stating outright your reason for not drinking
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 359
Originally Posted by Gottalife 
I was that girl, only I' a boy! In my short career as a barman, about three days befor I drank myself out of it, I worked in a student pub, and I did that sort of thing to any student who ordered a soft drink. Turns out it wasn't them with the problem. In the situation you were in, by the way, I would never allow anyone else to get my drinks. To much risk that some idiot may spike it with a little vodka, and we know where that might lead. I've seen it happen.
"Juice?! You want juice?!"
Turned sideways and rubbed my belly...got free juice the rest of the night though...
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
I just always have to check my motivations for how I respond about my sobriety. Am I embarrassed or judging others or grand standing - being self righteous???? After all, I am an alcoholic and very unique.............
Sounds like you did well!
Might find some sober friends here if you get tired of too much bar scene.
A.A. Meetings in Belgium - Alcoholics Anonymous C.E.R.
Glad you're here UK!
Sounds like you did well!
Might find some sober friends here if you get tired of too much bar scene.
A.A. Meetings in Belgium - Alcoholics Anonymous C.E.R.
Glad you're here UK!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
She was being a jerk! Been there.
You don't owe anybody any explanation. Next time I'd ask her what her problem is with someone not drinking. Or just keep saying the same thing, broken record technique. Or just leave, sounds like she'd make terrible company...
It has happened to me too, thankfully it's rare.
You don't owe anybody any explanation. Next time I'd ask her what her problem is with someone not drinking. Or just keep saying the same thing, broken record technique. Or just leave, sounds like she'd make terrible company...
It has happened to me too, thankfully it's rare.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
I've been thinking a lot about this one because it sounds like a tough situation. People like that are generally pretty insecure and need to put others down to make themselves feel better. Doesn't excuse her behavior, but I guess it helps to understand their motivations.
I'd have been tempted to throw it right back at her. "Are you a girl?" "No, are you?" "Do you have a drinks problem?" "Actually the problem seems to be you."
But with people like that it can often blow back at you. If you're gonna heckle a heckler you'd better be really good.
I guess another approach could have been, "let me help you with those drinks" and take her by the elbow to the bar. Then explain your situation and tell her you'd appreciate her not making a big deal about it.
But all in all I think you handled it pretty well. I'm guessing that most of the people there sympathized with you and thought she was out of line. Don't sweat it.
I'd have been tempted to throw it right back at her. "Are you a girl?" "No, are you?" "Do you have a drinks problem?" "Actually the problem seems to be you."
But with people like that it can often blow back at you. If you're gonna heckle a heckler you'd better be really good.
I guess another approach could have been, "let me help you with those drinks" and take her by the elbow to the bar. Then explain your situation and tell her you'd appreciate her not making a big deal about it.
But all in all I think you handled it pretty well. I'm guessing that most of the people there sympathized with you and thought she was out of line. Don't sweat it.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 919
I'm 24, turning 25 soon, and I also live abroad. I also find this question difficult and that people are pushy.
In the end I think there is no easy answer. If you want to be in the bar/ party scene, and as an expat I know sometimes its just about the only way to meet other people, then you have to realize you might stand out. You gotta own it and just ignore idiots like that girl. All that you can do.
Its a different path to walk.
In the end I think there is no easy answer. If you want to be in the bar/ party scene, and as an expat I know sometimes its just about the only way to meet other people, then you have to realize you might stand out. You gotta own it and just ignore idiots like that girl. All that you can do.
Its a different path to walk.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 47
Wow. He didn't say he was having difficulty being in that environment,just when the girl challenged him. We can't isolate ourselves from all social situations and the fact is a lot of people do drink. I have a thing on tomorrow night and I'll be drinking soda water or something and I'm just going to say "just not drinking at the moment". Sometimes I say I'm trying to lose weight. When I am really solid in my sobriety I won't mind telling the truth depending on who is asking
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 18
I've been in those situations a couple of times. I found out a way to "shut someone up" about it if they seem to pry too much.
I say "Want to know what my name was when I used to drink?"
"What?"
"The Antichrist"
Working well so far.
I say "Want to know what my name was when I used to drink?"
"What?"
"The Antichrist"
Working well so far.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
it is a lie our addiction tells us that everyone drinks....me, I've always found a way to seek out the drinkers, bc birds of a feather flock together....
But having spent years sober I've learned how big this world is and there really are a lot of people that don't drink for a multitude of reasons. Don't let the scene trick you. Bars attract bar flies, but you can seek out connections elsewhere where booze is not the main attraction. It's there if you look for it.
But having spent years sober I've learned how big this world is and there really are a lot of people that don't drink for a multitude of reasons. Don't let the scene trick you. Bars attract bar flies, but you can seek out connections elsewhere where booze is not the main attraction. It's there if you look for it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I was in a situation last night and I just wondered how you fellow former users would have handled it, and what you think the best way of dealing with it is.
