gonzo51511

At work today at the same company where i made about 30k a year more than i will be now due to alcoholism.. enter "serenity prayer" here.. i know being alcoholic we are known to persevere but we are also cursed with a overthinking negative thought process which makes nothing any easier. I guess i should be geateful to have this job at all but..... i spoke with my ex gf thru text last nite and she wants to be friends? Whatever that means.. question, how does a girl fall in love with an alcoholic and leave him when he does all he can in recovery.. makes me wonder, would she ditch me if i was diagnosed with cancer as well? If thats the case shes not worth another thought!! Sorry guys..just venting a bit...damn mondays...

RDBplus3

My mind is a scary place to hang out when left to run ... where it will go ...

My ONLY hope to live a sane life (Living Life on Life's Terms in Sobriety) is to apply the Steps in ALL situations. And it WORKS!

"With Glass in Hand, I Warped My Body & Mind into such a Condition" ... that applying the Steps in ALL situations is MY best way of Living Life on Life's Terms ... and keep my mind from running off ... to where it might go ... which if I lose focus and give up my instructions for keeping it in the middle of the road, I will end up at a liquor store ... and then ... Pitiful & Incomprehensible Demoralization, the cycle of Obsession & Craving, the descent into Living Hell ... is INEVITABLE.

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I keep this way by LIVING THE STEPS

Thanks for the Post, gonzo

gonzo51511

Thank you for the comment rdb.. i know your right and what you said is my mindset (most the time) but you know how it is, sometimes need to hear it from a fellow alkie.. MUST find GRATITUDE in every situation! !

ScottFromWI

Sounds like some very negative thinking and a healthy dose of self pity this morning gonzo. Sharing here is a good idea in these situations, but you are right - you should be thankful for what you have vs. what you don't or what you may have done. People don't choose to get cancer, and they cannot choose to stop having cancer once they get it. We can choose to recover from alcoholism though - and when we do that gives us the chance to find new careers, new relationships, and many other possibilities.

Gottalife

Spiritual experience...through the twelve steps...a change of personality sufficient to overcome alcoholism.

There was my alcoholic mind, then came this new outlook. It appeared around step 9. The world just looked completely different, friendly, welcoming, full of opportunity. This is not a state of mind I engineered myself. It was the result of working the steps to the best of my very limited ability.

zjw

There I fixed your post. If i where in your shoes I'd have to learn how to focus on those 2 bold points and those 2 bold points only. I had to kinda put the blinders on and tell my mind to Shut up! It seems to me that your mind has you hooked on this relationship and job. and your thinking in circles about it. I used to think in circles A LOT i still will but i gotta work it. Ya kinda just gotta shrug your shoulders and go welp I got a job and a friend and i'm sober thats a lot more then a lot of people have. It takes time to get to this kinda thinking. I guess you surrender or find acceptance you learn to just allow things to be instead of overthing all the possible what ifs etc...

its like if i gave you a big red button and said now dont push it. of course your gonna wanna push it it can be tough to just allow things to be but in time it gets easier.

It doesnt mean you dont care about this person or the job and income stuff. it just means that right now at this moment it is what it is. if circumstances change it will be what it will be then. But then is not now so no sense in worrying about it now. cross that bridge when you get to it.

Its actually easier to have less to worry about.

gonzo51511

Im not so sure people choose to be alcoholic either.. just saying...only 1-10 (10%) become alcoholic and could be alcoholic before our very first drink.. and as far as cancer, what about when u smoke cigs for 50 yrs.. no one says oh he smoked for 50 yrs so he deserves this.. how come with alcoholism the outlook is that we choose this over something else like recovery? And why does the outlook seem like we will never recover.. not trying to be negative but just some questions
.. i accept things the way they are and am working hard to recover..

gonzo51511

Thanks zjw.. its gonna take time.. i know i bring up those things a lot.. buts thats cuz those are the things that i have fear over. I know things will be how ever they are meant to be and i do trust in that.. just hard early on i guess.

ScottFromWI

I didn't say people choose to be alcoholic. I know I didn't. But I did choose to get sober and I choose to stay sober every day. So can you. My point is that it's not in your best interest to live in the past and keep digging up regrets or trying to compare/justify your struggles. You've been making good progress at your meeting and working your steps with your sponsor - concentrate on that instead of the unchangeable.

gonzo51511

I know scott u are right. All be better as i move further in the steps and i do feel well most of the time.. i know thru the grace of god and the blanket of AA i will revover from this stupid illness and will have not have the need to take another lousy drink.. cant wait to hit steps 5-9. Im on 4 now.. im sure then i will singing a much better tune on here then

silentrun

I think you sound like you are moving right along. The job and the girlfriend thing are tough blows but you seem to realize negative thinking about it is going to cause more of a problem. Venting is much preferred over drinking at it or stewing. Keep up the good work.

sleepie

Hi Gonzo!
I'm sorry you are feeling abandoned in a time of need.

