Tooshabby

Hoping today is a slightly better day, Sleepie. I didn't know you were a diabetic. You do have a lot on your plate, no question. But look at how well you've been doing and how far you have come. You may only have one or two months of feeling like shite and things may start improving greatly. I say "only", but I know how it feels, I really do.

Remember, you have a partner who loves you and all us friends on SR who think the world of you. Don't give up xxx

davaidavai

Feel the feelings sleepie.

sleepie

I was told pre-diabetic, but I have been watching my sugar climb higher and higher as time goes by in the mornings after fasting. I was told it would probably get better when I stopped drinking but it is getting worse. Story of my life. Do the work, don't get the reward. Story. Of. My. Life.

sleepie

I also feel bad about being the person who others go, "Oh God, I don't want that to be ME". That's what I am now. A bad example to be learned from. Also not the first time, it happened in school, even in college. My project was once held up and I thought, "Oh wow, for once I am the one who did well!" NOPE. No such luck. Another slap in the face that day when the instructor had everyone view the project I had worked on for hours and hours and then said "This is how NOT to do it" and went over every detail of my failure in front of everybody.
And that is a very typical moment for me, often in my life. Over and over. It is crushing. Just crushing.

Dee74

I don't think others see you harshly like you see yourself Sleepie.

I know you're very caring of others, very empathetic, not slow at standing up for something or someone. I know you're very talented artistically, and you have a determination and a courage that just won't quit.

Brains are more than book-learning - I think you have brains, and altho I have no idea what you look like, you have a beauty that shines through your posts and that's the most important kind of beauty.

If it's any consolation, I will never make money either
I've learned to get by on not much

D

davaidavai

I spent college sneaking into the movies alone, getting wildly drunk alone, crashing parties, crying. I felt despised. My parents, all those college advisers and teachers, or my mothers boyfriends. Not one of them took a second to help me transition into the adult world. No one had any words for me. And so I was on my own, always clowning to cover up feeling totally inadequate. I let myself be the person I felt I was through the eyes of others. Maybe because I was never really taken seriously to begin with I became a person the people didn't take seriously. And so I've been pretty much on my own.

trachemys

Well, sleepie, I hold you up to people as an example of how to do it.

You are beating so many problems that it would be silly to stop trying now. You're having "a moment" like we all have. It takes a lot of intestinal fortitude to keep going and none to quit. You have the fortitude.

sleepie

I was ok until I saw that my blood sugar had gotten worse, again. I am so tired of being kicked in the teeth by life every time I dare to hope just a little.
And my overweight friend had a smile on her face when I told her about being prediabetic or diabetic or whatever... and I know she was thinking, "Good, someone thinner than me is sick, that proves me right, being thinner doesn't mean you're healthy" and I have felt s****y ever since. She is very big on fat politics, and I have always been supportive. That was just another kick in the teeth.

sleepie

I had a pretty f***ed up upbringing too davaidavai.

Cow

Mmm. Mhmm. All that pretty freaking rough, Sleepies ...but ...thing is ...we made deal that we in this together. ...so unless you reneging on our deal, which total will disappoint me in already craptacular week (and it just Tuesday) than you just gonna has to bitch and moan along with Cow while we suffer these very painful and unfair injustices.

Is you still with me?

sleepie

I am cow I haven't done anything detrimental to my health today except worry myself sick.

Cow

Yay! Let the sufferings continue!

I sorry for you anxiety. I could recommend 100 of thing but I sure you try it all.

But you know, you should no eat cheese before bed, it has tyramine and tyrosine in it which is not good for the sleep, is stimulating. Is you find any sleepy time supplement that work for you?

sleepie

Really... I never knew that.
Well, I am taking the magnesium and vitamin B complex every day.

sleepie

trachemys i don't think I deserve praise here. I am a bad example.
Lots of people here quit everything and they're poopin' rainbows 3 days later with gratitude and and they feel great and all and I skipped the whole pink cloud thing and went straight down the tubes. And I bring you all with me because the only thing worse than going through this is doing it alone.

Coldfusion

Sleepie, I can't think of anyone here who has quit benzos and is poopin' rainbows three days later. Many fail long before they get to where you are. Please keep going!

Cow

Sleepies. We get it. You terrible example. Big failure. Bring everybody down. ...me too. ...and so was pretty much everybody here, until they weren't. I just saying, try as you might, nobody gonna get onboard you self-berating band wagons, just like when I really down, everybody, including YOU, has swoop in to help prop me up little bit. Oh I fights them at first. But sooner or later, you just has to accept it Sleepies. You okay, dammit, and people likes you.

Is good you take magnesium, 600mg at least, with dinner. B is stimulating so take in AM. Is you try theanine, tryptophan, melatonin, taurine, gaba - these is calming aminos and supplement. Long ago when I has to get off Xanax and Klonopin I total rely on 2 products call GABA Calm and MRM Relax-all, cuz I was freak out of my mind with panic disorder at this time. They both work. MRM one is stronger. And I delicate flower with seizure disorder so when something is tolerable to me, I assume it tolerable to delicate brains.

I not like to give such suggestion usually, but I think you brain/body need some support and relief from this anxieties, and is safe/cheap things to try, so why not?

Holds1325

SAMe sort of works for me, perhaps try that?

sleepie

Good to know about the B complex. I don't take that much magnesium, maybe I will up it. My Dr also mentioned to try magnesium. It's been suggested by my doctor and I forgot all about it in my anxious frenzy until last week. I have heard of the other things too, we have a vitamin shop nearby. We talked about some of this stuff at the benzo support group.

Cow

Be aware while SAMe can help depressions, can also make anxiety and insomnia worse. For me it cause total insane insomnia.

Sleepies, check out two product I mention. We has similar situation so maybe is help. These day, I get everything online at iherb or vitacost for cheapest prices. Is lot out there that maybe help you transition and relief at least little bit you sufferings.

sleepie

I am actually tired at a decent hour.
I will see how it goes.
If I have any dreams that are not just plain old anxiety dreams I'll be happy. Lately a lot of people I'd rather not see are appearing in them.