How do I stop, I've tried but I can't
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 3
How do I stop, I've tried but I can't
Last night was the first night in a year that I didn't drink. I expected to sleep well and wake up feeling great. I didn't. I woke up three time with a dry mouth (probably a result of my weekend bender) and in the morning my face ached,my body ached, actually everything ached/ the first thing I thought of is 'I need a drink!'.
Last night I was surfing the web looking for some place to get some support. I found a sobriety blog and posted this >>>
I just found this blog. All I can think about right now is having a drink. I have been drinking heavily for over a year. To begin with I would drink a few shots of vodka or gin. Everyday after work that’s what I was looking forward to. Then I started drinking more and more, hiding my bottles and drinking secretly. I started having blackouts. I got to a point that my tummy was hurting everyday and felt like crap all day at work. One night I had drunk a lot and went to bed to wake up in the middle of the night to drink some water. i ended up blacking out and fell face down onto the kitchen floor. I cut my lip and hurt my nose, luckily I didn’t break it and I didn’t fall on the broken glass.I decided to stop drinking the next morning. I did for a few months, then started drinking again. Cant remember why or how it started. But I started with just a glass of wine, telling myself that at least it’s not as bad as the hard liquor. Gradually, it’s gone from one glass, to two and for the past three weeks I’ve been drinking a whole bottle a night. On Saturday I woke up and was desperate to start drinking early. Normally I start in the evenings at dinner time but this Saturday I went out to town and bought a bottle which I took into the ladies changing rooms and drunk a quarter of it. I mixed another quarter into a coke bottle so I could carry on drinking while I was out shopping. When I got home I managed to pretend sobriety as my husband and daughter didn’t notice. I carried on drinking but didn’t pass out like I usually do at night. Maybe because I drank the rest slowly, I don’t know. Later, at night my husband was going out for meal with his brother and was picking up some groceries from the store before coming home. He asked me if I wanted anything and yup I asked for a bottle of wine. I promised myself I would only have a glass but ended up drinking the whole bottle before going to bed. I drank the last half straight from the bottle,had some alka seltzer, brushed my teeth and went straight to bed. In the morning my tummy hurt and I had diarrhoea. I felt really bad, promised myself I won’t drink but by the evening I had found an excuse to go and buy another bottle. I drank the lot. Today I woke up feeling even worse but had to go to work. All day I felt awful, tired, achy, basically one of the worst hangovers I’ve had in a long time. I promised myself again that I won’t drink today. After work I was arguing with myself in my head to not stop for a bottle, I didn’t. I came home, showered and put my pyjamas on so I won’t go out again. I’ve had my dinner without alcohol today. I felt like I needed something else so I’ve had some tea and biscuits but I just want a drink. I’m typing this and thinking about changing into my jeans and quickly getting to the store before it closes. But I don’t want to as well, does that make sense? I need some help but can’t tell anyone I know. what should I do? How can I stop myself from getting drunk again? I’m typing this to delay myself as I know the shop near will be closing in half an hour and maybe I won’t get in the car and go further to buy some. So on one hand I’m trying not to go out and on the other hand I’m telling myself I should quit typing and hurry to the shop or I’ll regret it later when all the shops are closed and I’ve got no drink. i’ve got work tomorrow so I shouldn’t drink but I really badly want to feel that tingly relaxed feeling I get. If I could just stop after that and not carry on till I pass out. I don’t know what to do anymore and how i got like this. I never used to drink at all and now it’s all I think about.
<<<I spent most of the night refreshing the page hoping that someone would reply but that didn't happen. I did go to bed without drinking though.
Come this morning and like I said I felt like crap and drink has been on my mind all morning. I'm supposed to be working from home but have done nothing. Half an hour ago I went down to tesco express and bought a lot of unnecessary stuff and two bottles of 13.5% chardonnay. I've drank half of the first bottle. I made a deal with myself that I'll stick to just a half, but I'm already thinking about the bottle in the fridge. My husband is away this week. My daughter will be home in a few hours. I'm supposed to be working instead I just want to get drunk again. Im starting to feel the numbness in my gums and my cheeks. I just can't stop doing this. I'm going to probably drink the whole bottle before my daughter gets home. To hide the fact that I'm trashed I'll go to bed and tell her I'm sick when she gets home. I feel bad and ashamed about this but I'm still going to do it. I don't know how to stop.
