Gottalife

I spent several years away from meetings in the late 80's and early 90's. It didn't seem to cause me any grief, though I am sure I missed out on a lot in terms of seeing people recover.

During that time I got married, started a business, a restaurant that ran nights, had children and family life. There seemed to be a lot going on. But also in this time I kept in touch with my close AA friends and remained available for any 12 step oppotunities that came along.

Later, as the children grew up, I had more time and so became involved with AA again. I am so glad I did. Not because life was tough without it, it wasn't, but because it revitalised my spiritual life and took me into that fourth dimension. Life and learning has been amazing ever since. AA is like a benevolent slot machine. I put a dollar in, I get ten dollars out. It is just an absolute pleasure to be involved.

If you want to hide something from an alcoholic, put it in the big book.

"This seemed to prove intensive work, one alcoholic with another, was vital to permanent recovery"

"Faith without works is dead."

"For if a man failed to perfect an enlarge his spiritual life through self sacrifice and service to others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots that lay ahead".

The purpose of the book " Its main object is to help you find a power greater than yourself which will solve your problem"

"The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. (the fellowship) But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined"

"If you do enough meetings and don't drink one day at a time, you can stay sober" "

Check with your sponsor to see how many meetings you will need to attend to have a spiritual awakening"

tomsteve

Check with your sponsor to see how many meetings you will need to attend to have a spiritual awakening"

none.
Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps...

meeting makers make meetings.

Grungehead

Going to AA meetings isn't about me anymore. That's why I keep going.

Ken33xx

Why not try a few different meetings?

No reason to continue going to a particular meeting if you don't like the vibe even if it is/was your home group.

Redmayne

The Fellowship of AA, whatever people say of it, good, bad or indifferent, exists, as I understand it, as a support organisation for 'problem drinkers', no one ever got sober at an AA meeting. I attended them . albeit intermittently but for regular periods for 24 years and never gained anything.

Until, at the last meeting I attended, a guy handed me a 'bootleg' copy of a recording of one of 'Charlie & Joe's: Big Book Study Meeting', from which, listened to in conjunction with reading the BB, my recovery began and remains so to this day. I've never been near an AA meeting since,

Sharing my experience, strength and hope, to help other, including myself, recover from alcoholism on here!

Works fine for me...

Tc4ever

Good for you sober panda. Doing what is right for you is what's important..
TC

soberpanda

Thanks everyone for replies,
Yeah I think it's just time I stood back a little from AA. I would never say Im never going again just that for me right now I need to grow in different areas. ,my life cannot be just about me being an alcoholic.

Think im just all AA'd out haha

Thanks all

greens

Yup, I had a similar situation. AA and al anon helped me immensely for a few years and right before my 4th year anniversary I left for smart recovery. I am grateful for the fellowship but the continued step work did not mesh well with my trauma counseling. Smart really helped with my ptsd symptoms so that is where my recovery is now. I think it's healthy to recognize when you need change. I still use the one day at the time mantra and I still hang out with sober people- but my recovery has been very fluid, I take what I need from several places, aa was one of them. I kinda tapered off meetings but haven't been to one in a while, I know they are there If I need them- I actually ran into my old sponsor today while trick or treating! We are still on good terms it was very sweet seeing her, she understood my reasons for leaving and was very supportive along with my therapist and counselor. Pm me if you ever want to chat!

dox

I enjoy meetings at present.
There was a time when I seemed to get tired of the whole thing.
Thankfully, I had a service position which required my attendance at that one meeting a week.
Doing service allows me to easily and routinely give back just a little bit of what was given to me.
It keeps me going to meetings when complacency sets in.

I am exploring other avenues of spiritual growth and improved mental health.
But, my meetings are the foundation of my recovery.
One may say that the steps are all important and they are.
And yet, I never would have asked someone to help me through the steps had I not heard of the benefits again and again and again . . .
in meetings.
Indeed, I might have stopped at step 4 had I not heard that carrying on with the steps IS the easier softer way.
I heard it in a meeting.

SR is great.
Cyber sobriety helps a lot.
But, the real world is where its at for me:

SEEing the newcomer get it.
HEARing the gratitude expressed.
FEELing a real ((hug)) when you need it most.

In a meeting I can pass on the message as well as being reminded for myself,
on a regular basis,
in person.

Fly N Buy

Carlotta,

Always appreciate your insights, very helpful indeed.

I think it's important to note that loneliness in drinking and recovery can be very real and does not discriminate. Many of us had become isolated and drank in part due to lack of socialization skills unlearned at young ages.

While addictions of many types are unhealthy, including addiction to meetings - loneliness can be crushing and debilitating. I know those who attend meetings daily primarily for this reason = shortens the day and certainly I think we'd agree they should not feel less than for this behavior - like they are abnormal or missing out.

pg 153 = Among them you will make lifelong friends. You will be bound to them with new and wonderful ties, for you will escape disaster together and you will commence shoulder to shoulder your common journey. Then you will know what it means to give of yourself that others may survive and rediscover life. You will learn the full meaning of "Love thy neighbor as thyself."


I guess I am saying if one gets what they need from the rooms and goes into the world (leaving AA mostly) living a fulfilled, wonderful, friend rich life - that's terrific!

Life can be just as rich for those who stay in the rooms, attend meetings on a regular basis and live a fulfilled, wonderful, friend rich life.


And yes, checking our motives is always sound advice, I need constant reminder.

