Grakbar

So I've been lurking here a while and decided to post. I'm an alcoholic, I've quit for up to months at a time off and on through the last several years. There have been some legal issues, I'm in the midst of solving some now, though I don't want that to be why I'm sober. It's been two and a half weeks now and I'm really trying to take everything one day at a time. Been making it to AA meetings pretty regularly (as close to daily as I can, but I'm still employed at the moment and keeping my job has to have priority done days) and trying to keep an open mind there. I've found a few I really like, I'm not a religious person but I'm doing my best to have an open mind about that part of it. I guess my point for posting today is I'm just curious what other types of resources are out there beyond AA and where to start looking? I'm trying to keep it in my head that there's no goal to make it past where I'll suddenly be OK to go back to drinking, that's been my stumbling point every other attempt. So I'm trying to read a lot and put whatever free time I can into maintaining each day without drinking. Guess the short version is I'm just looking for advice on how to keep moving forward and away from alcohol.

Soberwolf

Welcome Grakbar

Berrybean

Good to see you posting. I hope you keep us updated on your progress and share any snippets of wisdom you hear.

I remember, as a kid I used to try to imagine a ladder going up into the sky that didn't have an end. No matter how hard I tried, as I imagined climbing up it, ends of the ladder kept bloody appearing. I just couldn't get my head around the idea of infinity, even in the form of a simple ladder. When I first got sober, trying to imagine an ongoing life without alcohol reminded me of being a kid trying to imagine that infinite ladder again. I just couldn't wrap my head round that idea. The old boys in my lunchtime AA group just smiled and said, "One Day At A Time". That kind of frustrated me, because I wanted to get it all sorted in my head straight off. But then us alcoholics do a lot of crying for the moon, and writing things off if there is no way of getting instant gratification, so I suppose they recognised that in me and just kept pulling me back to "One Day at a Time". I'm not sure when I suddenly became comfortable with the idea of ongoing 'for always' sobriety. I just realised one day that I was more than comfortable with the idea.

In AA, the 'God' stuff can be a stumbling block for of us, until we really think about it as our 'Higher Power' rather than a religious God. I know very few religious people in the rooms - but almost all of them have a Higher Power. There are some helpful threads on the Alcoholism 12-Step area of this forum that you could read through Step 2 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information and Step 3 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information.
Also, the Big Book Chapter 4, 'We Agnostics' might help if you haven't already read it http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt4.pdf and in the12 and 12 you could read the chapters on Step 2 http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_step2.pdf and step 3 http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_step3.pdf .

I suppose I'm reading between the lines of your post and getting the feeling that you're eager to forge ahead, and suspecting that you've met a group of AAers like I did who maybe seem like they're not moving things forward at the pace you'd like. You know, once you're ready to ask someone to sponsor you and start working the steps, then the pace will change a bit. At the moment you're on the bit of the roller coaster that is waiting for your go, or maybe starting the slow climb up. Lol - this is how it seemed to me:
W a i t W a i t W a i t ........(get a sponsor)...... S t e p o n e ................. s t e p t w o .................. s t e p t h r e e .................................................. ...Step4step5 whooooooooooosh. Step 6 Step 7 Step 8 Step 9 Step 10

Anyway - good luck with your journey to sobriety and recovery, whatever form you decide that will take. Keep posting and sharing

dox

One good, and highly recommended, way to keep the ball rolling:

Find yourself a sponsor and work through the steps.
This will be an eye-opener
and a life-opener.

Thanks for posting, Grakbar.

Time2Rise

Work to understand that you're not giving anything up when you get sober. You're not depriving yourself of anything. Rather you're gaining a new and better life.

Music

That thought of "I've been sober for a while now. Maybe it's not as bad as I thought" is the enemy of alcoholics for sure. It's called "pride" and is not our friend. I look at it as the disease talking to me, trying to lure me back to my old ways, which is exactly what the disease does. That's why the Big Book says alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful. I've been sober a long time and I still have moments when that little voice inside me says, "a nice cold beer would really taste good right now" and I have to smile. Sure it would, especially on a hot summers day but the smile happens when I realize I wouldn't stop with just one beer. I'd be off and crazy again, maybe not on that particular day, but it would happen. Know why?? 'Cause it always happened that way. After that first drink....I'm powerless over alcohol.

zjw

I think the secret is you'll never cross the finish line and you have to be ok with that. its just an ongoing journey. I suppose each day when you go to bed sober you've crossed some kind of a finish line however.

I was raised catholic then did more of a regular old christianity thing. The god stuff in AA never bothered me and i never saw it as overbearing at least in my group anyhow. But my background causes me to also have a narrow mind so when some suggested i read this or that of a buddahist / zen / taoism nature I was kinda skeptical ya know whats next devil worshipping? this is my naive head at the time. I ventured out tho started reading various things along those lines and found them very helpful and there is no need for me to jump in with both feet and become a buddahist or something the principles are good I dont need to convert or something or buy the whole cow I can just pick around for the pieces i like.

What got me down that road was reading The power of Now by Eckhart tolle and awareness by anthony de mello Next i started reading stuff by pema chodron , thich nhat hanh, mooji etc...

I like the one day at a time idea too because it shortens the view keeps it simple. Just worry about right now we are awesome at worrying about everything BUT now i think its important to just worry about right now.

Bird615

Welcome, Grakbar!

Boleo

I have to admit the the word goal can be misleading to some. Normal drinking can never be a part of it. However, the level of "Recovery" that I like to talk about does have objectives, milestones and significant results.

Achieving X number of days/weeks/months or even years of One-Arduous-Day-At-A-Time abstinence is not a viable goal IMNSHO. Achieving a state of mind emancipated from all thoughts of drinking and not-drinking, is not only a realistic goal, but the only totally effective goal worth striving for in the long-run.

I catch a lot of flack around here for saying this; but anyone can reach a state of mind where equanimity will supplant "not-drinking". Equanimity is a noble goal so long as you keep in mind that it does not include anything like controlled drinking.

:

Grakbar

Thanks for the replies, everyone. The day at a time thing seems to be going pretty well right now, and I've been going to a group that I like when I can make it. Not to jump to far ahead but I'm looking forward to Monday and being able to claim three weeks. This is far from my first try at getting and maintaining sobriety, but it feels like the first time I've really tried to go out and ask for and accept help from other people. I'm not laughably adverse to the higher power side of things, it's just never really been okay of my wiring so it's something I'm working out as I go. And yeah - is like to step on the gas and get things moving, but that's another thing about me that I'm trying to learn to have a calmer approach with. Just trying to let it all come as it will at this point. Again - I appreciate the responses and I'm certainly gonna try to stick around and keep updating on how it's going.

Soberwolf

Excellent news bud

Grakbar

Man, just reread that last post of mine and noticed all the autocorrect errors... Maybe I'll try to stick to posting from my computer and bit my phone from now on. Another day finishing up night shift and staying sober going in the books now.