JackRaynes

Hey everyone!
I wanted to post because I'm trying to figure out some strategies on trying to get rid of the ridiculous thoughts of drinking. I've been working on becoming sober for about a year now and my drinking has decreased tremendously and I only drink maybe about 4 times a month (unfortunately, it's pretty heavy when I do). And my goal is to get sober, but I know that I am dealing with ridiculous out of nowhere thoughts and a fear of giving it up.

Last night I decided to drink because I had a great weekend and I had family visiting and it was a sober weekend, tons of fun, but when they left the loneliness sunk in and I thought drinking would help me with it. Obviously it didn't. The issue that I am dealing with is that I have all of the negatives that come with it, the loss of friends, weight gain, expensive, and feeling like **** for days. I can't justify doing it and I don't know how to fully convince myself to stop. Last night I was laying in bed with a horrible stomach ache and a pounding headache and I told myself, "Remember this because this is what happens when you drink." Nothing good comes from it, I gain nothing, but I am having a fear of quitting, it's irrational. I would gain so much from being sober, strengthening my relationship with friends, weight loss, saving money, and health restored. Later today, once my health came back to normal, I thought, "Hey, I should buy some beer." I couldn't believe it. It's a total different part of me. It's literally a monster that lives in my head ******* with me. I don't know how to kill it, it's extremely irrational.

So I'm just looking for tips on how to kill the monster and what it's going to take in order to find the right path. Also, another issue I'm dealing with is that none of my needs as a human are being met. Mostly because of the hindering issues of alcoholism.

freshstart57

Hi Jack, welcome, and congratulations to you on deciding to make that change for the better. Nobody but nobody ever regrets deciding to quit drinking and start living, free from that misery that goes along with drinking the way we did.

I am going to suggest you look into something called AVRT. You can find the website with the whole story very easily. It might be what you are looking for, and help you to be on your way, the way it did for me.

You can also look at the Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information forum here at SR. You can also look at this post here, about my experience with AVRT. You might find that helpful too.

You can do this, JackRaynes. Believe you deserve it, and then go get it. Onward!

doggonecarl

That's not a thought. That's an action. It may have be driven by obsessive thoughts, but thoughts can't make you drink, only you can.

Obsessive thoughts of drinking go away when you quit acting on them.

Freshstart's suggestion for AVRT is a good one.

gonzo51511

AA is how Im doing it.. ive only been so ber a couple months but it is working. I don't think about alcohol at all and I was a heavy daily drinker. plus if you are lonely its a way to get out of the house and meet new people that are in the same boat and will not judge. I for one had to change a lot of daily behaviors as well. I rarely watch tv anymore because I used to drink and watch tv.. now I read and go on this site during free time.. stuff like that.. good luck

Gottalife

Jack, AA might help. It's conclusion is that the main problem centres in the mind, just as you say.

It is also thought that "unless this person can undergo an entire psychic change, there is very little hope of his recovery".

The book Alcoholics Anonymous also talks about members experiencing" a profound alteration in their reaction to life", and "a change of personality sufficient to recover from alcoholism"

So it would seem you have some similar ideas. For myself I think the biggest problem was that sobriety, in my experience, was a pretty miserable affair. I was frightened of drinking, but sobriety didn't look any good either. Not a rational thought, just based on feelings and experience. What I knew of sobriety was more a motivator for drinking than not. I had no experience upon which to base my own personality change - what would I change? what would it be like? I had no idea where to even start.

Once I realised I couldn't think my way out of it, and I had been through every other option I could find, I joined the AA program and in a short space of time my outlook changed completey. The obsession was removed and has never returned.

Dee74

I think I made it more complicated than it needed to be.

Ultimately I had to put more effort into staying sober than I did in getting drunk.

What that means in real terms is I not only had to find support but I had to use it.

I wanted to be able to short circuit that I've decided to drink thought and defuse it.

Thats hard to do when you've all but decided to drink, but that's what recovery is about - making better choices for ourselves.

Do you have any support besides SR?

D

JackRaynes

That's a good point, I haven't thought about it like that. The thing is I prefer to stay sober than getting drunk. I just have that thought in my head that makes it sound like it's a good idea, but I can't justify it.

I don't have a group to join or anything, and to be honest I'm not looking to join one. AA and such doesn't seem to be the kind of thing that I would enjoy. I'm close to solving this case on my own, and I do have the support of my friends and family. I think being involved with this community online will be a great help. I'm going to stick with posting when I feel any issues and joining the chat more often.

I appreciate everyone's feedback and advice! I'm lucky to have found a forum like this.

Fly N Buy

Welcome, glad you're here posting!

Getting sober for me did not necessarily fall into the category of "something I'd enjoy". I made a decision to not rule out any method of recovery when It was apparent my self will was not nearly enough. Support from loved ones is great, but non-alcoholics rarely understand our struggles.

Keep posting, friend. SR is a remarkable, unique resource. It's funny - a few years back I never would have engaged on a forum like this. Please never say never when it comes to additional resources if needed. My pride kept me away from sobriety way to many years..........

Dee74

I'm not trying to push you into AA or any other programme

You may find, like I did, that SR is enough - but you have to use it

I hope you will find SR the lifesaver I do.

But, if you were to find SR is not enough then you have still those real life resources to think about, and you could revisit that then

courage2

Hi Jack,

I understand about the obsession. For me, it took more than a year of abstinence and a lot of work here and elsewhere, a lot of seeking advice & trying to follow it and trudging through a lot of confusion -- and more than that, too -- before that obsession started to lift.

If I hadn't had good support and plenty of it, I wouldn't be sober now. No question. And there were times -- and there will be times again -- when "good support and plenty of it" wasn't enough, and I had to ask for more help than I ever wanted to or thought I would. It's been a humbling experience, actually.

I've found that overcoming an individual urge isn't that hard. What was hard was maintaining the stamina to overcome urges again and again, day in and day out. Until I started to understand the causes for my compulsion to drink, I was doomed to win battles but lose the war.

If your plan is to try to get sober using the forums as your primary means of support, I suggest you use them often and very purposefully. And if the forums aren't enough and you're still struggling, seek additional help. Enough men and women who wouldn't get outside help have already died because of their addictions.

courage2

P.S. -- Seems like I just posted the same idea as Dee & FnB, and I hadn't even read their posts. If I'm agreeing with those 2 wise guys, the Koolaid around here must be especially good!