sleepie

So are you SW thank you!

Verte I haven't read the memoir. I have a copy of "High Lonesome" I was re- reading, it's a good collection of her short stories from the 60's to early 2000's I think. Yes exactly, the way she really exposes things under the surface and puts into words the things we all kind of know but sort of just take for granted as the way things are- she explores them more deeply. Well if you are interested in reading her maybe the short story collection "High Lonesome" to get a taste or one of her novellas, "Beasts" and "I Lock My Door Upon Myself" are very good.

davaidavai

I did some work today and then went home cracked out on Benadryl from my allergies and watched hours and hours of episodes of Ray Donovan. I keep thinking, maybe I should go out, get a spritzer at the hippy bar and hang around. At least I would be out. I've tried to find connection like that so many times and people usually act like I am insane for being chatty in a social situation 'Do I know you? and where, sir, is your big beard?'

Soberwolf

Have a great day Sleepie

Cow

I trying to come off my bezo too, Sleepies. I think it contribute to my depressions. Doctor say, nah, but in online depression/anhedonia forums everybody is like "first thing, you must GET OFF YOU BENZO." I had want to wait until I put couple of my other fire out, but I think is all connected and just all has to go.

zjw

I can believe it. Its hard I took a supplement to calm my anxiety sure it worked some but then I became lazy more tired and sometimes almost too complacent. I'd loose my desire to run because i'd sit around like Meh. I was like yeah no i cant take this supplement regularly then!

I've even mentioned to my wife before that i'd sometimes like to be on a benzo to fight this anxiety. She said if i was on a benzo I probably wouldnt wanna get up off the couch and go for a run i'd probably be too complacent that the anxiety is a helpful driving force that keeps me motivated to keep running and help ease it etc.. I said yeah I guess your right. I have to be ok with imperfection it seems. things are not always oging to be perfect but that imperfection is sometimes needed. If i was too laid back and relaxed I wouldnt run. I wouldnt post here. I woudlnt do a lot of things cause I simply would not care since I'd just be so laid back and at ease all the time etc..

rinky

Gonzo515...
I know it's hard not to think about all the mistakes and losses.. lost time. I don't know how old you are but I'm 51 and last summer turned 50 which just added to my depression to find out that I have cirrhosis and was in the hospital , spent the last six years drinking and depressed over the loss of my marriage of 17 years to the love of my life.

I had to... HAD to.... let go of it... If I hadn't.. I wouldn't be alive right now.. God doesn't hang on to our mistakes.. I don't know why it is so hard on us humans to forgive our selves.... so very hard not to let the regrets eat up what is left of us...

BUT YOU MUST... You must let it go.. what are you gaining by keeping them.. what are you going to miss by letting them go...... And as far as your woman.. whether she comes back to you or not.. one thing is for sure... She never will if you are drinking or so miserable hanging on to the past that you can't even conceive of a future...

No one wants to be around that... I know I wouldn't ... and you wouldn't either. You just have to realize that all the regret in the world is just wasted time and emotion better spent on investing in your future... I know it's hard.. still working on it myself.. but I sure don't want to give that damn disease any more of me than I already have...

rinky

Sorry guy's .. I completely made a mess of that.. I was reading the thread and read a post from someone named Gonzo515 or something like that and thought I had chose his comment to respond to... obviously I didn't .. Sorry for the confusion and I hope who ever you are Gonzo if you read my post that it helps and if not.. sorry for butting in.. Have a good one..

sleepie

That's ok rinky Gonzo has a thread too, I think it is called "Acceptance"

sleepie

Hi Cow. I didn't know you are on the benzo too! Well I hope it is a small dose and you can do a slow taper.

I got a bottle of magnesium and took some today, and a B complex.

Yay green pea.

Cow

30mg flurazepam at night for sleep. I go cold turkey. Today is day 4. Not sure how flurazepam compare to vallium, but I figure, I not can possible be any more miserable ...then I realize, I also could be miserable PLUS awake all night! Noooo! Oh well, hot flashes was keep me up anyway.

I taking lot of mag and ton of other supplement.