Cow

Hi 120! Thanks.

I actual in Phx right now! My brother help shoot Steve Nash Special for his Phoenix Sun ring of honor induction! We gonna watch together and go out for sushi too. Unfortunate, I still not feel very well at all, and has total Borg anhendonia, so I gonna has to get all super fake with my enthusiams and stuff.

Really wish I could genuine FEEL for this occasion, cuz I really does like Steve Nash. He never anything but total nice with me and he funny guy. So accomplish. And of course, I wish I could FEEL proud of my brother. But, at least my faking will has genuine intention behind it, so I guess I settle for that.

Lenina

I think faking it for a good cause and it's something you intellectually feel is fine.

I fake a lot of stuff in the line of duty. Smile, smile, nod head affably. Keep a soothing tone of voice when I actually want to shriek like a schrew.. Pretend curious interest while I stifle a yawn. Professionalism, that's why they pay me.

Maybe I'm just having a skeptical day. My innards still hurt and I am gearing up for a social event I'd rather not attend.

Golf is a totally stupid game. I took lessons but I have poor eye to hand coordination. Leaves me out of most sports playing.

I hope we all feel better soon.

Love from Lenina

trachemys

"Will fake it for sushi"?

davaidavai

I was wading through some pretty outrageous professional faking yesterday. I couldn't tell, really. These loud, machine gun laughs echoed over beer (although I had spring water). Pointless questions tendered merely to say, here I am, look at me! Long, rambling, insincere answers. I became preoccupied with my face, which looks severe in resting position. Should I smile this way? Nod my head? I'm not even going to try anymore, as if I tried previously to engage in this stuff. The problem in previous lines of work was that I internalized a lot of stuff until I exploded. I wasn't consistently honest enough.

Tooshabby

That;s something I have figured out about myself too - bottling things up. My partner's ex-wife said to him once "(Mrs TS) is such a kind person." He said, she is, but she can be pretty feisty too." Ex-wife: "Short fuse?" Mr TS: "No, long fuse, big explosion."

walkbeformakrun

Ok, so we all fake it. Some times a lot. Especially to make money, right?

Then again there are times when I'm with my wife or my dogs or my kids and I'm just really genuine for long periods of time. Anyone have that experience?

I remember too, really loving my job sometimes and being genuine there as well. Really getting into it.

I remember just a few weeks ago, hanging with casual friends, having a great time,,, oh wait, I was drinking then. I'm not so good with casual friends.

Cow

Walk, I only really feel most genuine when I alone ...and sometime, not even then!

I not has much to say today, is one of those day I total blank Borg. Days like this I almost rather just throw flag on it, check out, and hope is somebody home tomorrow.

Everybody else seem pretty quiet too. I surprise Lenina not here to tell us sun has slip into uranus casting shadow over conversations.

kittycat3

Hi cow and friends, I'm back from a 10 day work/pleasure trip to Japan. What a wonderfully weird and awesome place. My, I'm so tired. I am also preparing to move this weekend and I haven't packed a thing yet. I guess I'm cramming it all in this month....

I was sober most of my trip until I wasn't, I chose to drink the last 2 nights. Trying to be easy on myself, I made it most of the trip without. Nothing terrible happened other than I let myself down....
Back up on this horse!

Tooshabby

Hi kittycat.....yeah, I've heard that about Japan - really different. Good luck with your move :-)

Yes, maybe it's the stars. I feel pretty quiet too. I was kind of manic on Friday and now I'm as dull as a really dull thing. I think my hormones are all over the place.

Lenina

Cow, no it's Saturn causing the vibe. Saturn is a stinker. And the moon is in Pisces so we are a little more moody and introspective.

The Wheel turns and always does.

I'm was feeling harshed earlier this weekend. I saw a very good musical last night, it was a mash up of Rocky Horror and Hegwig, it was was The Experiment. Fabulous You would like it. I mean, who doesn't love a confident man dancing in sequined heels? Most of the cast was wearing hospital gowns and it was set up like an asylum. I felt right at home. We did the Time Warp Again and it got crazy.

I came home cheered up and in a better frame of mine. Good music is healing. Some theorize God is a note, you know, like a vibration. Makes sense to me.

Check out cacstudios.com Cow. There some good theatre out there and it's worth it. This is a good company. Give it a look.

Love from Lenina

Cow

Little kittycat, Japan freak me out. Not place for some who get over-stimulate easily. Hope you slip not turn into slide. For me last few "slips" was like falling off cliff.

My fantasy bucolic eden to relocate is NZ, Shabs. Maybe you can disabuse me of this notions.

Was joke about sun being in uranus, Lenina. But I did loves Hedwig the movie. John Cameron Mitchell rocked it.

Lenina

Yes, Hedwig was very good. I couldn't imagine how they would mash in up, but they did. It lost the plot sometimes but the music and dancing was so good it didn't matter. Frankenfurter was good., excellent. Powerful voice. It's a talented and solid company.

