Behavior of "Recovered" Alcoholics
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Behavior of "Recovered" Alcoholics
I have a friend who is a supposedly recovered alcholic. She works in a bar though? How is that possible?
Also, she is still extremely selfish, like leaving her kids behind and moving out of state because she couldn't find a job/didn't like the weather there, appearing to care more about her dog than her kids, she makes statements like she's still in high school (about people stabbing her in the back and speaking badly of her...the mentality still seems so childish).
Then, I have another acquaintance from high school that I reconnected with over FB. She is a "recovered" alcoholic and claims to have liver disease. She has SO MANY problems and lives with a guy that beats her. She sucked up to me for a while and I was wondering why she was being so nice. Come to find out she wanted free legal assistance and when I wouldn't help was no longer so friendly.
What is it with these people? Doesn't seem like recovery or any semblance of maturity to me?
Also, she is still extremely selfish, like leaving her kids behind and moving out of state because she couldn't find a job/didn't like the weather there, appearing to care more about her dog than her kids, she makes statements like she's still in high school (about people stabbing her in the back and speaking badly of her...the mentality still seems so childish).
Then, I have another acquaintance from high school that I reconnected with over FB. She is a "recovered" alcoholic and claims to have liver disease. She has SO MANY problems and lives with a guy that beats her. She sucked up to me for a while and I was wondering why she was being so nice. Come to find out she wanted free legal assistance and when I wouldn't help was no longer so friendly.
What is it with these people? Doesn't seem like recovery or any semblance of maturity to me?
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People's behavior can be good or bad whether they are active alcohoics, recovering alcoholics or just regular non-alcoholics. You are stereotyping a population based on the behavior of 2 people you know. You need to look no further than right here on SR to see hundreds of people in recovery that are caring, sharing and quite honest people.
I'd suggest worrying less about how other people behave and focusing on your own recovery and how you can help others around you. If you have a problem with specific acquaintences, perhaps you should take a break from your relationship with them.
I'd suggest worrying less about how other people behave and focusing on your own recovery and how you can help others around you. If you have a problem with specific acquaintences, perhaps you should take a break from your relationship with them.
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Originally Posted by Dropsie 
Not always, sadly.
But I find its best for me to focus on me, and let others take their own path.
Easier said than done.
Why couldn't you help with her legal problem?? I am constantly giving free legal advice!
But I find its best for me to focus on me, and let others take their own path.
Easier said than done.
Why couldn't you help with her legal problem?? I am constantly giving free legal advice!
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
People's behavior can be good or bad whether they are active alcohoics, recovering alcoholics or just regular non-alcoholics. You are stereotyping a population based on the behavior of 2 people you know. You need to look no further than right here on SR to see hundreds of people in recovery that are caring, sharing and quite honest people.
I'd suggest worrying less about how other people behave and focusing on your own recovery and how you can help others around you. If you have a problem with specific acquaintences, perhaps you should take a break from your relationship with them.
I'd suggest worrying less about how other people behave and focusing on your own recovery and how you can help others around you. If you have a problem with specific acquaintences, perhaps you should take a break from your relationship with them.
Who said I was stereotyping? I specifically discussed two very specific people.
Personally, I have tried to read in here so I can try and make sense of the COLOSSAL damage the alcoholic I met did to my life and others around him. So, I do try and have an open mind despite having done nothing to deserve said damage except being naive about addicts and not knowing to get out sooner.
And yes, I did cut ties with the one asking for free legal advice. She was trouble.
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I knew some people in my area that were recovering alcoholics and were super jerks! They were selfish, egotistical, etc. They always acted better than anyone because they conquered alcoholism!
I think its people like that, that trade their alcoholism for something like their massive ego that get caught up in nonsense whether its alcoholism or some traded addiction.
Because of people like that, it further fueled my choice to keep drinking. I understand it was mostly just because I was an addict but those people did not help.
However, I've come to believe that the road to sobriety comes down to individual decisions and is really an individual journey. People do it different but the outcome is always the same, abstinence from Alcohol. We have lots of support but without our individuality and the decisions we make for ourselves, no one can will us to quit drinking.
Some people just decide to get all ego about it is all. That's no reason to not focus on your own recovery just because someone is different.