Last night I was surfing the web looking for some place to get some support. I found a sobriety blog and posted this >>>
I just found this blog. All I can think about right now is having a drink. I have been drinking heavily for over a year. To begin with I would drink a few shots of vodka or gin. Everyday after work that’s what I was looking forward to. Then I started drinking more and more, hiding my bottles and drinking secretly. I started having blackouts. I got to a point that my tummy was hurting everyday and felt like crap all day at work. One night I had drunk a lot and went to bed to wake up in the middle of the night to drink some water. i ended up blacking out and fell face down onto the kitchen floor. I cut my lip and hurt my nose, luckily I didn’t break it and I didn’t fall on the broken glass.I decided to stop drinking the next morning. I did for a few months, then started drinking again. Cant remember why or how it started. But I started with just a glass of wine, telling myself that at least it’s not as bad as the hard liquor. Gradually, it’s gone from one glass, to two and for the past three weeks I’ve been drinking a whole bottle a night. On Saturday I woke up and was desperate to start drinking early. Normally I start in the evenings at dinner time but this Saturday I went out to town and bought a bottle which I took into the ladies changing rooms and drunk a quarter of it. I mixed another quarter into a coke bottle so I could carry on drinking while I was out shopping. When I got home I managed to pretend sobriety as my husband and daughter didn’t notice. I carried on drinking but didn’t pass out like I usually do at night. Maybe because I drank the rest slowly, I don’t know. Later, at night my husband was going out for meal with his brother and was picking up some groceries from the store before coming home. He asked me if I wanted anything and yup I asked for a bottle of wine. I promised myself I would only have a glass but ended up drinking the whole bottle before going to bed. I drank the last half straight from the bottle,had some alka seltzer, brushed my teeth and went straight to bed. In the morning my tummy hurt and I had diarrhoea. I felt really bad, promised myself I won’t drink but by the evening I had found an excuse to go and buy another bottle. I drank the lot. Today I woke up feeling even worse but had to go to work. All day I felt awful, tired, achy, basically one of the worst hangovers I’ve had in a long time. I promised myself again that I won’t drink today. After work I was arguing with myself in my head to not stop for a bottle, I didn’t. I came home, showered and put my pyjamas on so I won’t go out again. I’ve had my dinner without alcohol today. I felt like I needed something else so I’ve had some tea and biscuits but I just want a drink. I’m typing this and thinking about changing into my jeans and quickly getting to the store before it closes. But I don’t want to as well, does that make sense? I need some help but can’t tell anyone I know. what should I do? How can I stop myself from getting drunk again? I’m typing this to delay myself as I know the shop near will be closing in half an hour and maybe I won’t get in the car and go further to buy some. So on one hand I’m trying not to go out and on the other hand I’m telling myself I should quit typing and hurry to the shop or I’ll regret it later when all the shops are closed and I’ve got no drink. i’ve got work tomorrow so I shouldn’t drink but I really badly want to feel that tingly relaxed feeling I get. If I could just stop after that and not carry on till I pass out. I don’t know what to do anymore and how i got like this. I never used to drink at all and now it’s all I think about.
<<<I spent most of the night refreshing the page hoping that someone would reply but that didn't happen. I did go to bed without drinking though.
Come this morning and like I said I felt like crap and drink has been on my mind all morning. I'm supposed to be working from home but have done nothing. Half an hour ago I went down to tesco express and bought a lot of unnecessary stuff and two bottles of 13.5% chardonnay. I've drank half of the first bottle. I made a deal with myself that I'll stick to just a half, but I'm already thinking about the bottle in the fridge. My husband is away this week. My daughter will be home in a few hours. I'm supposed to be working instead I just want to get drunk again. Im starting to feel the numbness in my gums and my cheeks. I just can't stop doing this. I'm going to probably drink the whole bottle before my daughter gets home. To hide the fact that I'm trashed I'll go to bed and tell her I'm sick when she gets home. I feel bad and ashamed about this but I'm still going to do it. I don't know how to stop.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR sasha. You will find a lot of support and understanding here on SR, i'm glad you've posted. You may want to check out the newcomers section on the main page and consider joining one of the class or weekly/monthly threads as they are very active.
Quitting drinking is a big step, and how you go about it will vary. The initial withdrawals are not fun, and you most likely aren't going to wake up feeling "refreshed and better" magically after the first day. It can take several weeks for your body to adjust and even longer for your mind. One thing you may want to consider is seeing your doctor first...withdrawals can be dangerous in some instances so it's best to seek help.
