soberpanda

So just wanted to see if anyone had any experience of a similar kind.

Ive been sober for two years now through AA and NA and I just want to leave I feel ive just hit a dead end with the whole thing.

I stopped sponsoring and gave up a home group a few months ago, prob go to one meeting a week now. Ive been waiting for some kind of terrible thing to happen and I just feel better?

Now I feel a bit outcasted by people there, so it's making me less inclined to go.

Any comments appreciated

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Soberpanda. Sorry to hear things aren't working out well for you, have you found an alternative for your sober work?

Perhaps rather than giving up on a program that has worked for 2 years ( which is fantastic by the way! ) you could try a different meeting or try and change up how you interface with the program. Besides different meeting, you could try just attending as a member and not sponsoring anyone for a while.

I'd hesitate against just "giving up" as it could certainly be a trick by your addiction telling you that things are fine and you are somehow "better" now. It happens to a lot of us and sometimes after many years of sobriety.

You could also try using SR as a supplment and joining a monthly or daily thread, or hanging out in the 12 step forums to help you find new ways to re-vitalize your AA/NA efforts.

soberpanda

Im still working the steps into my life but I just cannot cope with the meetings anymore, never feel good after a meeting anymore. The reason I left my commitments is because I just needed to change it up for a bit. Ive been trying to go to different meetings etc
I just really dont want to drink ever again, but I am sick to death of meetings!

Thanks Scott

biminiblue

I didn't do well in meetings, either.

Why don't you pull back and keeping talking to your HP and look for what really makes you happy? Not everyone is cut out to go to meetings for life. You can always go back, or just go once a month, or whatever makes you happy.

Fly N Buy

When I start to feel worse after a meeting than before I find myself looking at the reason why?? If I am honest and find resentments this is a huge warning sign for me. I have to use the tools I've been given and deal with them.

If on the other hand I find I'm just tired of hearing friends rehash their story, I may need to back off a bit from meetings for awhile.

Meetings that focus on the solution primarily and not run as open therapy discussion - my wife split with the the neighbor and his dog, etc - are of more value to me. Big Book focus and literature based meetings I find useful.

Stopping helping others might be something for you to look at - can you comment more about this - why? I try to recall the statement in the book " We meet frequently so that newcomers may find the fellowship they seek" This is important as I don't want to forget where I came from.

We all need a break once in awhile - for me I need to be certain of the why
Thanks for the thread -

soberpanda

Yeah I just got to a point where I feel like I need to move on, I put a lot of work in and have transformed my life with a hp, AA. But now I feel like I need to work on different areas of my life. I want to let go of the past and sometimes I feel in AA that I have to talk about it all the time or listen to it all the time.
Maybe I will just carry on with the one meeting a week while I see if theres other stuff out there( like this) for me to talk about recovery positively.

thanks bimini

ScottFromWI

SR can be a fantastic resource and supplement to any recovery program, I'd highly recommend trying that out. Both the weekly/monthly thread sections as well as the 12-step could be very beneficial.

biminiblue

Soberpanda, I went to meetings for several months. The whole time I was also coming here for large chunks of the day. I have gotten so much out of this website and it is a good way to help others while keeping my sobriety in the front of my mind every day.

You'll find a balance.

freshstart57

Maybe it is just time to get to work filling up your life with pursuits that give you fulfillment and satisfaction, joy and beauty. You get to figger out what those things mean to you. That's what life should be about, huh? Onward!

soberpanda

Thanks guys,
I think I prob could do with balancing life differently, theres so much life out there to experience and suppose I just feel stuck on an AA treadmill at the moment.
Ive just had it drilled into me that I have to attend so many meetings a week to stay sober which I really did need in very early sobriety but now I feel like not living my life to its potential.

Thanks for lifting my spirits

JeffreyAK

I haven't gone to AA meetings in years, but I used to go to a lot of local LifeRing meetings - several a week, plus online meetings and chat, including driving 180 miles to Sacramento and back to the bay area every Thursday for a meeting there. At some point I burned out on it all, and it felt like it became another kind of addiction. And I'm still very happily sober.

I think everyone is different, and while it does seem to be true that dropping your support can be a prelude to relapse, only you can answer that for yourself and act accordingly if you feel yourself moving in that direction. And it certainly does not have to be true, sometimes it's just time to move forward in life. Personally I facilitate one Freestyle Recovery meeting a week, which is more a group a friends than something I need to stay sober, and I participate here now and then, YMMV but we're all different and you get to decide as a clear-headed sober person how much support you need longer-term.