I think its people like that, that trade their alcoholism for something like their massive ego that get caught up in nonsense whether its alcoholism or some traded addiction.
Because of people like that, it further fueled my choice to keep drinking. I understand it was mostly just because I was an addict but those people did not help.
However, I've come to believe that the road to sobriety comes down to individual decisions and is really an individual journey. People do it different but the outcome is always the same, abstinence from Alcohol. We have lots of support but without our individuality and the decisions we make for ourselves, no one can will us to quit drinking.
Some people just decide to get all ego about it is all. That's no reason to not focus on your own recovery just because someone is different.
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Originally Posted by Holds1325
I knew some people in my area that were recovering alcoholics and were super jerks! They were selfish, egotistical, etc. They always acted better than anyone because they conquered alcoholism!
I think its people like that, that trade their alcoholism for something like their massive ego that get caught up in nonsense whether its alcoholism or some traded addiction.
Because of people like that, it further fueled my choice to keep drinking. I understand it was mostly just because I was an addict but those people did not help.
However, I've come to believe that the road to sobriety comes down to individual decisions and is really an individual journey. People do it different but the outcome is always the same, abstinence from Alcohol. We have lots of support but without our individuality and the decisions we make for ourselves, no one can will us to quit drinking.
Some people just decide to get all ego about it is all. That's no reason to not focus on your own recovery just because someone is different.
I think its people like that, that trade their alcoholism for something like their massive ego that get caught up in nonsense whether its alcoholism or some traded addiction.
Because of people like that, it further fueled my choice to keep drinking. I understand it was mostly just because I was an addict but those people did not help.
However, I've come to believe that the road to sobriety comes down to individual decisions and is really an individual journey. People do it different but the outcome is always the same, abstinence from Alcohol. We have lots of support but without our individuality and the decisions we make for ourselves, no one can will us to quit drinking.
Some people just decide to get all ego about it is all. That's no reason to not focus on your own recovery just because someone is different.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
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When I encounter those that are sick I pray for them and don't fret about their circumstances. I work on my own emotional sobriety. I had a very, very long childhood of my own. I now simply sweep under my porch and not others - goodness knows I did that for many years. I shortened the handle on my broom and stay away from sweeping the other side of the street!
That said, recovery for me is a lot more than simply removing alcohol. If I just did that, sure there's improvement but not where I want to be. I was a horse thief - just removing the booze makes me a sober horse thief, nothing more.
Thanks for the post......
That said, recovery for me is a lot more than simply removing alcohol. If I just did that, sure there's improvement but not where I want to be. I was a horse thief - just removing the booze makes me a sober horse thief, nothing more.
Thanks for the post......
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There are plenty of immature, manipulating, selfish, egotistical, narcissistic megalomaniacs who have never touched a drop of alcohol in their lives.
It is a failure in reasoning to think that removing alcohol from alcohol dependent people can address these characteristics. If it did, how are you going to help those others?
It is a failure in reasoning to think that removing alcohol from alcohol dependent people can address these characteristics. If it did, how are you going to help those others?
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I think the key is, people are different, and not everyone behaves in a mature responsible way, regardless of any past or present drug abuse. Some people just aren't capable of it. I'm not sure why you think the past alcohol abuse of the two people you mention has anything to do with their present behavior, but if you were never an addict yourself then perhaps you are stereotyping based on limited past associations? Perhaps former addicts are more likely to have other sorts of issues, but if that's true (if) then it's the other way around - people with other sorts of issues are more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, and if they quit they are left with those same issues unless they work on those too.
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Originally Posted by freshstart57
There are plenty of immature, manipulating, selfish, egotistical, narcissistic megalomaniacs who have never touched a drop of alcohol in their lives.
It is a failure in reasoning to think that removing alcohol from alcohol dependent people can address these characteristics. If it did, how are you going to help those others?
It is a failure in reasoning to think that removing alcohol from alcohol dependent people can address these characteristics. If it did, how are you going to help those others?
