dru1085

Some would say that alcoholism can never be cured , only managed. What do you think? My Sister is getting married in a few weeks and is pregnant, I am going to be an Uncle! My family and I are really close and I want to be there for my niece.
I want to remain sober but the temptation of celebrating with a glass of champagne is on my mind. Does that count as a relapse if I can only have one or two.

For instance say that , I end the night of celebration with only 2 glasses and I go to bed with only that under my belt? Is that too dangerous.

I have abused alcohol for 10 plus years so I know its dangerous. I want to think to myself that I have enough will power to limit myself. Can you ever go back to just enjoying a social drink every now and then? Its depressing to me that I might not ever be able to have just a taste of alcohol again. Is it okay to have a couple drinks then stop? I am early in the process and its the longest I've gone without drinking in years. I'm feeling better so that urge is telling me its okay to have one drink.. I know you've prob heard this a million times but it's a first for me.
Wish me luck.. I am enjoying the sober life for sure.

Dru -

Dee74

I often talk about the dangers of confusing abstinence for control.

A lot of people do it - they think 'well I've shown I don't need to drink anymore so I'll be fine when I do...I'll just have a couple and stop...no big deal'

Unfortunately people find that's not the case, me included.

It's an addiction Dru. If 'will power' worked none of us would have needed to come here to SR.

If I were to drink again,. I'd pick up where I left of.
I've proved it to myself too many times to count.

That's my reality and the reality I think of basically all of us.

The way I keep this sober life I love, and the way I can be the me I want to be, is not to drink alcohol.

It's a pretty sweet deal, really.
It's no deprivation for me anymore

It took me a while to get to that point tho.

I think you have something like 12, 13 days?

This is the fight of your life Dru - I'm sorry but it's not going to be won in a fortnight.

Go back and read your earliest posts.

Forget about how many drinks constitutes a relapse. Its that first sdrink that starts the madness again, not the last.

I went out for a night off from recovery after 2 months sobriety. Drink tonight and back to recovery tomorrow was the plan.

I did not stop drinking again for 2 and a half years.

Read those old posts when you joined.

The bottom line is if you drink again, that's what you're opening the door to once more.

D

dru1085

I totally get your point and in the back of my mind I know your right and what I cant do. I made it through the weekend and that was tough with all the football games. I can make it through this.. Sound advice.

Tooshabby

Dru - I don't know how many times I've said the same thing to myself and then deeply regretted it later. It just doesn't work. What I've realised is the very fact that I'm so keen "just to have one or two" is indicative only of the fact that I can't control my appetite for drinking. If I could, why would I care so much? We have to accept it. It's really hard to accept, I know, but it's harder ruining our lives. I don't know how old you are, but I'm nearly 50 and I've screwed up so much of the last 15 years. Don't make the same mistake. Congratulations on becoming an uncle soon :-)

tomsteve

" I end the night of celebration with only 2 glasses and I go to bed with only that under my belt? Is that too dangerous."

You answered it:

"I have abused alcohol for 10 plus years so I know its dangerous."

dont let the insane thoughts control your actions.

MelindaFlowers

I cured mine with abstinence. I no longer touch the stuff.

I don't drink and I'm never changing my mind.

I also abused it daily for ten years. Huge amounts. Huge tolerance. Daily massive hangovers.

No more. Totally done, gone, nothin'. I don't drink.

Why am I so over it? I tried and tried and tried to find different ways to drink less and be satisfied with drinking less. If any of my methods had worked, I wouldn't be here right now. There were literally thousands of mornings where I would wake up, cringe, and say to myself in all seriousness, "I will not drink today." I broke that promise thousands of times. How many more would I need to figure out that alcohol brings chaos, misery, and destruction to my life? How many? If there is one method out there somewhere in this world that I did not try, I would be shocked beyond belief.

It is so much easier. I can't even tell you how much easier it is to live without drinking at all. Aside from the obvious like not having any hangovers and my health improving, perhaps the best part is I don't have to negotiate or battle myself every day about when I will drink, how much I will drink, what I will drink, and when I will stop drinking.

Soberween

Don't do it. The mental obsession is so great that even if you succeed and only have one or two glasses of champagne that night, the desire to drink with that same control will come back tenfold. Thoughts like this is what keeps people in early recovery constantly doing those first few days of sobriety over and over again. It's aggravating because the first few days are the hardest and you keep repeating the most difficult part of getting sober. What are those one or two glasses going to accomplish? IMO, it will accomplish having you fall down that dark rabbit hole in need of slowly climbing out again.

dru1085

Yall are so right, its tiring ... it truly is... I don't want my everyday to think about alcohol and whether I should or should not drink. It would be nice to never have that debate in my head ever again. But for now Im still in the early stages of recovery at 29 years old a lot of my family and friends drink casually... I have a whole life to see and live that is motivation enough.Thanks all.

