priority, and peer pressure is not an excuse.
Bottom line though is that you do need to make sobriety your number 1 priority, and peer pressure is not an excuse.
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I don't really do black and white thinking.
I was also relying a lot on SR and it really, really got near to 4 months. I was feeling bad about some things people said too. I figured I was annoying people, being pressured to be "positive" and such. I'm me, not anyone else. I was feeling like I shouldn't spend as much time here. I was feeling bad about "What should I say, what shouldn't I say, whatever it is I shouldn't be me".
Barely a few months off a drunk that lasted several years over a decade, I wouldn't be pushing anyone to be anything they aren't, that's just me but I tend to just be very supportive and try not to say things that put people down.
I was also relying a lot on SR and it really, really got near to 4 months. I was feeling bad about some things people said too. I figured I was annoying people, being pressured to be "positive" and such. I'm me, not anyone else. I was feeling like I shouldn't spend as much time here. I was feeling bad about "What should I say, what shouldn't I say, whatever it is I shouldn't be me".
Barely a few months off a drunk that lasted several years over a decade, I wouldn't be pushing anyone to be anything they aren't, that's just me but I tend to just be very supportive and try not to say things that put people down.
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No one is "pushing you" to do anything sleepie. I'm simply pointing out that going out with drinking friends is not a good idea in early sobriety. You may not "do" black and white thinking, but you drank. You won't find anyone here that will help you justify drinking, but you will find a lot of people who would like nothing more than to help you and see you succeed, me included.
What exactly were you expecting to hear?
What exactly were you expecting to hear?
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Hey sleepie!
Maybe just say you're not drinking for health reasons and that you don't really want to get into it.
A very drastic and ridiculous way to go about it is kinda funny.
My friend does this:
He has to drink for business, he just does, so he approaches the server beforehand and says he's going to order a vodka 7, but he tells her not to actually put any vodka in the drink, and he tips her well.
Everyone thinks he's drinking at these business events but he's not.
I feel ya, it's tricky to navigate exactly what to do!
Maybe just say you're not drinking for health reasons and that you don't really want to get into it.
A very drastic and ridiculous way to go about it is kinda funny.
My friend does this:
He has to drink for business, he just does, so he approaches the server beforehand and says he's going to order a vodka 7, but he tells her not to actually put any vodka in the drink, and he tips her well.
Everyone thinks he's drinking at these business events but he's not.
I feel ya, it's tricky to navigate exactly what to do!
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Jsbodhi that is really something!
I was kinda unexpectedly in the situation, I knew we were gong out to eat but this place of all places! I've been a shut in for weeks too, because my bf hates going out and also because my other friends all drink. It was taking a huge toll on my mental health. I am trying to get the bf to go out more, it's really unfair in a relationship for one person to give up important things simply because the other wants to stay in all the time.
I was kinda unexpectedly in the situation, I knew we were gong out to eat but this place of all places! I've been a shut in for weeks too, because my bf hates going out and also because my other friends all drink. It was taking a huge toll on my mental health. I am trying to get the bf to go out more, it's really unfair in a relationship for one person to give up important things simply because the other wants to stay in all the time.
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Oh actually there are plenty of comments on my threads pressuring me to be "positive". You must not have read them Scott.
Anyway, that's not me, and I have a basic human right to be myself. I was annihilated growing up for being anything other than a smiling, chipper, quiet little girl who accepted her abuse. I'll never do that again. Never. I'm not quiet, I'm not anything but who I am and I had to fight to near death to get that, something many take for granted unless they have been through it.
Not going to be anyone other than Sleepie. Still finding out who that is too, as anyone with a mentally ill parent or parents can understand.
Before I accepted the death of my childhood, knowing I had many long years of abuse to live through, I was a well read kid, a mouthy girl, creative and in tune with nature, had a rich inner life and someone who stuck up for herself and others. I am interested in finding her again.