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Originally Posted by JeffreyAK
I think the key is, people are different, and not everyone behaves in a mature responsible way, regardless of any past or present drug abuse. Some people just aren't capable of it. I'm not sure why you think the past alcohol abuse of the two people you mention has anything to do with their present behavior, but if you were never an addict yourself then perhaps you are stereotyping based on limited past associations? Perhaps former addicts are more likely to have other sorts of issues, but if that's true (if) then it's the other way around - people with other sorts of issues are more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, and if they quit they are left with those same issues unless they work on those too.
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Originally Posted by freshstart57
There are plenty of immature, manipulating, selfish, egotistical, narcissistic megalomaniacs who have never touched a drop of alcohol in their lives.
It is a failure in reasoning to think that removing alcohol from alcohol dependent people can address these characteristics. If it did, how are you going to help those others?
It is a failure in reasoning to think that removing alcohol from alcohol dependent people can address these characteristics. If it did, how are you going to help those others?
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Originally Posted by alybally
Jeff - like I said to Scott I don't know how you guys think I'm stereotyping. I'm talking about two very specific people and pretty much wondering if this is their inner addict causing them to behave this way. It's written ad nauseum on this site and in other literature that addicts - some not all of course because none of us are widgets - tend to sometimes have continued selfishness and ego issues. The world still revolves around them. I definitely agree with your last sentence. If we would focus more on mental illness in this country like we cancer and the like, that would probably decrease the addict population by half! But instead, the stigmas continue.
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AB,
Everyone is trying to help.
In fact, I am a lawyer, and all the other things you indicate in your message as well (single mom, building practice etc.).
Of course, you can't give advice about things you don't know, but when I do know, I do try to help, and when I don't I can usually ask one of my partners.
But I am a people pleaser I admit, and everyone has their own way of dealing with these things. I was just asking as to why you decided not to, and you made good points.
What I can say is that my free advice has often turned into work, but that is never why I give it.
Sounds like you have a lot on your plate -- good luck.
Everyone is trying to help.
In fact, I am a lawyer, and all the other things you indicate in your message as well (single mom, building practice etc.).
Of course, you can't give advice about things you don't know, but when I do know, I do try to help, and when I don't I can usually ask one of my partners.
But I am a people pleaser I admit, and everyone has their own way of dealing with these things. I was just asking as to why you decided not to, and you made good points.
What I can say is that my free advice has often turned into work, but that is never why I give it.
Sounds like you have a lot on your plate -- good luck.
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I think what is being said, is that people are usually egotistical and selfish to begin with and its unrelated to their alcoholism. And then there are those that become egotistical and selfish as a direct cause of their alcoholism. I for one am in the latter I believe.
Sobering up has made me immensely humble and has definitely threw me off my high horse, thinking that as a high functioning alcoholic with a great job and my life going for me, that I had it under control.
However for some people, the ego and otherwise sour behaviors were just underlying issues to begin with.
For example my drinking didn't cause my mental health problems like anxiety and OCD, but it certainly did not help them by masking them up for so many years.
For some people they need to treat these things as a separate issue in addition to the alcoholism. Sort of like a disorder anyway. Drinking didn't necessarily cause it, but its there nonetheless.
As far as the majority or minority, I'm not sure, sobering up is very individually attuned, however you won't find any egotistical selfish people here on SR I can assure you of that.
Sobering up has made me immensely humble and has definitely threw me off my high horse, thinking that as a high functioning alcoholic with a great job and my life going for me, that I had it under control.
However for some people, the ego and otherwise sour behaviors were just underlying issues to begin with.
For example my drinking didn't cause my mental health problems like anxiety and OCD, but it certainly did not help them by masking them up for so many years.
For some people they need to treat these things as a separate issue in addition to the alcoholism. Sort of like a disorder anyway. Drinking didn't necessarily cause it, but its there nonetheless.
As far as the majority or minority, I'm not sure, sobering up is very individually attuned, however you won't find any egotistical selfish people here on SR I can assure you of that.
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
The title of your post was Behavior of "Recovered" Alcoholics . Whether you intended your post to sound stereotypical or not, by using that as the subject it sounds stereotypical. And please keep in mind that the vast majority of people here are either recovering alcoholics, or hope to be soon. Bottom line, there are immature/ignorant/unethical people in all walks of life. Whether they are an alcoholic or not is really kind of irrelevant.
