I have no control
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 178
I have no control
I am going to AA. I have a sponsor. Yet I am still drinking. I don't know what to do anymore. I keep praying for the strength to stop. But I can't. It is so hard. I don't know what to do. Last night my daughter had beer in the house and I drank that then went out to get wine. Will this ever stop?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Yes, you can. It will stop when you decide.
It's just a decision, VF. I made the decision that there was nothing for me in alcohol. I couldn't drink just one, and the 12-15 I was drinking were making me very sick in body, mind and spirit.
Getting through that first couple weeks is tough - but then it starts getting easier, and life gradually becomes happy and comfortable again. Time takes time.
It's just a decision, VF. I made the decision that there was nothing for me in alcohol. I couldn't drink just one, and the 12-15 I was drinking were making me very sick in body, mind and spirit.
Getting through that first couple weeks is tough - but then it starts getting easier, and life gradually becomes happy and comfortable again. Time takes time.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Violet when I was like this I had to take alcohol off the menu no matter what don't drink yes its hard but just commit to today get through it & keep it simple
You don't drink make that a mantra make full use of the support of this site you can ask Scott or another mod to help you write up a sober plan
Honestly though I swear to you just get through each day don't project thinking I can't do this
Better thinking is I know I can get through today so just for today I ain't drinking
We have been where you are now & I promise you a better life by not drinking
You don't drink make that a mantra make full use of the support of this site you can ask Scott or another mod to help you write up a sober plan
Honestly though I swear to you just get through each day don't project thinking I can't do this
Better thinking is I know I can get through today so just for today I ain't drinking
We have been where you are now & I promise you a better life by not drinking
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
It is a decision you must make Violet. Going to meetings is a great idea but that in itself won't stop you from drinking. There are a lot of thing you could be doing when temptation hits you.....calling your sponsor, calling other numbers you have from the meetings ( ask if you don't have any ), logging on here to name just a few.
You can also do a better job of taking away the temptation itself for a while. Don't allow alcohol in your house or go places where it is readily available. Your sobriety needs to be your number one priority, and setting boundaries is up to you.
If you truly cannot do these things yet, don't rule out rehab. Being in a controlled environment where you can learn the skills you need to get and stay sober can be of great benefit to some.
You can also do a better job of taking away the temptation itself for a while. Don't allow alcohol in your house or go places where it is readily available. Your sobriety needs to be your number one priority, and setting boundaries is up to you.
If you truly cannot do these things yet, don't rule out rehab. Being in a controlled environment where you can learn the skills you need to get and stay sober can be of great benefit to some.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Many were at the point where you are today. I had to accept my circumstances and become willing to change.
We read in the Big Book - There is a solution;
Once in a while he may tell the truth. And the truth, strange to say, is usually that he has no more idea why he took that first drink than you have. Some drinkers have excuses with which they are satisfied part of the time. But in their hearts they really do not know why they do it. Once this malady has a real hold, they are a baffled lot. There is the obsession that somehow, someday, they will beat the game. But they often suspect they are down for the count.
How true this is, few realize. In a vague way their families and friends sense that these drinkers are abnormal, but everybody hopefully awaits the day when the sufferer will rouse himself from his lethargy and assert his power of will.
The tragic truth is that if the man be a real alcoholic, the happy day may not arrive. He has lost control. At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.
The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.
The booklet Living Sober helped me a ton the first 30 days of stopping - maybe check it out.
https://b2c.aaws.org/p-56-living-sober.aspx
keep coming back
We read in the Big Book - There is a solution;
Once in a while he may tell the truth. And the truth, strange to say, is usually that he has no more idea why he took that first drink than you have. Some drinkers have excuses with which they are satisfied part of the time. But in their hearts they really do not know why they do it. Once this malady has a real hold, they are a baffled lot. There is the obsession that somehow, someday, they will beat the game. But they often suspect they are down for the count.
How true this is, few realize. In a vague way their families and friends sense that these drinkers are abnormal, but everybody hopefully awaits the day when the sufferer will rouse himself from his lethargy and assert his power of will.
The tragic truth is that if the man be a real alcoholic, the happy day may not arrive. He has lost control. At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.
The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.
The booklet Living Sober helped me a ton the first 30 days of stopping - maybe check it out.
https://b2c.aaws.org/p-56-living-sober.aspx
keep coming back
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 178
Thank you. Just for today I will not drink. I have a plan go out to dinner with a sober friend. Get through today. Go to church. Go to a meeting. Stay clean. Go to work tomorrow with a fresh mind.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 178
Day 2: ok I did not drink yesterday or today. I am calling my sponsor. Praying and meditating. Life is good. Tomorrow meeting. More praying and meditating. And eating dinner early seems to work for me,
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I can relate Violet, I had exactly the same experience, but even though I was drinking I could still listen in the meetings and eventually the solution part started to seep through the fog.
I relate totally with what Flynbuy posted. I had lost control, I was beyond human aid. It wasn't surprising, then, that meetings, a sponsor, and all the willpower in the world was not enough. Here is the real AA solution quoted form part of a sentence in the Big Book:
" an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer." AHHA! So if that's the solution, how do I have a spiritual experience? Find a recovered alcoholic who has had a spiritual experience as the result of the twelve steps and ask them to show you how to do it."
That is what I did. I gave up fighting the booze and began to focus completely on getting this expereince, this practical day to day connection with a Higher Power, about which I had no real idea. The path was through the steps. My life changed, the drink problem was removed.
In another part of the book they talk about short period of hospitalisation as being useful to help an alcoholic get throught the first few days nd begin to think clearly. Your posts suggests you might benefit from something like this. Maybe just detox for a few days, or maybe rehab, it is up to you.
Where will it all lead? Well I think the 10th step promises give a good idea. They came true for me.
" And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. "
Violet, you can recover regardless of anything. The only conditions are that you trust God and clean house.
I relate totally with what Flynbuy posted. I had lost control, I was beyond human aid. It wasn't surprising, then, that meetings, a sponsor, and all the willpower in the world was not enough. Here is the real AA solution quoted form part of a sentence in the Big Book:
" an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer." AHHA! So if that's the solution, how do I have a spiritual experience? Find a recovered alcoholic who has had a spiritual experience as the result of the twelve steps and ask them to show you how to do it."
That is what I did. I gave up fighting the booze and began to focus completely on getting this expereince, this practical day to day connection with a Higher Power, about which I had no real idea. The path was through the steps. My life changed, the drink problem was removed.
In another part of the book they talk about short period of hospitalisation as being useful to help an alcoholic get throught the first few days nd begin to think clearly. Your posts suggests you might benefit from something like this. Maybe just detox for a few days, or maybe rehab, it is up to you.
Where will it all lead? Well I think the 10th step promises give a good idea. They came true for me.
" And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. "
Violet, you can recover regardless of anything. The only conditions are that you trust God and clean house.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by violetflame 
And eating dinner early seems to work for me,
Hunger and thirst bring on cravings for alcohol, so eating early and things you like can help a lot.
Tiredness - your body craves alcohol.
Are you seeing a theme here? Once you're hooked on drinking, alcohol becomes your body's go-to solution when you're in need of something; all it often takes is a sleep or a bite to eat, or some deep breathing.
The other key point is to stay away from places where you know there'll be alcohol. It doesn't have to be forever, but be kind to yourself.
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