Trying to help alcoholic dad
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Margate, UK
Posts: 549
Trying to help alcoholic dad
Hi guys,
So last night I received more abusive (and completely out of the blue) texts from my dad, who was drunk as he always is. He did apologise this morning, and I replied with "Don't you think it's time to quit drinking etc", I gave him the link to this site and told him about AA and said I would help him through it, and get to the doctor for help (he would undoubtedly have seizures, he's been an alcoholic for longer than I've been alive). I told him that I've never felt better since I got sober, and it really is worth it.
He just said thanks for the advice, and started talking about some tv show. It makes me sad because the last few times I've been to his house, I've had to walk him up the stairs to bed. He will fall down them soon, I'm sure.
There's really nothing else I can do, is there?
So last night I received more abusive (and completely out of the blue) texts from my dad, who was drunk as he always is. He did apologise this morning, and I replied with "Don't you think it's time to quit drinking etc", I gave him the link to this site and told him about AA and said I would help him through it, and get to the doctor for help (he would undoubtedly have seizures, he's been an alcoholic for longer than I've been alive). I told him that I've never felt better since I got sober, and it really is worth it.
He just said thanks for the advice, and started talking about some tv show. It makes me sad because the last few times I've been to his house, I've had to walk him up the stairs to bed. He will fall down them soon, I'm sure.
There's really nothing else I can do, is there?
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Carver 
There's really nothing else I can do, is there?
Your dad will need to find the strength within to want to get sober, you cannot force it on anyone.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,576
Hi Carver -
I can relate. My sister has a drinking problem ... I've tried to restrain myself from "promoting" recovery too much. But a couple of times I've mentioned to her that I'm worried about her drinking, and that sobriety has made me feel better than ever. She's polite about it, but changes the subject.
I'm working on just letting go, as best I can. It's very sad, to know that happiness and relief is available, but that we can't do much to make others seek that relief. My main comfort is that if/when she decides she wants help, she knows she can call me, and maybe I can help ... but it's really out of my hands.
I can relate. My sister has a drinking problem ... I've tried to restrain myself from "promoting" recovery too much. But a couple of times I've mentioned to her that I'm worried about her drinking, and that sobriety has made me feel better than ever. She's polite about it, but changes the subject.
I'm working on just letting go, as best I can. It's very sad, to know that happiness and relief is available, but that we can't do much to make others seek that relief. My main comfort is that if/when she decides she wants help, she knows she can call me, and maybe I can help ... but it's really out of my hands.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 359
I understand, I have had to cut ties with my father - I can no longer handle the exhaustion of trying to "help" him when in all reality all I was doing was baby-sitting and cleaning up his messes.
You cannot help those that aren't interested in help. All you can really do is help yourself and realize that he's a grown man, he knows better, and ultimately his current situation is not your responsibility
You cannot help those that aren't interested in help. All you can really do is help yourself and realize that he's a grown man, he knows better, and ultimately his current situation is not your responsibility
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I'm really sorry that you have to deal with such abuse, Carver.
And, no, there's not much you can do to help your dad until he decides he wants help. But, you can protect yourself and make some boundaries to prevent more abuse coming your way.
And, no, there's not much you can do to help your dad until he decides he wants help. But, you can protect yourself and make some boundaries to prevent more abuse coming your way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Margate, UK
Posts: 549
Thanks all for your thoughtful replies. He did text later on to say he would talk to his doctor, so at least he listened to me for a change. Whether he follows through or not is up to him.
My sister didn't talk to him for ten years over his drinking and abusive phonecalls.
You're all right, I've done what I can. I know from my own experience that the only person who can make a difference is the addict themselves. Just sad for him.
My sister didn't talk to him for ten years over his drinking and abusive phonecalls.
You're all right, I've done what I can. I know from my own experience that the only person who can make a difference is the addict themselves. Just sad for him.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
I think there is a lot of power in suggestion...ultimately the decision and then the work to get and stay sober is his....but sometimes a suggestion can stick and that is all that's needed to plant the seed.
I have a loved one that also has addiction problems and I find it hard not to mention the
possibilities of help and support. I want them to have what I have got because I love them.
I have a loved one that also has addiction problems and I find it hard not to mention the
possibilities of help and support. I want them to have what I have got because I love them.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
No, there isn't anything else you can do.
Have you considered going along to Al Anon (as well as AA), to get support for what you're going through with your Dad? I know a few people who have gone to both, and it has been helpful for them. It's important that you don't let your desire to help and sadness over the situation with your father affect your own recovery.
Have you considered going along to Al Anon (as well as AA), to get support for what you're going through with your Dad? I know a few people who have gone to both, and it has been helpful for them. It's important that you don't let your desire to help and sadness over the situation with your father affect your own recovery.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
I go to both AA and AlAnon and it has really helped me.
Unfortunately there is nothing you can do for your Dad until he wants to be helped, but you might just have planted a seed which will grow later. None of us wants to hear the truth until we are ready to listen. Look after yourself and your sobriety at all costs.
I hope he will be ready to accept help soon.
Unfortunately there is nothing you can do for your Dad until he wants to be helped, but you might just have planted a seed which will grow later. None of us wants to hear the truth until we are ready to listen. Look after yourself and your sobriety at all costs.
I hope he will be ready to accept help soon.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