As far as "how" you quit, obviously physically stopping drinking is the first step, but that's only a small part of it. Beyond that,nearly all of us need support of others and some kind of formal recovery "plan". This link has a very comprehensive list of many different plans and programs that we discuss here
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Quitting drinking is a big step, and how you go about it will vary. The initial withdrawals are not fun, and you most likely aren't going to wake up feeling "refreshed and better" magically after the first day. It can take several weeks for your body to adjust and even longer for your mind. One thing you may want to consider is seeing your doctor first...withdrawals can be dangerous in some instances so it's best to seek help.
As far as "how" you quit, obviously physically stopping drinking is the first step, but that's only a small part of it. Beyond that,nearly all of us need support of others and some kind of formal recovery "plan". This link has a very comprehensive list of many different plans and programs that we discuss here
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
At some point you have to stop and get a day 1 under your belt. then take it 1 day at a time. as long as you feed the beast just wants to feed. I know for me just one drink and thats it its on i'm getting drunk! but if I just dont take that first one then the obsession is not as bad.
Just cant take that first drink.
Just cant take that first drink.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
Yes, what zjw says--Day 1 is hard when you've been "serial drinking" like you describe, but you have to just do what it takes to get through.
The first few days are like that for me, and also I felt worse before feeling better, which is not uncommon.
Plan for this and support yourself.
Lots of herbal tea, hydration, showers, a good book or movies for insomnia times,
starting a journal to record your thoughts can be helpful.
Ideally, going to a doctor to get some meds and to have advice is best.
Sobriety is worth working for, so comfort yourself in the tough early days
you are going to be happier, and a better mother and wife as well.
You can do it--read and post often, especially if dealing with cravings.
The first few days are like that for me, and also I felt worse before feeling better, which is not uncommon.
Plan for this and support yourself.
Lots of herbal tea, hydration, showers, a good book or movies for insomnia times,
starting a journal to record your thoughts can be helpful.
Ideally, going to a doctor to get some meds and to have advice is best.
Sobriety is worth working for, so comfort yourself in the tough early days
you are going to be happier, and a better mother and wife as well.
You can do it--read and post often, especially if dealing with cravings.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,183
The reality is, you just have to stop and deal with the unpleasant withdrawal effects. If you see a doctor you might get a short prescription of drugs like librium to help, but you still need to stop and commit to seeing it through. It gets better and easier quickly, but there are no shortcuts, you can't take that drink no matter how much you want to. 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 464
Most of us here don't know how to stop or don't have that willpower.
But it comes with staying away from alcohol at any costs, don't go and buy any of it with the thought that perhaps you won't drink much. Although some of us can't help it, its better to just stay away from it anywhere and that includes keeping it out of your mind.
Make the choice to stop and then make the next choice to work how you are going to stop. Its not so simple but if you want it enough, you can make it happen.
Good luck.
But it comes with staying away from alcohol at any costs, don't go and buy any of it with the thought that perhaps you won't drink much. Although some of us can't help it, its better to just stay away from it anywhere and that includes keeping it out of your mind.
Make the choice to stop and then make the next choice to work how you are going to stop. Its not so simple but if you want it enough, you can make it happen.
Good luck.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Welcome Sasha youl find tons of support & useful advice here not to mention make friends who have been where you are now me Inc
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
hello Sasha,
good to see you reaching out for help; connecting with others has been hugely helpful to me.
making deals with myself and not sticking to them, making promises to myself and breaking them...yes, i did all that. over and over. which is its own desperation, quite apart from the drinking-hangover one.
let go of your expectations about one day of not drinking resulting in good sleep and feeling great...as you experience now, your body isn't doing that! it needs more time to adjust to the absence of alcohol and find its new balance.
distraction works well for some when those urges hit. others use 'urge surfing' (google it) techniques; others get into physical exercise of various sorts...all these things can help.
you might find meeting people face-to-face of big use to you, no matter how tough it would be for you to take that avenue.
there's really no way around having to do some things you may not want to do.
good to see you reaching out for help; connecting with others has been hugely helpful to me.
making deals with myself and not sticking to them, making promises to myself and breaking them...yes, i did all that. over and over. which is its own desperation, quite apart from the drinking-hangover one.
let go of your expectations about one day of not drinking resulting in good sleep and feeling great...as you experience now, your body isn't doing that! it needs more time to adjust to the absence of alcohol and find its new balance.
