Almost 90. Almost.
 

Back from working for 2 weeks where free alcohol was accessible. I didn't have any.

Also was alone much of the time and upset over health issues.

Tomorrow is 90 days and I really have that feeling of "a few every 90 days is absolutely fine."

That makes no sense as I thought the more time passed, the less it appeals.

I was afraid to post this, so that if I do end up having any tonight I won't feel bad about getting all the supposed and then drinking some anyway, and people won't get mad.

I was afraid to post this thinking also that people are gonna be mad just because of me posting again, and that this isn't easy and I am not doing gratitude lists and bouncing around all happy yet.

And boyfriend is emotionally distant as usual.

I think you can do it

It wasn't gratitude list, happy happy happy at three months for me either.

I had some wicked kindling and pretty significant hand tremors, paranoia,
anxiety and insomnia still happening about that time,
but it did gradually abate.

I don't think you should base your judgement of how sobriety is, and risk it,
at three months.
It takes time to heal and to feel better mentally.
You've come this far. . . trudge on dear friend. . .

Still early days but a huge step in the right direction

Thanks Hawkeye. I've been sitting here alone. I just told my bf again that he hurt me, and his response is to go take a nap. I've been just sitting here thinking I'd love to get a drink and forget that it hurts.

At 90 days I was much the same like cool now can I drink right? I was glad to get 90 but I couldn't celebrate with booze like wanted too kind of any how. Celebrate in some way tho it's a big deal! Do some thing nice for yourself to mark the occasion even if all ya do is go get an ice cream and reflect on the good progress you have made so far!

I was kind of craving ice cream.

Cake & ice-cream always seemed to hit the spot on those significant sobriety dates, and coffee too.

Really happy for you, Sleepie. I know you've fought hard to get this far. It will feel good to finally hit 90 :)

I think you can do it too Sleepie - you've come a long way - you deserve to have this small measure of satisfaction at hitting 90 days :)

D

Thanks guys it hasn't been easy, SR is the only support.
I usually get caught up with the wrong people in AA and this is a bit safer for me.

Don't forget you're not tra la la-ing either yet, as Dee put it.....lol

You're doing brilliantly well, Sleepie. 90 days is fantastic. On Saturday night that's just passed I accepted a couple of tokes on a joint, became highly anxious, and ended up taking sleeping pills to calm me down. Slept all day Sunday instead of enjoying the second part of the weekend.

What's interesting to me about it is that I don't feel remotely like drinking, and I had stayed away from marijuana successfully for quite a while, but even one slip up like that has made me feel pretty awful. I guess the message is, don't romanticise partaking because you only end up feeling disappointed in yourself and physically crappy.

When I say 'partake' I'm referring to alcohol not ice cream :-)

Hi Tooshabby :)
Oddly I was thinking about weed this weekend which is so beyond weird for me, I can't even describe. The stuff makes me anxious and unsettled and miserable if I am not just, exactly, precise about only taking the tiniest of tiniest little tokes- otherwise it's a disaster for my oddly wired brain. I can count on one hand how many times i have done this in all my over 40 years.

Like almost any altered reality is better. Seriously it's like someone allergic to peanuts suddenly wanting peanuts. It makes no sense for me.

I totally get that. That was where I was at on Saturday - I just wanted my reality to be altered one way or another. Old habits die hard, as they say. It's just a minor setback, and I'm not going to let it throw me. I have to make sure I'm never around it though. It's just too tempting for me. I can say no 9 times, but the 10th is different. So yeah. From now on it just has to be banned in my home. That's the way it is.

Stay strong :-)

Those first 90 days are the hardest part of getting sober. Don't make the mistake that so many do and keep doing the hardest part over and over. You really need to be patient and wait for the magic to happen. One day probably within the next year you will realize you went a whole a day without even thinking of alcohol. That person you were before alcohol ever even entered your life will return and you will love it. The enslavement of alcoholism will finally be gone.

The 90 day mark was a huge milestone for me as it really was pretty much smooth sailing from there on out. If I equipped myself with the tools I needed to support my recovery from this nightmare of a disease, I knew I was going to be okay and make it. It was and still is so liberating. Don't spoil those 90 days of hard work by listening to your AV telling you to drink this poison. Make your self very aware that that AV would love nothing more than to see you dead.

Hey Sleepie, I've been 'experimenting' lately with the old booze. I'm OK, but it doesn't help. You get maybe a 2-3 hour kick and if you're lucky, and then it's worse.

Have you tried meditation? I visited a zendo last week, really liked it. It's like I am really really good at focusing, but I focus on the wrong things because no one told me what I'm supposed to focus on. No one helped me find a way to live. Maybe the point is to just focus on the moment. That's the work.

It's weird, but sitting there I had a few moments where I felt like things were new, and I could carry that with me. Kind of like how I felt as a kid, or how when I used to travel and I'd end up in a city for the first time.

Anyhow, just checking in. Had 5 nips today, am looking forward to tomorrow. I think some people just have to hit themselves over the head a fair amount because there's some discovery waiting to be had in the pain.

I hope you can hit a day one again soon davaidavai - why not tomorrow? :)

D.

I am out of the water for tonight and will see my 90 day anniversary tomorrow.
I have some Lego sober house catching up and building to do. Next milestone 6 months I guess but it's sinking in the whole, entire, rest of my life without a beer.

Believe it or not, there will come a day when you won't care about life without beer.

I know, I know, . . . I couldn't believe it either until it happened.

Sorry I jumped the gun and wished you happy 90 early, but now. . .

Happy 90 Days sleepie!

:c011::scoregood:grouphug:

try not to think about the whole forever thing. its just another day.

early on i treated myself on these kinds of anniversaries. now I only mark the 1 years. But I spend time on the anniversary reflecting on things its generally a pretty emotional time for me each anniversary. I sometimes think too geee here comes ANOTHER year i gotta wait tilll i can feel like i accomplished something again even tho just 1 day is a HUGE accomplishment for people like us.

Sleepie,

We have either the same date or I am one day behind -- always confusing for me as I am in Europe so the time difference does my head in.

Not my first time at this rodeo or even the longest , but its the first time that I have completely accepted that I. cannot. drink. ever. if I want to have any peace of mind, which I do. i really really do.

One thing I do know is that for me it is never going to be one drink, or even a few, its all or nothing, and having tried both paths, nothing is much better for me, and I am sure for you my dear Sleepie.

In any case, congratulations to us! It is an honour to be on this journey with you. My daughter and I are going to do my Lego house this weekend thanks to your great idea.

You go girl.

Being grateful on a daily basis
is one of the main things that keeps me sober.

Sounds too simple and easy but,
it took me many years to recognize this simple tool of happiness.

MM

I'm proud of you 90 is great! Up and bouncy is how I cope with everything...otherwise I'll be bogged down with depression and anxiety. I choose not to be, so I make myself do otherwise. Keep going I think you're doing great! It's tough, but we're doing it! Every day is a blank slate and I add my own colors to it with how I approach things.