12 days...
 

Was walking last evening and passed a guy exiting his truck and headed into his house with a case of beer. Without even trying, my reaction was to see him as I saw myself, headed inside to hazily waste away an evening alone with a drug... repeating it night after night after night.. wishing through the fog that things would get better, but never doing anything about it.

And I said in my head, as I walked along a bit more determined, whatever happens to me, that will not be the way I go down.

I remember that, rushing inside with my alcohol, hiding it in a backpack or buying a ton of other groceries so it looks like I'm not just getting that. After awhile I just didn't care and thought oh well if they see me walk in with all this beer whatever.

I'll see people walking out of the store all the time with 18 packs, sometimes two in both hands and a part of me misses that I guess but at the same time it just ends badly no matter what, the hangover, the regret, the nausea that feels like you're dying, don't miss that part!

Keep pushing through Roy!! Day 12 is fantastic!! :scoregood

12 days is awesome

I sometimes notice the folks buying bottles of booze (and nothing but booze) in the morning, too, looking puffy and hung-over and sometimes a little shaky. I think, yup, I know what's going on, been there too, but never again. ;)

"but by the grace of god" I always think in those situations.. I am also early in recovery (2 months). I also know how easily I can fall back without working a program. I used to frequent 3 or 4 different liquor stores at my worst cuz I would get anxiety and be imbarrassed going to the same one every day.. keep up the good work roy..

Yup. I used to go to different stores every other day and tried to time it so that different people would be working so it never looked like I was drinking so much. I'm sure my red bloated face gave it away though.

Now I notice when people are carrying out cases of beer or having handles in their cart and I just get a little sad. I hope for them, they are not like me and it's not just their nightly routine. I hope they are able to socially drink in moderation and it's not a problem for them.

But I love going to the stores now, and checking out, without a drop in my groceries. No internal shame (as if the cashiers even care). Each time feels like a little victory.

Along the same lines, I was sitting at a sidewalk cafe having a coffee today and up the street there was a stand giving away free samples of tequila.

I saw a couple of ladies walk by with their cups and the very first thing I thought was, "they're walking around with cups of poison."

The intent was not to judge them but the thought surprised me. I guess I'm glad for that.

Oh yes that brings back memories. I would have my first drink within 20 to 30 seconds of walking in the door.

And gosh I sure can relate to that feeling of sitting there drunk and knowing that I wanted to change but doing absolutely nothing about it. And then drinking the next night too.

It sounds like you're doing great. Keep up that determination. It gets better.

Hey gonzo51511, I used to do the same thing, I was on a first name basis with 4 different liquor stores for the same reason. I didn't want them to think I was buying a pint of vodka everyday. I thought I was the only one. It is day 13 for me, and I am looking forward to another morning without a hangover.

Yes mrsmith.. the more i learn about alcoholism the more i learn we are not alone in any of our drinking behaviors. Funny while living in the cloud we think we have everyone fooled and this or that wont happen to us.. tragic. . Keep up the good work on your sobriety! !

12 is Huge! Nice.

Make it 15. :) Terrible sleep issues, probably post soon to ask some advice on that one. Ugh.

I like malitonin vitamins..work great for me

Yes, that's a healthy mind set for us to keep.

My sponsor says often that, "he would not wish to meet his maker in that condition. "

That statement is also very important to me.

Mountainmanbob

Sleep issues
 

RoyGBiv, I have terrible insomnia now that I am sober (15 days - :scared:), I hear from my doctor that it is normal to feel that way. Of course, when I was drinking I never had trouble "passing out".

My doctor prescribed Trazadone, and it has been working great. Maybe see a doc about it, they can help.

One day at a time roy,,, your doing fine!

I've tried that, felt like I'd been hit by the flu truck. I'll talk with my physician about options. I don't mind taking something non habit forming but I don't want to feel like I'm on something.. the whole point here is to feel clear headed. And not zombie-sleep-deprived at the same time !

Just my experience. I took Trazadone for sleep a long time ago (like 12 years, before I had issues with alcohol). It worked very well. Too well. One night I got up to use the bathroom and passed out midstream. Banged my face on some part of the room and wrenched my neck very badly.

That's just me and I'm not trying to scare anyone.