distraction works well for some when those urges hit. others use 'urge surfing' (google it) techniques; others get into physical exercise of various sorts...all these things can help.
you might find meeting people face-to-face of big use to you, no matter how tough it would be for you to take that avenue.
there's really no way around having to do some things you may not want to do.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 625
I could have written your story. Sadly, I remember those feelings - the emotional and physical- so well. I was so ill, and ruining what was left of my life. Today, I am almost 6 months sober. You can be too! You deserve to feel good, and proud of yourself! Your family deserves the best YOU you can be. You are stronger than you know! With support, you can maximize your determination to kick alcohol to the curb! The people at SR all understand, and are ready to "listen" and encourage.
Early days are hard and seem long. Check in with your doctors.
Don't drink today.
Then tomorrow, do it again. Bit by bit, you'll start to feel better, start to lift your head up, look around and see that there's more to the world than you have now. If you stick with it, you'll notice small and large changes to celebrate. So hard. So worthwhile!
Hope feels delicious.
Welcome to SR
Early days are hard and seem long. Check in with your doctors.
Don't drink today.
Then tomorrow, do it again. Bit by bit, you'll start to feel better, start to lift your head up, look around and see that there's more to the world than you have now. If you stick with it, you'll notice small and large changes to celebrate. So hard. So worthwhile!
Hope feels delicious.
Welcome to SR
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 230
Originally Posted by SashaR 
I made a deal with myself that I'll stick to just a half, but I'm already thinking about the bottle in the fridge.
Here are some of the deals I made with myself before I decided to make the deal to stop completely:
Only drinking at weekends
Not drinking at weekends
Only drinking every other day
Only drinking 4 days a week
Only drinking 3 days a week
Not drinking before 6pm
Not drinking before 3pm
Not drinking before noon
Not drinking before 10am
Not drinking at home
Only drinking at home
Not drinking on my own
Not drinking and driving (usually not driving therefore!)
Not drinking during January
Not drinking for a week
Not drinking for a month
Not drinking for 3 months (twice!)
Only drinking in restaurants
Not drinking beer
Not drinking wine
Not drinking spirits
Not mixing my drinks
and the list goes on...I think there might be a pattern here?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: SE Arizona
Posts: 1,099
Sasha,
You might want to join a f2f support group as well. Consider AA, SMART Recovery or Lifering. Talking with other people who have a few sober miles on them can be very helpful. Also, a spell of depression is quite common in the weeks following quitting; please be prepared for that possibility. And, the first few weeks are really the worst. Sobriety is like muscle, it gets stronger with use.
You might want to join a f2f support group as well. Consider AA, SMART Recovery or Lifering. Talking with other people who have a few sober miles on them can be very helpful. Also, a spell of depression is quite common in the weeks following quitting; please be prepared for that possibility. And, the first few weeks are really the worst. Sobriety is like muscle, it gets stronger with use.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Glad you're here, welcome.
Asking for help is a huge first step. Many friends here and in the recovery program I frequent chose either in patient or out patient rehab to gain some sober time. SR is wonderful, but we are all just friends sharing experience, strength and hope. Part of that process may include additional outside resources.
Asking for help is a huge first step. Many friends here and in the recovery program I frequent chose either in patient or out patient rehab to gain some sober time. SR is wonderful, but we are all just friends sharing experience, strength and hope. Part of that process may include additional outside resources.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,428
Hi Sasha. I could have written your story too. Please see your dr. and be honest about your drinking. I really wish I had medically detoxed at home, I had no clue about the physical effects of withdrawal. Then make a real commitment to stop... read and post, read everything you can here. Read the recovery stickies. Im still in early days, but paying attention to the veterans here really help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 3
Thanks everyone for responding to my message. Sorry I haven't replied to each and everyone individually - I've never posted on a forum before so not sure what the right etiquette is.
I appreciate the encouraging words, it's nice to 'talk' about it openly without feeling like I'm being judged, plus mosy of you know exactly what it's like to be where I am now.
Unfortunately, the day I posted I was already on my way to half drunk. I drank the whole bottle before my daughter got back from school and fell asleep. When she came home I remember just waking up to her next to me saying something but I fell asleep again. A couple of hours later I woke up feeling crap, spent time with her and lied about not feeling well again. As soon as she went to bed I cracked open the second bottle planning to only drink another glass to help me get back to sleep but of course I drank the whole bottle. I went to bed and woke up yesterday feeling really bad, depressed and confused. During the day I was planning to go out to buy some food and realised my card was missing. I looked everywhere and then thought I must have left it at the shop the day before so I drove over there and asked if I had left it behind.No luck they didn't have my card.
