Denial
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: London
Posts: 1
Denial
Hi
I stopped once. Despite it seeming like a formidable mountain to climb, i did it relatively easy. Cold turkey basically. I stopped altogether, avoided most social settings where I could be tempted. But as sure as night follows day, I slipped, the drinking got even worse. I've decided to go cold turkey again, but i'm struggling this time. I want some reassurance or a virtual hug that this will pass. But most tellingly, whats the key to not ever going back there?, because it controls me, i don't control it. I know that now.
I stopped once. Despite it seeming like a formidable mountain to climb, i did it relatively easy. Cold turkey basically. I stopped altogether, avoided most social settings where I could be tempted. But as sure as night follows day, I slipped, the drinking got even worse. I've decided to go cold turkey again, but i'm struggling this time. I want some reassurance or a virtual hug that this will pass. But most tellingly, whats the key to not ever going back there?, because it controls me, i don't control it. I know that now.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome Detonator, you'll find a lot of support for quitting and staying quit here.
The key to "not going back" is to have a plan. That can mean many different things, but overall it means following some kind of method/program/plan each and every day to not only just "not drink" but to find healthy ways to deal with life.
Some people do very well in structured programs like AA or other meeting based programs where there are very clear steps to follow and group meetings on a regular basis. Others need even more intense treatment like inpatient or outpatient rehab. Some choose more of a self-paced method like AVRT or others. SR itself can be a daily resource to use with the monthly class threads in the newcomers section, the chat room and the general forums.
Treatment of your underlying issues is also key. Many of us used alcohol or drugs to escape from Anxiety/Depression, etc. Those conditions don't magically disappear when you quit drinking ( although it can help! ) and need to be treated in a healthy way.
The key to "not going back" is to have a plan. That can mean many different things, but overall it means following some kind of method/program/plan each and every day to not only just "not drink" but to find healthy ways to deal with life.
Some people do very well in structured programs like AA or other meeting based programs where there are very clear steps to follow and group meetings on a regular basis. Others need even more intense treatment like inpatient or outpatient rehab. Some choose more of a self-paced method like AVRT or others. SR itself can be a daily resource to use with the monthly class threads in the newcomers section, the chat room and the general forums.
Treatment of your underlying issues is also key. Many of us used alcohol or drugs to escape from Anxiety/Depression, etc. Those conditions don't magically disappear when you quit drinking ( although it can help! ) and need to be treated in a healthy way.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Toronto
Posts: 45
My key to never going back was not so much a plan of action, although it could qualify as one, but to access visuals in my memory that reminded me of how terrible it was at the end. Visuals like piles of empties, vomit (sorry) and the volume of bottles I carried home from the liquor store just to make it through a weekend. Pretty black and white. Keep going, it is SO worth it.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Economy
Posts: 19
If you're having withdrawals, tapering off is probably the safest (and most cost effective) thing you can do outside of a medical detox. Just reduce the amount you drink per day by about one drink - if you start feeling the shakes or sweats then increase the alcohol. A lot of people will say that tapering is impossible but it's not; pick a drink that you hate (for me it was white wine), and use that as your medicine - and just remember that - it's medicine, not pleasure, and you'll be fine.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,183
My own key was lots of support, because there was no f'ing way I could do it alone. For me that was an intensive outpatient program, all day/every day sort of intensive, but not everyone needs that. Some can just decide to quit and stay quit without support, but I think it's fair to say that most people need help. This place is a great start, and I bet there are support meetings locally you could go to too. 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: South Bay, So Cal
Posts: 6,121
After decades of abuse, when my life began to change, I checked into a medical de-tox. I was afraid to go "cold turkey"..... Heart attacks or strokes a real possibility (according to the doctors at Kaiser Permanente - my Health Provider) That's the path I chose, I wish you well.
Bobbi
Bobbi
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Hi Detonator from another UK based alcoholic - welcome to SoberRecovery.
It might be worth chatting to your GP anad seeing if they can refer you to any local programmes. Also, being in London there will be an abundance of AA meetings that you could choose from. Many people do 90 meetings in 90 days to kickstart their sobriety. That wasn't an option for me after the first couple of weeks when I was on holiday from work, but even 2 meetings a week makes a huge difference to how I cope with sobriety. You can do a postcode search to find local meetings. Find a Meeting | AA Meetings | Alcoholics Anonymous (Great Britain) Ltd or call the hotline and they'll get someone from your local area to give you a call.
You sound like you have reached a level of acceptance that is vital for embarking on the road to recovery. This is the first step. Good luck
It might be worth chatting to your GP anad seeing if they can refer you to any local programmes. Also, being in London there will be an abundance of AA meetings that you could choose from. Many people do 90 meetings in 90 days to kickstart their sobriety. That wasn't an option for me after the first couple of weeks when I was on holiday from work, but even 2 meetings a week makes a huge difference to how I cope with sobriety. You can do a postcode search to find local meetings. Find a Meeting | AA Meetings | Alcoholics Anonymous (Great Britain) Ltd or call the hotline and they'll get someone from your local area to give you a call.