Fly N Buy

I read this many times on SR and wonder who is saying this? I've never heard anyone in my area of the States comment this way. In fact, there's more of a thought - It's the steps we take, not the meetings we make.

Best of luck - stay connected!

MIRecovery

Speaking only for myself. I go to meetings for 3 reasons

1. To help others. I do not know why I was selected to stay sober but I was. I honestly feel it is my moral responsibility to give back what was so freely given to me. I have helped save lives what more noble endeavor can there be?
2. I go because I need the constant reinforcement of the principles of AA because my thinking has a nasty habit of reverting to my old ways
3. I go for the fellowship. I have a bunch of people who I am extremely close to. If it wasn't for them I may not have gotten through the death of my daughter alive and sober

biminiblue

I heard that more than one time when I was contemplating quitting AA meetings. "Cut back on meetings till you drink," or, "Don't leave before the miracle happens."

I had several people (like seven or eight) in different meetings tell me I needed to keep going if I wanted to stay sober. Maybe you just never talked about stopping?

That "miracle"? No one knows what it is for me or whether I've experienced it. It's a very personal transformation between me and my God.

happybeingme

I know a lot of people that have felt like you. Have you looked at the Friends and Family section here or the Adult Children section? I know for myself I really needed to dig deep in my past and my wider life ( friends and extended family) to address the causes and conditions that led to my alcoholism

Boleo

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

Fly N Buy

Yea to be clear Bim - I have heard sharing about relapses from those who have relapsed and others speaking about the topic in general. One strand in a common thread is the person stopped going to meetings.

Today I am satisfied with whatever works for the individual. I am not an old time AA person - though I am "older" = newer to recovery.

I believe strongly in my case that an awakening (I was definitely asleep) need to occur. This was of a spiritual nature - which I am not trying to open up a discussion or debate. That awakening is what keeps me sober, I believe.

If I ask my HP to keep me sober today and thanks for yesterday He has not failed me.

For me I too ( like MIR) feel a moral obligation to contribute for the newcomer. Maybe that will dissipate, who knows. Today I go to meetings to listen to newcomers, share the message that change is possible by working the steps - imo - and meetings shorten the day for me.

I really enjoy the fellowship - visiting with friends as I do on SR - which I spend a lot more time on than in meetings!

No one should try to define your miracle, of course not. Zealots come in many forms and shapes. I typically avoid such nonsensical folk........



Sorry OP for interruption -
Again, thanks for your thread.......bowing out

tomsteve

None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did. We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs. All of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to describe.


Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us.

....and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

"Ive just had it drilled into me that I have to attend so many meetings a week to stay sober which I really did need in very early sobriety but now I feel like not living my life to its potential."

i can relate to that. then meetings became an addiction for me. saying i have to go to "x" amount of meetings/week to stay sober is still having alcoholic thinking and living in fear. imo its untreated alcoholism.
tbe absolute only reason i go to meetings is to carry the message to the still sick and suffering alcoholic.

In addition to these casual get-togethers, it became customary to set apart one night a week for a meeting to be attended by anyone or everyone interested in a spiritual way of life.
the prime object was to provide a time and place where new people might bring their problems.

Carlotta

I have stopped going to AA myself.
I believe that meeting makers make...meetings and while it is good for newcomers to make a brand new sober social network and also meetings and clubhouses can be a way for the elderly and others to ward off loneliness, for most people attending meetings non stop can become like Tom says an addiction and be mentally unhealthy.
Having worked the steps, I consider myself recovered or some would say on the maintenance steps.

I look at and take ownership of my actions and do my best not to hurt others, if I mess up I will make amends (step 10 but also called: being a decent human being).

The eleventh step brought me to the practice of Zen meditation and mindfulness which I truly enjoy and practice daily (check out the link Boleo put up about Refuge Recovery that's a goodie)

Step 12, well I post here and I am also a member of another very small forum where I post the daily readings as a service. I also still volunteer in the community at large (food bank).

I am not saying that I will never go back to AA, I might (and have) still drop in to say hi. It's just that being freed of the obsession to drink, I have taken a different path.

To quote a good friend of mine: Check your motives.
If it's your AV at work, then don't leave AA. If you just feel like you have outgrown the program or feel a pull to do something else then go for it.
AA is not the only way. Don't listen to the fear mongers and check yer motives

sugarbear1

I make it to one or two meetings a week. I take a meeting into a rehab once a month.

I meet with my sponsor one night a week and we chat over dinner.

I work the steps in my life daily.

Seems to work for me. I do enjoy getting to meetings which seem to be big book centered or at least focus on the solution.

Reduce or change up your meetings, don't stop sponsoring others......and as stated previously, always know your motives for attending a meeting!