Later when my daughter came home from school she gave me my card and send she was sorry she forgot to give it back to me yesterday. I don't remember giving it to her. Apparently, after she came home from school she asked if she could get some conditioner from the chemist as we had run out and I gave her my card. I don't remember any of this. i feel so ashamed that my daughter came home, had a conversation with me, went out and came back again and i have no memory of this.
So many bad things could have happened. What if she didn't come back home I wouldn't have even remembered her coming back from school. I would have contacted the school or police!! My husband is away and I've been absent too.
I decided yesterday that I will not drink anymore. But by the evening I had convinced myself that I could handle just one little drink. I walked to the shops, bought some eggs, bread, oranges and a bottle of wine. I drank the half the bottle and went to bed.
This morning everything hurt so much but I think it's what I needed to happen. I haven't had a drink today. First thing i did was spill the wine down the sink. My mind kept going to the drink but my body has been hurting so much today I kept reminding myself that if I drink anymore the pain will get worse not better. For the first time in a long time I've kept my promise to myself and didn't go buy ore drink. I am not going to either. I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow but I have put a reminder in my phone to read what I have written on this forum.
I know a lot of you suggested I see my doctor but I just don't want this to be on my medical records for so many reasons. I'm going to take it hour by hour and see how it goes. If I can get through work without drinking then I can get through the evenings too, I just need to keep busy. I don't have anyone to talk to, so this is the closest to talking to someone I can get.Wish me luck and thank you for bothering to respond to my message.
I appreciate the encouraging words, it's nice to 'talk' about it openly without feeling like I'm being judged, plus mosy of you know exactly what it's like to be where I am now.
Unfortunately, the day I posted I was already on my way to half drunk. I drank the whole bottle before my daughter got back from school and fell asleep. When she came home I remember just waking up to her next to me saying something but I fell asleep again. A couple of hours later I woke up feeling crap, spent time with her and lied about not feeling well again. As soon as she went to bed I cracked open the second bottle planning to only drink another glass to help me get back to sleep but of course I drank the whole bottle. I went to bed and woke up yesterday feeling really bad, depressed and confused. During the day I was planning to go out to buy some food and realised my card was missing. I looked everywhere and then thought I must have left it at the shop the day before so I drove over there and asked if I had left it behind.No luck they didn't have my card.
Later when my daughter came home from school she gave me my card and send she was sorry she forgot to give it back to me yesterday. I don't remember giving it to her. Apparently, after she came home from school she asked if she could get some conditioner from the chemist as we had run out and I gave her my card. I don't remember any of this. i feel so ashamed that my daughter came home, had a conversation with me, went out and came back again and i have no memory of this.
So many bad things could have happened. What if she didn't come back home I wouldn't have even remembered her coming back from school. I would have contacted the school or police!! My husband is away and I've been absent too.
I decided yesterday that I will not drink anymore. But by the evening I had convinced myself that I could handle just one little drink. I walked to the shops, bought some eggs, bread, oranges and a bottle of wine. I drank the half the bottle and went to bed.
This morning everything hurt so much but I think it's what I needed to happen. I haven't had a drink today. First thing i did was spill the wine down the sink. My mind kept going to the drink but my body has been hurting so much today I kept reminding myself that if I drink anymore the pain will get worse not better. For the first time in a long time I've kept my promise to myself and didn't go buy ore drink. I am not going to either. I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow but I have put a reminder in my phone to read what I have written on this forum.
I know a lot of you suggested I see my doctor but I just don't want this to be on my medical records for so many reasons. I'm going to take it hour by hour and see how it goes. If I can get through work without drinking then I can get through the evenings too, I just need to keep busy. I don't have anyone to talk to, so this is the closest to talking to someone I can get.Wish me luck and thank you for bothering to respond to my message.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
I wish you every bit of luck in the world know you can stay sober
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Sasha,
would it be fair to say you didn't fall asleep twice when your daughter was there but passed out? and were blacked out during the time you gave her your credit card?
sometimes the truth is quite different from the nicer ways we like to describe it, and using the blunter language can help drive the severity home.
keeping busy works up to a point, and can be part of a good strategy.
