peacefulfreedom

Hi all,

So I'm 4 weeks or so? sober.. haven't been keeping track actually. My partner was gonna leave me if I didn't quit. But I realise this is the best thing for me, to do for me. Somehow this is working for me at the moment... but holy moly... so much has happened. I started a new job at the same time as quitting actually.. its a great job, I really like it. BUT, it has responsibilities ..and I don't think I'm doing the best I could be doing at it - that is, if I wasn't a previous alcohol abuser.

I did the same job a few years ago, and it was a lot easier, granted I wasn't drinking. But it seemed to be something I could do. Whereas now, I feel a bit like I'm struggling, and I know I'm making mistakes. I looked back on the first few weeks and I'd forgotten paperwork, forgotten notes, forgotten heaps of things. Actually the first few weeks my work was pretty poor.. I was just kinda getting by and it was a miracle I showed up and managed to stay all day with the anxiety and stuff as you guys know...

I sold myself so well at the interview, but I was still a drinker and well, I guess I switched the charisma on and all, I feel kinda like I fooled everyone. Maybe myself too. Am I going to stay so bumbly/brain foggy for a long time now?? I'm worried they regret hiring me. Or will..? Everyones been nice, but my work history since I last worked there has been sooo patchy, lots of chops and changes. Maybe 10 different jobs in 2 years? Obviously I didn't tell them all of them ..and left most of them off the resume.. but its not a huge field I'm in so, well, people hear things I guess. I don't know that they have? But its possible.

Combo of paranoia and not really feeling like I can openly say oh yes, I was having a bad time in my life then, to anyone. I've made a lot of mistakes.

All I can do is work with what I have now. I know. I'm trying my best. It's weird though cos I am trying my best and that was always enough for me at work in the past. But now I realise I'm trying my best behind a cloud of alcohol fuzz (that is disappearing, but my brain is still fuzzier than it would have been if I'd not abused alcohol for a few years). So I guess it's the self awareness I am aware is depleted. ergh.

The further I get from abusing alcohol the more I see I can not go back. It was going to take everything. I feel like I'll be picking up the pieces for a long time.

Thanks for letting me get it off my chest. You guys understand maybe... definitely better than anyone I know.

Maybe I should have taken on a job with less responsibility? I do get bored easy though. It seemed like a nice thing to aim for originally. Maybe I should have aimed lower. Does anyone else do that when they are getting sober?? If I got fired at this job I'd be devastated. I don't think I will, they'd warn me first at least. But I'm crazy sensitive now. Dunno how many cups of tea would help with that. I guess I shouldn't worry about stuff that hasn't happened.

I'm learning stuff easier all the time, each day seems slightly easier for my brain. But is it too little too late? for this job I mean... I've got a lot of debt and the money is helpful to pay it off.

Thank you for listening. Really, heaps x I don't want to talk to my partner about it because he doesn't know just how bad I was addicted. He suspects. BUT, doesn't really know. And I'd kinda like to hide the darkness from him until I'm further away from it...

bounced

Things will get easier peacefulfreedom. As you say, the further away you get from alcohol, the weaker it's hold over you.

And the fuzzy stuff goes away too. Difficult to say how long because it is different for everyone. But it does go away.

Congratulations on some good choices!

Soberwolf

Excellent post bud

RogerD

Two big things going on in your life - sobriety and new job. Be easy on yourself. Just stay sober. If you stay sober your mind will clear and you'll be fine. Just remember if you stay sober you can do anything. I think you'll be fine

Hawkeye13

I had a foggy head for months, but it does gradually get better.

My suggestion is micro-manage your tasks right now so that you don't forget important things.

Sit down with a planner / make a flow chart or check list

Schedule early morning time to review what you've completed and what you need to do,
and what small steps it needs to be broken down into if you can't handle big chunks mentally.

Support yourself with good nutrition and hydration, sleep and exercise, and
you will surprise yourself at how strong your comeback will be. . .
Promise

peacefulfreedom

Thanks heaps for the heads up. I had no idea how massive this road to recovery is. People who haven't been through it really have no idea. I'm completely alone because i hid just how bad it was from my loved ones and partner. The only people that know what im going through are you guys. So much thanks to the ppl that replied even those that just read this x

Carver

What a lovely post, you have a great way of describing things

Don't doubt yourself. You will make mistakes in your first few weeks. Sounds like you're doing great all round; I think maybe your only real problem is anxiety and lack of confidence in your abilities. The foggy brain goes pretty quickly