Feels good to vent here , the road to soberdom aint easy...

Gottalife

Total abstinence is the only known cure but not always that easy to achieve. One of AA's rough definitions goes like this " if you find, when you honestly want to, you are unable to stop drinking, or if, when drinking,you have little control over how much you take, you are probably alcoholic."

Total abstinence however, is not always enough, especially for alcohlics of my type. I heard a saying the others day, "alcohol comes in bottles, alcoholism comes in people". Kinda rang true for me.

My problem in the past, whenever I stopped drinking, was that life became even more miserable. It can become so intolerable that some alcoholics take their own lives rather than drink again. I had to find a different way of living in order to stay stopped and be reasonably happy and content. That involved a lot of work and a certain amount of discomfort, but it worked and was well worth the effort.

Carver

No, please don't do it!

That's the AV talking; this is a good chance to practise saying no to it.

I know exactly how you feel. But it's not worth it. A sober uncle is the best gift you can give that little baby

Congratulations

hopefulinAus

There are people who can drink moderately again. Not after 2 weeks though.

Carver

It's dangerous for me if I start thinking like that. Maybe a few have, but I'd say 99.5% of us can't.

hopefulinAus

I agree. Not me either. Just saying a few do manage it. But like you say, that's led me to relapse many times.

PasserbyDave

dru1085 - - I've tried that; at a Thanksgiving with family not too long ago where I joined in with some wine, and I managed it. I had two glasses, sipped slowly over a period of a couple of hours, and that was it. I suppose there was a little voice way in the back of my head telling me to have more, have more, have MORE - but >>> I <<< (the rational side of me) was in full control. Well, although, to be honest, I went on a massive, out-of-control kind of binge a couple of weeks later that put me in the hospital for detox. That's not to say that the same thing could happen to you, could it? :-)

Kallistia

That's quite the slippery slope! It sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself of a good reason to drink, eh? Justify it?

Ultimately that is your decision, but the champagne is not making you an uncle and a brother in law. You said you want to be there for your family and niece...is that going to work if you have argued yourself back into excessive drinking?

May I suggest fireworks?

biminiblue

I also tried every way possible to not have to stop completely.

There was never a time in my life that I wanted to have one or two glasses of champagne once I started. I stopped drinking for 18 years and the way I got started again looked a lot like that, though. "Everyone drinks. I want to have a drink now and then." So I did. I was able to moderate for months - but it wasn't what I wanted to do after a while. When I first started up again, I was still able to get a little buzz from two. A good craft beer would get me a buzz in 20 ounce. Thing is, that doesn't last - and the buzz is what I wanted. I wanted the buzz and I wanted to keep it going. So the inevitable answer is to drink more.

Six years later I was defeated. Not testing that again.

waynetheking

"Total abstinence is easier to maintain than perfect moderation"
Dru your thinking life is better with just a few drinks than none at all, right? Unfortunately if your an alcoholic that will never happen. Ask anyone here with long term sobriety. So just quit. Life is better and actually more exciting without it. I promise you. Give it time. You'll see. Enjoy the wedding sober. Don't fantasize about the drinks. Its a complete illusion. You can't stop at 2. You know this.
Were here for ya. Not alcohol.

Hevyn

Hi Dru. I know how you feel - been through this so many times over the years. I don't recall ever being able to stick to my promise of just having one or two. I'd have the best of intentions, but once the first drink was down - anything might happen. Despite using every bit of willpower I could summon, I always failed at moderation. As the others have said, if it were possible - we'd be doing it.

I think it's great you wanted to talk this over. Please be careful and take good care of yourself. Congratulations on becoming an uncle.

fini

dru,
there's always a celebration coming up.
or a grief that needs to be assuaged.
a toast to something.
a birthday.
a stubbed toe.

there will always be a 'something' that is a 'reason' to drink again if you see 'reasons' to drink again.

Reset

Allen Carr would tell you that alcoholism can be cured. But not in the way you're thinking, where cured means able to drink moderately.

For him, "cured" means you fully embrace and understand the fact that there are absolutely no positive benefits to drinking alcohol and loads of negative effects and consequences, and therefore would never even want to drink again. Moderation and will power are not even in the question at that point because you don't want to drink, period.

I don't buy everything he says but I like the general approach.

When it comes to "cured" in the sense of being able to drink moderately again, I've heard of a rare case here and there but I'd bet the overwhelming odds are that moderate drinking is just going to get you back to where you were at your low point, or probably worse.

That's what happened to me. I stayed sober for almost 2 years and then had "just a shot" at a funeral. Had another drink a month later. Then another 2 weeks later. Then another a week later. Then several weekends in a row. Then every day. Then more every day. Then a lot every day, and you know the rest.