10 weeks
 

Hi all,

Just figured out im on day 70 of this trek.

Just wanted to post (again), about my time being sober. So yeah so far its tough, but I have not given in yet, although I've wanted to almost every day.

My life seems to have turned a complete 180 on me since I quit drinking. I used to be a carefree type of guy. Now I have huge anxiety, depression, health problems and a failing relationship.

I went home to an empty house last night and that was the most difficult thing I've ever experienced in my life. Of course woke up in a panic several times, slowly trudged myself out of bed, but got ready, showered, got dressed, combed my hair brushed my teeth, put my "everything is okay" face on and trudged out the door.

I know I shouldn't keep inventory of the bad things occurring after I quit but its so hard not to when things I've never experienced in my entire life are happening to me that I never imagined would.

Oh well, the only victory I have so far is that I never did give in through all of that, even though I wanted to. I think a quote I heard once was "courage is moving on when you don't have the strength to." Don't remember who said that but I definitely don't have very much strength left within me.

thanks for listening to this,

Hope your week is going okay.

Holds...let me say im going thru the same man.. im almost at 60 days.. my girl is done and that was my first couple weeks sober.i though for sure it would of been when u got another dui recently but she says she hated be around me sober and all i talked about was AA and she couldn't stand it.. im truly heartbroken but im beginning to care less. If it was not meant to be nothing i can do.. she had a lot of issues and if shes not ignoring me shes ripping me apart in texts.. about everything im not.. it hurts but i do not fight back.. ive decided im not gonna contact her at all till the amends step. Im doing step 4 now.. good luck man

Amazing !! Holds congrats brother

all i had to cling to so many days was the fact that gee i stayed sober again whatever that means then i'd go to bed and repeat the same misery another day.

getting sober was also the most selfish thing i ever did like everything else in life had to take a back seat to me and my sobriety issues. If it had not been that way I'm not sure I would have made it. In time I was able to add more things in or say be a better friend or husband or employee or whatever. But for a while there it was all about making sure #1 was sober and that was that.

Yep..u nailec it zjw.. she said witb an explosion of texts..(we had already broken up couple weeks ago) but said im selfish,care only about myself, and blasted me on about everything else ive ever done wrong in my life.. i dont even care.. i just wanna stay sober and recover. . She dont think im worth fighting for then her loss when i recover

Same here.

I'm the last person to advocate splitting up. But I also do not agree with being some kinda sacrificial lamb and trashing and ruining yourself for the sake of someone else. ESPECIALLY when it comes to one trying to remain sober. I htink sobriety has to come first THEN and only then can one have a happy healthy relationship among many other great things.

You cant expect to have a great life going if your unhealthy IE not sober.

I think in hindsite anyone would look back and go yeah I had to put my sobriety first oh sure it might be a bumpy road mistakes will be made as always but I'd imagine anyone would look back and go I had to put my sobriety first I did the best that i could at the time with what tools I had available to me etc..

cant sit around regreting stuff or doubting decisions like that etc.. not worth it.

Day 70 is fantastic!! :You_Rock_

ya fo.r sure zdw... and not alkies just don't understand. she honestly thinks that I choose the bottle over her. like I had a choice back then. I had a limited understanding of alcoholism then. I didn't realize the reason I felt so awful when I was sober was because I was alcoholic now that im getting a handle on that through AA and literature shes pissed off?? whatever, better off alone anyways. I got a lot on my plate as is.. I truly do love her and am sorry.. I will let her know that at my amends step... all I can do.. thanks

Keep wanting to see that light at the end of the tunnel, the fabled "normal" that we all hope for.

Then again its like, well if this is "normal" for me oh well, what does it matter, least I'm not drinking over it making it worse.

Its so hard to have that mentality when you're sitting at home, alone, staring at the wall with a throbbing headache and feel like throwing ur guts up.

I'm right there with you. Day 70 for me and it's still a struggle. But the way I look at it, it's a recovery process.

If you were diagnosed with cancer, would it be selfish to put aspects of your life on hold to get chemo and get better?

If you were in a serious car accident, would it be selfish to recover your broken bones and regain your faculties?

Alcoholism is a disease and luckily it's one we actually have the ability to overcome but again it takes a recovery process. Sadly the length can be months, years, or a lifetime. It's not selfish to focus on your recovery. At least not in a negative way.

It's selfish for someone else to try to insinuate that your recovery negatively affects them. That is the definition of selfish and if they don't understand that, not only are they not a good person, they are against your personal growth and recovery.

They literally want you to do damage to yourself for their benefit. That's not healthy. Hopefully they step back and realize this so that the relationship can heal but if not it may be the best step to move on.

I know that's easier said than done but as long as you focus on your recovery, whatever happens after will be better than reverting to past behavior.

Congrats on 10 weeks Holds. I'm not so sure there is a "normal". As addicts we tend to want instant gratification that we used to get from alchohol, that fleeting moment where we felt "good" because of the effects it had on our brain. I'm about 3 years into sobriety now and i'm still working on feeling better in some respects. I still have issues with anxiety and I have bad days and good. But I can say without question that even a "bad" day now is far better than the horrors I was going through at the end of my drinking days.

Our addiction would have us believe that we can just go back to drinking "a little" to take the edge off. Or just "every now and then" when we need it. But we all know the reality is that we'll be back at that hungover every day, nauseous, cannot even think because of splitting headache, heartburn drinking phase. Don't forget about the elevated liver enzymes and heart palpitations when we dont' get our fix soon enough.

So yes, life is hard. And yes, we all have issues ( social, money, family, psychological ) to work through. And it takes a long time to do them sometimes. But i'm glad you aren't losing sight of the fact that you are much more prepared to deal with all of this sober than drinking.

I think 10 weeks is an amazing victory in itself holds :)

I remember thinking I was been tested a lot in the early days - looking back now I think that's life - sometimes it's good and sometimes not so good...I didn't really pay much attention before because I drank through most of it.

I felt that maybe this would be as good as it got too...but I was wrong. Things got better...a lot better.
Early recovery is hard, but it definitely becomes less of an ordeal, I promise.

One thing that helped me was trying to think of things I was grateful for, everyday. I think that sihift in focus is very important.

The more challenges I met sober, the easier the next challenge got...hang in there Holds - and congrats :)

D

I am really starting to believe that I am being tested lately. Everything that has been happening to me is always testing my resolve. And always to the point of, hey lets drink, things could be better if you do etc.

It seems like after the test is over, whatever symptoms I had clear up.

For example it started with my sanity, eh lets drink to feel "normal" or "right in the head". That seems to be clearing up, passed!

Then it was my relationships with family and friends, then it was like, hey i did well with that drinking, but I didn't, seems to be resolving itself.

Nowadays its messing with my health, as in all that stress has started giving me stomach problems and headaches. Go to the doctor, doctor says, ur fine, heres some acid reflux pills, pain relievers and do you want an anti-depressant? no thanks on the AD for now.

Still in the midst of the health part, but I will push through.

Anyone else ever felt they were being tested in different ways? Perhaps this was happening all along and I am just slowly peeling layers off or something

In any case, I'm glad I never drank because of it, although I did want to so badly.

No, I don't think I was being deliberately tested - I was just totally unused to life sober Holds :)

D