You sound like you have reached a level of acceptance that is vital for embarking on the road to recovery. This is the first step. Good luck
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 287
Hello detenator.. coming to this start is a good start.. i strongly also recommend AA.. its working for me. Ive been sober for just under 2 months but feeling better each day.. i attend AA daily. In my opinion surrender is the key. Once surrendered you can truly begin to recover.. good luck
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 147
Hi,
I tried stopping about three months ago and have slipped here and there. Just one day, but still. What I've learned finally is every day at least once I have to do something for my sobriety. I attend a meeting or read some articles on recovery. I read here, also. I also make a list of things to do. Not like I have to do all of them, but I have things to do when I may normally be drinking
I tried stopping about three months ago and have slipped here and there. Just one day, but still. What I've learned finally is every day at least once I have to do something for my sobriety. I attend a meeting or read some articles on recovery. I read here, also. I also make a list of things to do. Not like I have to do all of them, but I have things to do when I may normally be drinking
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
from a thread started earlier today:
People are looking for the secret of sobriety. Well here is the secret.
Willingness to do absolutely whatever you have to do to get and stay sober. The reason so many fail is because very very few people are willing to make this level of commitment. "We thought we could find an easier softer way but we could not."
I had to dump friends, family members, get professional help, go to AA for the rest of my life, get out of a horrible marriage, Get honest with myself and others, not go to wet places, go to church, find new friends, develop new activities, educate myself on addiction, pray daily and the list goes on.
I'm not saying my way is the only way or even the right way. What I am saying is the reason I am sober is because I was willing to make systemic changes in my life through acton not words.
The secret of sobriety is doing what you have to and never taking the first drink.
People are looking for the secret of sobriety. Well here is the secret.
Willingness to do absolutely whatever you have to do to get and stay sober. The reason so many fail is because very very few people are willing to make this level of commitment. "We thought we could find an easier softer way but we could not."
I had to dump friends, family members, get professional help, go to AA for the rest of my life, get out of a horrible marriage, Get honest with myself and others, not go to wet places, go to church, find new friends, develop new activities, educate myself on addiction, pray daily and the list goes on.
I'm not saying my way is the only way or even the right way. What I am saying is the reason I am sober is because I was willing to make systemic changes in my life through acton not words.
The secret of sobriety is doing what you have to and never taking the first drink.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 287
for me I also could not do it alone.. but I knew I was done.. for me its been victory thru surrender.. once I surrendered to god and asked for his help my compulsion to drink was removed.. I also must attend daily AA meetings.. sometimes several times a day and have a sponsor.. working the steps and praying is working so far.. good luck detonator
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Colchester, England
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by Detonater 
Hi
I stopped once. Despite it seeming like a formidable mountain to climb, i did it relatively easy. Cold turkey basically. I stopped altogether, avoided most social settings where I could be tempted. But as sure as night follows day, I slipped, the drinking got even worse. I've decided to go cold turkey again, but i'm struggling this time. I want some reassurance or a virtual hug that this will pass. But most tellingly, whats the key to not ever going back there?, because it controls me, i don't control it. I know that now.
I stopped once. Despite it seeming like a formidable mountain to climb, i did it relatively easy. Cold turkey basically. I stopped altogether, avoided most social settings where I could be tempted. But as sure as night follows day, I slipped, the drinking got even worse. I've decided to go cold turkey again, but i'm struggling this time. I want some reassurance or a virtual hug that this will pass. But most tellingly, whats the key to not ever going back there?, because it controls me, i don't control it. I know that now.
I followed the suggestions I was given by other people I met in AA...90 meetings in 90 days (I didn't have a family and my work commitments didn't prevent me from attending meetings), getting a 'Big Book' and reading it, getting phone numbers and using them, and most importantly, getting a sponsor and working the steps.
I learned through doing all that what it is to be in a safe, neutral place with regards to alcohol, how it is to truly feel happy, joyous and free, how to deal with life on life's terms and how it is to feel comfortable in my own skin. I have 18 years clean and sober and have found a new happiness and a new freedom, thanks to the 12 steps of AA.
I can't say that you're an alcoholic, Detonater - it's for you to determine if you are or not. I'd strongly suggest you start reading the Big Book and see if you identify. Start at the preface & read on...
Alcoholics Anonymous : Alcoholics Anonymous
Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
Last edited by Dee74; 09-20-2015 at 03:18 PM. Reason: copyright
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
As the great baseball player Yogi Berra once said "Baseball is ninety percent mental and the other half is physical". You could easily apply this math to quitting alcohol and you have your equation. It's not so much beating the physical addiction for most of us, it's the mental impulses that are the biggest hurdle to clear. Hold on a few months to get past the mental threshold and you will be on your way. Hang in there those first few months and don't give in.
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