Solushun

When I was arrested for DUI, judge asked me what I've been doing the past six months. I said I've been going to AA (my own voluntary basis).. She asked if I blood test you will u pass? I said absolutely. (I wanted a test-proud moment). She said you sound convincing. Keep going for 6 more months and stay out of trouble and she gave me two other tasks and said if I see u have done all I've asked u to do I will reduce it to a reckless driving. I think when people show their own willingness the courts can see it and will commend your dedication. Too many people try to bargain w courts but action speaks louder than words. They know the difference and I believe they want you to get better. Sometimes it takes some time in jail for people to want to grow up.

MIRecovery

The people I am referring to have been sober double digits nor going to AA for double digits

Mountainmanbob

Reality for some I guess.
Can't think of another country where I would rather live ?
The US has provided very well for me, my family and friends.

Also -- the wife and I enjoy the US beaches, mountains and desert.
Some of the best in the world.

The cup is 1/2 full here today.

MM

IWLSAST

Debbie,

After many failed attempts at understanding the message that was being suggested at AA, I decided to focus on how I aligned - not differed. That simple shift opened so many doors for me.

In the early days I tried to leave with just one message that helped me to stay sober. Lesson one from meeting #1 on 6/3/13...I paraphrase from How It Works...people that fail at AA are incapable of being honest, to which someone added that we are only as sick as our secrets. I left that meeting with one very serious goal...stop fooling myself and others. Things started improving from that simple task forward.

AA offered me a path that has peace and serenity - never even knew that existed. I live for the most part joyous, happy and free. At 28 months and 500 plus meetings in, I still am yet to work the 4th step. My religion is more spiritual that God like. My HP is The Universe.

Bottom line, I look to hear what can help me and add to my tool box. The other stuff I just leave behind. Funny thing though...some things I disagreed with in the early stages are a big part of my recovery plan today.

Feeling anger and resentment toward AA or WHY ME never got me anywhere near to peace and serenity in life.

Again, as I said in another of your other threads, I am not pushing AA...I can only offer my own experience, strength and hope.

Week 2, a temp sponsor gave me another gem that was hard for this alkie brain of mine to comprehend...EASY DOES IT!

My best to you in finding a recovery plan that works for you and ultimately offers a path to contentment.

Carlos

tabasco

Because you can choose whatever higher power you want, I found that saying it was my survival mechanism, the old evolution brain, that wanted me to survive above my conscious mind. Enjoy the friendship, you all have one common goal, and a shared goal combined with honesty, helps. One other thing, at this stage, you are there for you, you are the most important person in that room. Say what you like.

Debbie329

Advbike....yes I'm running the show and my performance is lacking. Obviously.

Debbie329

Beccybean.......I have been saying the serenity prayer to myself ......I don't remember when that started........couple years ago.......because it makes sense to me and it tends to calm me. I'm not angry really.....mostly I'm frustrated with not being able to control myself properly. I'll keep posting. I like it here

Debbie329

Oak......yes they all have to be AA....they give you sheet to have signed at each meeting. What I took away from last nights meeting is that women get sober w women........I accept that. I'll look into women for sobriety. Thank you.

zjw

I second that read it was a good book it really helped me tremendously.

Debbie329

Solushun......I like your concept of HOW and GOD .....group of drunks ......I swirl that around. I'm incredibly honest as it is.......I could do a little more work on open mindedness but I am willing try to be sober......sometimes I'm successful.....sometimes I'm not. I actually called someone on Saturday to drive me where I wanted to go but they couldn't. It's not their fault I got a DUI.........I lost control of myself......which I can do sober or not.

Debbie329

Mountainmanbob........have you been to France, if I spoke French I'd pack myself up and go there tomorrow. My views on this country are the result of working as a compliance auditor for banks......I've been to their 10 million dollar cafeteria.......I read the mortgage documents before the financial crash in 2008.....I knew it was coming because those loans were unsustainable and people were locked in or penalized heavily if they refinanced .......our lovely government allowed all that to happen and not one person went to jail but millions of people lost everything they ever had. So I'm tainted because I know what's up.