I haven't been to Asia, it's penciled in for 2017. I haven't been to Australia or New Zealand yet either, also penciled in for 2017-18.

KittyCat, I'm sorry you had a slip. I used to do stuff like that. Get a good slice of sobriety going, in my case some times many months or year. And then I'd drink. And the madness started again. It never got better. I now have almost nine years I think it is. I got sober in 2007 December 1. I've had some tricky things happen in the beginning but I knew it was time. I don't want to die a drunk.

I still have some times I feel despair. I feel trapped. But every day I put one foot forward and continue. I have days I feel good. I have days I have hope for a future. Unless that giant asteroid gets us.

Love from Lenina

kittycat3

Lenina, I'm with you, I don't want to die a drunk. And I didn't scare myself this this time, but I have in the past. I know I can't drink, and most days I not only adhere to that but I am in violent agreement. Then, I throw caution to the wind because I can, like, I'm in Japan with people who are drinking heavily and don't know that I don't drink!!! Then wake up, regret and recommit to sobriety (no worries cow, no slippery slope in the immediate term). How did you finally get off the merry-go-round?

Day 3 now. Trying to figure out a move this week. Can I pack my entire condo in 1 week? Not sure...,,

Tooshabby

Yes, Cow, if you are a 'city person' you wouldn't want to live here. It gets lots of rain, and New Zealanders are obsessed with planting trees and plants, so it's very green.

This might scare you off, although I remember you talking about a tarantula once as a black beauty, so maybe it won't :-) This bug is called the Weta....it gets into people's houses, even in the city. My partner is terrified of them. A lot of people are. They're pretty agro dudes too - they bite and slap their legs down when they're angry, and they can jump fast and a long way.

kittycat3

Cow, Japan is very overstimulating, especially Tokyo. I had 2 days in Kyoto and that was much less so. But Tokyo is massive, just massive. The crowds and the traffic are simply unfathomably dense....I went into one of those casino slot places they have everywhere and the sound was mind numbing. How can they sit there and play having to listen to that blaring in their ears??!

I loved my visit, but 3 days in Tokyo was more than enough. What a fascinating culture. I love the formality to it, the bowing and the politeness....

kittycat3

Shabs that bug is terrifying! Not sure "bug" can even be used to describe that beastly creature.

Lenina

KittyCat, what I had to do in the begin was lay low. I hadn't been drinking around other people, it wasn't social for me. But once I got home, I was usually agitated and wound up. I've never been a good sleeper so l would use wine to try and sleep. It is not a good help with sleep.

So, I had to tell people I don't drink. Most people don't care. If it's business and I have to be there, I bring my own sippy cup with soda or iced tea or my own bottled water. And I cut out early. I go back to my room and read or watch TV. It's great to be the one with steady hands and clear eyes. I feel much better

I don't make it a big deal, I just always have my own drink with me. There's no liquor or any alcohol in my home. The hotel mini bars don't bother me any more. I usually stock up on fruit, yogurt and veggies for my room. It works for me. I still don't sleep much but I feel better.

Don't give up! I think I had to realize I could not drink at all ever again. AVRT and Rational Recovery works the best for me.

Love from Lenina

Cow

Shabs, I not at all "city person" though I live/work in city most of life. I like some of the culture (ballet/symphony) but not give crap anymore about nightlife or fashions or restaurants. I live total simple. I like green. Like forest. Like beach. Like mountain. Always feel better there. I not sissy about spider or bug and would never kills them. (...but damn that thing is nasty!) I not can take too many cloudy/rainy day though. I think is bad for the depressions.

Little kittycat, sadly, I NEVER step off merry-go-round. I has to go to end of line where it hurl me off, cuz I can no longercan hold on, cuz of alcoholic neuropathy in my hands, and I land daze and seizing in sand wondering why I just spend 35 year spinning right round baby right round. (like a record)

If you can, I say, step off of you own accord. Cuz they will be some pride with that. I had to be pry off at last possible moment still clinging to stupid drunken life in secret basement of underground garage below rock bottom.

Tooshabby

You'd love New Zealand then. Beaches, mountain, volcanoes, lakes, rivers, forests, bush everywhere. Zillions of gorgeous places for people who want to and do lead a simple kind of life. Plenty of sunshine too - some places more than others. Our orchestras are fine and you could pop over to Melbourne for some great ballet and a city fix if you wanted it. NZ'ers are generally an unpretentious lot and we like Americans :-)

Dropsie

And NZ has rugby, not American football but once you get the rules it will do in a pinch.

Cow, how did your team do this week?? I still root for the fish, but its hard these days. Was in London yesterday and was nice to see all the Jag and bills fans running around going to the game. Did you hear they are talking about moving the Jags to London -- what is the world coming to -- US playing European football, London with a football team, maybe that is what they mean by globalisation.

Sorry to hear everyone down in dumps last few days, but good to hear its all about the planets. Those darn plants always screwing with our heads.