acceptance??
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acceptance??
having a very difficult time accepting the reality of my situation. only two months sober but having a hard time seeing things getting any better. in fact I think they will get much worse. Im told to stay in the moment and not worry about tomorrow but the moment is so awful
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and although AA is helping I kinda feel like we just go around the room. everybody says something about what they are feeling and that's it. theres no real answers or anything. its like everybody just gets whatever off their chest and gos home..
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I know. but I feel very alone. I cant help it. im losing the women I love so dearly. I hurt her so often with my lies about drinking that she says she cant trust me. she had trust issues from the start. we have known eachother since highschool. we weren't always together but we were for the last year. we are 35 now. she also says I am emotionally unavailable. I know I am but I really want to stay sober. I have had it with drinking but didn't get help until a couple months ago. but to lose her in sobriety seems crazy to me. she says she wants to be friends but it is painful for me cuz I know this is all my fault
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yes sleepie it does suck. I want to just be happy and normal without drinking. im doing all that I can. I go to AA every day. sometimes several meetings a day, I have a sponsor and am working the steps. but I eventually have to come home to the place we once shared together to be haunted by drunken memories that are coming back to me of stupid things I said. I was a blackout drinker at the end. I know she needs space but every little chance she gives me I screw up because my emotions are so outa whack. she doesn't understand this stupid disease either
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
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gonzoI'm so sorry for what you're going through. Good for you for staying sober. If there's any chance for things to work out with your girlfriend, it'll only be if you're sober. And even if things don't work out, you'll heal better when you're really here and present for what's happening.
I'm maybe losing a relationship too, we'll see. But whatever happens I'm determined that if it does fall apart, I'll be sober.
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Originally Posted by gonzo51511 
and although AA is helping I kinda feel like we just go around the room. everybody says something about what they are feeling and that's it. theres no real answers or anything. its like everybody just gets whatever off their chest and gos home..
My take is that admission (of the problem) plus action (on the solution) gets somewhere near real acceptance.
In AA the action part comes with the twelve steps which lead us to our own relationship with the God of our understanding. Through that process the drink problem is removed.
My suggestion is to find a sponsor who will take you through the steps. It is very important to realise that for alcoholics of my (our?) type, meetings alone are not sufficient.
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Maybe a little distance would be good for you both. Quitting drinking is really hard enough in itself besides trying to revive a relationship that suffered under the influence. Maybe try and make some AA friends, give it a lot of time and after you feel more like yourself, who knows what may happen?
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Join Date: Jun 2014
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Originally Posted by gonzo51511
having a very difficult time accepting the reality of my situation. only two months sober but having a hard time seeing things getting any better. in fact I think they will get much worse. Im told to stay in the moment and not worry about tomorrow but the moment is so awful
But regardless never lost sight of the fact that a drink will only make things worse.
Life happens in sobriety and sometimes it can be ugly/painful. Some learn this early in sobriety and others wait a good ten years like myself.
However, we do learn and we don`t have to pick up a drink either.
Good luck!!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I wish I could better explain it. But all through my drinking and early sobriety it was like beating a dead horse hoping it would get back up. I went round and round about my problems and the what ifs scenarios till I basicly drove myself mad. I just wouldnt let it go or let up at all. Just non stop rehashing the same topics and issues over and over and over and over again.
Most around me where just sick of hearing it and I couldnt blame them but I couldnt seem to stop this broken record pattern of thinking that my mind was in. All I could ever dwell on was the bad.
I guess in early sobriety I learned a couple basic things that helped me.
1 I found something I was good at and kept doing it because it kept me busy distracted and not thinking so much or wanting a drink. It also made me feel good about myself seeing that i was good for something even if it was polishing a fork for the 230919321092 time that was fine by me.
2 I started to find 1 thing each day to be greatful for. The sun came up YAY FML. Its raining great the grass could use the water. I'm alive I guess thats good? I didnt drink again today horray. Today i have food to eat YAY. I got a shower YAY. I have a coat and its cold yay.
I think doing the above little by little helped me. slowly a change in my thinking started to take place. I started to become greatful for more stuff and feel better about myself and more accepting of my circumstances rather then worried about my future so much.