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Originally Posted by Holds1325
I think what is being said, is that people are usually egotistical and selfish to begin with and its unrelated to their alcoholism. And then there are those that become egotistical and selfish as a direct cause of their alcoholism. I for one am in the latter I believe.
Sobering up has made me immensely humble and has definitely threw me off my high horse, thinking that as a high functioning alcoholic with a great job and my life going for me, that I had it under control.
However for some people, the ego and otherwise sour behaviors were just underlying issues to begin with.
For example my drinking didn't cause my mental health problems like anxiety and OCD, but it certainly did not help them by masking them up for so many years.
For some people they need to treat these things as a separate issue in addition to the alcoholism. Sort of like a disorder anyway. Drinking didn't necessarily cause it, but its there nonetheless.
As far as the majority or minority, I'm not sure, sobering up is very individually attuned, however you won't find any egotistical selfish people here on SR I can assure you of that.
Sobering up has made me immensely humble and has definitely threw me off my high horse, thinking that as a high functioning alcoholic with a great job and my life going for me, that I had it under control.
However for some people, the ego and otherwise sour behaviors were just underlying issues to begin with.
For example my drinking didn't cause my mental health problems like anxiety and OCD, but it certainly did not help them by masking them up for so many years.
For some people they need to treat these things as a separate issue in addition to the alcoholism. Sort of like a disorder anyway. Drinking didn't necessarily cause it, but its there nonetheless.
As far as the majority or minority, I'm not sure, sobering up is very individually attuned, however you won't find any egotistical selfish people here on SR I can assure you of that.
The girl that works in the bar and left her kids, she can be sweet and kind, but she's kind of been a temperamental jerk at times since we were kids. So I guess there is my answer for her. The other I didn't know well at all growing up and some of it may be that her liver issues cause her to have daily stability issues mentally. I forget the term but there's a chemical that builds up and may make her loopy.
So, I'm not an addict but I have OCD and anxiety. It's weird how we all turn out. No true rhyme of reason sometimes. But my OCD caused me to hang on too long to the A and my anxiety caused me to react VERY strongly to him at times. :-(
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Originally Posted by Dropsie
AB,
Everyone is trying to help.
In fact, I am a lawyer, and all the other things you indicate in your message as well (single mom, building practice etc.).
Of course, you can't give advice about things you don't know, but when I do know, I do try to help, and when I don't I can usually ask one of my partners.
But I am a people pleaser I admit, and everyone has their own way of dealing with these things. I was just asking as to why you decided not to, and you made good points.
What I can say is that my free advice has often turned into work, but that is never why I give it.
Sounds like you have a lot on your plate -- good luck.
Everyone is trying to help.
In fact, I am a lawyer, and all the other things you indicate in your message as well (single mom, building practice etc.).
Of course, you can't give advice about things you don't know, but when I do know, I do try to help, and when I don't I can usually ask one of my partners.
But I am a people pleaser I admit, and everyone has their own way of dealing with these things. I was just asking as to why you decided not to, and you made good points.
What I can say is that my free advice has often turned into work, but that is never why I give it.
Sounds like you have a lot on your plate -- good luck.
I mostly didn't give the legal advice mostly because I could "feel" the manipulation. I also think she's unstable and it was hard to know if she was telling the truth or really providing accurate information.
Don't be too much of a people pleaser - I struggle with that as well and we both need to focus on taking care of ourselves more. :-)
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AB,
Of course its a legit question.
Hard to say if its the minority or the majority who get better mental health through sobriety.
What I do see is that many people address a lot of issues about themselves when they stop an addictive behaviour that non-addicts are never forced to think about.
I think many of us may also have more issues that need addressing than the non-addict, but where that balance lies is beyond my pay grade.
For me the big lessons have been around trust, whatever than means, vulnerability and acceptance, and this applies to a lot more than drinking.
Of course its a legit question.
Hard to say if its the minority or the majority who get better mental health through sobriety.
What I do see is that many people address a lot of issues about themselves when they stop an addictive behaviour that non-addicts are never forced to think about.
I think many of us may also have more issues that need addressing than the non-addict, but where that balance lies is beyond my pay grade.
For me the big lessons have been around trust, whatever than means, vulnerability and acceptance, and this applies to a lot more than drinking.
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