but it's worth noting that there have been many more suggestions than the "go see doctor" one.
congratulations on sticking to your promise today.
check out the other suggestions made and see what you're willing to do...increased actions seem to have increased payoff with this sobriety-thing.
would it be fair to say you didn't fall asleep twice when your daughter was there but passed out? and were blacked out during the time you gave her your credit card?
sometimes the truth is quite different from the nicer ways we like to describe it, and using the blunter language can help drive the severity home.
keeping busy works up to a point, and can be part of a good strategy.
but it's worth noting that there have been many more suggestions than the "go see doctor" one.
congratulations on sticking to your promise today.
check out the other suggestions made and see what you're willing to do...increased actions seem to have increased payoff with this sobriety-thing.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 230
Hi Sasha
We have all been there. In the past, I have sworn blind that I wouldn't buy any wine but my feet just took me to the store where I heard myself speaking out loud "go home now", so I did manage to go home without buying any. You know what? An hour later I had been to the store again and was getting drunk.
There have been a couple of things that really worked out for me.
1) A hard and fast rule that I would not permit ANY alcohol in my home AT ALL (after the first year, I didn't need to worry about this one any more)
2) No means no. As soon as I started arguing with myself about it, I was doomed. So the first no really meant no.
Here is a third thing. Put some time between yourself and alcohol. By that I mean, when you get really bad urges, do something like go and take a long hot shower. By the time you are dressed again, those urges will have long passed.
We have all been there. In the past, I have sworn blind that I wouldn't buy any wine but my feet just took me to the store where I heard myself speaking out loud "go home now", so I did manage to go home without buying any. You know what? An hour later I had been to the store again and was getting drunk.
There have been a couple of things that really worked out for me.
1) A hard and fast rule that I would not permit ANY alcohol in my home AT ALL (after the first year, I didn't need to worry about this one any more)
2) No means no. As soon as I started arguing with myself about it, I was doomed. So the first no really meant no.
Here is a third thing. Put some time between yourself and alcohol. By that I mean, when you get really bad urges, do something like go and take a long hot shower. By the time you are dressed again, those urges will have long passed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 3
Fini and Bounced thanks for your responses.
Yes, Fini you're right I did pass and it's not the first time where I just can't remember what happened. I have large chucks of time that I can't recall and have tried to cover it up by pretending that I've just become forgetful with age. It's one of the big reasons why I know that I can't carry on like this. I am actually able to function to point, talk and make decisions without know what I'm doing which scares me.
Physically I don't feel good today but mentally I'm feel stronger than I have for a while. I'm just not going to drink.
I've read about urge surfing which I will try. I'm also reading a lot of sobriety blogs too.
Bounced - I don't keep alcohol in the house and that's why I also end up at the shops daily. But I'm not going to do that now. I like you're 'no mean no' attitude. I'm going to keep reminding myself this too.
I'm not sure if I could go to a meeting though, I'm worried about someone recognising me. I feel embarrassed and ashamed. But I am going to move on from that and now just concentrate on whats important in my life - my family and my health. If I can look after these then I'll be able to do the rest of life a lot better too.
I'm scared of becoming depressed though as a lot people have mentioned that. I don't want that to be the trigger you know.
Anyway, thanks again everyone, I will come back and let you know how I'm doing.
Yes, Fini you're right I did pass and it's not the first time where I just can't remember what happened. I have large chucks of time that I can't recall and have tried to cover it up by pretending that I've just become forgetful with age. It's one of the big reasons why I know that I can't carry on like this. I am actually able to function to point, talk and make decisions without know what I'm doing which scares me.
Physically I don't feel good today but mentally I'm feel stronger than I have for a while. I'm just not going to drink.
I've read about urge surfing which I will try. I'm also reading a lot of sobriety blogs too.
Bounced - I don't keep alcohol in the house and that's why I also end up at the shops daily. But I'm not going to do that now. I like you're 'no mean no' attitude. I'm going to keep reminding myself this too.
I'm not sure if I could go to a meeting though, I'm worried about someone recognising me. I feel embarrassed and ashamed. But I am going to move on from that and now just concentrate on whats important in my life - my family and my health. If I can look after these then I'll be able to do the rest of life a lot better too.
I'm scared of becoming depressed though as a lot people have mentioned that. I don't want that to be the trigger you know.
Anyway, thanks again everyone, I will come back and let you know how I'm doing.
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