My third AA meeting
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 45
I have never been to ACA nor CoDA.. I have been to a few Al-Anon (for dealing with people in our lives that are addicted to something).. I also grew up w a dad who drank daily.. It was not easy, but today I have a choice to allow that to affect me or not; and as far as his drinking today my sponsor says, "your business stops at the end of your nose", "be an example" "attraction not promotion" "keep ur visits sweet and short but don't say anything out of anger that u may later regret". Grateful to have a sponsor that tells me how it is.
I understand it completely. My childhood was chaotic, rootless for years, lost my sister at age 4, grew up without a dad, etc. I developed emotional coping strategies and ways of thinking that no longer work as an adult.
ACA meetings might be ideal, but my therapist truly believes that the straight up AA stepwork will do the trick, even though the focus of responsibility is a little more on ourselves than on parents who made mistakes.
The result still involves changing our perceptions, letting go of control, being humble, accepting life as it really is, not distorted by our old thinking.. a lot of it also falls into the realm of mindfulness I think, which I work on a lot.
ACA meetings might be ideal, but my therapist truly believes that the straight up AA stepwork will do the trick, even though the focus of responsibility is a little more on ourselves than on parents who made mistakes.
The result still involves changing our perceptions, letting go of control, being humble, accepting life as it really is, not distorted by our old thinking.. a lot of it also falls into the realm of mindfulness I think, which I work on a lot.
ONe of my sponsors and his partner are doing a lot of work setting up ACA in their area. It's very interesting though not something I have ever felt a need for. One thing I am sure they mentioned is they prefer to have people in stable recovery for a few years before they start into ACA.
ONe of my sponsors and his partner are doing a lot of work setting up ACA in their area. It's very interesting though not something I have ever felt a need for. One thing I am sure they mentioned is they prefer to have people in stable recovery for a few years before they start into ACA.
My sponsor turned me loose about 33 years ago and has since passed away. I have never needed a sponsor since, much less multiple sponsors as I implied. I find in AA there are always people around I can talk to if I feel the need, but mostly I just talk to the God of my understanding.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 562
Gotta life thank you for the feedback.......I feel I don't have a few years to work on this problem. I feel it is the root of my self destruction patterns.......I've been self destructive for years. It can't go on. There is no one to talk to about this. Both my brothers are in denial....and they treat me like we were back in our childhood. They haven't changed because they either can't see a reason to or because they've lived in the same town all their lives.....I'm the one who moved away. They don't respect me and they act like I'm either stupid or unequal to them. None of that is right so I cut them off, no longer speaking to them. I can just imagine what they will say to each other after they hear about my recent DUI.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 562
I'm the only one of us who has reached out for help......ever. They just think they are above me as they have been taught all through our childhoods. It's not true, as far as I'm concerned I've done more work and I've accomplished more than they ever thought I would. When I went to college they laughed and said I'd be there 1 semester........not true. I have 144 credits. When I got a job after college they laughed and said she'll be there until her first pay check. Then they started to change their tunes until I came back to town. Then they reverted to their old selves. When I got arrested for DUI......I never even thought to call them. I called my friends to pick me up.......because after all.......they don't even qualify as a friend let alone brothers. Do I sound bitter. I am.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 562
This trauma that I have experienced runs deep. In the paper yesterday there was an article about a 10 year old boy who killed his grandmother who was about 90 by repeatedly punching her the throat.......I see things differently than most.....I question what she did to him to cause this, because when I was 13 I had been thinking for months how to kill my own grandmother who abused me from about age 4 through 15.......the only reason I didn't was because I didn't think I'd get a way w it and I didn't want to feel guilty for the rest of my life. I'm 52 years old and I still hate.....btw.....I did not go to her funeral when she died at age 80. My brothers had to repeatedly remind me to go visit her in the hospital. I went once, saw her.....and never went back even though she was there at least 3 weeks prior to her death. This runs very very deep and she is the only person in my entire life that I contemplated about killing. I can't help it.....it's how I felt and feel.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 45
This trauma that I have experienced runs deep. In the paper yesterday there was an article about a 10 year old boy who killed his grandmother who was about 90 by repeatedly punching her the throat.......I see things differently than most.....I question what she did to him to cause this, because when I was 13 I had been thinking for months how to kill my own grandmother who abused me from about age 4 through 15.......the only reason I didn't was because I didn't think I'd get a way w it and I didn't want to feel guilty for the rest of my life. I'm 52 years old and I still hate.....btw.....I did not go to her funeral when she died at age 80. My brothers had to repeatedly remind me to go visit her in the hospital. I went once, saw her.....and never went back even though she was there at least 3 weeks prior to her death. This runs very very deep and she is the only person in my entire life that I contemplated about killing. I can't help it.....it's how I felt and feel.
