Day 1
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 18
Day 1
I never want to feel like this, ever again. So, today, I choose not to drink. I am filled with anxiety, my chest hurts, my heart feels like its going to beat out of my chest. My brain is in a fog. Tears running down my face out of shame.
I am a 33 year old single mom to a wonderful 11 year old little man. Ive been a heavy drinker for years, mostly binge drinking on the weekends. For about the past 3 years, I have been drinking every night. Triggered by loneliness and boredom, mostly. My boyfriend of 7 years moved 800 miles away for school and eventually work. He's still there and comes home when he can afford it. I sure miss him. He too, is kind of a binge drinker, triggered by PTSD following his stints in Iraq. I don't think he knows how much I drink, but im sure he suspects its way too much. My son knows how much I drink, that in itself is embarrassing. Its also embarrassing that he has to get himself up and ready for school and on to the bus every morning because im too hungover to get up that early. I work full time, but I work from home, so I don't get out of the house much. My friends are all social drinkers, my best friend of 17 years is like myself, she drinks every night. I have a great life, with a great family and friends, I don't know why I feel so miserable and compelled to drink. I think I am going to reach out to my mother to let her know I have a problem, maybe it will relieve some of this almost debilitating anxiety knowing I have someone to help me (besides you wonderful folks, of course).
Anyways, I know I never want to feel like this again.
So, today is Day 1.
I am a 33 year old single mom to a wonderful 11 year old little man. Ive been a heavy drinker for years, mostly binge drinking on the weekends. For about the past 3 years, I have been drinking every night. Triggered by loneliness and boredom, mostly. My boyfriend of 7 years moved 800 miles away for school and eventually work. He's still there and comes home when he can afford it. I sure miss him. He too, is kind of a binge drinker, triggered by PTSD following his stints in Iraq. I don't think he knows how much I drink, but im sure he suspects its way too much. My son knows how much I drink, that in itself is embarrassing. Its also embarrassing that he has to get himself up and ready for school and on to the bus every morning because im too hungover to get up that early. I work full time, but I work from home, so I don't get out of the house much. My friends are all social drinkers, my best friend of 17 years is like myself, she drinks every night. I have a great life, with a great family and friends, I don't know why I feel so miserable and compelled to drink. I think I am going to reach out to my mother to let her know I have a problem, maybe it will relieve some of this almost debilitating anxiety knowing I have someone to help me (besides you wonderful folks, of course).
Anyways, I know I never want to feel like this again.
So, today is Day 1.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome Gmariee! Congrats on your decision, are you seeking any local support in addition to SR? Meetings and counseling may help if you have access to them. I personally found that I had anxiety issues that needed to be dealt with separately after I got sober for a while, so cross that bridge when you get to it but do realize you may have underlying issues to deal with too.
Someone is always here on SR too so check in as often as you like and have a safe day 1
Someone is always here on SR too so check in as often as you like and have a safe day 1
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
Welcome GMarie, I hope you give this all you've got and get a few sober days, you'll be surprised how quickly you start to feel better and proud of your efforts.
I relate to a lot of your post, I only wish I had made the effort to get sober when my little one was 11 (now a big one at 18), I also raised her alone and drank every day, single parenting is lonely.
You can do this, put everything you've got into it, it's really worth it I promise.
Good luck to you xx
I relate to a lot of your post, I only wish I had made the effort to get sober when my little one was 11 (now a big one at 18), I also raised her alone and drank every day, single parenting is lonely.
You can do this, put everything you've got into it, it's really worth it I promise.
Good luck to you xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 18
Thank you for your words of encouragement. I have been reading a lot and thinking about going to a meeting. I really want to talk to my doctor, but im scared. Im such an idiot with this...I had weight loss surgery to save my life...I fought cancer and won...but this, this I am willing to let kill me? How dumb is that? Also, I read somewhere that you shouldn't make huge life changes/decisions during your recovery, but I honestly think that's what I need. As I mentioned before, my bf moved 800 miles away and we recently sold our house so that I could move to be with him (this will occur next week). Ive never lived anywhere but here, so this is huge for me. Also, I think the isolation of working from home adds to my depression. Sure, its nice, but im a social person, I think I need change in careers. Has anyone made such big changes so early in their recovery, if so, how did it help/hurt?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and welcome.
I needed convincing that alcohol is a toxic substance that is powerful, cunning, baffling, insidious and progressive for life.
As a guess I’d say many of your lifes difficulties would be reduces a lot if alcohol is not in the equation.
The sobering up process is simple, we just don’t drink one day at a time in a row, I didn’t say it’s always easy.
It helps a lot being around other people that understand us and will help us over the bumps to sobriety.
People here are very helpful also. I personally need the contact and seeing and hearing people in close proximity and perhaps in after meetings coffee, lunch, house get togethers etc.
Try to take it easy, doing just one step at a time and listen along with KEEP COMING/
BE WELL
I needed convincing that alcohol is a toxic substance that is powerful, cunning, baffling, insidious and progressive for life.
As a guess I’d say many of your lifes difficulties would be reduces a lot if alcohol is not in the equation.
The sobering up process is simple, we just don’t drink one day at a time in a row, I didn’t say it’s always easy.
It helps a lot being around other people that understand us and will help us over the bumps to sobriety.
People here are very helpful also. I personally need the contact and seeing and hearing people in close proximity and perhaps in after meetings coffee, lunch, house get togethers etc.
Try to take it easy, doing just one step at a time and listen along with KEEP COMING/
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: okla city, ok
Posts: 49
Congratulations!!! I drank because I was bored and lonely also. And, surrounded myself with people who drank like me.