I was in a student party-type of setting, in a bar type place and was drinking lime with soda water (it's actually really nice)
A girl in the group stated she was going to go go the bar and asked what everyone wanted.
A few people responded with the (alcoholic) beverage that they wanted and I said no I'm alright it's fine, but thanks
She sort of looked at me and laughed and asked me if "I was a girl?" for drinking lime and soda water.
I smiled and tried to move on, but she kept asking me if I wanted a beer or another drink, to which I kept saying no. after a minute or two she jokingly asked me, with a sort of grin on her face, If I had a drink problem.
I answered yes, as she was starting to get on my nerves to the point where shutting her up removed any embarrassment caused by admitting it to the group.
She still didn't seem entirely convinced and made a few more meaningless comments before I told her it was actually quite serious and couldn't find it funny and she swanned off to the bar.
I'm still slightly annoyed with her, and I'm rather neutral about the others having heard me say I had a problem
I just wondered what you guys would have done and if you would have also admitted it? like is it possible to be too open and have the wrong people know?
thanks
I was in a student party-type of setting, in a bar type place and was drinking lime with soda water (it's actually really nice)
A girl in the group stated she was going to go go the bar and asked what everyone wanted.
A few people responded with the (alcoholic) beverage that they wanted and I said no I'm alright it's fine, but thanks
She sort of looked at me and laughed and asked me if "I was a girl?" for drinking lime and soda water.
I smiled and tried to move on, but she kept asking me if I wanted a beer or another drink, to which I kept saying no. after a minute or two she jokingly asked me, with a sort of grin on her face, If I had a drink problem.
I answered yes, as she was starting to get on my nerves to the point where shutting her up removed any embarrassment caused by admitting it to the group.
She still didn't seem entirely convinced and made a few more meaningless comments before I told her it was actually quite serious and couldn't find it funny and she swanned off to the bar.
I'm still slightly annoyed with her, and I'm rather neutral about the others having heard me say I had a problem
I just wondered what you guys would have done and if you would have also admitted it? like is it possible to be too open and have the wrong people know?
thanks
I'll just add you're likely to face that pretty often in bars.
Over the years I've gone from spouting huge essays on why I son;t drink, to simply saying no thanks.
Noone needs an explanation, and if they persist, ignore them.
I'm not going to let other people upset me or spoil my good time, and you shouldn't either
Originally Posted by hopefulinAus
Wow. He didn't say he was having difficulty being in that environment,just when the girl challenged him. We can't isolate ourselves from all social situations and the fact is a lot of people do drink. I have a thing on tomorrow night and I'll be drinking soda water or something and I'm just going to say "just not drinking at the moment". Sometimes I say I'm trying to lose weight. When I am really solid in my sobriety I won't mind telling the truth depending on who is asking
I did that - I had to. I waited until I had the sober muscles required to deal with drinking social situations.
I'm glad I did it it - it was a great investment in my future
D
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 359
Originally Posted by frankh77
I've been in those situations a couple of times. I found out a way to "shut someone up" about it if they seem to pry too much. I say "Want to know what my name was when I used to drink?" "What?" "The Antichrist" Working well so far.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 56
I know where you are coming from, and I do agree a bar probably isn't the best place to be as a sober person. Having said that, I did read a post on here the other day that gave me a really good response that I plan to use. If they ask do you have a drinking problem, your answer should be that you don't have a problem drinking. What you do have though is have a problem stopping. I like the simplistic nature of the response. However, I imagine that it wouldn't work well with college students. They are at a place in their lives where they just can't see why anyone would not drink. It would require a huge paradigm shift on their part to see the nobility in refraining from feeding your addictive monster. Stay strong, and try to follow some of the other people's advice.
The question I have is how does the group feel about sharing their problem with tertiary friends or co-workers? I am concerned that I could face some jeopardy in my job if they were to find out, so I have been making up fake doctor's appointments in order to go to my therapy sessions and to get my vivitrol shots. I am also concerned that if it got out, in the future I would have difficulty getting a new job if ever the need arises. I work in the accounting field, and it is necessary for the owners to have confidence in my stability. Thoughts? By the way, today is day 24...
The question I have is how does the group feel about sharing their problem with tertiary friends or co-workers? I am concerned that I could face some jeopardy in my job if they were to find out, so I have been making up fake doctor's appointments in order to go to my therapy sessions and to get my vivitrol shots. I am also concerned that if it got out, in the future I would have difficulty getting a new job if ever the need arises. I work in the accounting field, and it is necessary for the owners to have confidence in my stability. Thoughts? By the way, today is day 24...
