sleepie

Tapered down again to the last single mg of valium.
Not looking forward to what will come, the usual rough patches that are downright scary, and then in 10-14 days no more benzos.
I already know that I cannot be overstimulated or even overexcited. It sends my heart racing, the sweats, the whole mess.

I post a lot about it and this is the last bit. I really don't know how I am going to get through. The benzo withdrawal can be very subjective and almost has no rhyme or reason as to if how, or when it improves.

suki44883

Hang in there, Sleepie. I don't have any experience with benzos, but you have come so far! Just this last leg of the journey and then you won't ever have to go through this again.

Just curious...have you considered posting about this in the substance abuse forum? There are surely some people there who have been through this and may have some helpful tips to ease some of the withdrawal symptoms?

zjw

took me forever to figure that out after i quit drinking.

sounds like your in the 9th inning then with the benzos. I'd imagine once your off totally it'll still stink for a bit but I hope it'll get easier.the taper alone has to be a somewhat more graceful landing well as graceful as it can be considered.

hang in there.

Dee74

best wishes as always sleepie

D

sleepie

Thanks guys.
I am also just over 2 months no alcohol too so that's a lot of depressants on my brain chemistry for many years.
I think this will be a difficult thing to adjust to and maybe not even possible.

least

Oh, it's possible alright. Might be difficult, but it's possible.

Keep on keepin' on.

Sudz No More

Don't set yourself up for failure by supposing something is not possible. Many of us here have proven that theory incorrect on many levels. Don't give yourself a reason to give up so close to the curve. No turning back now, the only way out is forward, we're pushing from behind, you have no choice but to go out the other end.

davaidavai

Today was beautiful here in NYC. Autumn weather. I wished I had someone I liked to spend it with, and no one was around, and there's no one to call, so then I started thinking how nice 5-8 tall beers would be. Instant company. So instead of going out to the neighborhood bar to drink cranberry juice and be surrounded by the people and their ready-made little circles of friends, I just stayed at home and bore it, ecked out the rest of the day.

zjw

I know one guy who got off them he was probably off the a year or so when I met him. He got on them due to typical anxiety ended up hooked and defendant anyhow a year into it he still had issues leaving home riding in a car and driving etch but in his case he was at least leaving home driving in a car and able to walk again he said he spent the first couple months crawling around his apartment that was if he could event get out of his chair. This was the worst story I heard but he was doing it he was winning one step at a time

chicory

Sleepie, you have already done much of what you thought was impossible.
I am proud of you! have a little faith, dear....just look at what you have already done!

SoberLeigh

I am very proud of you, sleepie; you are a brave and determined woman.

Stick with it; stay the course; freedom lies ahead.

sleepie

Thanks all.
zjw I feel like that guy, so many days I want to just stay in a dim room and be alone under the covers.
Davaidavai it was beautiful here too and I have been wanting to drink. I've been really coming to terms with not ever having friends or any real kind of life. I have prohibiting circumstances and I really am tired of trying to put on a face and have hope etc. etc. Simply put, I'm worn out. Some things are etched, I am over 40 years into this life. I just don't have it in me anymore, I know the score now and the odds were stacked before I was out of the womb and that's the truth so anyone who wants to ignore my downer posts go on ahead. Forty one years is a very long time.

Hawkeye13

You have really come a long long way sleepie--
You can do this next thing too.

Forward, forward, and through

suki44883

Sorry, sleepie...you're not going to get rid of us that easily. We care about you and we believe in you and we will be here to support you along the way.

sleepie

Alright thank you I just want to warn you it will not likely be sunny posts.
Save yourselves.

SoberLeigh

I wish that you could see the woman we see; she is nothing like the one you describe.

We think that you are fabulous, sleepie.

sleepie

LOl tell me more Soberleigh...

I am down to one mg tonight and have been feeling sketchy since I went down to 2mg 11 days ago.

Feeling very... itchy? My brain wants the stimulation so I am jumping from food to internet to cravings for beer to wanting to shop to whatever else may offer fast and easy gratification. I try and concentrate on a thing and it's either too boring, or too difficult. Not a good cycle. And I am getting back my old resentment for sleep, I have always, always had this problem with sleep- I feel I have not lived this day in my life and cannot put the day to bed. I haven't felt alive. Sounds dramatic but I truly think it is the death fear stemming from a total lack of childhood due to abusive circumstances. Those days are supposed to be carefree. I never got to have a carefree or safe feeling time in my life and as a result I have an existential crisis at the end of each day. It's going to get a lot worse when I have to go back to nine to fiving.

SoberLeigh

Sounds like you feel as though you are 'coming out of your skin' - not pleasant.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I truly believe that it will be worth it, though.

Does exercise help?

sleepie

I wish it did Lately I have to walk a couple times a day for my job and I do additional walking and even if I am exhausted which is often the case I am still just no good at sleep.

SoberLeigh

Okay.

When I see sleepie, I see:

intelligence
creativity
artistic talents
sensitivity
perceptiveness
intuitiveness
a sense of humor
a kind and giving nature
someone who is articulate with great writing skills

I find you interesting and refreshing.