I only mean this to impart my experience, but I wouldn't blame any of my friends for not sticking around due to drinking. I even wondered why I my drinking was very accepted. You have to realize what it may be like from their perspective. The times I was sober and closely engaged with a drinker was painful, I had a good friend who is a very, very active alcoholic and I frankly cannot stand by and watch him drink himself to death. And I am an alcoholic, and I couldn't even stand to see it!

I think if you gain some emotional autonomy and see to things, take care of yourself and make sobriety your main focus, things will probably fall into place.

As far as being alcoholic, no it isn't fair and I often wish that since it runs rampant on both sides of my family, that someone had mentioned the dangers of alcohol to me growing up. I had no example when it came to my parents and learned with a harsh upbringing that life sin't fair from an early age.

It's hard and it's unfair but let's stick together and see where this takes us?

zjw

your right there is a stigma with alcoholism. I smoked too and a I got more flack for then I ever did for booze. what got me too is there are plenty who are alcholics but its more socialy acceptable to be a drinker then a smoker. regardless there are always those who will frown on either activity like the active addict can just some how so easily put it down and become a normal functioning person. I used to be pushed to quit by a few and they made it out like it was such a simple thing to quit and well what was wrong with me. those people where never addicts themselves however and didnt have the first clue.

I do think your right with alcohlism it seems like there is a general specific mindset and way of thinking that just makes one a better candidate then another. Its not often if ever that i've met a happy go lucky up beat positive alcoholic with lots of stuff there happy about in there lives all while being an active alcoholic.

seems most tend to overthink stuff worry to much and then heep on more and more stress on to there lives only to try and numb it away with more and more booze while boxing ourselves in inside of our own minds to just sit around and worry and play what if games non stop. Further stressing ourselves out and then thinking welp get me another drink.

gonzo51511

Yes thanks guys for your comments. My thing sleepie is she fell in love with me as a stumbling drunk, it took me some time to realize i couldn't quit on my own so i finally got help... (on my own) started going to AA and did everything they tell me. Then she decides to split... w.t.f. im moving in recovery positevely and my sponsor and others in the program are impressed with my improvement.. i want recovery!! Once i was finally able to truly surrender recovery became a no brainer..

zjw

Same in my family but it was mentioned to me but they didnt know what they where talking about! lol. But seriously they might not have becuase the ones that mentioned it to me where not alcholics! if some of the alcoholics had recovered and then been around to see me slip maybe they woulda tried to rattle my cage? But who knows only the drinker can stop tho it seems.

I never understood what an alcholic truely was till I realized i was one.

zjw

maybe your not her project anymore? Im just throwing it out there ya know how some women meet a man and figure they will be there project and they will fix them up and such etc..

or maybe your changing maybe she liked the drunk you better?

biminiblue

...or maybe she needs to get away from alcoholism.

gonzo, it's going to take a while until you are a good relationship bet. Let her go (like you really have a choice.)

I've gotten into relationships that suited my needs at the time. As my needs changed, my desire to stay in a tragically flawed relationship also changed. Plus it's hard to know someone very well until you've spent a lot of time with them, and the things I was willing to overlook often became too big once I had spent time with someone. I will say that I don't stay friends with exes, though - so I don't know what that is like. They are exes for a reason, is the way I look at it.

People break up for all kinds of reasons, and often we never get the whole story nor do we ever get full closure. There are always questions at the end of a relationship. Add in obsessive thinking and it is very difficult. gonzo, you'll get through this. My biggest hurts are also my greatest teachers.

gonzo51511

Yes very sadly true zjw.. this girl really got in my head.. its like im recovering on to many fronts.. her ,the booze, a whole new life etc etc. Things can get overwhelming. . She wants to be friends.. i dont think that will ever work.. to much chemistry. Probably why she doesnt want to see me .. shes protecting both of us from ourselves.. i sure hope things work out for all of us on here..weve all suffered long enough!!

Berrybean

The title of your post is 'Humility', but there is a lot of ego on the loose in your post.

Humility is not thinking less of ourselves, but thinking of ourselves less.

She wants something different. She's within her rights to state what she wants. She is not responsible for you. If you did have cancer and she didn't want to be with you, what then? She should forego what she wants so that you have what you want? And stay with you how long? Til you recover? Or for her whole life. She's being honest with you, which is far better than stringing you along to appease you.

It is very opportune that you're doing step 4 work at the moment. Hopefully this will help you get over those resentments about your work as well - they've kept you on despite you losing your licence and you being unable to fulfil your contracted duties. They probably didn't need to do that. When we truly feel gratitude it really helps us get over our resentments... and recognising our part in things, and accepting responsibility for them helps us get past the issue of self-pity. It isn't your girlfriend leaving you and your change in work that are the threats to your sobriety, but the resentment and self-pity about these things. Our AVs love a bit of self-pity and resentment as these are both states that make us very open to its suggestions.

gonzo51511

Yes becci i agree with most of your comment.. self-pity sure im certainly having that...but ego? What does ego have to do with sadness and fear.. i have a lot of uncertainty which turns to fear...humility is why i walked thru the door at work .. because i know i need to support myself and pay the bills... and yes i have a lot of resentment as well..hole thing is just a mess