I'm sorry I took so long to come back all.
1000 Post Club
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 1,202
I'm sorry I took so long to come back all.
Hello all, sorry about the past few months... to those who know me, past alcoholic/user, and now ... molested at the age of 29 by my female therapist- and I'm a guy.
3 months of therapy for it and ... all I have are the nightmares, discrimination and the double standard point of view about it. I was even in a psyche ward for when I tried to kill myself over it back in June.
Having ... one of the worst nights of it though, I trusted my female therapist with my life- for three whole years, we spent so much time together it's like a break up ... I'm ... beginning to feel like I was over 3 months ago, I feel beyond alone about it... I'm ... I am actually I WANT to be abused by her again because without it I feel I have absolutely NOTHING at all, I can't believe how much worse I'm feeling as my therapy is going nowhere- and naturally the therapist got off and is still working with people, I suppose I feel like I shouldn't have even said anything and continued to see her- at least then I wouldn't be so cut off... I don't know, I hate playing the victim but I feel like I'm losing my mind tonight, I don't know if I can go another whole day.
3 months of therapy for it and ... all I have are the nightmares, discrimination and the double standard point of view about it. I was even in a psyche ward for when I tried to kill myself over it back in June.
Having ... one of the worst nights of it though, I trusted my female therapist with my life- for three whole years, we spent so much time together it's like a break up ... I'm ... beginning to feel like I was over 3 months ago, I feel beyond alone about it... I'm ... I am actually I WANT to be abused by her again because without it I feel I have absolutely NOTHING at all, I can't believe how much worse I'm feeling as my therapy is going nowhere- and naturally the therapist got off and is still working with people, I suppose I feel like I shouldn't have even said anything and continued to see her- at least then I wouldn't be so cut off... I don't know, I hate playing the victim but I feel like I'm losing my mind tonight, I don't know if I can go another whole day.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
H Paulus, good to see you here.
I have never been molested by a therapist but I did get 13th stepped by an older female member when I was new and 23 years old. It was quite a betrayal really and I learned some major lessons from it, perhaps the most important being that people have feet of clay. They will always let you down some how, betray you, not be available, say some thing hurtful, not answer the phone or text, or try to exploit you. Even though there are zillions of nice people in the world, they just aint that reliable that someone like me can go to them at anytime for help and expect them to drop everything, without fail. They may be good most of the time even, but not 100% of the time.
That is why I latched on to AA's Higher Power concept. It seemed the most important thing to me to have that 24/7 power with me regardless of what other people did. When I set out to make that conscious contact by working the steps, the drink problem was removed almost as a by product.
By shifting my dependence to a higher power I actually ended up with much more independence in my daily life.
I have never been molested by a therapist but I did get 13th stepped by an older female member when I was new and 23 years old. It was quite a betrayal really and I learned some major lessons from it, perhaps the most important being that people have feet of clay. They will always let you down some how, betray you, not be available, say some thing hurtful, not answer the phone or text, or try to exploit you. Even though there are zillions of nice people in the world, they just aint that reliable that someone like me can go to them at anytime for help and expect them to drop everything, without fail. They may be good most of the time even, but not 100% of the time.
That is why I latched on to AA's Higher Power concept. It seemed the most important thing to me to have that 24/7 power with me regardless of what other people did. When I set out to make that conscious contact by working the steps, the drink problem was removed almost as a by product.
By shifting my dependence to a higher power I actually ended up with much more independence in my daily life.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I'm very sorry you are still struggling with this, Paulos. I remember your earlier posts about it also. It's heartbreaking and unfortunately violation or abuse of boundaries (and more!) is not as uncommon in these settings as we would want it to be. It's always a very sensitive issue I think.
I'm also on a mental health forum that has a very active psychotherapy section where people frequently discuss similar experiences and other things about therapy, including how to potentially fix the damage or get over it. If you want, PM me and I'll send you the link to it -- perhaps you would find some like-minded people there.
I'm also on a mental health forum that has a very active psychotherapy section where people frequently discuss similar experiences and other things about therapy, including how to potentially fix the damage or get over it. If you want, PM me and I'll send you the link to it -- perhaps you would find some like-minded people there.
1000 Post Club
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 1,202
Thank you for your support and all, but if you would like to know something very disturbing that *don't worry, this doesn't break the rules/guidelines* is unreal, after the investigation, the "female therapist" is currently working with children right now in my area, fascinating, justice- is it not?
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