Thanks Caroltta

NYCDoglvr

The problem in recovery is we're still under the sway of denial and rationalization. You've probably noticed that people coming back always say they stopped going to meetings. While I've been sober in AA for 24 years, there have been periods when I got bored, or tired, whatever, and cut back on meetings. I didn't drink but the negative thinking came back and I returned to isolating more.

This is simply my experience. It's entirely up to you.

Gottalife

There is a lot of wisdom in this post for me. Denial and rationalisiation maybe symptoms of the obsession returning, but why would that be happening?

I think that stopping meetings can also be a symptom, rather than a cause of the spiritual malady returning. The reason I think this is because the majority of people I see slip are going to meetings.

There may be some other common threads in the picture. The alcoholic who drinks dies so because they have no effective mental defence aginst the first drink which in AA parlance might mean they have not had the psychic change, or the change has reversed itself.

The person who stops going to meetings doe so because they are not getting anything out of it. Their attendance has become a discipline and like any other human being they just get bored with it and think the anwer may lie somewhere else.

If they were getting from meetings what I get, they would never want to stop. There is a great spiritual reward in it for me like Flynbuy was talking about. Why aren't they getting that?

The common theme with older members relapsing is they were not sponsoring. They stopped giving it away or maybe they were always sponsored but never sponsoring. With newer ones the psychic change has not happened because the work required has not been done quickly enough.

The majority are perhaps folks who have swallowed the two huge lies I told in my earlier post. I knew Tomsteve would pick up on it, but I am surprised a few others didn't nail me. Myabe a lot of people relapse because they don't get to hear the truth about what it takes to recover. And that would not be their fault.

Boleo

I have stopped going to meetings because I think of them as placing a glass ceiling on my recovery. I also have seen a lot of my friends slip even while attending 5 - 10 meetings a week for years.

It is a "Spiritual Awakening" that keeps me sober, not meeting attendance. I intuitively know that I have to keep moving forward in my recovery or to will slip. However, I see where I have many venues to practice my program that keeps me moving forward and meetings are just a drop in the bucket when it comes to opportunities for me practice spiritual principles like prayer, meditation and service to others.

At some point in my recovery, I switched from talking about drinking/not-drinking and started talking about the "spiritual awakening" that liberated me from all thoughts of drinking/not-drinking. That is when meetings started putting a crimp on my recovery. It seems talking about liberation from the temptation to drink is a taboo subject at most of the meetings that I was attending.
I switched to a different fellowship where "spiritual awakenings" are consider an essential part of recovery. Not just a side-bar to it.

:

Carlotta

I have stopped going to meetings because I think of them as placing a glass ceiling on my recovery.

Reading the stories at the back of the Refuge Recovery book, it seems to be the common experience of those who quit attending AA and switched fellowship to Refuge.

One thing I really liked about their meetings was that they start with a 20 minute meditation. It's nice to share about the practice of the dharma with other sober positive people.

youbetcha

I am grateful for A.A. and I am glad it's there, but I started "standing back" from it as you put it, several years ago, but I was many years sober. I sometimes grow tired of talking about myself like I'm still the loser I was almost 25 years ago now. I've come a long way and I sometimes don't see the point of rehashing the past all the time, it feels like living in the problem instead of the solution. But when A.A. gets a grip on you, it's not easy to shake, and I'm not sure I want to completely. I kind of wear A.A. "like a loose garment" nowadays, attending meetings occasionally, checking in with my A.A. friends etc., who agree now (they didn't at first) that whatever I'm doing is working for me. My life is pretty good, thanks.

MIRecovery

One thing I have learned is the time to have a network of sober friends is before you need them. Life threw a very mean curve ball at me and I thank my lucky stars that I had people I'd known for years and were able to carry me through some very dark days

Berrybean

I suppose you've got to do what you feel is best for you (although quitting altogether seems a bit all-or-nothing - why not continue with the cut down version for a month maybe and see how you go, then reduce it further if all goes well.)

Did you leave your home group on good terms?

autumn4

I struggle with AA..in fact quite ambivalent with it all. I accept that it is peer support, free and readily available in most parts of the world. It is a valuable resource when newly sober and wondering where else to go to have fellowship with others striving to stay off the booze.
I do struggle with the one size fits all approach from the 1930's, science knows much more about the variabilities of alcohol use disorder now. I find it can be cliquish with cult like aspects and a few weeks ago when expressing to an older member that I suffered depression I was told it was my self centred nature, the answer ..do service work! sponsor! more meetings!. Well meetings can make me feel worse sometimes, especially as a shy midlife woman listening to men telling stories of their antisocial antics

Ken33xx

Yeah, I pretty much wear AA "like a loose garment" as well. I'll go to a couple of meetings a week and generally avoid the drama.

When I left my Sunday morning home group several years ago I never really thought about that. I simple decided I wanted to stay home on Sundays. I got an email from one member and pretty much said as much. Was anyone upset? I tend to doubt it but if they were tough toenails.


Yeah, everybody's got an opinion in AA but that's part of the deal. It's free and everyone is welcome and we've all got something to say.

Anyway...I've learned to be careful about what I share esp. in meetings where I'm fairly new.

Mountainmanbob

Many sober up in AA and somewhere down the road stop going
yet, stay sober.

AA can get old at times after several years of attendance
but, I just keep going back because it's a good reminder for me
of
how it was
what happened
and how it is now.

Mountainmanbob