Debbie329

Whopped dee do......I've been here before.....several times. I'm feeling pretty negative today....not that I want to drink but that's how I feel.

damascus1986

Well at least you don't want to. There's always something to be grateful for.

ScottFromWI

Congrats on day 13 Debbie! Why not make this one different and do something you've never done before? Go to a museum, bake a cake, go fishing, paint a picture, etc. You have a lot more options of what you can do sober.

Debbie329

And since I don't have a new car yet I have to walk a lot.......I try to avoid the bad areas but I have clients in some of those places so I have to go there. The reaction I'm getting to my dog stick is interesting......people don't come near me.....it's like I'm Moses and I'm parting the Red Sea.

Hawkeye13

People of all colors shoot guns Debbie
I'm sorry you feel unsafe but congrats on your 13 days

It takes time to feel better in early sobriety--maybe doing something relaxing
would be helpful today--

I also found exercise a good way to burn through anxiety and negativity
and to build some peace in my life.

Hang in there--in a few months you will feel so much better--

Debbie329

I already made a cake today......I have to do some faxing and emailing....it's dreary out....w light rain.

Debbie329

Thanks Hawkeye......I've been getting plenty of exercise walking.....not as much as I used to cause I can't get there wo a car.....but I walk everywhere......and I don't mind I could walk miles and miles and be unphased.

damascus1986

one word chocolate

Debbie329

It's a chocolate pound cake w chocolate chips in the mix.......I'm giving 3/4 s away.......I can't and don't want to eat it all by myself.

damascus1986

i remember my first month i had a grocery bag full of willy wonka chocolate bars in the fridge. i ate as much as i needed whatever i wanted to do as long as i didn't use.

Debbie329

This is my first month of my new attempt ......and I've been working on this since April......I'm getting really tired of it.

Debbie329

I'm tired of society.....I'm tired of the world......no wonder I drink."....and honestly today I'd rather drink beer and smoke pot in my little humble abode and ignore everything outside of it.

Debbie329

I can't think of one thing I'm grateful for......if I should......I earned it God nor anyone else did it.

Debbie329

I am filled w overwhelming hate today.......I'll just fax those apps......read a book ....if I can......shut everything out and go to sleep.......I don't even let people over my house anymore, they just annoy me and take up my time......which is a limited resource.

Debbie329

As I've stated before I have a mood disorder and it's in full swing right about now.....I could relieve it......by walking to the store and getting some beer......or I can sit here and suffer through it. I'm absolutely tired of abusing myself because I'm unhappy w things as they are.

Debbie329

I have a self destructive streak in me.."....that I cannot control. Which is why I wrecked my car. I get to the point that I just don't care about consequences.....I call that reckless and irrational but that who I am sometimes.

Debbie329

I better call my psychiatrist tomorrow or something really bad is going to happen..."...I woke up this way........and I was this way yesterday only I'm even more hateful today.

damascus1986

once i couldn't walk for 7 months. im definitely grateful i can walk and i ddint earn that.
I'll tell you the answer is in the steps. Either way just trying to help

ScottFromWI

That sounds like a good plan Debbie. You mentions meds in another thread, have you been taking them as advised?

Debbie329

Yes I've been taking my meds religiously........I called my psychiatrist.......I'm waiting for a call back......I need something to get out of this mood......something to knock me out.