Worst night ever
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Glad you didn't drink Holds. The recurring theme in many of your posts, and most of the issues you seem to be having all seem to point directly back to your anxiety. Yesterday you mentioned that you were actually thinking of calling a therapist...maybe today should be the day you take some action on that? It's a very treatable and livable affliction to deal with, but I honestly don't see you making any progress in most areas until you face that issue head on.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
2 COR 1:3-7
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,
4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
5 For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.
6 If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer.
7 Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.
MAT 5: 3-12
3“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
For they shall be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek,
For they shall inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
For they shall be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful,
For they shall obtain mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
For they shall see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
For they shall be called sons of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake,
For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 “Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. 12 Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,
4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
5 For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.
6 If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer.
7 Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.
MAT 5: 3-12
3“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
For they shall be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek,
For they shall inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
For they shall be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful,
For they shall obtain mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
For they shall see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
For they shall be called sons of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake,
For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 “Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. 12 Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 464
Thank you tomsteve, thats encouraging.
I wish I could have enough time to get away from work for enough therapy. But I think I may make the call today sometime to see if its possible to do this after i get off work. Even if I can't get a therapist that would do this, I could probably talk to my pastor or someone at my church that knows how to deal with this stuff, at least get one-on-one face to face etc. to get it out.
I feel like my sanity is hanging in the balance. It was getting better too, now its as if I just feel fear and nervousness constantly again.
I wish I could have enough time to get away from work for enough therapy. But I think I may make the call today sometime to see if its possible to do this after i get off work. Even if I can't get a therapist that would do this, I could probably talk to my pastor or someone at my church that knows how to deal with this stuff, at least get one-on-one face to face etc. to get it out.
I feel like my sanity is hanging in the balance. It was getting better too, now its as if I just feel fear and nervousness constantly again.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Holds1325 
Even if I can't get a therapist that would do this, I could probably talk to my pastor or someone at my church that knows how to deal with this stuff, at least get one-on-one face to face etc. to get it out.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 464
I've had plenty of excuses not to.
Had a talk recently and everyone has excuses and thats all they are. I never once made an excuse not to drink and i accommodated my drinking with whatever scheduling changes I needed to make and I always made them.
So I either have to just do it, or not, no excuses or anything. Although the social anxiety is what gets to me, putting my problems out there and talking about them sort of scares me.
Not to mention I keep thinking what if I get a therapist that pushes meds, or what if I get a therapist that I can't tell everything to for fear of being thrown in psych again or something, this all terrifies me mostly because I never met the person before. I think thats when it leans towards someone from my church because at least Ive known them somewhat but what if no one wants to help etc.
These were sort of the thoughts that flew through my head when thinking about therapy.
I was getting therapy through a therapist and someone at church, and it didn't turn out that well so I've always had my resistance towards it I guess.
Had a talk recently and everyone has excuses and thats all they are. I never once made an excuse not to drink and i accommodated my drinking with whatever scheduling changes I needed to make and I always made them.
So I either have to just do it, or not, no excuses or anything. Although the social anxiety is what gets to me, putting my problems out there and talking about them sort of scares me.
Not to mention I keep thinking what if I get a therapist that pushes meds, or what if I get a therapist that I can't tell everything to for fear of being thrown in psych again or something, this all terrifies me mostly because I never met the person before. I think thats when it leans towards someone from my church because at least Ive known them somewhat but what if no one wants to help etc.
These were sort of the thoughts that flew through my head when thinking about therapy.
I was getting therapy through a therapist and someone at church, and it didn't turn out that well so I've always had my resistance towards it I guess.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Holds1325
So I either have to just do it, or not, no excuses or anything.
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 359
Originally Posted by Holds1325
Thank you tomsteve, thats encouraging. I wish I could have enough time to get away from work for enough therapy. But I think I may make the call today sometime to see if its possible to do this after i get off work. Even if I can't get a therapist that would do this, I could probably talk to my pastor or someone at my church that knows how to deal with this stuff, at least get one-on-one face to face etc. to get it out. I feel like my sanity is hanging in the balance. It was getting better too, now its as if I just feel fear and nervousness constantly again.
I think that you will be able to take this one in stride as well - you are becoming stronger, not weaker
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Holds,
I am glad you are going to try and see someone, and I would not close the door on medication.
Understand not benzos, but there a lot of other options today that really help many people.
Not saying yes, just don't want you to say no without investigation -- saved my life, literally.
I am glad you are going to try and see someone, and I would not close the door on medication.
Understand not benzos, but there a lot of other options today that really help many people.
Not saying yes, just don't want you to say no without investigation -- saved my life, literally.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Holds1325
I feel like my sanity is hanging in the balance. It was getting better too, now its as if I just feel fear and nervousness constantly again.
how old were ya when ya took your first drink?
can you remember problems with anxiety before you ever started drinking?
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 464
At this time I am trying to do this without meds. I know they help people and thats great but thats just my choice not to. I don't feel comfortable taking them and my mind would create all types of unwanted side effects anyway. Perhaps in the future when something worse than "life unaltered" happens.
Kallistia - it might have been a pink cloud idk it definitely wasn't "euphoric" and i didn't want to jump through the field with lots of happiness. It just felt like things were beginning to be "normal" again. I wasn't overly scared of my health, my OCD wasn't flaring up and I was feeling just OK and not necessarily overly joyed but back to my normal optimistic-easy to talk to type of person. Before I was introverted and stuck in my mind of catastrophe, and for a moment it seemed like that quieted down a bit.
Tomsteve - I had my first drink in college at age 18 and then my drinking career basically started at age 21. since then it was family, house, car, job etc. Before that I was just a naive teen living the good life, doing what I wanted. So its taking a ton of growing up to try and get over this.