Debbie329

As an aside.....I'll never work for corporate America again......they don't need my help they've got teams of lawyers and the rest to save them. I'm an insurance broker now and I save people money on their healthcare.......sometimes thousands at a clip......that's where I use my talents. To help the common person. I sleep well at night.

zjw

I know the feeling. I have to just put the blinders on more often then not. Its like I can do what I can do but no matter how much i scream about whats up people just dont wanna listen.

People hear what they wanna hear see what they wanna see etc... I had to stop letting it get under my skin. Its tragic yeah but what can i do? I can try and lead an example and keep my ducks in a row do this or do that. But I cant continue to drive myself nuts over it all.

There was a guy in AA one night rambled on about how when he first sobered up he could argue politics like crazy with people. But said after some sober time he simply didnt care anymore. I guess you hit a point where you see the insanity of it all but you just shrug your shoulders and move on. Thats not to say you dont do what you can when you can IE if your asked your opinion you give it or if you want to help you do. But you dont hang on to the unrestful stressed out my heads gonna exlode frustrations of it all.

zjw

reminds me how a group of alcholics could solve the problems of the world over a few beers (ok maybe a lot more then a few).

recently i gave away an old treadmill. it was like giving away my first car. so many memmories etc.. I ran over 4000 miles on the thing I solved every problem in this world on that machine quietly and without argument with others lol. Another place I run its a quiet peaceful place Soon I may not be allowed to run there anymore again i'm like *sigh* i have a lot of attachment to this place i solved SO MANY problems while running countless laps here who knows how many thousands of miles etc.. I felt better too and i didnt have to flip out and get angry with someone else.

Debbie329

IWLAST......Yeah.......I doubt I'll get past step two......I sit and listen......I got 1 thing out of each meeting.........I drank because I wanted to and women get sober w women. Not sure where I'm going tonight......but I'm going whether I like it or not.

zjw

reminds me of when i started walking. dragged myself out there kicking and screaming many days lol.

Debbie329

Tabasco.....I'll remember that......I am the most important person in the room. I'm not gonna say whatever I want......I don't want to ruin their day or their plan. If I don't have anything good to say I won't say anything at all.......I'll come on here and vent. Thank you.

zjw

heck when i sobered up i was kicking and screaming for a while too. Life was such BS in early sobriety. I felt utterly screwed if i drank utterly screwed if i didnt drink. was very miserable to be honest. I told myself i'll give it a whirl if it doesnt work out i'll go back to drinking or eat a bullet. as I headed down the sober path I didnt wanna go back to drinking becuase the panic attacks I had where so bad. I didnt really like life sober either but i felt less and less inclined to pull the trigger so I kept moving forward glad i did it got better.

Debbie329

Zjw....I wrote the name of that book down......I'll look for it.......I like Virginia wolffs book a room of your own.......I'm gonna re read that. I can relate to solving problems while running , some of my best and clearest thinking occurs when I walk that lake and it's so peaceful and quiet......I see deer turkeys chipmunks turtles snakes Eagles woodpeckers......it's so good for me. Just the idea of it brings peace to me......no one will walk it w me tho......they say 3.4 miles is too far and why can't I just go for a short walk. They say why do I have to do the hardest walk instead of around the block so I'm always alone up there.

zjw

lol yep I run alone. walked alone etc... its ok tho I got lots to hash out in my head lol. Eckhart Tolle said in his book he went to a party and was alone no one talked to him the host asked if he was enjoying himself he said that was the only think he was enjoying .

I know how you feel about nature they say we gotta renew ourselves in nature. Out on my runs its the same thing I see all the great animals etc.. I can go out in the foulest of moods and come back peaceful and happy. Like i said I've dragged myself out kicking and screaming so many times lol.