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: London
Posts: 369
Haven't posted on this site in a while but this thread caught my attention as I was at uni a couple of years ago in England and am thus aware of how pervasive the drinking culture at British universities is. Unfortunately a lot of young people who have just gone away to uni and are having their first taste of freedom equate drinking alcohol with some kind of newly founded independence. It sounds like you handled the situation well. I know from experience that it is much easier said than done to simply say no especially when you're in a group of new people and you want to be social. However realise that all universities have a lot more to offer than just 'lets just all stand around the bar and drink because we can'. Have you thought of joining any societies? They're a great way to meet people with similar interests and obviously will help steer you away from the bar.
But yeah, I think admitting to others you had a problem was not a bad idea. The sooner you establish yourself as the non drinker of the group, the sooner people will come to just accept it and not bother to question you about it.
Good luck with your studies!
But yeah, I think admitting to others you had a problem was not a bad idea. The sooner you establish yourself as the non drinker of the group, the sooner people will come to just accept it and not bother to question you about it.
Good luck with your studies!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 321
I think you handled it well and I can understand why it would get on your nerves. I'm am a "little" older than college age now lol, but I might have been that inconsiderate girl back then who would question someone who didn't drink.
But even back then, I knew I drank too much and I do believe that possibly I was a little mystified and/or envious....maybe even interested in how other people did NOT drink when everyone else was. I would've never admitted that back then to anyone but I said it to myself many times in my thoughts when alone over those years, though I did nothing about it. Just kept on drinking until at age 50. Finally after many years of problems (mostly all of them due to alcohol), took a toll and I finally cried "UNCLE"!
Stay strong and let people say what they may. You are a better person for not drinking and she may have gotten on your nerves, but shake it off as the triumph it is...you didn't bow to the pressure and you stood your ground!
The fact that you've realized sober is what you want, and in college.... just made your future much brighter! ROCK ON UKstudent!
Its all about you and your future, not theirs....and if they were drinking, they'll probably forget anyway!
But even back then, I knew I drank too much and I do believe that possibly I was a little mystified and/or envious....maybe even interested in how other people did NOT drink when everyone else was. I would've never admitted that back then to anyone but I said it to myself many times in my thoughts when alone over those years, though I did nothing about it. Just kept on drinking until at age 50. Finally after many years of problems (mostly all of them due to alcohol), took a toll and I finally cried "UNCLE"!
Stay strong and let people say what they may. You are a better person for not drinking and she may have gotten on your nerves, but shake it off as the triumph it is...you didn't bow to the pressure and you stood your ground!
The fact that you've realized sober is what you want, and in college.... just made your future much brighter! ROCK ON UKstudent!
Its all about you and your future, not theirs....and if they were drinking, they'll probably forget anyway!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 370
Honestly, I feel pretty good being able to say it was a problem for me. I find more often people seem to admire that I quit something that wasn't doing me any good. Anybody who has a problem with that isn't someone I care to spend time with anyway.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
I'm a little older than you at 33 so my situation is a little different but actually nobody has ever asked me why I don't drink. All of my close friends have been around my blackout horrors at parties and movie nights at home so they know. They know why I stopped. Nobody asked. People who I don't know as well don't ask either when I order a Pepsi on the rare occasion I'm at a bar to watch World Series baseball. By the way, the last time I was at a bar was last October watching last year's World Series.
I highly recommend not hanging out at bars.
That said though, there is a HUGE difference between hanging out watching World Series baseball at 7 pm with friends at a bar than going to ladies'-night-Caribbean karaoke-fat-Tuesday-throw-down-dance-party-drink-special night.
I avoid those things at all costs. Not hard thought when 99 percent of 33 year old avoid those things too.
Oops, someone has asked me. A friend wanted me to sip/taste her beer a few weeks ago. I said no thanks and she was surprised that I couldn't or wouldn't just taste it. But, now that I think about it, this particular friend has never seen me blacked out, screaming, crying or vomiting. Why? She lived in a different state during my drinking. Lol!
I highly recommend not hanging out at bars.
That said though, there is a HUGE difference between hanging out watching World Series baseball at 7 pm with friends at a bar than going to ladies'-night-Caribbean karaoke-fat-Tuesday-throw-down-dance-party-drink-special night.
I avoid those things at all costs. Not hard thought when 99 percent of 33 year old avoid those things too.
Oops, someone has asked me. A friend wanted me to sip/taste her beer a few weeks ago. I said no thanks and she was surprised that I couldn't or wouldn't just taste it. But, now that I think about it, this particular friend has never seen me blacked out, screaming, crying or vomiting. Why? She lived in a different state during my drinking. Lol!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: QLD
Posts: 173
I think when I am actually put in that position, which won't be for a while because I'm new to recovery so staying away from all that, I'm going to say 'hey, Hi, yes, I'm a recovering alcoholic ' and then just look at them whilst they hopefully feel embarrassed and uncomfortable for pushing the issue.
' and then just look at them whilst they hopefully feel embarrassed and uncomfortable for pushing the issue.
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