Sorry to hear about your family history Debbie, I can tell you've got a lot of pain inside. I feel that only in sobriety can we begin to sort out these things, find peace, and find ourselves. Just listening to you express your anger is a healthy start. You are facing your trauma with honesty and both eyes open. I wish you the best on this journey.
Gotta life thank you for the feedback.......I feel I don't have a few years to work on this problem. I feel it is the root of my self destruction patterns.......I've been self destructive for years. It can't go on. There is no one to talk to about this. Both my brothers are in denial....and they treat me like we were back in our childhood. They haven't changed because they either can't see a reason to or because they've lived in the same town all their lives.....I'm the one who moved away. They don't respect me and they act like I'm either stupid or unequal to them. None of that is right so I cut them off, no longer speaking to them. I can just imagine what they will say to each other after they hear about my recent DUI.
I can only come at this from an AA point of view as I have no experience of ACA other than conversations with my sponsee and his partner.
The AA big book makes this statement;" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house."
Then it also says "But this does not mean that we disregard human health measures. God has abundantly supplied this world with fine doctors, psychologists, and practitioners of various kinds. Do not hesitate to take your health problems to such persons. Most of them give freely of themselves, that their fellows may enjoy sound minds and bodies. Try to remember that though God has wrought miracles among us, we should never belittle a good doctor or psychiatrist. Their services are often indispensable in treating a newcomer and in following his case afterward."
What these two passages seem to be saying is you can recover from alcoholism regardless of anyone else, and once recovered you can make effective use of therapies for other issues.
My ACA friends tell me ACA is completely different to AA in its approach. Not all its members are alcoholics for instance, and for their program to be effective those that are alcoholic need to be well on the way to recovery. I could be wrong, but I think they said that ACA is not usually successful in solving the problems of an active or unrecovered alcoholic. It would be putting the cart before the horse so to speak.
My ACA friends tell me ACA is completely different to AA in its approach. Not all its members are alcoholics for instance, and for their program to be effective those that are alcoholic need to be well on the way to recovery. I could be wrong, but I think they said that ACA is not usually successful in solving the problems of an active or unrecovered alcoholic. It would be putting the cart before the horse so to speak.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
I had about two years of sobriety before I started working on my ACOA stuff. They do want you clean of all chemical dependencies. Even smoking. I still smoke and have found no hindrance in my recovery work because of it. But, everyone is different.
I needed to deal with the most recent wreckage in my life from drinking before I was able to look back and see how it all started and why I ended up an alcoholic. But, that is just me. We do have an adult children section here and you are always welcome to pop in and post. Remember also it isn't just alcoholism and addiction but all family dysfunction that is addressed in ACOA
I needed to deal with the most recent wreckage in my life from drinking before I was able to look back and see how it all started and why I ended up an alcoholic. But, that is just me. We do have an adult children section here and you are always welcome to pop in and post. Remember also it isn't just alcoholism and addiction but all family dysfunction that is addressed in ACOA
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 562
Happy being me......I know Acoa meetings are about family dysfunction......that's why I want to go.....I appreciate your feedback....but I can't wait years to start this work.....it is central to my entire problem. If it disturbs me.....I'll back off. In the meantime I have a new therapist.....she said disabling due to my traumatic background is an option. I'm mulling that over. Tonight I'm going to my 4th aa meeting, it's a women's only meeting .....I'm walking there.....its at least 2 miles from my house....and here's where all my liking walking comes into play......the walk won't bother me. Tuesday I walked home from dropping off my rental and that was also about 2 miles. Took me 1:20 minutes.....didn't phase me and the next day I wasn't even sore. Maybe my higher power was preparing me for literally the long road before me. I'm on day 10... No drinking and no pot.
By the way - sounds like you're doing great
I've got to know some lovely people really well when sharing rides home. (Stick with the women though)
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)