I woke up, feeling the same way as you. And, decided to attend some meetings and work with a sponsor. I like the fellowship and it gets me out the house. Plus, I learn more about myself and my character defects. This is a great site, especially when I cannot reach anyone else.
Sometimes I come here and read topics, while listening to meditation music at night.
I woke up, feeling the same way as you. And, decided to attend some meetings and work with a sponsor. I like the fellowship and it gets me out the house. Plus, I learn more about myself and my character defects. This is a great site, especially when I cannot reach anyone else.
Sometimes I come here and read topics, while listening to meditation music at night.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Originally Posted by GMariee 
Thank you for your words of encouragement. I have been reading a lot and thinking about going to a meeting. I really want to talk to my doctor, but im scared. Im such an idiot with this...I had weight loss surgery to save my life...I fought cancer and won...but this, this I am willing to let kill me? How dumb is that? Also, I read somewhere that you shouldn't make huge life changes/decisions during your recovery, but I honestly think that's what I need. As I mentioned before, my bf moved 800 miles away and we recently sold our house so that I could move to be with him (this will occur next week). Ive never lived anywhere but here, so this is huge for me. Also, I think the isolation of working from home adds to my depression. Sure, its nice, but im a social person, I think I need change in careers. Has anyone made such big changes so early in their recovery, if so, how did it help/hurt?
I duno how drastic of changes id make in that first year. the move is gonna be a huge adjustment.
I'd only make a drastic change if i new it was for sure going to greatly help my goal of staying sober. So for example if i had debt and ran into money and wanted to pay it off i'd say thats a great big change to make. But just change jobs? or hual off and get a new car or split with a spouse etc.. I dunno i'd have to have some good good reasoning.
I also work from home. I guess for some that can be lonely and isolating. For others its not a big deal Gotta figure out which it is for you. or is it something else causing you the grief you have.
For me? i removed the booze and itw as like someone tipped over dominos a lot of other things started to come togethr for me with not a whole lot of effort.
good job on day 1!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 18
I did as i said, i reached out to my mom today. As always, she helped put things in prospective for me and vowed to help in any way i need. That eased my anxiety somewhat. Day 1-to break the nightly routine, i took my son out to a nice dinner, i forgot how much i enjoy his company and realized how much i let my drinking come between us, hes my life, not the liquid. Now settling down, the rest of the evening will be spent watching movies as opposed to me sitting in the garage, alone, drinking my "garage water". Oddly enough, i dont even want a drink, but my sides and stomach hurt something fierce. ...on to day 2.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 740
Welcome, GM! I'm a single mom of a tween too. I hated what my drinking was doing to my relationship with my daughter, so I decided to quit. I'm still in early recovery, a little over two months, but things are so much better for me and my daughter already. I too spent the first few weeks doing things with my daughter to keep me from drinking and to drill into my brain why I was quitting. Then I came on here and read and read and read. It seems to be doing the trick.
I'm so glad for you that you have your mother to speak to about this and you have her support. That's really great! I'm doing this completely on my own irl. Of course, I have this fantastic community on SR. These folks have made all the difference for me. I think they can help you too, so I hope you'll stick around.
Be well, GMariee,
Delfin
I'm so glad for you that you have your mother to speak to about this and you have her support. That's really great! I'm doing this completely on my own irl. Of course, I have this fantastic community on SR. These folks have made all the difference for me. I think they can help you too, so I hope you'll stick around.
Be well, GMariee,
Delfin
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: QLD
Posts: 173
Welcome to SR,GM 
I'm a single mum, have an 11 year old, and am new to recovery too. The best thing I ever did, was sit her down and tell her I was never drinking again. I had allowed my child to see me drunk, night after night. Sure I tried to hide it, tried to stop myself from slurring my words when she came out to say goodnight, but they're 11, they aren't stupid. They see everything no matter how sneaky we think we are being.
I made her a promise, to never touch another drop, and she was so happy she had tears in her eyes. That's when I knew I could never go back to that life. I had to fight this, for both of us. She deserved a better mother than she had.
I'm on my thirteenth day and I feel so proud of myself. I have a long way to go, but I have such a determination, every time I look at my daughter, it gives me the strength to keep fighting.
We can do this.
I'm a single mum, have an 11 year old, and am new to recovery too. The best thing I ever did, was sit her down and tell her I was never drinking again. I had allowed my child to see me drunk, night after night. Sure I tried to hide it, tried to stop myself from slurring my words when she came out to say goodnight, but they're 11, they aren't stupid. They see everything no matter how sneaky we think we are being.
I made her a promise, to never touch another drop, and she was so happy she had tears in her eyes. That's when I knew I could never go back to that life. I had to fight this, for both of us. She deserved a better mother than she had.
I'm on my thirteenth day and I feel so proud of myself. I have a long way to go, but I have such a determination, every time I look at my daughter, it gives me the strength to keep fighting.
We can do this.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: North Texas
Posts: 183
My 5th day being sober. Hard as hell but We all are here to support each other through this trying test... stay strong... I don't have any kids but I have an old Dachshund who who motivates me.. and of course you guys here at SB.
Dru -
Dru -
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 18
SimplyNothing, day 2 winding down. I actually feel physically better as the day went on, i actually managed a restful 3 hour nap after work (after months of horrible sleep patterns due to drinking)...Made plans to get much neglected house duties done this weekend, actually looking forward to it. The more i look at one day at a time, the more my anxiety lessens. We can do this, i just know it! Good luck!!
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