But it took time sadly. I dont think my mind started to really come around till 8 months or so. I think it did sooner I mean the seeds where being planted but it was like 8 or 9 months in that I had some solid good days and i thought wow I think I might be starting to function like a normal Human being sometimes... yeah only sometimes but I was getting there.
Most around me where just sick of hearing it and I couldnt blame them but I couldnt seem to stop this broken record pattern of thinking that my mind was in. All I could ever dwell on was the bad.
I guess in early sobriety I learned a couple basic things that helped me.
1 I found something I was good at and kept doing it because it kept me busy distracted and not thinking so much or wanting a drink. It also made me feel good about myself seeing that i was good for something even if it was polishing a fork for the 230919321092 time that was fine by me.
2 I started to find 1 thing each day to be greatful for. The sun came up YAY FML. Its raining great the grass could use the water. I'm alive I guess thats good? I didnt drink again today horray. Today i have food to eat YAY. I got a shower YAY. I have a coat and its cold yay.
I think doing the above little by little helped me. slowly a change in my thinking started to take place. I started to become greatful for more stuff and feel better about myself and more accepting of my circumstances rather then worried about my future so much.
But it took time sadly. I dont think my mind started to really come around till 8 months or so. I think it did sooner I mean the seeds where being planted but it was like 8 or 9 months in that I had some solid good days and i thought wow I think I might be starting to function like a normal Human being sometimes... yeah only sometimes but I was getting there.
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Thank you everyone for your comments. I cant stress enough that i have no desire to drink right now. And i am working steps with my sponsor. I guess my problem is this horrible loss and that things wont get bettet.. i dont want to be alone in these hard times
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Originally Posted by gonzo51511
I guess my problem is this horrible loss and that things wont get bettet.. i dont want to be alone in these hard times
You are focusing on one thing that has happened in the past and translating into a failure of your entire future, which is totally illogical..think about how absurd it sounds from the outside if someone else were telling it to you.
Focus on what you have and where you can be if you stay sober. Dwelling on the past is a recipe for despair.
I could see peace instead of this
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You've got some great replies here. I agree that it does sound like maybe another meeting might be better given your description of that one.
I was sitting in my meeting yesterday morning thinking, "this is so awesome!" It was a step 3 discussion and people were talking about what it meant to them and how they were using it in their lives today and it reinforces what I'm doing. I get a lot of inspiration and hope there, and I almost always do. Sure, I still have awful days, but not awful years or months or even weeks anymore.
While two months is great, in the big picture it probably isn't enough time yet to be feeling all that great, especially with what you are going through. Some people don't see improvements right away or even longer. There's a lot to unlearn and then learn when you're trying to turn your life around like this. If you are doing the steps to the best of your ability, your life is bound to improve eventually and in ways you couldn't even imagine right now. I've seen it happen many times. Give it time and trust in that, just place one foot in front of the other for now.
I was sitting in my meeting yesterday morning thinking, "this is so awesome!" It was a step 3 discussion and people were talking about what it meant to them and how they were using it in their lives today and it reinforces what I'm doing. I get a lot of inspiration and hope there, and I almost always do. Sure, I still have awful days, but not awful years or months or even weeks anymore.
While two months is great, in the big picture it probably isn't enough time yet to be feeling all that great, especially with what you are going through. Some people don't see improvements right away or even longer. There's a lot to unlearn and then learn when you're trying to turn your life around like this. If you are doing the steps to the best of your ability, your life is bound to improve eventually and in ways you couldn't even imagine right now. I've seen it happen many times. Give it time and trust in that, just place one foot in front of the other for now.
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gonzo,
sorry for your suffering.
i'd suggest you find a different meeting, one where people talk of the answer/solution they have found and are applying instead of a place where people just "dump" their stuff onto each other.
ask your sponsor if they know of such meetings.
it's true things could get worse; that's "things", though, and if you persevere with doing the step-stuff, you will get to a place where you can deal with losses and changes without the moments being awful.
sorry for your suffering.
i'd suggest you find a different meeting, one where people talk of the answer/solution they have found and are applying instead of a place where people just "dump" their stuff onto each other.
ask your sponsor if they know of such meetings.
it's true things could get worse; that's "things", though, and if you persevere with doing the step-stuff, you will get to a place where you can deal with losses and changes without the moments being awful.
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