Anyway, that's not me, and I have a basic human right to be myself. I was annihilated growing up for being anything other than a smiling, chipper, quiet little girl who accepted her abuse. I'll never do that again. Never. I'm not quiet, I'm not anything but who I am and I had to fight to near death to get that, something many take for granted unless they have been through it.
Not going to be anyone other than Sleepie. Still finding out who that is too, as anyone with a mentally ill parent or parents can understand.
Before I accepted the death of my childhood, knowing I had many long years of abuse to live through, I was a well read kid, a mouthy girl, creative and in tune with nature, had a rich inner life and someone who stuck up for herself and others. I am interested in finding her again.
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Originally Posted by sleepie 
Oh actually there are plenty of comments on my threads pressuring me to be "positive". You must not have read them Scott.
Anyway, that's not me, and I have a basic human right to be myself. I was annihilated growing up for being anything other than a smiling, chipper, quiet little girl who accepted her abuse. I'll never do that again. Never. I'm not quiet, I'm not anything but who I am and I had to fight to near death to get that, something many take for granted unless they have been through it.
Not going to be anyone other than Sleepie. Still finding out who that is too, as anyone with a mentally ill parent or parents can understand.
Before I accepted the death of my childhood, knowing I had many long years of abuse to live through, I was a well read kid, a mouthy girl, creative and in tune with nature, had a rich inner life and someone who stuck up for herself and others. I am interested in finding her again.
Anyway, that's not me, and I have a basic human right to be myself. I was annihilated growing up for being anything other than a smiling, chipper, quiet little girl who accepted her abuse. I'll never do that again. Never. I'm not quiet, I'm not anything but who I am and I had to fight to near death to get that, something many take for granted unless they have been through it.
Not going to be anyone other than Sleepie. Still finding out who that is too, as anyone with a mentally ill parent or parents can understand.
Before I accepted the death of my childhood, knowing I had many long years of abuse to live through, I was a well read kid, a mouthy girl, creative and in tune with nature, had a rich inner life and someone who stuck up for herself and others. I am interested in finding her again.
I'm not mean, but I'm a big debater, I can't keep quiet about some things.
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Originally Posted by sleepie
Oh actually there are plenty of comments on my threads pressuring me to be "positive". You must not have read them Scott.
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Maybe we should start a ranting, negative thread?
That way if we're in a bad mood we can just go and rant, moan and be as negative as wanted; without it seeping into other threads?
We could complain anything from traffic, partners, politics to the grocery line
That way if we're in a bad mood we can just go and rant, moan and be as negative as wanted; without it seeping into other threads?
We could complain anything from traffic, partners, politics to the grocery line
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Originally Posted by Jsbodhi
Maybe we should start a ranting, negative thread?
That way if we're in a bad mood we can just go and rant, moan and be as negative as wanted; without it seeping into other threads?
We could complain anything from traffic, partners, politics to the grocery line
That way if we're in a bad mood we can just go and rant, moan and be as negative as wanted; without it seeping into other threads?
We could complain anything from traffic, partners, politics to the grocery line
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...nkenwhine.html
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Human nature tends toward extremes. People get extremely solvey and hung up on their own successes, what is working for them, or they wallow, or they preach. Essentially, we are intellectualizing baboons. Sobriety as far as I understand it for me is in part learning to recognize these trends in myself and others and not feeling beholden to them. Reactivity is a huge issues for me.
Anyhow, I had a couple a couple nights ago. I think you are headed in the right direction. Who was it who said on here, knew a guy sober for 25 years and miserable.
I think your emotional honesty is essential and possibly all the static you contend with is a measure of an unusual potential and intellligence
Anyhow, I had a couple a couple nights ago. I think you are headed in the right direction. Who was it who said on here, knew a guy sober for 25 years and miserable.
I think your emotional honesty is essential and possibly all the static you contend with is a measure of an unusual potential and intellligence
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