I had OCD tendencies before I began drinking but nothing quite as bad as its gotten. In my childhood these tendencies caused panic attacks and anxiety, however, as a teen they just sort of went away, only to come back after I quit drinking. Of course the drinking could have caused it now, and perhaps some traumatic event in my childhood could have caused it then too. In any case, my drinking amplified these things, however the AV keeps telling me it made them go away, which in a way it did, I just had to keep poisoning my body with alcohol to keep it away.
Kallistia - it might have been a pink cloud idk it definitely wasn't "euphoric" and i didn't want to jump through the field with lots of happiness. It just felt like things were beginning to be "normal" again. I wasn't overly scared of my health, my OCD wasn't flaring up and I was feeling just OK and not necessarily overly joyed but back to my normal optimistic-easy to talk to type of person. Before I was introverted and stuck in my mind of catastrophe, and for a moment it seemed like that quieted down a bit.
Tomsteve - I had my first drink in college at age 18 and then my drinking career basically started at age 21. since then it was family, house, car, job etc. Before that I was just a naive teen living the good life, doing what I wanted. So its taking a ton of growing up to try and get over this.
I had OCD tendencies before I began drinking but nothing quite as bad as its gotten. In my childhood these tendencies caused panic attacks and anxiety, however, as a teen they just sort of went away, only to come back after I quit drinking. Of course the drinking could have caused it now, and perhaps some traumatic event in my childhood could have caused it then too. In any case, my drinking amplified these things, however the AV keeps telling me it made them go away, which in a way it did, I just had to keep poisoning my body with alcohol to keep it away.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Originally Posted by zjw
isnt suggesting meds kinda like medical advice guys? shouldnt that be between holds and his therapist?
just my 2 cents.
just my 2 cents.
Suggesting that pscyhoactive drugs "in general", when prescribed by a therapist/DR might be helpful is not considered medical advice.
Bottom line, each person is different and if one feels meds would help certainly ask your DR or therapist. Conversely if you feel that therapy alone without meds is the way you'd like to try things, that's fine too when done in consultation with a therapist.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
In any case, my drinking amplified these things, however the AV keeps telling me it made them go away, which in a way it did, I just had to keep poisoning my body with alcohol to keep it away.
i can relate to this here. after i got sober, all them things i thought went away with a drink? welp, if they did they wouldnt have still been with me. cant say how many blackout drunks i had to forget things. theres a high probability that they really didnt. i was just in a blackoutband dont remember.
and it all kept coming back until i faced it.
early recovery was a whirlwind of everything. feelings,emotions, thoughts that had been supressed for years with alcohol.major mental mayhem.
through LOTS of prayer, taking a look at myself-at the causes and conditions of everything- and working on changing me , my mental state started getting better.
the first day with no mental mayhem was rather strange. something i wasnt used to so it didnt feel right.
but it really was.
it took T.I.M.E.
which required patience.
its gonna get better for ya,holds. trudging sucks, but rather effective.
how bout sitting down tonight and write out a gratitude list? not just gratitude for what ya have, but also what ya dont?
i didnt know i had ocd until a psych evaluation prior to going through a clinical trial. i thought i was just tedious and picky! it would drive me nuts(er) at times.
i was given some techniques to use to manage it. worked pretty good, but even practicing them would frustrate me until they became somewhat second nature.
it can still get a wee bit out of hand. but i have solutions for it.
holds, your going to be experiencing quite a bit for a while. learning how to live life on lifes terms can be exhausting. it will get easier so long as ya keep putting in the footwork and dont drink.
no matter how the days may be
as long as ya lay down in bed at the end of the day sober
it was a good day.
i can relate to this here. after i got sober, all them things i thought went away with a drink? welp, if they did they wouldnt have still been with me. cant say how many blackout drunks i had to forget things. theres a high probability that they really didnt. i was just in a blackoutband dont remember.
and it all kept coming back until i faced it.
early recovery was a whirlwind of everything. feelings,emotions, thoughts that had been supressed for years with alcohol.major mental mayhem.
through LOTS of prayer, taking a look at myself-at the causes and conditions of everything- and working on changing me , my mental state started getting better.
the first day with no mental mayhem was rather strange. something i wasnt used to so it didnt feel right.
but it really was.
it took T.I.M.E.
which required patience.
its gonna get better for ya,holds. trudging sucks, but rather effective.
how bout sitting down tonight and write out a gratitude list? not just gratitude for what ya have, but also what ya dont?
i didnt know i had ocd until a psych evaluation prior to going through a clinical trial. i thought i was just tedious and picky! it would drive me nuts(er) at times.
i was given some techniques to use to manage it. worked pretty good, but even practicing them would frustrate me until they became somewhat second nature.
it can still get a wee bit out of hand. but i have solutions for it.
holds, your going to be experiencing quite a bit for a while. learning how to live life on lifes terms can be exhausting. it will get easier so long as ya keep putting in the footwork and dont drink.
no matter how the days may be
as long as ya lay down in bed at the end of the day sober
it was a good day.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 464
From a drinking problem to a thinking problem.
If it wasnt for the help I receive almost daily here on SR I'd be drinking by now I'm sure of it. You all have helped show me that my drinking problem can be overcome.
Thank you for your advice it really does mean alot to me, its kept me on this path of sobriety.
If I only can get to bed sober I'll be fine, I've said that almost every night since I began my sobriety.
If it wasnt for the help I receive almost daily here on SR I'd be drinking by now I'm sure of it. You all have helped show me that my drinking problem can be overcome.
Thank you for your advice it really does mean alot to me, its kept me on this path of sobriety.
If I only can get to bed sober I'll be fine, I've said that almost every night since I began my sobriety.
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