UKstudent

I was in a situation last night and I just wondered how you fellow former users would have handled it, and what you think the best way of dealing with it is.

I was in a student party-type of setting, in a bar type place and was drinking lime with soda water (it's actually really nice)
A girl in the group stated she was going to go go the bar and asked what everyone wanted.
A few people responded with the (alcoholic) beverage that they wanted and I said no I'm alright it's fine, but thanks

She sort of looked at me and laughed and asked me if "I was a girl?" for drinking lime and soda water.

I smiled and tried to move on, but she kept asking me if I wanted a beer or another drink, to which I kept saying no. after a minute or two she jokingly asked me, with a sort of grin on her face, If I had a drink problem.
I answered yes, as she was starting to get on my nerves to the point where shutting her up removed any embarrassment caused by admitting it to the group.
She still didn't seem entirely convinced and made a few more meaningless comments before I told her it was actually quite serious and couldn't find it funny and she swanned off to the bar.

I'm still slightly annoyed with her, and I'm rather neutral about the others having heard me say I had a problem

I just wondered what you guys would have done and if you would have also admitted it? like is it possible to be too open and have the wrong people know?

thanks

biminiblue

I don't put myself in party-bar situations any more. I mean, what's the point? There are much better things I need to be doing.

That said though, I don't think you did anything wrong, she was just one of those pushy types. I had to learn to not answer those types. "No." is a complete sentence.

ScottFromWI

To be honest I wouldn't have been in a drinking party type situation in the first place.

But since you were there I don't really thing there's a lot you can do. Chalk it up as a mistake and move on. What did you really expect them to say?

UKstudent

I know what you mean, and neither do I normally, but I'm on a university exchange in a different country and it's fairly solitary if I don't go along to at least or or two of the gatherings.

UKstudent

I know, but being abroad I'm practically removing myself from the group of my fellow students I've come on my university exchange with.

biminiblue

There are lots of things you can do instead. Lots. Volunteer, get a part time job, take up a fitness-type hobby, learn to golf, take piano lessons, coach a kids' ball team, go to the high school and offer your services, go to book readings or comedy shows.

It isn't all about alcohol. If you keep going to the barbershop there's a good chance you'll end up with a haircut.

UKstudent

get a part-time job? I'm a full time student.

biminiblue

Then study.

Soberwolf

Hi Student I think you done great but all that was really needed to be said was no I just don't drink

I think it's a bit early to be in these situations youl hear D sometimes say about building sober muscles for situations where others may be drinking

That being said you didn't drink & that's massive

You could set up a gathering where alcohol doesn't dominate the evening like a art gallery, a coffee shop hook up with friends

In time Student it will get easier

UKstudent

wow.. kinda harsh.
I do study, obviously.
I'm in a foreign country and the only people I know and who speak the same language as me are the ones I went out with.
it's not like I drank or got drunk, I was simply asking how people thought I handled the situation.

"then study" - what do you think I'm doing.

biminiblue

I suggested a lot of things other than study. You didn't say you liked any of them.

Have a nice day, UKStudent. I still think you handled the girl just fine. You can't control what other people do.

Gonnachange

In short: stick to your position. You don't owe anyone an explanation, but I can understand how you would get some pushback as you're in a university setting and of a certain age. Once your group recognizes through your actions that you're serious the peer pressure should dissipate.

Enjoy your experience abroad. My daughter spent an academic year abroad and my son will be spending his spring 2016 semester in a foreign country.

Kallistia

They can't harm you for knowing that drinking is a problem - I think there's too much shame around someone having a problem with drinking and there's nothing to be ashamed of - you acknowledge it.

This might save you some headache in the future as well with the others being aware that you do not drink. Less questions, less offers, you didn't offer up humiliating stories of things you have done while drinking and even better you did not drink and humiliate yourself in front of them so high five on that dude!

My plan is to tell people I'm on antibiotics, I haven't really been in a drinking situation since I have quit.

ScottFromWI

I was a college student at one time and drinking was a big part of my life. First off I congratulate you for taking the initiative to cut out the alcohol this early in life, you will be very happy you did.

I also know that when I was in college there were lots and lots of social things to do on campus that did not involve alcohol at all. I just never did them because I was busy hanging out with the "party" crowd.

Just chalk your exchange with this girl up as a bad experience, she was probably drunk anyway and didn't even realize what she was doing.

Berrybean

Gah - just remembering being a student. Hated it.

Maybe check out clubs and associations in your university - they won't all be drinking based. It's also worth checking out the AA meetings - if there is a large student base (like there is in Cambridge) chances are there will be some Young People's meetings where you can get to know some other young people who want to be sociable without feeling under pressure to drink or explain themselves.

PurpleKnight

I'd probably have gone with "I'll have another lime with soda water please"

"oh you're not drinking?" . . . "no, not tonight, I'll just have a another lime and soda water, thanks"

Keep it simple, no one needs any reasons, you're not drinking tonight, and that's it!!

Frank14

"Let's just say I'm an angry drunk and the last time I had a drink I ended up throwing someone through a window. Another lime and soda, please..."

JCMJ

I think you handled it just fine. Enjoy your amazing opportunity and stick to your priorities and let the others be as they will be. With time it won't even be a point of discussion.

SoberCAH

Just say NOYFB and let her figure it out.

You handled it well.

I would not have any further conversations with this person.

Gottalife

I was that girl, only I' a boy! In my short career as a barman, about three days befor I drank myself out of it, I worked in a student pub, and I did that sort of thing to any student who ordered a soft drink. Turns out it wasn't them with the problem.

In the situation you were in, by the way, I would never allow anyone else to get my drinks. To much risk that some idiot may spike it with a little vodka, and we know where that might lead. I've seen it happen.